Having a hard time..

[55]

..coming to terms with the fact that it may be over.

I have been in a relationship with a girl for 6 years. We have had a rocky last few months through a combination of certain health issues we are having. I had/have a stomach issue which prevents me from wanting to go out of my comfort zone due to the fear of being sick (nausea, gagging, etc). My ex-girlfriend has a kidney issue which has been tough on her the last couple of years.

I will admit that I am not the most affectionate person in the world, and this is one thing that she always seemed to complain about. Even when I put the effort in to show that I cared it seemed like it was never enough. She always wanted more from me. I am not sure if I could have given her everything that she wanted but lord knows I would've tried.

The last few weeks things have been really rocky, she wanted to reboot the relationship and start again fresh. I took her out to dinner, did all the little things. Within a week later she was acting dodgey again and finally called me 2 Fridays ago and said she thinks we should just be friends. She said it wasn't fair to me. I acted as cool as possible on the phone. I told her "Well, I'm sorry but I can't just be your friend, it will be too hard. Take care of yourself and make sure you get your health in check." I told her not to worry about me and that I would be busy with school anyways. She said she'll always love me, I told her to not say that. We talked for another minute before saying our goodbyes.

This was 3/23/12, about 10 days ago. Since then we have had no contact at all. I deleted her off ********, took all the pictures down that I had from our trips together.

The last week and a half have been very hard. I truly thought this is the one. I even had a proposal all figured out and how I was going to ask her to marry me. I'm having a hard time coming to terms that we are now over. I don't know why I'm posting this here, I don't even know what good this will do me, but I feel like I needed to reach out.

She was my everything, I try using her flaws to deter my thoughts and to convince myself this is for the better. But it doesn't matter, I want her, all her little flaws are what made her human. How can I let 6 years go over a phone call. How can this be it?

I have 1 month left before this semester is over. I am going to try and focus to keep my GPA streak going. But this is the last thing in the world that I needed to happen.

I'm not sure what I want or need. How can I let her go, how do I come to terms with this?

[Thorrrr]

Hey man, I understand what you are going through, all though my relationship was about half the time of yours.
The way I think of it like this is.... You are 26 years old, you started dating her when you were 20... so I think its relatively safe to say that you've had one serious relationship in your life (could be wrong) if this is true, then I'll explain to you what I think is something every man/woman will have to go through. No matter what, I believe there is no way of avoiding it, every living being must experience heartbreak at least once in their life, meaning everything will be all right.
Enjoy the summer thats coming, spend time with your friends, and do things you were never able to do when you were single.

Time heals everything, trust me - breakups (depending on how much you loved/cared about the person) are almost like deaths, you feel like the world is ending, and that person will never be there again, but what does natural law tell us? Time heals everything, eventually down the road it will only be a glimpse of your past although you'll never be able to truly forget, you will still be able to find happiness. Or if it's destined to happen you will eventually cross paths again.

My advice to you though is to try your best to continue to distance yourself from the problem, no matter how hard it is and try to enjoy life a little more, remember you are only around once, make the most of your life.

[55]

Hey man, I understand what you are going through, all though my relationship was about half the time of yours.
The way I think of it like this is.... You are 26 years old, you started dating her when you were 20... so I think its relatively safe to say that you've had one serious relationship in your life (could be wrong) if this is true, then I'll explain to you what I think is something every man/woman will have to go through. No matter what, I believe there is no way of avoiding it, every living being must experience heartbreak at least once in their life, meaning everything will be all right.
Enjoy the summer thats coming, spend time with your friends, and do things you were never able to do when you were single.

Time heals everything, trust me - breakups (depending on how much you loved/cared about the person) are almost like deaths, you feel like the world is ending, and that person will never be there again, but what does natural law tell us? Time heals everything, eventually down the road it will only be a glimpse of your past although you'll never be able to truly forget, you will still be able to find happiness. Or if it's destined to happen you will eventually cross paths again.

