PunkyCindy Will Succeed

[lynore]

PunkyCindy, you are doing great!!!!! Good for you. Making progress and killing it in the gym. Go girl!!

[PunkyCindy]

this was my choice but the day to day of it...felt very overwhelming sometimes. Husband was at work and I was alone and did not have any other moms around to hang out with.

And you wonder why so many of us look up to you and respect you so much. You've been there, done that, fought for what you've wanted, and are still fighting and helping us all out along the way. I couldn't have put this any better, and it's exactly how I feel sometimes. My husband really doesn't understand the small stuff stacking up and becoming overwhelming and sometimes I feel nuts when it happens to me, I can never really explain it to him where he understands what I'm talking about. Thankfully he doesn't need to understand to give me a break or leave me alone for a while, he's such a great guy, but sometimes I just wish he could understand how I'm feeling...maybe so I don't feel so nuts for getting so overwhelmed.

I went off of depression meds a few years ago and I have my good and bad days, but at least the bad days don't happen as often now. I do need to make a habit of walking daily in addition to the lifting because activity sure does keep depression at bay. I already make myself go outside every day...and that helps. When my wrist heals up I'll continue building the deck I was working on. (making one out of old wood pallets and lumber) It's not gonna be pretty, but it will serve it's purpose. I like to tinker around in the yard, but I sure don't have a green thumb.

Last night I moved my computer from a corner to where I could look out the window so I have more natural light when I work and that seems to help me alot. The computer looks out of place some where it is, but I figure my sanity is more important than style right now. lol

When I think back to 5 years ago (when I hit rock bottom), even my bad days are far better than my best days back then. In 5 more years maybe I'll look back at now and say that very thing.

Anyway, thanks LBM

[Redfizz]

Hi PunkyCindy! I saw a post of yours in someone else's journal and I noticed your current weight. Way to go! You're really dropping, aren't you? Sometimes when I get discouraged in the head game of not losing pounds, I periodically come by here, because your journal reminds me of the level of work and commitment it takes to really get great results.

[gwnorth]

a walk everday unless its raining is a great idea. when I first started this years ago..I had one of those push cars with a handle that my son who was 3 then, would climb in and around the block we would go. I can remember getting shin splints, pain in my side under my rib cage, my knees hurt, my lower back hurt..I would be huffing and puffing just doing 4 times around. this was 7 years ago now. I was a size 26/28 and very unhappy. I was a stay at home mom and I was on anti-depressants. I chose to put my college degree on hold when my kids came along. this was my choice but the day to day of it...felt very overwhelming sometimes. Husband was at work and I was alone and did not have any other moms around to hang out with.
Just getting outside in the sunshine and fresh air did help me. I had a garden and I liked to work in the yard and plant flowers and going for walks always put me in a better mood.

PC - I get it too.

When I had my first son they had just introduced 1 year maternity leave. While on the surface it sounds fantastic (and it can be) for me it was psychologically tough. We didn't live near family, we had recently moved to a new town and I didn't know anyone. Dh was working long hours and going to school and traveled frequently. I felt very isolated and struggled dealing with a baby. I was overweight but I couldn't go to the gym because my young budding genius had already figured out who was Mom and Dad and who wasn't and wouldn't have anything to do with anyone who wasn't. I also didn't have the confidence to join any mommy and baby classes. It just all seemed so overwhelming and I was too self-conscious to run outside. As a result when the tedium got to me I'd go for a car drive. The upside was at least then the baby would nap (which he did very infrequently otherwise). I would have been better off going for a walk and it probably would have helped with the depression. I loved my baby, but I couldn't wait to go back to work.

[latebloomingmom]

where are you? are you ok?

[gwnorth]

where are you? are you ok?

I've been wondering the same. Pop in and let us know how you're doing.

[geek23ka]

thirded.<3

[PunkyCindy]

Hi everyone, thanks for checking in on me. Things have been a little crazy this week. Nothing major, just ordinary everyday life stuff. Hubby has been working really long hours and I've been trying to juggle my work and housework and it gets difficult sometimes with the little one out of school and me trying to do everything at home. I did get back into the gym....finally....and I had a good workout. My wrist feels pretty good still. whew! I'm going to be there bright and early on monday morning. Food has been good, losing about a pound a week still.

I got behind last week on the weightloss comp I'm running and was late getting the spreadsheet up and everything. ooops. When I get overwhelmed I tend to just pull back from some stuff, but I'm trying not to do that here.

Once again, thanks for checking in on me.

[PunkyCindy]

It's been far too long since I've been in here. oops! I have still been doing good weight wise, but I haven't been logging cals and macros like I should. That stuff stops here, logging again starting in the morning.

Gym has been good, my sanctuary. I've been going only twice a week though.

