Working Mommy Guilt Gym V.S. Kids

[lilvonne28]

Do any working mothers struggle with guilt for spending the extra time in the gym or going to the gym after work? Right now I try to go to the gym during my lunch time at work and take the kids with me on Saturday mornings to get in cardio and yoga. If I can't get away during lunch right now I miss my workout becuase I feel guilty taking them out of one day care and putting them into another one even if its only for two hours. My husband suggests that I go at 8pm after the kids have gone to bed. But who wants to work a full day I have a 40 minute commute then get home make dinner work on home work. have story/play time give baths and then go workout at 8pm till 9:30 or 10 at night just to get up at 5am and do it all over again. As a result I keep having to restart programs or not make the type of progess I want to because I keep stopping and starting. Any WORKING mothers have any advice? Oh and my husband travels quite a bit so getting him in on the schedule is a non issue.

[Simpy]

I struggle with this. When I worked closer to home it wasn't a problem. But now I spend 2 - 2.5 hours a day commuting. To add more time away from home seems selfish to me. So I either hit the gym during lunch hour, go right before work (my son's asleep so he doesn't miss me), or I do sprint/jump rope intervals/bodyweight workouts during my son's soccer practice. It's not ideal and I really miss my regular gym sessions, but right now family time is the priority.

[Cardioconvert]

Good thread - I think we've all struggled with balancing. I have been lucky in my career because I often select work which ensures that I can get my workouts in at times which don't affect my family any more than they have to. Having said that, though, I do still workout at times when I could be spending time with my kids. I choose to do this (and yes, I believe it is a choice and there is no right or wrong choice) because of two reasons: one being that I feel I am a better, more energetic mom when I do stay consistent with my workouts and the other being that my kids (now 10 and 9) have grown up used to seeing mom and dad take the time to workout. I believe it sets a good example for them.

Just my take - as I said, though, it is a very individual choice.


CC

[sonti]

How old are your kids?

One thing that helps me is making a 'kid's area' in my own house (for now, a gated off area with a tv/cartoons) and having my own equipment. Sure it doesn't have the same vibe as the gym but it works for now.

[Rozlyn27]

It's not ideal since you're not the one spending time with your kid, but I take my son to the gym with me and he loves it! He asks me most mornings if we're going to the gym after daycare. He gets to socialize with other kids, I get in a workout and then we go home and have dinner together. I regret that it's yet another hour I don't see him, but he's far from suffering because of it. And like Cardioconvert said, it instills a good message I think. Making health a priority.

[freebirdmac]

I did suffer this. So I didn't workout for 16 years. Widowed after birth so no dad to share duties. Off and on I'd try to do something at home, but nothing ever stuck. You do what you have to do and what you feel comfortable doing.

[lilvonne28]

My kids are 6 years old and 15 months. The 6 year old loves it because he can play video games at the gym during the week which I don't let him do. But the baby I feel bad about because he is so small. Once he hits 3 or 4 I think I will be alright but now, I've got mommy guilt big time

How old are your kids?

One thing that helps me is making a 'kid's area' in my own house (for now, a gated off area with a tv/cartoons) and having my own equipment. Sure it doesn't have the same vibe as the gym but it works for now.

[pinklush]

I'm totally guilty of this. :-/ Some nights, I'll actually sham out on my run/lifts just because I want some time with my little man. I'm a single mom too which adds to me feeling even more guilty. I have to drop my son off at daycare at 0600 (he's 4) and then I typically don't get off until 1600-1800 but sometimes later.
If I can hit the gym up and finish a workout before daycare closes at 1830, I'm golden. But sometimes if I can leave earlier, I want little man time or to go to the commissary by myself. I start to feel selfish. If the gym doesn't happen before getting him, I wait until he's in bed at around 2000-2030 and have a neighbor come over so I can get a late night workout but by then I am sooooo exhausted.
It's definitely a crazy balancing act that I haven't come close to perfecting. And Bad Mom Confession: When I have weekend shifts or call, I get a day off during the week and I will still send him to daycare for a while so I can catch up on "Mom stuff."

[lilvonne28]

I am military as well and I do the same thing. I take leave and still drop the boys off just later on in the day like 7 or 8 and go run errands or take a nap.

