Would you give up sex for 1 year for your ideal physique?

[MiscDemeanor]

ITT: MiscDemeanor finds out that the Nut Misc men have hearts bigger than their Cliveceptz!

Hahaha sorry didn't mean to start a relationship discussion here. I think all the years of miscin' has gotten to him with all the guys saying they do it twice a day. C'mon, really?!!

[mannydawg]

No trust me it's an ongoing issue. I actually prefer to wait but he brings up the point that if I don't want to do it now I won't want to do it in our marriage. Then I just don't know what to say after that

I would ask him whether he would be able to be with you without the sex? if the answer is no then I suggest you find someone who actually cares about you, and not the sex.

[spicyprice]

I would say if she's found someone worth holding onto, someone she connects with on a level that isn't even comparable to anyone else, then it is worth keeping. At least to see if it means something.

Im going to fully disagree. i may be jaded...... but, I think I have pretty decent view of the south and how women view marriage.

Do you know many people who are 27-30 and divorced? I do. ALL of my closest friends. Every one of us got married at 22-23. Every one of us was n a long term relationship with the person we married (me, a total of 10 years when we got divorced.) Every one of us would tell you that who we were at 22 and who we were at 25 was drastically different. I also know plenty of people I used to work with back there who are not divorced and ONLY because they have kids. Graduate nursing school, get married the next year, have babies the following. I swear its like its something in the water!

May be a very skewed view, and I admit that. But when I see a 22 year old in a long term relationship talking about marriage, I cringe.

[necon76]

No trust me it's an ongoing issue. I actually prefer to wait but he brings up the point that if I don't want to do it now I won't want to do it in our marriage. Then I just don't know what to say after that

My bad, I didn't realise that. Changes my stance on previous posts.

Hahaha sorry didn't mean to start a relationship discussion here. I think all the years of miscin' has gotten to him with all the guys saying they do it twice a day. C'mon, really?!!

Nothing anybody says in there should be believed.

[mynameisuntz]

Im going to fully disagree. i may be jaded...... but, I think I have pretty decent view of the south and how women view marriage.

Do you know many people who are 27-30 and divorced? I do. ALL of my closest friends. Every one of us got married at 22-23. Every one of us was n a long term relationship with the person we married (me, a total of 10 years when we got divorced.) Every one of us would tell you that who we were at 22 and who we were at 25 was drastically different. I also know plenty of people I used to work with back there who are not divorced and ONLY because they have kids. Graduate nursing school, get married the next year, have babies the following. I swear its like its something in the water!

May be a very skewed view, and I admit that. But when I see a 22 year old in a long term relationship talking about marriage, I cringe.

Well, realize I was not promoting marriage at 22. When I say "finding someone worth holding onto," I mean more along the lines of not giving him up for the sake of dating other people. Don't marry someone you have known for a while just because you're "supposed" to, and also don't dump a good guy you could see yourself falling head over heals with just to go date others because you're "supposed" to. Establish a relationship, be with each other, learn more about each other, experience life together as best you can. If you have a good feeling, explore. I'm not saying if you have a good feeling, go get married.

[spicyprice]

That is another word we need to get rid of as a species...... It's been misused and abused so much that it literally has no meaning anymore. brb confusing love for neediness.

Love confused with neediness?

Not sure if serious. Love is a gift you give, not something you take.

[MiscDemeanor]

Try out different relationships. I wish I could shake your shoulders. there is a lot you dont know about yourself and what you want at 22. And what you want changes when you become a real adult. What happened if you ended up with cancer and couldnt have sex for a year? WOuld he leave? Would he screw around?

We've tried the whole break thing and quickly realized we just wanted each other. No I seriously doubt he would ever fool around and he's yet to do anything like that. He's pretty much perfect for me but since I'm his first girlfriend he never really knew how a relationship worked.

[mynameisuntz]

Love confused with neediness?

Not sure if serious. Love is a gift you give, not something you take.

I think he's saying too many people confuse love for neediness. I think.

[spicyprice]

Yes, definitely worth holding on to. I would say that's the only flaw in our relationship...the fact that we have different views but I guess that's where compromising comes into play. Still waiting on my ring

Well, realize I was not promoting marriage at 22. When I say "finding someone worth holding onto," I mean more along the lines of not giving him up for the sake of dating other people. Don't marry someone you have known for a while just because you're "supposed" to, and also don't dump a good guy you could see yourself falling head over heals with just to go date others because you're "supposed" to. Establish a relationship, be with each other, learn more about each other, experience life together as best you can. If you have a good feeling, explore. I'm not saying if you have a good feeling, go get married.