I am struggling with staying hydrated. It's a constant battle.

A few days ago my desk top computer died (I'm now on a netbook for now), my air conditioner went out (will be fixed tomorrow.), a light in my room broke (electrician coming in the morning), and last but not least, the alternator in my van went out (being fixed tomorrow....hopefully). Thank god for box fans, my netbook, lamps, and legs. lol

I've been working a ton and my son has been making it pretty difficult to get anything done. As I speak he is sitting behind me in my desk chair and we're a sticky, sweaty mess. ugh! I don't know why he wants to cuddle and play with my hair when it's 90 degrees in our house (after it cooled off some due to some rain).

I'm behind on everything and I hate the feeling. Going to work hard for the next few days to try and catch up on it all. My hubby's working a lot of overtime right now, so it's been pretty lonely. I am thankful for the over time though, it's what gets us through with unexpected expenses and such.

It's almost time to get my oldest son back from his dad and I can't wait, I miss him so much!

Anyway, it's a book, but there's the update. Man, I have to be more consistent here, it's so much easier to keep focused when I am.

[vanessa40]

Good Morning..
Just wanted to pop in and say Hi
Boy you sound busy
Just remember to always try and find some "ME " time
I know that is easier said than done..
Good luck

[rendylee]

It's nice to have you back, missed ya!! I know what you mean when you are busy though, lol...and yes, sometimes real life does have to come before the "internet"...as much as we miss you, we all "get that"

My boys have been away for a week now, first time this has happened and I miss them terribly...their smiles are most definitly missed !

[geek23ka]

when it rains it pours, right? sometimes you feel like job. you seem to be taking it all in stride, though, which is awesome.

it is nice having you round. i know youre involved in a weight loss thread here. i was thinking baout reading it to catch up and join. do you think thats ok.

[gwnorth]

Good to have you back. Just remember when you're feeling overwhelmed to take a step back and breathe. Figure out what's most important and let the other things slide for a bit. There's only so much of you to go around. You know it's only temporary so if the floors don't get cleaned or the laundry is behind, that's ok.

[nichole412]

Just wanted to say hello and great job on your lifting and your progress. I, too, am a remarried crazy busy Mom of 2 (mine are girls ages 2 and 6) and have been on the weight loss roller coaster for more years than I'd like to admit. I'm trying to master the macros as well....not easy when you've never done it before! Hopefully, we can help eachother along the way

[PunkyCindy]

I'm 184 grrr so maybe weight wasn't doing so good...hmmmph.

Does it ever get to where you can relax a little? I feel like I'm constantly on high alert when I'm seeing results, and then when I let my guard down a bit, everything goes to H*LL. I guess this is the part of the journey where you just have to suck it up and do what you gotta do or you throw your hands up in the air and declare it's useless and/or not worth it. I'm certainly not giving up this time, but I do realize I'm at the point now where I normally declare "I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable". Funny thing is, this time I realize that I'm not happy with being fat, and miserable is only temporary. I hold out hope that eventually this will just become normal...or am I just fooling myself with that? Anyway, tough day so far.

On a lighter note...I have air conditioning, my van is fixed, and my light works. My mechanic rocks...if you ever find a good mechanic hold on to them...worth their weight in gold. The guy I use came to my house charged my battery so I could get it to him without towing. Then he had his wife bring me and my son home. Then he picked us back up when the van was ready and took us over to his house to pick it up. Repairs were done in just a few hours.

[PunkyCindy]

I'm in a hurry right now, but I want to thank everyone who's commented. I read every comment and will reply individually in a bit....just don't have enough time right now. You all really made my day a little better, so thank you.

[Redfizz]

I'm certainly not giving up this time, but I do realize I'm at the point now where I normally declare "I'd rather be fat and happy than skinny and miserable". Funny thing is, this time I realize that I'm not happy with being fat, and miserable is only temporary. I hold out hope that eventually this will just become normal...or am I just fooling myself with that? Anyway, tough day so far.

I totally know what you're talking about! I normally give up after 1 month or 6 weeks. It stunk having to push through. Keep going. Look at how much progress you've already made!!!

[vanessa40]

I feel the same way Cindy. Do you ever get to relax. Anytime i do i gain. I have to be on my toes 24/7.

I am going to try my best to stay on track this time...

[PunkyCindy]

Good Morning..
Just wanted to pop in and say Hi
Boy you sound busy
Just remember to always try and find some "ME " time
I know that is easier said than done..
Good luck

My me time is my gym time I work from home, so I try to build in breaks. I'd go crazy without my gym time though.