I'm totally guilty of this. :-/ Some nights, I'll actually sham out on my run/lifts just because I want some time with my little man. I'm a single mom too which adds to me feeling even more guilty. I have to drop my son off at daycare at 0600 (he's 4) and then I typically don't get off until 1600-1800 but sometimes later.
If I can hit the gym up and finish a workout before daycare closes at 1830, I'm golden. But sometimes if I can leave earlier, I want little man time or to go to the commissary by myself. I start to feel selfish. If the gym doesn't happen before getting him, I wait until he's in bed at around 2000-2030 and have a neighbor come over so I can get a late night workout but by then I am sooooo exhausted.
It's definitely a crazy balancing act that I haven't come close to perfecting. And Bad Mom Confession: When I have weekend shifts or call, I get a day off during the week and I will still send him to daycare for a while so I can catch up on "Mom stuff."

[bethanyboo]

I'm not a mom but I hope you don't mind me chiming in!

Keep in mind that there's no reason you have to do an hour+ long workout at the gym. Have you considered a kettlebell workout? You can get a pretty good workout in 20 minutes and all you need is 1 kettlebell. Maybe you could sneak a quick workout in between the baby's naps while your older one is playing.

[lilvonne28]

I'm not a mom but I hope you don't mind me chiming in!

Keep in mind that there's no reason you have to do an hour+ long workout at the gym. Have you considered a kettlebell workout? You can get a pretty good workout in 20 minutes and all you need is 1 kettlebell. Maybe you could sneak a quick workout in between the baby's naps while your older one is playing.

As sad as it seems I have to leave the house to focus. I have p90X as well as insanity but when I'm home there is stuff to get done that takes over or I'm too tired and I just want to lie down. If I stay home or push it till after work I'll start cleaning or folding laundry or something and then I look up and its 1030 at night. I need to get out of the house to make it happen.

[freebirdmac]

As sad as it seems I have to leave the house to focus. I have p90X as well as insanity but when I'm home there is stuff to get done that takes over or I'm too tired and I just want to lie down. If I stay home or push it till after work I'll start cleaning or folding laundry or something and then I look up and its 1030 at night. I need to get out of the house to make it happen.

Sad? I think that's reality! When I finally did start going to the gym it was like what's this? Actual me time? I'm not working, being a mom, or doing a zillion things to support my daughter's gymnastics team. It was awesome and I got very protective of that time. Still am!

[LilT1026]

I get up and go in the morning, before my daughter is awake. I go workout, come home to get myself ready for the day, and then get her up and ready for school. I have to sacrifice a little bit of sleep but it's well worth it for me. I need to have that "me" time and feel good about myself to be the best mom possible for her. Good luck!

[JenMc14]

This is oneo f the reasons I gave up the gym. I can only get to the gym after work, and I feel bad leaving the kids and hubby every night. I have taken classes in the evenings, but still felt a bit guilty, and that was only 1-2 days a week. So, I work out at home, in the mornings before the kids are up while hubby's at the gym, and it's a win-win for me. No excuses to not get the the gym (my other problem with working out in the evenings) and not mommy/wife guilt, and getting to the occaisional class doesn't make me feel too bad.

[Keltron]

One thing that might help make you feel less guilty:
Your health is directly related to your children's well-being. Obviously I'm not saying a parent can totally neglect their kids and spend all their time in the gym but your not exchanging family time for something that only benefits you. It benefits your whole family.

[PunkyCindy]

One thing that might help make you feel less guilty:
Your health is directly related to your children's well-being. Obviously I'm not saying a parent can totally neglect their kids and spend all their time in the gym but your not exchanging family time for something that only benefits you. It benefits your whole family.

This

[pinklush]

I am military as well and I do the same thing. I take leave and still drop the boys off just later on in the day like 7 or 8 and go run errands or take a nap.

Haha, I don't feel as bad. I get really bitter that all my male coworkers don't have this same guilt and don't understand why I'm not cool with leaving my son with a sitter for social events all the time. They're either not married or have a wife who doesn't work.

[pinklush]

I'm not a mom but I hope you don't mind me chiming in!