See bolded. Shes drinking the water

[sawoobley]

I think all the years of miscin' has gotten to him with all the guys saying they do it twice a day. C'mon, really?!!

Only the ones that are able to convince their girlfriends that its perfectly normal. .

[mynameisuntz]

See bolded. Shes drinking the water

I realize what she's saying, I'm just reiterating what I was trying to say. And I was not trying to say, "if you feel good, get married." I was just trying to say, "if you feel good, don't feel you have to break things off for the sake of dating others." I wasn't trying to say marriage is the right choice, either :\

We've tried the whole break thing and quickly realized we just wanted each other. No I seriously doubt he would ever fool around and he's yet to do anything like that. He's pretty much perfect for me but since I'm his first girlfriend he never really knew how a relationship worked.

Ehh, if you're going to do a break correctly then you have to do it for a while, and you should try to see other people in the process. You have to know that the hole you feel is because you are without him, not just without someone.

[MiscDemeanor]

LOL yes spicyprice I think I've had too much water. I'm not in a rush to get married and I actually encouraged him to get his NASM certification before buying a ring. I just want something symbolic of us. No not a tattoo either!! Haha

[spicyprice]

I realize what she's saying, I'm just reiterating what I was trying to say. And I was not trying to say, "if you feel good, get married." I was just trying to say, "if you feel good, don't feel you have to break things off for the sake of dating others." I wasn't trying to say marriage is the right choice, either :\



Ehh, if you're going to do a break correctly then you have to do it for a while, and you should try to see other people in the process. You have to know that the hole you feel is because you are without him, not just without someone.

A break should mean a full break... everyone wants to get back together when the loneliness hits and there isnt that person to text all day or to give you the feeling of being needed/wanted.

I know it will sound crazy, but I do think dating for the sake of dating is a wise idea when you havent dated as an adult. Its a great learning experience about yourself and about the opposite sex. You find characteristics in others that you didnt know existed, that you later realized were important, and that you know you want or dont want in the person you spend the rest of your life with.

[Kramerica]

If the ideal physique lasted a lifetime then I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I slowly transformed back or had to work my ass off non-stop to maintain, prob not.

[MiscDemeanor]

Ehh, if you're going to do a break correctly then you have to do it for a while, and you should try to see other people in the process. You have to know that the hole you feel is because you are without him, not just without someone.

A break should mean a full break... everyone wants to get back together when the loneliness hits and there isnt that person to text all day or to give you the feeling of being needed/wanted.

I know it will sound crazy, but I do think dating for the sake of dating is a wise idea when you havent dated as an adult. Its a great learning experience about yourself and about the opposite sex. You find characteristics in others that you didnt know existed, that you later realized were important, and that you know you want or dont want in the person you spend the rest of your life with.

Kiiiiiiinda hard to do while living together and paying bills together :/ not gonna lie either I have wanted to do that before. It's a looooong story that I can't put out there right now

[mynameisuntz]

A break should mean a full break... everyone wants to get back together when the loneliness hits and there isnt that person to text all day or to give you the feeling of being needed/wanted.

Agree with this. You have to be as committed to the break as you were to the relationship, really.

I know it will sound crazy, but I do think dating for the sake of dating is a wise idea when you havent dated as an adult. Its a great learning experience about yourself and about the opposite sex. You find characteristics in others that you didnt know existed, that you later realized were important, and that you know you want or dont want in the person you spend the rest of your life with.

It doesn't sound crazy at all. This is certainly my experience. I'm with the girl I want to be with forever, and I know that because she makes me feel emotions I didn't know existed; emotions that have never been present before in my life, not with any other girl. I had to date other girls to know what I was searching for, how to recognize it, and to understand that it would take someone extremely special to provide that. She does. I have no doubts about it, and I've never once been doubt-less prior to her.

Okay no more gushing. So I would agree with you that it is necessary for some people, but I can't say it's necessary for everyone. Some people may just be extremely in tune with themselves, and they may have just been lucky enough to find the right person from the get-go.

Kiiiiiiinda hard to do while living together and paying bills together :/ not gonna lie either I have wanted to do that before. It's a looooong story that I can't put out there right now

Ouch. It's as if you are now committed to avoid awkwardness if nothing else. A friend of mine was in that position somewhat recently, and it was extremely rough for her :\

[Kirra]

Actually, they are mutually exclusive. Just wanting sex kind of implies there's no care or desire for a real connection. A real connection can't be maintained on sex alone. There must be something more than just sex. Call it spiritual, emotional, intellectual, whatever. So, yes, they are mutually exclusive.

