PunkyCindy Will Succeed

[gwnorth]

I'm 184 grrr so maybe weight wasn't doing so good...hmmmph.

Does it ever get to where you can relax a little? I feel like I'm constantly on high alert when I'm seeing results, and then when I let my guard down a bit, everything goes to H*LL. I guess this is the part of the journey where you just have to suck it up and do what you gotta do or you throw your hands up in the air and declare it's useless and/or not worth it. I'm certainly not giving up this time, but I do realize I'm at the point now where I normally declare "I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable". Funny thing is, this time I realize that I'm not happy with being fat, and miserable is only temporary. I hold out hope that eventually this will just become normal...or am I just fooling myself with that? Anyway, tough day so far.

On a lighter note...I have air conditioning, my van is fixed, and my light works. My mechanic rocks...if you ever find a good mechanic hold on to them...worth their weight in gold. The guy I use came to my house charged my battery so I could get it to him without towing. Then he had his wife bring me and my son home. Then he picked us back up when the van was ready and took us over to his house to pick it up. Repairs were done in just a few hours.

You're not alone with this. I gained weight after University and managed to finally lose it after the birth of my second son - 10 years later. It took 8 months to lose 40lbs and I kept it off for about 5 years then slipped up again and it took me 2 years to get up the motivation to lose it again. This time it took me a year to lose 50 lbs. It's only been 4 months since I hit my goal weight but every day I've had to be super vigilant. It's something I'm going to have to struggle with for the rest of my life. I know that for me to be successful I need to find a proper balance between diet and exercise. I tend to go 100% for a while and then burn out and go -100%. It's either all or nothing. I'm still working on it and there are absolutely days when I just want to throw in the towel and give up, where I just want to relax and veg and eat those things that taste so good but aren't good for me. I don't have the answers, just know you aren't the only one.

[rendylee]

Ain't gonna lie to you PC, what were accomplishing is not EASY, lol...if it were everybody would be skinny and fit, lol.

YOu are doing fantastic, you are healthier than you were when you started, you are fitting into your clothing better than you were when you started, you are happier with YOU then when you started.

It's all choices and even "fit" people have to make the right choices. I still find it a struggle, food tastes good, I don't kid myself, every good choice is a constant battle for me sometimes.

You can do this PC, you are CAPABLE of it. pm me anytime, sometimes I am a little slow at responding (time crunches) but I will reply

[PunkyCindy]

I want to thank you all, if I could hug you through this computer I would. I've read and reread what everyone's said. I've cried, I've laughed, I've agreed, and I've took some time to digest everything. Somehow you all know exactly what to say. Thank you to everyone who shared a personal experience, and to those who came to encourage me, and also those that came in and kicked me in the rear. I needed it all. I'm not going to reply to everyone directly, but don't think I appreciate it any less. Y'all rock!

I'm back on track now and my head's back in the right place.

[rendylee]

I want to thank you all, if I could hug you through this computer I would. I've read and reread what everyone's said. I've cried, I've laughed, I've agreed, and I've took some time to digest everything. Somehow you all know exactly what to say. Thank you to everyone who shared a personal experience, and to those who came to encourage me, and also those that came in and kicked me in the rear. I needed it all. I'm not going to reply to everyone directly, but don't think I appreciate it any less. Y'all rock!

I'm back on track now and my head's back in the right place.

AWESOME to hear!!

[latebloomingmom]

just remember these behaviors we use..these coping mechanisms..some are good and some not so good..
figure out which are which..keep the good ones like coming in here to get encouragement and support
lose the bad ones..that come when you are feeling sorry for yourself or tired or fed up..
food is fuel used to give the body energy it needs when working out
that is all it is. It is not your friend. that is what we are

[PunkyCindy]

just remember these behaviors we use..these coping mechanisms..some are good and some not so good..
figure out which are which..keep the good ones like coming in here to get encouragement and support
lose the bad ones..that come when you are feeling sorry for yourself or tired or fed up..
food is fuel used to give the body energy it needs when working out
that is all it is. It is not your friend. that is what we are

absolutely. It's a work in progress though. I have really good days and really bad ones, I've just got to learn how to deal with the bad ones better than I do now. I also know I have to get my sleeping under control, my moods tend to get out of wack when my sleep does.

[gwnorth]

[QUOTE=PunkyCindy;925339893]absolutely. It's a work in progress though. I have really good days and really bad ones, I've just got to learn how to deal with the bad ones better than I do now. I also know I have to get my sleeping under control, my moods tend to get out of wack when my sleep does./QUOTE]

This is totally me. I can't cope when I'm tired and when I'm training hard I'm constantly tired. It's kind of a catch-22. That's part of the reason I say I'm still struggling to find the right balance.

