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  1. #1
    Ceo Bro Kataro's Avatar
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    J.P Morgan CEO respond to sloot

    A reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband

    A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

    Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

    I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.

    I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

    You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

    My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

    I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

    Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

    If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

    I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
    1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
    2) Which age group should I target?
    3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

    4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

    Ms. Pretty

    A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

    Dear Ms. Pretty,
    I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

    My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

    From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

    Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

    However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

    Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

    By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".
    If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

    Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

    Hope this reply helps.

    signed,
    J.P. Morgan CEO
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  2. #2
    Registered User Metalhead44's Avatar
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    Fake and gay srs,there are similar letters with the name changed.
    Misc philosophy crew
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    90% of the advice people give you is completely useless,send me a PM if you want to know why.
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  3. #3
    Registered User elnino's Avatar
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    JP Morgan scum, yawn.
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  4. #4
    Registered User nazeem123's Avatar
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    alpha
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  5. #5
    is best pony Fluttershy's Avatar
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    Did you just find this on facebook?
    Here's the response btw

    Dear Sir,

    I must confess that I was somewhat taken aback upon reading your email. Indeed, it has taken some time for me to sufficiently recuperate from my surprise. Lest your confidence quickly inflate for little reason (as we know is the predisposition for Wall St. types), allow me to hasten to reassure you that the source of my surprise was neither your candor nor the accuracy of your perception. Indeed, it is your "claimed" success in light of your poor grasp of economics which has me baffled. If the standards required to meet with financial success on Wall St. have sunk so low, perhaps I should indeed "make my own money", except for the fact that the effort/reward ratio is far too high for my liking - especially when so many of your ilk have displayed a far more cogent grasp of market realities than you have.

    By now you are likely scratching your ever-vanishing hairline in confusion, so allow me to elaborate, dear man. To build some credibility I will tell you a bit more about yourself. Though you did not mention the details of your occupation, it is clear that you are an investment banker and not a trader, as any good trader would understand that human courtships are based upon a semi-efficient open market, and not an investment banking cartel. However, your inability to grasp the realities of the dating market is not surprising, given that you have successfully employed the tools of collusion and market manipulation rather that true acumen in your supposed wealth generation.

    If your grasp of finance were not a minority partner with your ego, you would realize that the "outflows" associated with my depreciating "assets" are quite certain, and therefore subject to a low discount rate when determining their present value. In addition, though your concept of economics evidentially failed to move past the 1950s, advancement in plastic surgery is not subject to the same limitation. Thus, with some additional capital expenditure, the overall lifetime of "outflows" generated by these assets is greatly increased. Sad that Ashton Kutcher has demonstrated understanding of the female asset class which you, in all of your financial "wisdom", have not.

    You, on the other hand, are, given the uncertainty of the Wall St. job market, more of an inflation-indexed junk bond with an underwater nested call option. Though you may argue that you are more of an equity investment, my monetary minimums required from you do not change, and if you are unable to pay them, I will liquidate you without the benefit of a chapter 11, just as you would me.

    Because your outflows are so much more uncertain with respect to mine, I require additional compensation in the form of a underwater nested call option on your future assets. I say underwater because, even taking into account the value of your junk bond coupon payment to me, the value of my "outflow" is in excess of the market price of your equity (which is quite low due to its riskiness associated with your poor grasp of finance and my existing claim upon your junk bond coupon).

    I must thank you though for raising the question, despite the reputation cost of subjecting your weak logic to such widespread scrutiny. This took either considerable courage or ignorance on your part- and we'll give you the benefit of doubt, just this once. My current boyfriend (a trader who lives in Central Park West, of course) and I thoroughly enjoyed discussing your response and we wish you the best of luck in your unhappy pursuit of that elusive market inefficiency.


    This message is in response to:


    I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
    about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
    Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
    bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
    see it.

    Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
    crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
    suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
    my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
    money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
    that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
    be getting any more beautiful!