I disagree.

Your views are fine by me, man. I'm not attacking the idea that wanting sex in a relationship is wrong, or even requiring it. But if you are going to claim you love someone, remain with them for five years, (maybe discuss the real potential for marriage? Not sure if that happened?) and then supposedly claim you would leave that person if sex was withheld until marriage, then something is off there.

I would never be in that situation in the first place. Here is how most of you ITT seem to view it: You meet a girl -> Dating -> Moar dating -> some MOAR dating -> sex -> Marriage/happily ever after/whatever else. Here is how I view it: You meet a girl -> Sex -> some moar sex -> Friends with benefits type stuff -> Exclusive relationship.

If I was with a girl for 5 years and she would suddenly want to "wait til we're married" I would probably think that she was tripping hard.

Love confused with neediness?

Not sure if serious. Love is a gift you give, not something you take.

You'd be surprised to know how many dudes use "love" as an rationalization for neediness.

[MiscDemeanor]

I didn't know the nut misc had better advice than the actual relationship forum. Their advice is "sloots gonna sloot" and "op is a *******"


Jk

[Kirra]

I think he's saying too many people confuse love for neediness. I think.

Yes.

[spicyprice]

Kiiiiiiinda hard to do while living together and paying bills together :/ not gonna lie either I have wanted to do that before. It's a looooong story that I can't put out there right now

You have to recognize, you ARENT stuck. It isnt easy to make those changes--- to move, divide bills, divide belongings, etc . I can tell you, its even harder when you are married to take that step. If you have considered taking a break, strongly reconsider taking the relationship further. The difficulty of taking that step and overcoming the fear that comes with the unknown of life away from what you've known for the last five years is almost like a ..... for lack of a better phrase... "proof of strength" for yourself. (damn you synthetic, ruined the phrase forever!!)

Edit: there i a lot to be learned about yourself when you put yourself in uncomfortable positions.

My brother just told me that phrase.... and I really really agree.

Agree with this. You have to be as committed to the break as you were to the relationship, really.



It doesn't sound crazy at all. This is certainly my experience. I'm with the girl I want to be with forever, and I know that because she makes me feel emotions I didn't know existed; emotions that have never been present before in my life, not with any other girl. I had to date other girls to know what I was searching for, how to recognize it, and to understand that it would take someone extremely special to provide that. She does. I have no doubts about it, and I've never once been doubt-less prior to her.

Okay no more gushing. So I would agree with you that it is necessary for some people, but I can't say it's necessary for everyone. Some people may just be extremely in tune with themselves, and they may have just been lucky enough to find the right person from the get-go.

AWWW, thats so sweet

There are a small handful of people who are lucky enough to "grow together." I think they are more rare than the other scenario.....

[mynameisuntz]

I disagree.

How...?

1) A caring, loving connection requires more than sex.
2) A relationship based solely on sex does not tend to the [other] requisites for a caring, loving connection.
3) Therefore, seeking solely sex IS mutually exclusive to a caring, loving connection.

Please explain how seeking solely sex is not mutually exclusive to a caring, loving relationship/connection?

I would never be in that situation in the first place. Here is how most of you ITT seem to view it: You meet a girl -> Dating -> Moar dating -> some MOAR dating -> sex -> Marriage/happily ever after/whatever else. Here is how I view it: You meet a girl -> Sex -> some moar sex -> Friends with benefits type stuff -> Exclusive relationship.

The first timeline sounds nothing like the timeline of my relationship, actually.

If I was with a girl for 5 years and she would suddenly want to "wait til we're married" I would probably think that she was tripping hard.

And that doesn't make you bad or wrong, but it does tell me you may not love her as much as you think you do. Assuming you love her in the first place, of course.

[jammyo40]

I didn't know the nut misc had better advice than the actual relationship forum. Their advice is "sloots gonna sloot" and "op is a *******"


Jk

Lot of nutmiscers are married with kids

[SwoleJuice]

It's been 15 years, why not go for 16 ehh?

[spicyprice]

Yes.

So "love" should be removed from our lexicon just because some people use it improperly?



hell, so should "clean bulk" in that case......

[mynameisuntz]

You have to recognize, you ARENT stuck. It isnt easy to make those changes--- to move, divide bills, divide belongings, etc . I can tell you, its even harder when you are married to take that step. If you have considered taking a break, strongly reconsider taking the relationship further. The difficulty of taking that step and overcoming the fear that comes with the unknown of life away from what you've known for the last five years is almost like a ..... for lack of a better phrase... "proof of strength" for yourself. (damn you synthetic, ruined the phrase forever!!)

