How important is physical attraction?

[latebloomingmom]

Like what? Crazy sex? You didnt think I was going to say good conversation....



At work they call them my daughters...so SP was on the right track.

umm wouldnt that get kinda confusing then...
since you have real daughters too I mean?
what they gotta elbow you and do the wink-wink thing?

crazy sex also has its place..but eventually uhh you gonna have to get out of that bed and say something to her

[themyth2009]

I'm not disagreeing with you at all about the bulk of the world's views. However, I did say "to me" in my original statement, and I'm stickin' with it. To me, a bad personality can make an otherwise attractive person become completely unattractive. Actually, it seems that other people are saying this as well, but they have been expressing themselves better than I did.

Let's say I see a gorgeous hunk of man from across the room at a party, who looks so spectacular I am considering tackling him and dragging him into the nearest bathroom by his zipper. However, as I get closer to him, I realize that he's punching his sister with one hand, strangling a puppy with the other, and stomping up and down on Mother Theresa's grave. I will never again look at that guy and think 'what a handsome man, I am so attracted to him!', because now I know he's a flaming *******.

Of course everyone would leave satan if they were dating him....hmmmm maybe not he does have that bad boy side that women love.

I think point of thread is more would you leave someone because they used to be physically appealing to you and now they are not.

[geer_matt]

I am pretty shallow so looks mean everything to me

[themyth2009]

umm wouldnt that get kinda confusing then...
since you have real daughters too I mean?
what they gotta elbow you and do the wink-wink thing?

crazy sex also has its place..but eventually uhh you gonna have to get out of that bed and say something to her

Yeah it is do you need cab fare?

[geer_matt]

Yeah it is do you need cab fare?

Ha! Good one Myth!

[latebloomingmom]

I was not implying anything accept that on any site a person's avi is probably the first thing that people notice, and would influence whether you might read a post or not, hence the " physical " attraction can be what draws a person to him or her, just what the OP is saying.... So when Lisa mentioned it, ( someones avi) it was an example of what the OP was talking about......Hmmmmmmmm means to me what an interesting thought!

Metaphorically speaking it was a great example.

If it implied any more than that I apologize, I will be more clear in my observations and thoughts.

uhhh if this were true..based on my AVI?????? no one would ever listen to a d*mn thing I say and my rep points would be at zero (or in the red). whew....thank goodness it depends on the subject of the thread..but then again, I am still a newbie just starting out here with a lot to learn so I spend a lot of my time..reading..
I know..hard to believe right?

[danno25nh]

Physical attraction has always been on the bottom of my list. 17 yrs later and my beautiful husband is bald, still short and a good 40 lbs heavier. He came home one day, I glanced over for a second and was stricken with horror. I screamed "Where the fuk are your 2 front teeth?!" They had literally fallen out of his mouth! He played hockey as a kid and his 2 front teeth got knocked out, so they replaced them.

I took almost 6 months for him to get replacement teeth. He had to keep going back, so they could do all this "supposed" prep work.

I always had a rule that you didn't have to be the best looking guy. But there was no way in hell I would be caught dead with a man who was missing his teeth!

If this isn't true love, I don't know what is...

OK Kimm, thanks. Now I have to go get a new lap top. Just spewed coffee all over mine. That was awesome.

[latebloomingmom]

Depends on what the post is about.



Sorry, I don't care how much a person knows about BB or getting lean, if they're a big fat tub of lard I'm not taking them too seriously.

Period.

see this is what I am saying!

But you can bet there wasn't a line of guys outside waiting to bang Mother Teresa. A lot more people are turned on by pretty than they are by ugly. I'm fairly certain you can find plenty of guys who would take the airhead supermodel or porn queen over the dowdy, fat librarian with three teeth that rescues puppies.

IC why is she only allowed to have three teeth? what did she say shhhhhhhhh one day and whamo someone hit in her in the kisser with a dictionary?

Answers will vary. I'm a very visual person, so I have to like what I see. A man who takes care of himself can then care for others. A man who doesn't place value on his own body isn't likely to value the same things that matter to me. Thus crushing any attraction, either initially or long term. Discipline is sexy at any stage of a relationship. Without the physical attraction, that person falls into the category of "friend".

what happens if this attraction fades into the marriage..does your spouse then become more of a friend?

As long as I can drape myself in velvet I don't care if she thinks I'm attractive or not.

Yes, but do you care if you find HER attractive or not?? Just saying

[itsagoodday]

Of course everyone would leave satan if they were dating him....hmmmm maybe not he does have that bad boy side that women love.