My advice to you though is to try your best to continue to distance yourself from the problem, no matter how hard it is and try to enjoy life a little more, remember you are only around once, make the most of your life.

Thanks for the advice and words. This was my second serious relationship. Went through major heartbreak when I was about 19 from a 2 year relationship. So I'm not new to the concept of being heartbroken but I'm having a hard time distancing myself and just letting it all go. I don't want to. I guess that's me just being selfish though, obviously she doesn't want me and said this situation wasn't "fair" for me.

Deep down I knew she was the one, and I still do believe she is the one. Getting rid of that and maintaining no contact is all I can do, but I just can't seem to find any common ground within myself. I'm doing the whole no contact thing like I'm supposed to but that feeling deep down won't let up at all. If anything it's getting worse.

[Thorrrr]

Thanks for the advice and words. This was my second serious relationship. Went through major heartbreak when I was about 19 from a 2 year relationship. So I'm not new to the concept of being heartbroken but I'm having a hard time distancing myself and just letting it all go. I don't want to. I guess that's me just being selfish though, obviously she doesn't want me and said this situation wasn't "fair" for me.

You've managed to heal a broken heart once, what makes you think you cant do it twice. Six years is a very long time, but you should think of it as a learning experience, (isn't that what life is all about?). You seem like a great dude (nohomo) so I don't see a problem why you wouldn't be able to strike up a new relationship in the future. Stop and think for one minute, would you want to look back on your life when you're a 60 year old man and think "yep when I was 20 I was with her, 21 yep, 22 yep, etc." you think you'll get the most out of life by being with one partner? You have to go out there and live a little, and maybe one day you and her will be able to spark it back up in the future, but for now let everything fall into place.

EDIT: I wish I could take my own advice.

[55]

You've managed to heal a broken heart once, what makes you think you cant do it twice. Six years is a very long time, but you should think of it as a learning experience, (isn't that what life is all about?). You seem like a great dude (nohomo) so I don't see a problem why you wouldn't be able to strike up a new relationship in the future. Stop and think for one minute, would you want to look back on your life when you're a 60 year old man and think "yep when I was 20 I was with her, 21 yep, 22 yep, etc." you think you'll get the most out of life by being with one partner? You have to go out there and live a little, and maybe one day you and her will be able to spark it back up in the future, but for now let everything fall into place.

EDIT: I wish I could take my own advice.

Yea letting things fall into place is all i can really do. I've already got everything out of my system when i was younger, i wanted to settle down and so did she. We talked about marriage several times and even started to do a little planning in the last few months. I just feel so upset about this whole situation, i invested my heart into this girl and was looking forward to our future. I have an amazing gpa and pretty much went back to finish school so i could provide for our future together, now what.

I feel empty.

[Thorrrr]

Yea letting things fall into place is all i can really do. I've already got everything out of my system when i was younger, i wanted to settle down and so did she. We talked about marriage several times and even started to do a little planning in the last few months. I just feel so upset about this whole situation, i invested my heart into this girl and was looking forward to our future. I have an amazing gpa and pretty much went back to finish school so i could provide for our future together, now what.

I feel empty.

Okay OP.
Gameplan;
If you are dead serious about this, and know that you want to be physically,emotionally,spiritually bound to this girl through marriage and if you feel in your heart that she's the one then my last piece of advice for you is the following.

I'm sure you know her schedule/what she usually does during the week, so find a day where your certain she won't be busy.
You mentioned how you're not usually romantic with her, so then the only way you'll swindle this girl back is with exactly that; romance
Grab her some roses, and something that you know she LOVES (chocolate/CD/anything) and also use/bring something that has a lot of meaning to both of you.. for example a picture/ a poem/ whatever the fuark it is. call her (she will pick up; she'll naturally be curious as to why your calling) tell her to go look outside her door. she'll notice all the stuff and I promise you she'll feel a spark she has not felt, unless she's souless.