    So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
    asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
    accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
    hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
    earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

    So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
    and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
    to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
    you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
    to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
    as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

    Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
    I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
    as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
    believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
    hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

    By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
    we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

    With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
    Classic "pump and dump."
    I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
    lease, let me know.
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  6. #6
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    is this for real? new and exciting obviously
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  7. #7
    Up the punx! Seldini's Avatar
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    This is posted 3-4 times a week and is fake.
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  8. #8
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    nobody cares they are both scumbags going to hell
    Www.instagram.com/ali_shah_official - follow bak all

    Fukin slut. You better fukin believe it. I lift with fukin INTENSITY 5 days a fukin week. Count that sh!t with your fukin fingers you dumbkunt. Bitch, listen. I train for fukin AESTHETICS.
    I fukin eat every 2-3 hours, and if I can't, I'll feel like punching my cat in the in his motherfukin face because i get fukin hungry as fuk. I make fukin sure that I hit those fukin macros by the end of the day, KUNT.
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  9. #9
    Ceo Bro Kataro's Avatar
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    I doubt the CEO of J.P Morgan is on any forum for that matter. But the respond is epic, will use in real life / 10
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  10. #10
    Ceo Bro Kataro's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AleFCP View Post
    nobody cares they are both scumbags going to hell
    Mad you're not 9.999/10 HBB or a 10k / day CEO? =(
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  11. #11
    Claw Back nick187's Avatar
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    JP Morgan CEO can go fcuk himself.

    In the Anus.
    "Hell is the Impossibility of Reason"
    "Cowards die many times before their deaths, The valiant never taste of death but once."
    "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
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  12. #12
    Registered User NoWamSayin's Avatar
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    wtf you think a ceo of a big bank has time to respond to a email by some gold digger.

    lmao
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  13. #13
    Banned juniorbrah's Avatar
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    Lold at the ceo trollin
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  14. #14
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    Originally Posted by Kataro View Post
    A reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband

    A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

    Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

    I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.

    I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above.

    You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.

    My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married?

    I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?

    Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.

    If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

    I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
    1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
    2) Which age group should I target?
    3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.

    4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

    Ms. Pretty

    A philosophical reply from CEO of J.P. Morgan:

    Dear Ms. Pretty,
    I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.

    My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

    From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.

    Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.

    However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.

    Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.

    By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".
    If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".

    Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

    Hope this reply helps.

    signed,
    J.P. Morgan CEO
    CEO that can't afford someone to proof-read his letter? strong fail./
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  15. #15
    Ceo Bro Kataro's Avatar
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    I swear, if I ever become rich (Not CEO / needed to represent an image). Would make money from 9:30-4:00 and troll irl
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  16. #16
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    Originally Posted by AleFCP View Post
    nobody cares they are both scumbags going to hell
    lol
    أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله

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    ✪Saiyan ☾rew✪

    Play and rate my iOS-game, will appreciate:
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  17. #17
    Not actually Fuzionite fuzionite's Avatar
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    What these stupid hos need to realise is these 'average looking wives' are wives that stuck with their husbands through the thick and thins before they hit that CEO 10K/day status. These gold diggers should actually invest into their husbands and help them to realize their dreams.

    Behind every established gentleman is a good wife.
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  18. #18
    Ceo Bro Kataro's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by fuzionite View Post
    What these stupid hos need to realise is these 'average looking wives' are wives that stuck with their husbands through the thick and thins before they hit that CEO 10K/day status. These gold diggers should actually invest into their husbands and help them to realize their dreams.

    Behind every established gentleman is a good wife.
    Agree.. Had a girl break off with me a while back because she didn't believe in my dream and doubt I'll make it. Jakes on her!
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  19. #19
    Banner theendisnear's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by fuzionite View Post
    What these stupid hos need to realise is these 'average looking wives' are wives that stuck with their husbands through the thick and thins before they hit that CEO 10K/day status. These gold diggers should actually invest into their husbands and help them to realize their dreams.

    Behind every established gentleman is a good wife.
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  20. #20
    Registered User niospecv's Avatar
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    Chase Bank rocks.
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  21. #21
    I Has potentialz Purepwnage's Avatar
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    strong grammar for a CEO of JP morgan
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  22. #22
    triscuits = goat Dudeicus's Avatar
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    "You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York."

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  23. #23
    Registered User BeReal23's Avatar
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    This is posted 6-7 times a day and is fake
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  24. #24
    Banned CHRISTOPHERTEE's Avatar
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    Jamie Dimon is a boss (LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY)
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  25. #25
    Registered User ib6ub90210's Avatar
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    Saw this yearss ago originating from Craigslist personals
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  26. #26
    Registered User captain_natural's Avatar
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    as old as the internet
    1k+

    Old avi and stats are old.
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