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  1. #1
    Another Quality shoobey's Avatar
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    I am NOT a misc creeper, but I need feedback on potential OK Cupid photo

    This is the first time I posted in this section, and hopefully it will be the last b/c I feel like a lame-o even being in this position right now lol. But I just got out of a 5 year relationship a few months ago, and I am having major issues restarting my dating life. This was not a problem for me prior to this relationship, but apparently it is now for some reason, even though I was the one that did the breaking up.

    I feel very reluctant to even go on OK Cupid or any of these sites since I am an old school guy and prefer to meet people face to face. However, this isn't working out too well so far because I have no drive to go up to girls at bars/clubs yet, so I might as well get on this too. Hopefully it will help me get back to my former self.

    Again I feel absolutely retarded even having to make this post, but I know nothing about online dating sites and have no clue where to start. If I put the below picture up there, is this a good start?

    Also, I am 26 and an attorney, so I have no idea how to even market myself on there? Should I just act like a real person and talk like I do in real life, or should I play the lawyer role up and try to sound very professional/mature when I talk to girls on there? IRL I basically just switch it on and off though, because who wants to act like a lawyer 24/7?


    Here is what I was going to put on there to start. (I'm on the left)

    Last edited by shoobey; 04-02-2012 at 02:10 PM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User UnaChispita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shoobey View Post
    This is the first time I posted in this section, and hopefully it will be the last b/c I feel like a lame-o even being in this position right now lol. But I just got out of a 5 year relationship a few months ago, and I am having major issues restarting my dating life. This was not a problem for me prior to this relationship, but apparently it is now for some reason, even though I was the one that did the breaking up.

    I feel very reluctant to even go on OK Cupid or any of these sites since I am an old school guy and prefer to meet people face to face. However, this isn't working out too well so far because I have no drive to go up to girls at bars/clubs yet, so I might as well get on this too. Hopefully it will help me get back to my former self.

    Again I feel absolutely retarded even having to make this post, but I know nothing about online dating sites and have no clue where to start. If I put the below picture up there, is this a good start?

    Also, I am 26 and an attorney, so I have no idea how to even market myself on there? Should I just act like a real person and talk like I do in real life, or should I play the lawyer role up and try to sound very professional/mature when I talk to girls on there? IRL I basically just switch it on and off though, because who wants to act like a lawyer 24/7?

    Here is what I was going to put on there to start:
    Dude, first of all --which guy are you? The clean-cut one on the left or the drunk, sweaty guy on the right? Gotta crop that pic if you are the former and not the latter.
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  3. #3
    Another Quality shoobey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    Dude, first of all --which guy are you? The clean-cut one on the left or the drunk, sweaty guy on the right? Gotta crop that pic if you are the former and not the latter.
    lol, sweaty drunk guy on the left. I'm just better at my buddy at playing off the drunk
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  4. #4
    Registered User RunninTight's Avatar
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    First of all, the pic. No. Just no. Which one is you? Not the sweaty guy, I hope. If you are the guy actually looking at the camera, it would be a nice pic if you didn't have your buddies finger in your face. Find a different pic.

    When first chatting to women, I would act like yourself. Not your lawyer self. Do you want to date your co-workers? Neither does she. Women will see on your profile that you are a lawyer and will chat you up for that reason alone. Sad but true. Just be yourself from the beginning. You don't want to have to put on an act the first time you meet.
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  5. #5
    Another Quality shoobey's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RunninTight View Post
    First of all, the pic. No. Just no. Which one is you? Not the sweaty guy, I hope. If you are the guy actually looking at the camera, it would be a nice pic if you didn't have your buddies finger in your face. Find a different pic.