Keep in mind that there's no reason you have to do an hour+ long workout at the gym. Have you considered a kettlebell workout? You can get a pretty good workout in 20 minutes and all you need is 1 kettlebell. Maybe you could sneak a quick workout in between the baby's naps while your older one is playing.

That's the idealist in you talking. I thought that way too once upon a time. Reality is Murphy Law sets in. My son will be content and playing and want nothing to do with me but the second I get on the phone, in the shower, squeezing in a workout it's like some sort of sensor goes off in his head and he just NEEEEEEEDS a billion things done for him. I get frustrated and abandon my efforts. My willpower just wasnt made for those tests.

[Rickyscivic]

Dont feel bad im sure your kids will appreciate you more if you are healthy and can join them in activities rather than one of thise moms that wont walk the zoo and ruins it for there kids... Try a gym with child care like xsport. The kids go watch movies and play games and you can even watch them from the tv on the treadmill. Or have them stay with your husband? Good luck with your fit goals for 2012... Srs

[mrshester]

You know what? This is proof positive that you are a really good mom. There are so many "mothers" out there that don't think twice about pawning their kids off to someone else...I'm not talking about when it's actually necessary, but just cause they're tired of them. I have a cousin like that...her mom is probably going to end up raising her little girl more than the mom will. I'm not working outside the home right now, and when I do go to the gym it's usually after hubby gets home or later in the evening so he can be with his grandparents, but I still feel bad about it sometimes. I think it's just how us mommies are wired...we love our babies! I don't know if it will actually be of any help, and I know how strong the desire to go to the gym is, but if you are able to eat well and maybe take them with you to walk at the park or just run around with them some, maybe do that and see if it helps the guilty? It's hard to fight that urge, but you likely have a long time still to get to the gym when they are older and really understand how important and good it is for mommy, don't feel like you aren't doing any good by not going. And on the other side of the coin, try not to beat yourself up if you do find a way to spend a little bit of time with the weights...a healthy mommy is a happy mommy and a happy mommy makes for a wonderful home You do what your mommy instinct tells you to do.


Edit: good grief...did any of that make sense?

[catskills]

Probably what I would do if I were in your situation is maybe look at getting some home gym equipment and then after the kids go to bed. Do your workouts in front of the TV. If you were to get into biking for example you could set it up on a bike trainer and spin on it while your husband is watching TV at night (if that is what he does at night). Also some dumbells and resistance bands don't take up much room, you could do some dumbell work. On weekends you could take them with you. You can get bike trailers and jogging strollers, or even take the 6 year old to the track (if you have one near by) they could ride around the track while you do some jogging. Those are some examples I can think of.

[bgirlsway]

That is a very tedious schedule and I can understand your frustrations with not wanting to go to the gym after 8pm after work, the drive and then coming home for house chores and child caring.

I believe right now as one person stated, make a kids area in your home and workout at home when you are unable to make it to the gym. It is true that the vibe of a gym is quite different from home but you will get a good workout in regardless. I have had to do this upon starting school, work and taking care of my own son so I know the difficulties in juggling exercise with all the other mommy responsibilities.

Keep your head up. It will take a minute to get a good momentum going when you figure out how you will work this out but it is doable.

[Wolfmother22]

I feel mommy guilt all the time for many different reasons. I think it's just part of being a mom. But we need to take care of ourselves too...there needs to be a balance. Working out is definitely worth the guilt. :-)

[AlessandrinaS]

My son is 2 years old and I sometimes feel bad when I drop him off in the kids gym area. I know that he is having fun but sometimes I think he probably would have liked to stay home or gone to the park instead. Although I do not work full-time I work part-time I understand how this could be a mental struggle!

Good luck mommys!

[ladybugg101306]

Do any working mothers struggle with guilt for spending the extra time in the gym or going to the gym after work? Right now I try to go to the gym during my lunch time at work and take the kids with me on Saturday mornings to get in cardio and yoga. If I can't get away during lunch right now I miss my workout becuase I feel guilty taking them out of one day care and putting them into another one even if its only for two hours. My husband suggests that I go at 8pm after the kids have gone to bed. But who wants to work a full day I have a 40 minute commute then get home make dinner work on home work. have story/play time give baths and then go workout at 8pm till 9:30 or 10 at night just to get up at 5am and do it all over again. As a result I keep having to restart programs or not make the type of progess I want to because I keep stopping and starting. Any WORKING mothers have any advice? Oh and my husband travels quite a bit so getting him in on the schedule is a non issue.