I dunno, satan looks pretty ripped in every image I've ever seen of him. I'm sure he's fighting off hot chicks with his pitchfork.

I think point of thread is more would you leave someone because they used to be physically appealing to you and now they are not.

No, but that is when I'd break out the paper bag over the head approach for sex. It's selling the idea that's the hard part. "But honey, you know how turned on I am by crinkling!"

[latebloomingmom]

^^^ This guy is seriously one of the most thoughtful, intelligent, honest and blunt posters on this site.

So glad he's here. SRS.

me too!

Physical attraction has always been on the bottom of my list. 17 yrs later and my beautiful husband is bald, still short and a good 40 lbs heavier. He came home one day, I glanced over for a second and was stricken with horror. I screamed "Where the fuk are your 2 front teeth?!" They had literally fallen out of his mouth! He played hockey as a kid and his 2 front teeth got knocked out, so they replaced them.

I took almost 6 months for him to get replacement teeth. He had to keep going back, so they could do all this "supposed" prep work.

I always had a rule that you didn't have to be the best looking guy. But there was no way in hell I would be caught dead with a man who was missing his teeth!

If this isn't true love, I don't know what is...

well, one must maintain standards..

Good luck with that approach, it's the same as telling her she's fat. I have talked to my wife numerous times about joining my gym, it would only cost $25 a month but she wants no part of it so I stopped talking about it. last week she finally decided on her own to get back in shape and is back on her diet and pulled all her exercise stuff out and is using it. Women will decide when it's time for them to lose weight and get in shape, not us.

yep...and here is the tight rope line we sometimes walk...how to express our concerns without getting our heads bit off in the process..

Yeah it is do you need cab fare?

so how much money does it cost for cabfare these days??
was gonna say your pockets must be bulging but thought better of it
oh man, just thought of something...you dont carry one of those man-type purses???
whew...if so, my image of you is soooo completely blown

[Corbi]

no one would ever listen to a d*mn thing I say

Who says anyone listens/reads you now????

blown

Hmm funny you use that word.

[latebloomingmom]

Who says anyone listens/reads you now????





Hmm funny you use that word.

I'm sorry did you say something? I wasnt listening..
I was blow drying my hair but then I think I blew a fuse

[themyth2009]

Good luck with that approach, it's the same as telling her she's fat. I have talked to my wife numerous times about joining my gym, it would only cost $25 a month but she wants no part of it so I stopped talking about it. last week she finally decided on her own to get back in shape and is back on her diet and pulled all her exercise stuff out and is using it. Women will decide when it's time for them to lose weight and get in shape, not us.



Big time truth there! We had a young woman who used to work with us in office, nice body with a so so face. Anyways one morning I said "good morning" to her and she totally blew me off, I heard she had doen this to a few others as well. So from that time forward I couldn't stand her and thought she was an extremely ugly and nasty person.

You know what on first point no one wants to feel forced to do anything. I would never even suggest that someone else join a gym let alone my significant other. Seems like a way to tell them that you do not improve of them and build up resentment. I would rather let them know that fitness and attraction are important to me. It is a big commitment to join a gym, workout and eat health. If it is not a personal priority it wont last.

[themyth2009]

me too!

well, one must maintain standards..

yep...and here is the tight rope line we sometimes walk...how to express our concerns without getting our heads bit off in the process..


so how much money does it cost for cabfare these days??
was gonna say your pockets must be bulging but thought better of it
oh man, just thought of something...you dont carry one of those man-type purses???
whew...if so, my image of you is soooo completely blown

Depends on where you are at.

I just charge it to my room and use concierge service. Sheeeshhh. What do you take me for some kind of rookie here?

I dont even carry a wallet let alone a man purse.

[latebloomingmom]

Depends on where you are at.

I just charge it to my room and use concierge service. Sheeeshhh. What do you take me for some kind of rookie here?

I dont even carry a wallet let alone a man purse.

soo weird..you remind me of someone I know with a similiar name but
yet you have longer hair and bigger boobz..you sure you dont carry a purse?

[themyth2009]

soo weird..you remind me of someone I know with a similiar name but
yet you have longer hair and bigger boobz..you sure you dont carry a purse?

What?

[itsagoodday]

You know what on first point no one wants to feel forced to do anything. I would never even suggest that someone else join a gym let alone my significant other. Seems like a way to tell them that you do not improve of them and build up resentment.