It's nice to have you back, missed ya!! I know what you mean when you are busy though, lol...and yes, sometimes real life does have to come before the "internet"...as much as we miss you, we all "get that"

My boys have been away for a week now, first time this has happened and I miss them terribly...their smiles are most definitly missed !

it's tough being away from your babies.

when it rains it pours, right? sometimes you feel like job. you seem to be taking it all in stride, though, which is awesome.

it is nice having you round. i know youre involved in a weight loss thread here. i was thinking baout reading it to catch up and join. do you think thats ok.

I do get upset and get teary when things like this happen, but I am able to put that aside pretty quick.

Good to have you back. Just remember when you're feeling overwhelmed to take a step back and breathe. Figure out what's most important and let the other things slide for a bit. There's only so much of you to go around. You know it's only temporary so if the floors don't get cleaned or the laundry is behind, that's ok.

Yeah, I get overwhelmed pretty easily, but I am working on that. I try not and let too much slide though because playing catch up is extremely overwhelming itself.

Just wanted to say hello and great job on your lifting and your progress. I, too, am a remarried crazy busy Mom of 2 (mine are girls ages 2 and 6) and have been on the weight loss roller coaster for more years than I'd like to admit. I'm trying to master the macros as well....not easy when you've never done it before! Hopefully, we can help eachother along the way

Good luck with your journey here, it's not easy, but it's worth it.

I totally know what you're talking about! I normally give up after 1 month or 6 weeks. It stunk having to push through. Keep going. Look at how much progress you've already made!!!

I finally have my head back on straight. I hit these days where I can't even see the progress I've made and get really upset. The whole process can be really draining at times. Good thing is that I have a great support system with my hubby, everyone here, and the weightloss thread. It helps.

I feel the same way Cindy. Do you ever get to relax. Anytime i do i gain. I have to be on my toes 24/7.

I am going to try my best to stay on track this time...

I am beginning to think that I will never be able to relax in this area of my life, but maybe that can be a good thing.

[Cardioconvert]

I am beginning to think that I will never be able to relax in this area of my life, but maybe that can be a good thing.

I believe your response here is proof of the strength of your outlook. It will drive you along this crazy journey we have all undertaken.

Enjoying your journal as always - keep up the hard work!

CC

[PunkyCindy]

This has got to be my last summer as a fat chick. It's hot and I'm miserable. It hurts to wear a bra, hurts not to wear a bra. I feel like crap in clothes, feel like crap outta clothes. Maybe by next summer it won't be so bad. Tough day.

I didn't post this here yet, but yesterday I hurt my leg (from ankle to butt hurts and knee) doing squats...it doesn't hurt as bad today, but going to be out of the gym for a bit.

I know it's temporary, but today I feel defeated.

[PunkyCindy]

Sometimes the amount of time it takes to do this really gets to me. Staying motivated, staying consistent, pushing forward....it's draining. I know that it's going to take me a long time because it took me a long time to get this way, but sometimes I just want to skip all the tourist attractions, say screw the journey, and just get there already. Now I know that (and honestly feel) that the journey is what's important. Changing bad habits, practicing good ones, understanding how you got to this place, dealing with all the emotions....these are the things you must do in order to live a healthy, new life, and I know that. The little brat within wants it all now, now, now though. Some days I feel like I haven't learned anything about all this. I am starting to question myself...what if I fail? It's silly really. I know it's silly. I can only fail if I quit. How do you connect the thoughts and feelings though? Do they ever really connect? Is there a way to get the feelings out of it? Things are tough for me right now...it seems my career and my weight loss journey are colliding and all I keep thinking is "what if I fail?" I keep having to scold myself..."you only fail if you quit"..it's a constant battle right now. Maybe that should be my next tat...."You only fail if you quit"..how many times must I repeat that until I really feel it and believe it completely. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with my emotions right now.

[gojimike]

Hope you reach your goal soon PunkyCindy. Good luck.

[vanessa40]

I understand how you feel Cindy. I tend to go back and forth between diets and plans. I never give any one enough time to work because i want it all now..

I took me almost two years to lose down from 220 to 130 because at the time i was not lifting. Seeing the scale inch up is scary for me and i know i need to eat more but i feel like if i do then i will be back at 220 again..it's like a running dialog in my head..eat..don't eat..it can be tiring..sometimes i wonder what is it like to be "normal" and not worry about food all the time...

[PunkyCindy]

I'm floored...weigh in for me is 190 lbs. I deserve every lb.
Yesterday I binged. It sucks, but I did it to myself.

Anyone who has been at this for a while or who's done this before...how do you stay focused and on track week after week and month after month?

When I first joined here it was almost obsessive for me, I found a support system, got a plan together, and just kind of pushed other areas of my life to the side a bit. As I work to get more of a balance in my life and not obsess over this constantly, I find it more difficult to stay on track, to stay motivated, and to make good decisions.