Call her/text her to walk to the end of her driveway, then just spill the **** out of your heart, and don't feel uncomfortable, it's not beta, in fact its alpha, that you're willing to throw stubborness aside and go after something that you want (alphas always get what they want)

I don't know if you'll take anything I said into consideration, but I can tell you in my own experience and through giving this advice to others, it's always worked...

What do you think ?

[Italian.Muscle]

Good luck man and stay strong. Time heals all.

[MasterCobra]

You've managed to heal a broken heart once, what makes you think you cant do it twice. Six years is a very long time, but you should think of it as a learning experience, (isn't that what life is all about?). You seem like a great dude (nohomo) so I don't see a problem why you wouldn't be able to strike up a new relationship in the future. Stop and think for one minute, would you want to look back on your life when you're a 60 year old man and think "yep when I was 20 I was with her, 21 yep, 22 yep, etc." you think you'll get the most out of life by being with one partner? You have to go out there and live a little, and maybe one day you and her will be able to spark it back up in the future, but for now let everything fall into place.

EDIT: I wish I could take my own advice.

living life is not about being single and hitting up different girls, i hate this whole " oh you look back and u were with one girl and u regret "

nah brah, living life is doing what makes you happy. ive been pretty much always single til i was right about this age and having a girl you love and loves you back is so much better than going around banging sluts and " meeting new people "

you can do that while having a gf
you can travel to places with her and doeverything with a woman


to the OP, though.
i dont think the general "avoid contact " rule applies to every scenario. you guys were 6 years together, hit her up, talk to her, ask how she feels. if its oevr, then its over.
if not, then she'll come back, and you be more caring *******.

[55]

Okay OP.
Gameplan;
If you are dead serious about this, and know that you want to be physically,emotionally,spiritually bound to this girl through marriage and if you feel in your heart that she's the one then my last piece of advice for you is the following.

I'm sure you know her schedule/what she usually does during the week, so find a day where your certain she won't be busy.
You mentioned how you're not usually romantic with her, so then the only way you'll swindle this girl back is with exactly that; romance
Grab her some roses, and something that you know she LOVES (chocolate/CD/anything) and also use/bring something that has a lot of meaning to both of you.. for example a picture/ a poem/ whatever the fuark it is. call her (she will pick up; she'll naturally be curious as to why your calling) tell her to go look outside her door. she'll notice all the stuff and I promise you she'll feel a spark she has not felt, unless she's souless.

Call her/text her to walk to the end of her driveway, then just spill the **** out of your heart, and don't feel uncomfortable, it's not beta, in fact its alpha, that you're willing to throw stubborness aside and go after something that you want (alphas always get what they want)

I don't know if you'll take anything I said into consideration, but I can tell you in my own experience and through giving this advice to others, it's always worked...

What do you think ?

I've done this once with her before a few years ago. Don't think it would work this time. Whenever we go through hard times i am always the one running back. I don't think i can do that this time. Maybe when she realizes I'm not running back to her something will click but then again maybe this is just how it ends.

I don't want it to but i can't go running back, i need her to realize i won't always do that. Maybe I'm being dumb and nieve, maybe I'm not. Only time will tell? But time sucks the last teen days have felt like a year. I hate looking at my phone and seeing she hasn't reached out to me yet, i do this all the time and just hope one day she'll reach out to me. I won't make it obvious but I'll be waiting.

[briarR0se]

..coming to terms with the fact that it may be over.

I have been in a relationship with a girl for 6 years. We have had a rocky last few months through a combination of certain health issues we are having. I had/have a stomach issue which prevents me from wanting to go out of my comfort zone due to the fear of being sick (nausea, gagging, etc). My ex-girlfriend has a kidney issue which has been tough on her the last couple of years.

I will admit that I am not the most affectionate person in the world, and this is one thing that she always seemed to complain about. Even when I put the effort in to show that I cared it seemed like it was never enough. She always wanted more from me. I am not sure if I could have given her everything that she wanted but lord knows I would've tried.