    When first chatting to women, I would act like yourself. Not your lawyer self. Do you want to date your co-workers? Neither does she. Women will see on your profile that you are a lawyer and will chat you up for that reason alone. Sad but true. Just be yourself from the beginning. You don't want to have to put on an act the first time you meet.
    I'm on the left but I am pretty sweaty too lol. My ex was a lawyer and I did not really enjoy dating another lawyer. The last 5 years of my life though I've been surrounded by no one except law students and lawyers, so I kind of forgot how to act around non-lawyers, as silly as that sounds.
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  6. #6
    Another Quality shoobey's Avatar
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    Also, I am in pretty good shape right now. If I also put a pic without a shirt on, is that going to help or just make me appear trashy?
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    Registered User UnaChispita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RunninTight View Post

    Find a different pic. When first chatting to women, I would act like yourself.

    Just be yourself from the beginning. You don't want to have to put on an act the first time you meet.
    This ^^^

    OP, I found myself single in my late thirties. I work long hours and I wouldn't want to date any of the men at my job. I've tried online dating too. It is...um...interesting...

    I've had friends try it too. Everyone approaches online dating in a different way. I preferred to have a phone convo with the potential date and then if that went well, I agreed to a meeting. Usually, they were short dates in case things didn't go well--Happy Hour, coffee, something like that. Just be yourself.

    Personally, I've had better luck finding dates through friends or in pursuing some interest (like in my running club).
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  8. #8
    Registered User UnaChispita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shoobey View Post
    Also, I am in pretty good shape right now. If I also put a pic without a shirt on, is that going to help or just make me appear trashy?
    I wouldn't if I were you. It's not trashy, but it's a little too much. Just post a nice shot of you-- by yourself, btw. I always wondered why some guys would post pics of themselves with their arm around a girl.
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  9. #9
    Registered User RunninTight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shoobey View Post
    Also, I am in pretty good shape right now. If I also put a pic without a shirt on, is that going to help or just make me appear trashy?
    I think a pic of you with no shirt on is okay IF you have a casual one taken not for the purpose of the ad. Something like a pic of you and your buddies at the beach. Do not put up a pic of you standing in the bathroom flexing. Please!

    You seem to have a good idea of what is creepy/trashy and what isn't. I think you will be fine. If you are used to hanging out with lawyer types then it will shine through a bit but so what. It's part of who you are. Plus any girl who can't keep up is a moron anyway and not worth the time.
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  10. #10
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    This ^^^

    OP, I found myself single in my late thirties. I work long hours and I wouldn't want to date any of the men at my job. I've tried online dating too. It is...um...interesting...

    I've had friends try it too. Everyone approaches online dating in a different way. I preferred to have a phone convo with the potential date and then if that went well, I agreed to a meeting. Usually, they were short dates in case things didn't go well--Happy Hour, coffee, something like that. Just be yourself.

    Personally, I've had better luck finding dates through friends or in pursuing some interest (like in my running club).
    I've literally never done anything online before other than message boards, but I'm at the point where I am ready for something new. I am hoping if anything it bumps me out of weirdo hermit mode so I can get back to how I was prior to this relationship and just talk to people
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    Originally Posted by RunninTight View Post
    I think a pic of you with no shirt on is okay IF you have a casual one taken not for the purpose of the ad. Something like a pic of you and your buddies at the beach. Do not put up a pic of you standing in the bathroom flexing. Please!

    You seem to have a good idea of what is creepy/trashy and what isn't. I think you will be fine. If you are used to hanging out with lawyer types then it will shine through a bit but so what. It's part of who you are. Plus any girl who can't keep up is a moron anyway and not worth the time.
    I went straight from hanging out with crazy party people for 4 years in college, to boring professional type people for 4 years, so I am also having a bit of an identity crisis right now as well. I am kind of a mix between both, I can't be a crazy party guy 24/7 like the people back in college, but I also am very far from a boring yuppie type person so I don't seem to fit in with that group either!
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    Don't ever use your occupation/income to attract women. That's rule number one. Even if all you want is sex.
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    Registered User Monicka8311's Avatar
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    I got sidetracked once I saw the picture! Where can I sign up?!
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    Registered User UnaChispita's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shoobey View Post
    I've literally never done anything online before other than message boards, but I'm at the point where I am ready for something new. I am hoping if anything it bumps me out of weirdo hermit mode so I can get back to how I was prior to this relationship and just talk to people
    Yeah. I get that. I was in that hermit mode, so that's what I did too. Online dating is a little strange though. I found that often men would post pics of themselves from when they were younger/in better shape and they looked nothing like their pic. It's good that you are putting up a current photo of yourself. Don't be surprised if some of the women you meet don't, however. I also found that men would respond to my profile w/o actually having read it and I could tell we shared none of the same values and would not be compatible.