[vanessa40]

I wish i had an answer for you but as of right now i am not the poster child for good eating habits.
I have been on here since 2005. I have had my good times and bad times.
My problem has always been staying focused. Maybe i just don't value myself enough.
Sorry i have not been any help but i wanted you to know you are not alone.and my knee hurts from the lunges i did yesterday..

[danap3681]

Anyone who has been at this for a while or who's done this before...how do you stay focused and on track week after week and month after month?

When I first joined here it was almost obsessive for me, I found a support system, got a plan together, and just kind of pushed other areas of my life to the side a bit. As I work to get more of a balance in my life and not obsess over this constantly, I find it more difficult to stay on track, to stay motivated, and to make good decisions.

It can be frustrating but for me it is just like getting up and getting a shower in the morning, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair. It has to become part of your day to day life-not overtake your life. Balancing workouts, home, family, etc. it is tough but you just have to keep at it. I don't mean to sound selfish but I tried to do all of the things to make others happy first and put me on the back burner. When I finally realized me not being happy with myself or my body was affecting the rest of my life and the people in it... I had to throw myself to the front of the line. It made all areas of my life better and being healthy for my family is a great benefit

Motiviation is there. Even days when I do not feel like hitting the gym I go anyways. Those are usually the days when I have the best workouts. It helps to have a support system but when they dwindle off and it is only you stuck there you need to look at the end result you are after. Don't get discouraged and sabatoge your progress. Dig down deep and keep on track. You have many people on this site pulling for you so you are never alone. Best of luck to you. Now dust yourself off and get your ass back in gear!!

[Redfizz]

Aw. That was me in June. I had to recharge for July. I have no advice, but don't be so hard on yourself. At lease you know and are doing something about it. For me it's a matter of discipline. And I. Hate. Discipline.

[latebloomingmom]

This has got to be my last summer as a fat chick. It's hot and I'm miserable. It hurts to wear a bra, hurts not to wear a bra. I feel like crap in clothes, feel like crap outta clothes. Maybe by next summer it won't be so bad. Tough day.

I didn't post this here yet, but yesterday I hurt my leg (from ankle to butt hurts and knee) doing squats...it doesn't hurt as bad today, but going to be out of the gym for a bit.

I know it's temporary, but today I feel defeated.

haaa..I say this to myself every year ya know..this will be my last year being a fat chick..
I hurt my elbow a couple weeks ago..I have had to stop doing any bicep/tricep work now while I heal..it is only temporary..and a reminder that we are frail human beings..do not let it defeat you ok? just a speed bump baby!

[latebloomingmom]

Sometimes the amount of time it takes to do this really gets to me. Staying motivated, staying consistent, pushing forward....it's draining. I know that it's going to take me a long time because it took me a long time to get this way, but sometimes I just want to skip all the tourist attractions, say screw the journey, and just get there already. Now I know that (and honestly feel) that the journey is what's important. Changing bad habits, practicing good ones, understanding how you got to this place, dealing with all the emotions....these are the things you must do in order to live a healthy, new life, and I know that. The little brat within wants it all now, now, now though. Some days I feel like I haven't learned anything about all this. I am starting to question myself...what if I fail? It's silly really. I know it's silly. I can only fail if I quit. How do you connect the thoughts and feelings though? Do they ever really connect? Is there a way to get the feelings out of it? Things are tough for me right now...it seems my career and my weight loss journey are colliding and all I keep thinking is "what if I fail?" I keep having to scold myself..."you only fail if you quit"..it's a constant battle right now. Maybe that should be my next tat...."You only fail if you quit"..how many times must I repeat that until I really feel it and believe it completely. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with my emotions right now.

are you the person that you used to be? are you where you used to be? no you are not..success on this journey is NOT when you cross the finish line..it is the journey itself..it is the new things you learn along the way..new ways of looking at food, new ways of thinking, new ways of exercising and how you feel about exercising..you are re-defining yourself just a little bit each day..this is a process that takes time..hmm..there will always be a fear in the back of your head of slipping back into old habits..old ways of dealing with things..I think this eases up over time..the longer you are doing this..the more that receeds as a distant memory of the old you.

what if I fail? not a silly thing to ask at all not to me..I ask myself this all the time..what if I never get to where I wanna be? what if I get too old and die trying? but what is the alternative? to go back to where I have already been..I know that misery by heart..trapped inside layers of fat..trying to insulate my own feelings..while getting just a little bit sadder all the time..been there..done that..like a broken record..for years on end..

so..this is new ground..and a little bit scary..with no guarantees..but its worth the gamble..so jump in with both feet and keep on treading ok? changes are occuring..they are just hard for you to see.

"quit taking me back, taking me back to where I've already been.."
sorry now I got a country song stuck in my head..