I struggle with this A LOT!!!! I have 2 boys who go to daycare while i work first shift. I pick them up at 4pm and go right to the gym, and they are stuck in the gym daycare for an hour. By the time we get home its 6 and i feel like i have no time with them after making dinner and cleaning, before they go to bed. It bothers the CRAP out of me...so much that i rarely go anymore. :/ Maybe try insanity or p90x at home after they go to bed until you can figure out a better gym plan?

[rendylee]

One thing that might help make you feel less guilty:
Your health is directly related to your children's well-being. Obviously I'm not saying a parent can totally neglect their kids and spend all their time in the gym but your not exchanging family time for something that only benefits you. It benefits your whole family.

Great resposne Keltron,

Yesterday I had this exact converstation with my mom. I was struggling with how do do it all, single mom, 3 boys, not enough hours in the day.

My mom's advice was to give up my fitness goals. How much time to you spend in the gym, how much time are you using to measure and plan your meals?

I didn't have a reply for her, but wish I would have seen this yesterday and I would have.

I'm not doing this to benefit myself soley, I am doing this to benefit my kids too. I am only spending an hour outside my home daily to do my fitness goals and in return my kids have a much more physically and mentally healthy mom, that will still be able to keep up with them and eventually their kids as well (God Willing).

[latebloomingmom]

Great resposne Keltron,

Yesterday I had this exact converstation with my mom. I was struggling with how do do it all, single mom, 3 boys, not enough hours in the day.

My mom's advice was to give up my fitness goals. How much time to you spend in the gym, how much time are you using to measure and plan your meals?

I didn't have a reply for her, but wish I would have seen this yesterday and I would have.

I'm not doing this to benefit myself soley, I am doing this to benefit my kids too. I am only spending an hour outside my home daily to do my fitness goals and in return my kids have a much more physically and mentally healthy mom, that will still be able to keep up with them and eventually their kids as well (God Willing).

your mom told you to do what?????????????
uh huh...in order for us as moms to continue to do the million and one things that we have to do each day
we have to be strong enough mentally and physically to do it..this means taking care of yourself too!
Your kids are in school each day. Do we as moms suffer guilt over this? no? why? because it is good for them and they are learning. We involve them in after school activities like sports and music lessons. why? because we want them to grow and learn things and become the best that they can be. It is the same thing that we must also want for ourselves.

[rendylee]

your mom told you to do what?????????????
uh huh...in order for us as moms to continue to do the million and one things that we have to do each day
we have to be strong enough mentally and physically to do it..this means taking care of yourself too!
Your kids are in school each day. Do we as moms suffer guilt over this? no? why? because it is good for them and they are learning. We involve them in after school activities like sports and music lessons. why? because we want them to grow and learn things and become the best that they can be. It is the same thing that we must also want for ourselves.

lol, did I forget to mention that...yeah, that was her solution to my time crunch situation....I jsut agreed with her and got off the phone, because I'm still of that generation that doesn't argue with her parents, yes, even at 42....

.....can I give her your number pleeeeaaase, and you can explain it to her

[mrshester]

lol, did I forget to mention that...yeah, that was her solution to my time crunch situation....I jsut agreed with her and got off the phone, because I'm still of that generation that doesn't argue with her parents, yes, even at 42....

.....can I give her your number pleeeeaaase, and you can explain it to her

You don't have to argue with her, just thank her for her input and then ignore it, LOL

[latebloomingmom]

lol, did I forget to mention that...yeah, that was her solution to my time crunch situation....I jsut agreed with her and got off the phone, because I'm still of that generation that doesn't argue with her parents, yes, even at 42....

.....can I give her your number pleeeeaaase, and you can explain it to her

oooh you can give her my number but she would not like what I had to say..being a mom is all about sacrifices. She knows that just as much as you and I do but...it does not mean being a matyr for your family at the expense of your own health.