    Still, you're making the right move. Just get back out there. Good luck!
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    Registered User Monicka8311's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    Yeah. I get that. I was in that hermit mode, so that's what I did too. Online dating is a little strange though. I found that often men would post pics of themselves from when they were younger/in better shape and they looked nothing like their pic. It's good that you are putting up a current photo of yourself. Don't be surprised if some of the women you meet don't, however. I also found that men would respond to my profile w/o actually having read it and I could tell we shared none of the same values and would not be compatible.

    Still, you're making the right move. Just get back out there. Good luck!
    I have to agree here, my best friend was trying to date online... she met the weirdest people who were nothing like their profiles protrayed them. It's a weird world, I hear ya. I think i'd be too shy to meet somebody online though. Plus i'm scared what might happen when I meet them in person.
    When I got out of my 10 year relationship I just spent time with my girlfriends that were also single, I wasn't as crazy as them but that's a great way to meet people.
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    Is that a free site is so avoid. I found a lot better people on pay sites. Dont get too caught up in the web thing. Keep going out and trying in real life to. Summon your balls and start approaching women. If you cant in real life chances are your dates not going to go that well either. Put up a pic of you doing something fun maybe with your buddies where you can actually see what you look like.

    Shirtless pic might be ok depending on what you are trying to attract. I tried it for fun and to be honest i got tons of emails. Some were not that flattering but who cares. I mean I am a bodybuilder right so if I take a pic of me flexing I dont get how that is different than a say a guy who fishes holding a fishing pole.

    Be yourself, be attentive and funny on line and you will separate yourself from the pack. Lots of guys on line out for booty call. Even if you are dont make it dam obvious.
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    Originally Posted by Monicka8311 View Post
    I got sidetracked once I saw the picture! Where can I sign up?!
    lol?
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    Originally Posted by shoobey View Post
    lol?

    Hmmm... awkward, that's probably why I don't approach guys... I got no game! lol
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    Originally Posted by Monicka8311 View Post
    Hmmm... awkward, that's probably why I don't approach guys... I got no game! lol
    same here brahette, at least for the moment. No idea where you live but if it was my city I'd go on one with u!
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    Originally Posted by Monicka8311 View Post
    I got sidetracked once I saw the picture! Where can I sign up?!
    See OP? That's what I'm tellin' ya. Ya gotta go with the ladies who share common interests!

    But seriously, Myth mentioned free vs. pay sites. The one I was on I paid for and I still got mostly weird guys. The experience made for some great stories, though.
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    Originally Posted by shoobey View Post
    same here brahette, at least for the moment. No idea where you live but if it was my city I'd go on one with u!
    Looks like you're in Florida... I live in Washington... lol
    But i'm sure you'll have no problem finding a date, just make sure the girl you decide to approach is worth your time! Doesn't sound like you have a ton of time to be wasting on basic girls...
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    See OP? That's what I'm tellin' ya. Ya gotta go with the ladies who share common interests!

    But seriously, Myth mentioned free vs. pay sites. The one I was on I paid for and I still got mostly weird guys. The experience made for some great stories, though.
    I think you will meet people who are more serious and it also seemed like a little more high caliber if paying. I wanted a woman who had education, home, car, job, no kids, etc.
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    Originally Posted by themyth2009 View Post
    I think you will meet people who are more serious and it also seemed like a little more high caliber if paying. I wanted a woman who had education, home, car, job, no kids, etc.
    One would think so, but I had a friend who went onto OK Cup which is free (she is single, educated --has a Ph.d, no kids, has a job, car) and she seemed to have the same luck I did (also single, educated, no kids, job, car, home).