The last few weeks things have been really rocky, she wanted to reboot the relationship and start again fresh. I took her out to dinner, did all the little things. Within a week later she was acting dodgey again and finally called me 2 Fridays ago and said she thinks we should just be friends. She said it wasn't fair to me. I acted as cool as possible on the phone. I told her "Well, I'm sorry but I can't just be your friend, it will be too hard. Take care of yourself and make sure you get your health in check." I told her not to worry about me and that I would be busy with school anyways. She said she'll always love me, I told her to not say that. We talked for another minute before saying our goodbyes.

This was 3/23/12, about 10 days ago. Since then we have had no contact at all. I deleted her off ********, took all the pictures down that I had from our trips together.

The last week and a half have been very hard. I truly thought this is the one. I even had a proposal all figured out and how I was going to ask her to marry me. I'm having a hard time coming to terms that we are now over. I don't know why I'm posting this here, I don't even know what good this will do me, but I feel like I needed to reach out.

She was my everything, I try using her flaws to deter my thoughts and to convince myself this is for the better. But it doesn't matter, I want her, all her little flaws are what made her human. How can I let 6 years go over a phone call. How can this be it?

I have 1 month left before this semester is over. I am going to try and focus to keep my GPA streak going. But this is the last thing in the world that I needed to happen.

I'm not sure what I want or need. How can I let her go, how do I come to terms with this?

First and foremost, my heart goes out to you, OP.

However, I think the most fundamental question you need to ask yourself, prior to thinking about what you "want or need", is whether or not you think it can work out.

If she wanted a romantic and affectionate streak in her partner so badly that she was able to end your six year long relationship, then I'd say it's apparent she wasn't complaining for the sake of it - it was really important to her.

Where you go from here - whether you move on or give it one last shot - depends on whether or not you think you can fulfill this need of hers, and be romantic/affectionate.

If you doubt you have it in yourself, then let her go. If you think you can do it for her sake, and if you think she's worth the effort, then go get her back. Six years is a long time - I'm sure she's struggling, as you are.

[55]

I have contemplated spilling my guts out to her one last time but i just don't know how/if i would be able to handle the rejection.

I always go running back, i am kinda curious to see if she would do the same but then again she broke it off, so why should she come running back? I don't know if i can just let it go or if i should let her hear it all. ****, both options scare the living **** out of me.

[GenderOfPeace]

living life is not about being single and hitting up different girls, i hate this whole " oh you look back and u were with one girl and u regret "

nah brah, living life is doing what makes you happy. ive been pretty much always single til i was right about this age and having a girl you love and loves you back is so much better than going around banging sluts and " meeting new people "

you can do that while having a gf
you can travel to places with her and doeverything with a woman

Respect bro. This is a quality post. Sex is the one of the only things that will ever be different from one girl to the next, this is because sex is based on how ones body looks. Being with a 9/10 is more enjoyable then a 5/10. But in reality, there may be more truth to the old saying that personality is more important to looks, but, yet that is not to say that looks are unimportant (they are).

After being in a relationship where I love and am loved back, I have realized how much i enjoy companionship with a girl. Sloots are sloot, but girls with quality and personality is more valuable

[Fairfax]

OP, I wish you all the best here mate. I personally believe that a situation where you have very strong feelings for someone and they have the same feelings for you is one of those things that can't be valued too highly and is worth making every effort for. People can live their whole lives without ever really experiencing it.

If this really is over, you might feel better about it in the future if you're certain that you did everything you could. IDK what the best strategy would be in your particular case, but I would suggest maybe not rushing it. 10 days is no time at all. You might still feel like sh*t about it in 10 months or even a lot longer. If you feel like you want to make a real statement to her, try and take the time to really make sure you know what you want to say and you get it right. How long that would be, only you can know, but it could well be months. You may even find you don't want to say anything at all. Good luck.