If the only suggestion that's been offered thus far is 'want to work out at home', I don't think it's offensive to say 'would you rather have some time to yourself and look into some classes at a gym'. Fat women know they are fat. Believe me, because I've been one for the last few years and as you can see by my stats, I still am. I had plenty of people ask if I'd looked into joining a gym over that time, and I wasn't offended by it. No, I didn't run out and join one when people suggested it, but it did put the idea into my head. And when I was ready to do it for myself, I did.

[geer_matt]

soo weird..you remind me of someone I know with a similiar name but
yet you have longer hair and bigger boobz..you sure you dont carry a purse?

Its his carry all and its very European
Don't worry Myth, if you need more room to carry around your accessories its cool

[flairon]

I think physical attractiveness is important initially. If its someone you're with for a long time, attractiveness is still important, but after a while, that person becomes more attractive for different reasons.

If it's just a tag and bag mission, its all about being hot. It doesn't matter if they can tie their shoes or carry a decent conversation if their whole purpose in your life is to service the unit and be gone before the alarm goes off in the morning.

[latebloomingmom]

Depends on where you are at.

I just charge it to my room and use concierge service. Sheeeshhh. What do you take me for some kind of rookie here?

I dont even carry a wallet let alone a man purse.

you dont carry a wallet why? so the chicks will buy you drinks?

[themyth2009]

If the only suggestion that's been offered thus far is 'want to work out at home', I don't think it's offensive to say 'would you rather have some time to yourself and look into some classes at a gym'. Fat women know they are fat. Believe me, because I've been one for the last few years and as you can see by my stats, I still am. I had plenty of people ask if I'd looked into joining a gym over that time, and I wasn't offended by it. No, I didn't run out and join one when people suggested it, but it did put the idea into my head. And when I was ready to do it for myself, I did.

If someone knows they are fat and knows the gym exists why do they need me to suggest it or ask if they looked into it. Someone asks for my input, etc different. I would prefer to be with someone that I know fitness, etc is important to them going in. Rather than try to make my life priorities theirs.

Its his carry all and its very European
Don't worry Myth, if you need more room to carry around your accessories its cool

Well maybe it is my new opening line...how do you like my big sack????

[itsagoodday]

If someone knows they are fat and knows the gym exists why do they need me to suggest it or ask if they looked into it. Someone asks for my input, etc different. I would prefer to be with someone that I know fitness, etc is important to them going in. Rather than try to make my life priorities theirs.

Honestly, that's great. But my gym suggestion was in response to someone who wanted to know why his wife wouldn't work out with him in their home gym anymore. Sure, maybe she just doesn't want to work out right now. And yes, she's going to have to want it for herself to start any sort of exercise regimen.

But maybe, just maybe, she thinks the option is home gym or nothing, if that's all that's been discussed. Maybe she doesn't want to turn down the 'free' home gym and ask for the 'not free' gym membership. Maybe she just doesn't want to be fat and uncoordinated in front of her husband. When she worked out with him before, she was in great shape. Maybe she got sick to death of using the equipment she had at home, and the thought of a swim or zumba would be more appealing.

Anyway, totally off topic, I apologize. But I disagree that extending the possibility of a gym membership to a spouse or SO is automatically a death wish. Assuming you have enough tact to bring it up gracefully, that is. You deserve to have your leg ripped off and be beaten over the head with it if you start the conversation with "Hey lard@ss, remember when you used to be hot?"

[DubfromGA]

When I was young and single and had perhaps slidden a bit away from the morals I was raised with, I didn't necessarily seek super attractive women for these types of missions. I sought women that seemed energetic, uninhibited and aggressive. I got pretty damn good at identifying those subtle clues that marked a woman as fun to spend a couple of hours with.

For purely carnal purposes, the standard method of judging a woman's attractiveness is not useful at all.

Night ops skillz that Bigtimemuscles yearns to possess.

"For purely carnal purposes......". LMAO.

If the only suggestion that's been offered thus far is 'want to work out at home', I don't think it's offensive to say 'would you rather have some time to yourself and look into some classes at a gym'. Fat women know they are fat. Believe me, because I've been one for the last few years and as you can see by my stats, I still am. I had plenty of people ask if I'd looked into joining a gym over that time, and I wasn't offended by it. No, I didn't run out and join one when people suggested it, but it did put the idea into my head. And when I was ready to do it for myself, I did.

You said it. Folks have to come around on their own. It has to be something they really want.

The arse you kick today will be one you are proud of in the near future.