[lynore]

PunkyCindy, you just hit a bump in the road, is all. You have many supporters here, don't forget that.

Every once in a while, I just want to throw in the towel and then I realize, I haven't failed - I just found another way to NOT reach my goals. Then I get right back on track.

[latebloomingmom]

I have had times in my life when all I wanna do is sleep..10/12 hours a day..and not think..then there are times in my life when I think waaaaaay too much and cannot sleep..too many worries rattling around in this brain of mine. what is going on in yours?
anytime ya feel like talking about the bad ones you just let me know..I have walked that road dealing with depression for most of my life now.

[latebloomingmom]

ya havent posted in few days...what have ya been doing?

[PunkyCindy]

ya havent posted in few days...what have ya been doing?

This weekend my son came home, he's been gone for 2 months to his dad's house a few states away, so I've been spending time with him and getting his stuff for school ready. He's starting middle school this year (oh boy! lol) I've also got the little one going into kindergarten. Trying to get all the paperwork, dr appts, and school supplies and clothes taken care of. In the midst of all this my dryer went out...seems to pile up, but I found a dryer for 50 bucks and so that's taken care of now.

I've been doing good on food, haven't been to the gym yet this week, but I'm going to get a workout in tomorrow and one friday.

My sleep is still off, but I'm sure it will get sorted out soon.

how have you been today?

[latebloomingmom]

life does get busy this time of year huh? My son's school registration is on the 27th and this is when I will go in and pay his fees, fill out paperwork and get his list of supplies. School begins for him after labor day. My classes begin on the 27th so I will go in before that and buy my books. I am living amongst the boxes right now..in the house in the country still. My apt will be ready sometime in septemeber. I have my treadmill still and my son's old used bowflex still but the rest of the equipment is gone from the basement now. I am doing what I can with what I got. I am doing fine on the eating but that has become such a habit by now..You and I weigh about the same ya know. I had an appt today for a physical and he said I was healthy as a horse inside and out..which is great but still..what good does it do to have all this muscle, be this strong but not be able to see it? I am hoping to drop into the 170's before Christmas..How am I doing? ok..I know this is the right thing to do but..it sure isnt easy.

[latebloomingmom]

10 days no posting...what is going on? I would rather see you posting about feeling like crap, unmotivated or super busy then not post at all...How can I help?


just remember this is something you have to do for you
aint nobody gonna fight this long hard battle for ya

dont ever let anyone distract you from your goals
or convince you that you will not be able to achieve them

head up...keep going..
you know why?
because you are worth it

[PunkyCindy]

10 days no posting...what is going on? I would rather see you posting about feeling like crap, unmotivated or super busy then not post at all...How can I help?


just remember this is something you have to do for you
aint nobody gonna fight this long hard battle for ya

dont ever let anyone distract you from your goals
or convince you that you will not be able to achieve them

head up...keep going..
you know why?
because you are worth it

Thanks LBM.

Well I've been pretty overwhelmed lately...again. Was out of town this weekend for a wedding. Social situations really do me in and a whole weekend of them put me down for the count. I'm starting to feel like myself again. It's hard to explain, but I just get so drained when I'm around a bunch of people even if I really love the people I'm around. I even have to have some recovery time after running errands for a few hours.

I feel like I've been in a hole trying to claw my way out, but tomorrow I take the ladder. I'm recommitting myself to my health and everything else is just going to have to get in it's place. I've spent 3 months now feeling like I'm behind and I've been overwhelmed for just that long. I'm done. My health has to be number 1.

I am having to switch my gym time and that's really messing with me, but it's going to save a lot of gas money since my son's school is close to my gym. I will now be going between 8:30 or 8:45 in the morning after I drop my son off at school. It feels really late to me, but I will adjust. I'm still getting up early though to work...basically I'm swapping previous work time for my gym time.

I will make significant progress by my birthday (in dec).

I will be walking with my son before he goes to school mon-fri in addition to my lifting days. I'm sure that can't hurt lol

[latebloomingmom]

hooray!!!!! I am so glad to see you in your journal again. I will pop in tomorrow and write a bit more.
sometimes life has a tendency to get in our way...stuff piles up or it hits us all at once..I had a wedding I had to get thru myself this summer. holidays wear me out too. I plan for them, I try like crazy to make sure everyone is happy while they are here and then when they all go home again? I get kinda depressed for a day or two. It wears me out but then I bounce back again and get back on track. Just dont lose yourself in the shuffle ok?