I agree. If you have ANY desire to take a break, even the slightest bit, then you have to do that before you legitimately plan on marriage. While the process that spicey outlined may seem daunting now, just imagine how horrible it would be if you had to do it once married. It'd be a gazillion times worse.

AWWW, thats so sweet

There are a small handful of people who are lucky enough to "grow together." I think they are more rare than the other scenario.....

Isn't it, though? :]

It is rare, I agree. Being 24 has the upside of being young enough to really grow together and have a serious impact on the progression of one another's character. Similarly it leads people to question whether I have the wisdom and life experience to make the claims I did in the previous post.

[MiscDemeanor]

mynameisuntz I'm happy for you and your relationship with your girlfriend. She's lucky to have you and I'm sure you're lucky to have her too. THAT is what I want out of a relationship. That's how it should be...relationships are never easy though. There's a lot of compromising and growing together, understanding each other better and how to make it work. We got together really young (he was 16 and I was 17) but I'd say we're doing pretty well after 5 years

[Kirra]

So "love" should be removed from our lexicon just because most people use it improperly?

Yes.

hell, so should "clean bulk" in that case......

And fukk yes.

Going to bed now, and for some reason I expect this thread to get to 15 pages in the next 6-7 hours...

[alan aragon]

I didn't know the nut misc had better advice than the actual relationship forum. Their advice is "sloots gonna sloot" and "op is a *******"


Jk

Okay, I'm gonna level with you as if you were my sister, mom, or daughter.

• So you live w/a guy & pay the bills together. Do you REALLY think it's impossible to change that?
  
• Reality check: it seems to me that you've settled into a comfort zone. Do you think wallowing in comfort zones = happiness in life?
  
• You are waiting for him to get a NASM certification before buying a ring. Okay, understood. Do you REALLY think him getting on track toward a career will automatically change his self-centered core values? BTW, I have 2 NASM certifications, and all it did was make me lol.
  
• If he values sex itself over your sincere wishes, what makes you think he'll have the strength to resist women who are literally dripping with sexiness (trust me, they are out there, and they are very predatory)?
  
• Yes, he may change over time. We can't rule that out. But if there are other guys out there who would happily give you the level of respect that you asked for --- WOULD YOU SACRIFICE TO WIN?

No need to respond, just think about it.

[spicyprice]

Ouch. It's as if you are now committed to avoid awkwardness if nothing else. A friend of mine was in that position somewhat recently, and it was extremely rough for her :\

No, no, please dont say that! No matter how awkward it will be, it CAN and SHOULD be done. And the sooner the better when you have reservations (and are 22.)

Dear diary:
I was also my ex husbands first gf......

dear Diary:
I thought I was stuck before I married him because we also lived together and had a whole life together, including a joint bank account. was in too deep to turn around.

Dear Diary:
Always listen to your gut and dont be afraid of anything, no matter how hard you think it will be.

[mynameisuntz]

mynameisuntz I'm happy for you and your relationship with your girlfriend. She's lucky to have you and I'm sure you're lucky to have her too. THAT is what I want out of a relationship. That's how it should be...relationships are never easy though. There's a lot of compromising and growing together, understanding each other better and how to make it work. We got together really young (he was 16 and I was 17) but I'd say we're doing pretty well after 5 years

Aren't you the sweetest. And thanks :] I am very lucky, and sometimes I like to think she is too. Sometimes.

And you are right, sometimes relationships can be difficult. But the one thing that should never be difficult are your feelings towards the person you are with. While the "details" of the relationship can sometimes be tough, how you feel about that person and your confidence in those feelings should be steadfast. If those feelings waver at any point, then it's time for some introspection and coming to terms with the fact that a break/split of some sort may be in order.

No, no, please dont say that! No matter how awkward it will be, it CAN and SHOULD be done. And the sooner the better when you have reservations (and are 22.)

Dear diary:
I was also my ex husbands first gf......

dear Diary:
I thought I was stuck before I married him because we also lived together and had a whole life together, including a joint bank account. was in too deep to turn around.

Dear Diary:
Always listen to your gut and dont be afraid of anything, no matter how hard you think it will be.

Oh I agree. Hence why I agreed with your post before hinting at this same thing I am just acknowledging the difficulty of the situation, but not using that as a rationale to ignore any difficulties/uncertainties.