[John$Galt]

Maybe when she realizes I'm not running back to her something will click but then again maybe this is just how it ends.

That's your only hope man. I really think with zero contact from you, that she'll come running back in the near future. Stay strong.

Don't do the no contact in order for her to come back to you though. Do it because it's the best way for you to get over her. In the meantime, something that would really help you deal with it is another warm body to snuggle up with. Having another girl, even a very temporary one, will help you get over the last one.

If/when your ex comes back to you, the power is in your hands. Don't take her back immediately. Tell her you're not sure, that you have to think about it, that things have changed, and you'll get back to her. Take back the upper hand.

I have contemplated spilling my guts out to her one last time but i just don't know how/if i would be able to handle the rejection.

Don't do that. It would be counterproductive.

[55]

Would a well written email not trying to get her back but just telling her how i really feel be as counter productive?

[LikeAMachine]

I was in a 7 year relationship that ended almost the exact same way dude. I was about your age as well, I think I had just turned 27.




Trust me, do not send a heart felt email, just let it go. It’s going to hurt for (sorry to say dude) probably about a year. I’m probably 3 years removed and even when I see pictures of her it doesn’t really bother me anymore.

Nut up, move one, do NOT spill your guts, you will regrett it because it won’t change anything and will just hurt more when she is indifferent to it.

[55]

I was in a 7 year relationship that ended almost the exact same way dude. I was about your age as well, I think I had just turned 27.




Trust me, do not send a heart felt email, just let it go. It’s going to hurt for (sorry to say dude) probably about a year. I’m probably 3 years removed and even when I see pictures of her it doesn’t really bother me anymore.

Nut up, move one, do NOT spill your guts, you will regrett it because it won’t change anything and will just hurt more when she is indifferent to it.

Did you still have any hope at the end of your relationship? Or did you know it was done for good?

[LikeAMachine]

Did you still have any hope at the end of your relationship? Or did you know it was done for good?

I was in the gym 5-7 days week for 6 months, avoiding the outside world hoping she would come back to me. Oddly enough it happened at this time of the year as well, lol.

I lost an entire fcking summer hoping she would come back. Don’t be like me brah, it’s over, after 6 years, it’s over.


Ugh, reading through these threads, god damn I was being a *******, but LTR are hard to deal with.

Check em out.


http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=124940801

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=131401093

[b0yer2]

Sorry to hear that bro, but you will be alright. You need to take this one day at a time and keep the no contact rule. You have to accept the fact that she is gone and no longer in your life. Do not wait or her to come back. Hit the gym hard 5-7 days a week, hang with your bros and do small things that make you happy, like watch a movie or your favorite tv show. Small things that will brighten your mood a bit. After awhile the long days will start to move faster and you will be okay.

She will still send you texts when she is lonely, but it is best to ignore these. Delete her number and start your new life without her. Don't get in a relationship for a decently long time. Just have some fun and improve your situation every day.

[John$Galt]

Would a well written email not trying to get her back but just telling her how i really feel be as counter productive?

This:

I was in a 7 year relationship that ended almost the exact same way dude. I was about your age as well, I think I had just turned 27.




Trust me, do not send a heart felt email, just let it go. It’s going to hurt for (sorry to say dude) probably about a year. I’m probably 3 years removed and even when I see pictures of her it doesn’t really bother me anymore.

Nut up, move one, do NOT spill your guts, you will regrett it because it won’t change anything and will just hurt more when she is indifferent to it.

Do NOT spill your guts. It'll only hurt you more in every way. If you have to, write out exactly what you want to say so you can get it out, but do NOT send it.

Listen to the RH on this one bro.