[Redfizz]

^^^^What she said^^^^^

We're happy to have you back!

[lynore]

PunkyCindy, good to see you back. We missed you.

[gwnorth]

Really glad to hear from you. Just keep plugging away. We are all routing for you.

[PunkyCindy]

Thanks everyone.

Well, I kicked my own butt in the gym today....already sore...tomorrow's going to be really interesting. lol

I got a haircut and it looks great, hubby really likes it too! I was trying to let it grow out, but that's just not happening. It's a short bob, right at my jaw line. I feel much better.

[rendylee]

...and feeling awesome about yourself is always a motivator

[PunkyCindy]

I am finally doing better. My food is spot on right now. I killed myself in the gym yesterday, but my big lifts have dropped a bit. I think it has to do with sleep, which is better, but not perfect and the fact I changed my workout times. I am adjusting though. When I am in the gym I feel more at home than anywhere else, I feel more confident than any other time, and I at peace there. It's my time...it's my ME time.

As for the food part and loosing weight part, this was easier when my husband was going it with me, but I am learning that I have to stick with it and focus on my goals. My husband is able to eat what he wants (within reason now) and he's still struggling to get enough calories to gain....sometimes it's hard to see him eating constantly what ever he wants in the evenings when I'm hungry and gnawing on baby carrots to try and get through or just trying to fill up on water or coffee. (not every day, just some days) Sometimes I feel really resentful toward him. It doesn't last but a minute or two and then I think about how hard he worked to loose 95 lbs...the resentment goes away, but the challenge is still there.

I wouldn't ever recommend that any woman use their partner as a weight loss buddy. It feels like abandonment when suddenly they're not "suffering" too. Now I realize this is selfish and childish, but it does kind of feel that way. I'm having to learn to pull from my inner strength rather than lean on him...when this started we both leaned on each other. I guess it's like any other aspect of marriage (or any relationship), things change, people change, people grow, rolls change, and we just have to do our best to stay connected and supportive.

My husband is supportive of me and I appreciate him so much. We have an amazing relationship and I am so thankful. Right now though, it seems like he's ran ahead on the path and is yelling support back to me and I guess I just miss traveling the path hand in hand.

Reading this back it sounds pretty petty and childish, but sometimes you just have to get it out you know?

[latebloomingmom]

I am so glad that you are now thinking of your gym time as a reward you give yourself. yes that is a gift you give for your own health and stress relief...I lost 110 lbs and dont eat junk.
how does he feel about not eating his crud in front of you? have you asked him? mine used to do a lot of drinking but this was never one of my temptations and I was pretty damn strict about not bringing that crap into the house in the first place. I didnt need it and the kids didnt need it either.

[malamujer]

I am finally doing better. My food is spot on right now. I killed myself in the gym yesterday, but my big lifts have dropped a bit. I think it has to do with sleep, which is better, but not perfect and the fact I changed my workout times. I am adjusting though. When I am in the gym I feel more at home than anywhere else, I feel more confident than any other time, and I at peace there. It's my time...it's my ME time.

As for the food part and loosing weight part, this was easier when my husband was going it with me, but I am learning that I have to stick with it and focus on my goals. My husband is able to eat what he wants (within reason now) and he's still struggling to get enough calories to gain....sometimes it's hard to see him eating constantly what ever he wants in the evenings when I'm hungry and gnawing on baby carrots to try and get through or just trying to fill up on water or coffee. (not every day, just some days) Sometimes I feel really resentful toward him. It doesn't last but a minute or two and then I think about how hard he worked to loose 95 lbs...the resentment goes away, but the challenge is still there.

I wouldn't ever recommend that any woman use their partner as a weight loss buddy. It feels like abandonment when suddenly they're not "suffering" too. Now I realize this is selfish and childish, but it does kind of feel that way. I'm having to learn to pull from my inner strength rather than lean on him...when this started we both leaned on each other. I guess it's like any other aspect of marriage (or any relationship), things change, people change, people grow, rolls change, and we just have to do our best to stay connected and supportive.

My husband is supportive of me and I appreciate him so much. We have an amazing relationship and I am so thankful. Right now though, it seems like he's ran ahead on the path and is yelling support back to me and I guess I just miss traveling the path hand in hand.

Reading this back it sounds pretty petty and childish, but sometimes you just have to get it out you know?

Glad to see you're back. We've missed you.

[Redfizz]

(((((((((((PC)))))))))))))!!!!!!!!!