    Myth-Why you bustin my chops? Sheesh.
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    One would think so, but I had a friend who went onto OK Cup which is free (she is single, educated --has a Ph.d, no kids, has a job, car) and she seemed to have the same luck I did (also single, educated, no kids, job, car, home).

    Myth-Why you bustin my chops? Sheesh.
    I just being myself...an honest self absorbed prick.

    Is she under 30 and hot?
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    See OP? That's what I'm tellin' ya. Ya gotta go with the ladies who share common interests!

    But seriously, Myth mentioned free vs. pay sites. The one I was on I paid for and I still got mostly weird guys. The experience made for some great stories, though.
    I learned this from my last relationship. Only thing me and my ex had in common was our job (she was a lawyer too). Did not work out well at all lol, never again.
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    Originally Posted by themyth2009 View Post
    I just being myself...an honest self absorbed prick.

    Is she under 30 and hot?
    Oh good. Honesty is so refreshing.

    Naw. She's 35 (still younger than you) and hot. Do you have an aversion to dating women from your generation?
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    Oh good. Honesty is so refreshing.

    Naw. She's 35 (still younger than you) and hot. Do you have an aversion to dating women from your generation?
    That was just mean.

    The truth is I dated 20-40 in the past 1.5 years. I just prefer around 30. I see no problem with that. If women want to date men with a good job they don't catch sheet for it now do they? If I like 10-15 years younger and can get it see no reason I should not do it.
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    Originally Posted by themyth2009 View Post
    That was just mean.

    The truth is I dated 20-40 in the past 1.5 years. I just prefer around 30. I see no problem with that. If women want to date men with a good job they don't catch sheet for it now do they? If I like 10-15 years younger and can get it see no reason I should not do it.
    Aw, c'mon now, not mean; just teasing you! Don't be so sensitive.

    And, btw, if you are inferring that women only date men who have a good job b/c they have money, I will tell you that you are holding misconceptions about many women. I, for example, am financially responsible, have a good job and do not need to date a man so he can pay my bills. I do want to date a man who has a job, goals and direction. I don't care about how much money he makes b/c I have my own money.

    10 years isn't too much younger (you did say "under 30" in your original post). Just think that some men will date much younger women, because they are young and hot, and then these same men are confused why they are dealing with 20-year-old dramatic b*lls**t.
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    Originally Posted by UnaChispita View Post
    Aw, c'mon now, not mean; just teasing you! Don't be so sensitive.

    And, btw, if you are inferring that women only date men who have a good job b/c they have money, I will tell you that you are holding misconceptions about many women. I, for example, am financially responsible, have a good job and do not need to date a man so he can pay my bills. I do want to date a man who has a job, goals and direction. I don't care about how much money he makes b/c I have my own money.

    10 years isn't too much younger (you did say "under 30" in your original post). Just think that some men will date much younger women, because they are young and hot, and then these same men are confused why they are dealing with 20-year-old dramatic b*lls**t.
    I am pretty sure I am aware women have money, etc. I live in a womans home that she paid cash for.

    Anyway I was just saying women and men like different things.

    Some women date men for money too and then wonder why they keep getting dumped and treated like sheet.
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    Another question, is it a bad thing that I am still indifferent right now with meeting women? I am having a great time hanging out with friends now, getting back into shape, moving up in my job, and I just have like no drive at the moment to try to approach girls which is why I haven't in the last 3 months I've been single.

    I am not one of those people who is anti-women/marriage for life just because I had one bad relationship, but I also can't deny that something inside me right now makes me feel completely indifferent whether or not I am dating. I live in my own place now in an awesome city/location, and everything is basically awesome and improving right now so much from my situation during my relationship that I just haven't even thought about dating/hooking up.

    I am doing this because I want to get the drive back. Although I am having fun and enjoy being relaxed and stress-free, I also have no idea if I am missing out on a lot of potentially great people by just not putting any effort into it right now? It's tricky lol.
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