[QisGQ]

I just went 6 weeks w/no contact with the ex. Spilled my guts in an email yesterday. Got really deep, apologized about certain actions, told her if I could change things I would, email was like 900 words (quite impresive for typing on an iphone, lol), ended it by saying that I will love her no matter what. She responded with 3 sentences and mentioned no "love you back". Her email wasn't bad, just emotionless and cold. Felt like sh*t after reading that. Kinda regret sending it now. It was beta I know. But sometimes you gotta look past the whole beta/alpha thing......

I say this just b/c it could back fire on you OR it could work. Not every girl and situation is the same. You've only been 10 days no contact, I say give it another 10 days and if you still wanna write an email or open up to her one last time, then go for it. At least you won't have to think of the "what ifs". And it basically closes the case. Either she will come back or not. Then you'll be free either way.

It sucked reading what my ex wrote, but now I'm free. Which is a good feeling within itself.

[GenderOfPeace]

I just went 6 weeks w/no contact with the ex. Spilled my guts in an email yesterday. Got really deep, apologized about certain actions, told her if I could change things I would, email was like 900 words (quite impresive for typing on an iphone, lol), ended it by saying that I will love her no matter what. She responded with 3 sentences and mentioned no "love you back". Her email wasn't bad, just emotionless and cold. Felt like sh*t after reading that. Kinda regret sending it now. It was beta I know. But sometimes you gotta look past the whole beta/alpha thing......

Age: 24

I lol'ed was a good read, would read again / 10.
LOL at apologizing to a girl for things in a relationship, that's the most blatantly pussy **** a man can do.
Secondly, 900 words instead N.C. like you're suppose to or a simple hey I want to work things out with you can we get coffee

[55]

I have no intention of getting back together with her through an email. I respect her decision but feel like there are things I have to say just to get them off my head. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't even respond but I feel as if I need to get a few things off of my chest and let her hear it. I don't know if I'm actually going to end up sending anything to her but I feel as if it would allow me closure. After 6 years I am not into swallowing my own words for sake of my pride. After 6 years pride is not something that you look to preserve. She has seen me at my worst already. I am no where near my worst right now. I just feel like there are words that I need to tell her that she may have never realized. Whether or not she even responds is besides the case.

I dunno.

[stefano445]

I lol'ed was a good read, would read again / 10.
LOL at apologizing to a girl for things in a relationship, that's the most blatantly pussy **** a man can do.
Secondly, 900 words instead N.C. like you're suppose to or a simple hey I want to work things out with you can we get coffee

You're an idiot

[QisGQ]

I lol'ed was a good read, would read again / 10.
LOL at apologizing to a girl for things in a relationship, that's the most blatantly pussy **** a man can do.
Secondly, 900 words instead N.C. like you're suppose to or a simple hey I want to work things out with you can we get coffee

I said apologized over certain things. I mean there is much more of a back story to it. Didn't make a thread on it. Trust me it wasn't 900 of me apolgozing. Well balanced on many topics. Also more of just getting things off my chest. It was NOT, take me back, or let's work on getting back together. IDK. Complicated man. But it's over.

[55]

Bump for any other opinions/advice. I greatly appreciate it all.

[55]

Anyone else?

[henryk21]

OP don't email. I wrote a 22 page of my thoughts about her, planned on sending. I put it away, 2 weeks later I looked at it and realized how pathetic it was if I sent it to her. Keep your dignity.

[55]

OP don't email. I wrote a 22 page of my thoughts about her, planned on sending. I put it away, 2 weeks later I looked at it and realized how pathetic it was if I sent it to her. Keep your dignity.

Wow 22 pages? I was thinking more like take care of yourself and your health (she has kidney disease, Stage 4). Like a paragraph.

[henryk21]

Wow 22 pages? I was thinking more like take care of yourself and your health (she has kidney disease, Stage 4). Like a paragraph.

Yeah I was bored by myself at work lol. Pathetic I know. No she knows she has to take care of herself and her health. Just let it be man. She knows you want her to be alright, you don't have to tell her. Don't use that as a excuse to contact her. I know that's what you want you cheeky ****