It's good to see you!

[PunkyCindy]

I am so glad that you are now thinking of your gym time as a reward you give yourself. yes that is a gift you give for your own health and stress relief...I lost 110 lbs and dont eat junk.
how does he feel about not eating his crud in front of you? have you asked him? mine used to do a lot of drinking but this was never one of my temptations and I was pretty damn strict about not bringing that crap into the house in the first place. I didnt need it and the kids didnt need it either.

Well, it's not really that he eats crud all the time. He just eats all the freaking time...like every hour. On the weekends he likes to smoke something on the grill....usually ribs or a boston butt, but other than that he eats what I cook. (he does me chicken on the grill if I want him to) He just eats so much...I eat my little bit, he eats over and over and over again (but still has trouble putting on weight). When we were losing we were eating about the same amount. I think it's just me being hungry (and food being my vice when I get upset, always has been, tough to change that mindset) and I see him eating and eating and eating. If I cook chili for example (there's about 210 calories per cup the way I make it) I will eat 1 serving for supper. He will eat 2 servings, then go back 4 more times during the night for more. I will have eaten my daily calories, he's going and going and going....he's trying to gain, but he's pretty much been maintaining (sometimes losing) because he just can't seem to get enough calories. He has a very physically demanding job and works out, and because of his work schedule he eats most of his calories in the evenings. He eats pretty light at work because of the heat. In my head I know there's a difference in us and our situations, and I know he has to eat like that, it's just tough to deal with some days.

It's really just up to me to concentrate on my journey and separate mine from his, it's just hard sometimes when you start off together.

[latebloomingmom]

woah..talk about opposites
whew..that would be tough to sit back and watch but yes this is your journey
and you are doing great..guys put on muscle at a better rate than we do..and when they diet? seems like they lose weight
at about twice the pace..I know it is hard but you cannot compare your progress with his.

[PunkyCindy]

I've just got back from the gym and boy do I feel great. I was a little apprehensive about going this morning because I forgot my ipod and i almost didn't go (sounds crazy I know, but when I've got my music I'm in my own little world and anxiety doesn't get to me). I decided that I was going anyway...been looking forward to it all weekend. I ended up having a killer workout. I'm getting used to the new workout time and the "regulars" at that time are getting used to seeing me. (Only female at the time I go now that I see lifting.)

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in front of me between sets of squats this morning and I saw a thin me trying to escape from my chipmunk cheeks. My jawline is showing more and my chins are slowly starving. It's funny how you can be staring into a mirror while working out but you don't even see yourself, only a blur of color and lights where you're supposed to be, and then you come into focus a little between sets and notice your hard work paying off. Hopefully I'm not the only one, because reading back over the last sentence kind of makes me seem like a crazy person.

Doing arnold presses today I saw my forarms and I almost said "DAYUM!" outloud. Lord have mercy I love the pump I get in my forearms when working out. Is it weird to have a thing for forearms...mine and anyone elses? Maybe that's why I married my husband...one of the reasons...besides all that mushy love stuff of course. And glasses...ok, a little off track there. lol Back to the forearms... I admit I did an extra set just to look at them.

Ok, now on to food and the weekend. Weekend was ok, a little frustrating to see hubby eating like a madman, drinking beer, and dropping 3 lbs the next day...if I didn't love him so much he'd be a a goner. lol I did handle it a little better and stuck with the program pretty much. I did sneak some nutella in yesterday, but I think I minimized the damage by having a little instead of craving it for days and then eating a whole jar. That nutella bit is off the record k? k.

Anyway, for anyone who hung in there this long Have a great day!

[PunkyCindy]

Yesterday was a pretty good day with food. I was a little low on protein, so I've got to watch that, but within my calories. I'm a little sore this morning, but I welcome that.

I may go run in a little while if the soreness eases up a little.

[Cardioconvert]

Hi PunkyCindy! Awesome to see improvements - love the attitude (and I am with you on the forearm thing - the glasses thing, not so much)

Liked your note about the off-the-record Nutella too - I think having a bit is better than total deprivation followed by overconsumption - all things in balance right?

Have an awesome day!

CC

[PunkyCindy]

Hi PunkyCindy! Awesome to see improvements - love the attitude (and I am with you on the forearm thing - the glasses thing, not so much)

Liked your note about the off-the-record Nutella too - I think having a bit is better than total deprivation followed by overconsumption - all things in balance right?

Have an awesome day!

CC

Thanks for stopping in Sometimes I've just gotta have something sweet, at least I'm learning to manage the amount.