Nothing and i mean nothing more sexy than a woman who has grown younger through hard work. There is a unique confidence and "realness" about them that cuts through layers of BS. They've faced life's challenges and carved their way to where they are. Proud but not arrogant. Enthusiastic and passionate to have fun with new experiences not stuck in some rut. Charged up about living. Strong & vibrant. I'm down with that!

[Rowyn]

When me and my current wife got together she was an exercise fanatic. She watched what she ate and worked out religiously. She was a genuine hottie.
She had my youngest child two years ago and since then has been on a steady decline. She has gotten quite big. She no longer works out, she eats junk food and is not active much at all to be honest. She is always complaining about her weight and is very self-conscience about it.
I still find her attractive. Not nearly as much as I used to though, but I still love her very much.
I work out at home. I have a weight room in my basement and I work out five days a week. She still has her equipment (treadmill, jump ropes, balls, dumbbells, etc.) but they are all tucked away neatly in a closet and hasn't been touched in over two years. I have hinted to her that she should get back on the wagon, but it seems to be going over her head. I don't know how to tell her how I feel without hurting her. She has asked me many times if I still find her attractive and I tell her the truth. I still do. I just don't know how to tell her she is dangerously close to the point that I won't anymore.
Any suggestions?

Her self-consciousness and need for reassurance means she obviously knows herself that she's not where she wants to be physically. Next time she asks "honey, do you still think I'm pretty?" tell her of course you do, but you miss the self-confident girl that she used to be. What does she think she needs to get back to that person? And you will pitch in to support that. Coming from a stay at home mom who also had periods of being out of shape out after babies, just having time alone to find myself again was a step. She may not even mention diet/exercise at first, it may be that she wants time to get her hair done, go shopping, do "girly" stuff that make her feel a bit better again. You have to re-discover yourself as a woman after having a baby.

We have a home gym that my husband uses but I like getting out away from the house and training at the gym. Also if she is self-conscious, working out with you may make her feel a bit of pressure. You ARE the man she most wants to impress, after all.

The other advice of dragging her stuff out and putting it right in her face will hurt her feelings and possibly make her feel worse, which does NOT cause someone to want to improve themselves. My husband did something similar one time and I didn't appreciate it then and it sticks with me now, lol. A woman's memory is loooong.

Just a thought, but have you tried offering her a gym membership instead of a 'honey, your stuff is still in the closet' approach? Much though I loathe group classes and things like zumba, they do seem to appeal to a heck of a lot of women. Perhaps if she found something like that fun, well, it's a start! You also don't mention if she is home a lot (stay at home mom), but she might really welcome a chance to get out of the house.

^^exactly^^

[whatevergirl]

It's important, but the interior is just as important as someone's exterior, to me. If one is fortunate enough to find someone he/she clicks with physically...AND....that person is also a thoughtful, caring person? Such a person is truly blessed.

I think that you named the thread well, lbmom. Because physical attraction is subjective. Maybe someone's attractiveness is beneath the surface, and ''attracts'' someone else who finds such a person sexy, 'hot,' etc...to him/her.

[IronCharles]

I dunno, satan looks pretty ripped in every image I've ever seen of him. I'm sure he's fighting off hot chicks with his pitchfork.

Hot chicks in Hell! I like that!

[Corbi]

A female poster here, sorry i don't recall which one, awhile back posted something along these lines. No way in hell am i going to a gym with all the young thin hotties walking around, I would be embarrassed.

My wife basically told me the same thing and of course the 1st time she came to my gym for some reason the first 2 women she she's are trainers and I will admit they are both smokin hot. But then last week she met me there and noticed that probably 50% if not more of the women are pretty damn big and none of them cared what others thought of their appearance. I think she's coming around to the idea of possibly joining.

[mslman71]

This may have been covered so neg away if I missed it...

[A] definition for physical attraction: sexual desire: a desire for sexual intimacy.

... Which is not to be confused with being attracted to someone because of their physical attributes alone.

[itsagoodday]

A female poster here, sorry i don't recall which one, awhile back posted something along these lines. No way in hell am i going to a gym with all the young thin hotties walking around, I would be embarrassed.

My wife basically told me the same thing and of course the 1st time she came to my gym for some reason the first 2 women she she's are trainers and I will admit they are both smokin hot. But then last week she met me there and noticed that probably 50% if not more of the women are pretty damn big and none of them cared what others thought of their appearance. I think she's coming around to the idea of possibly joining.

I must admit, the idea of being the only water buffalo around a herd of young thin hotties was a factor that kept me from trying the gym sooner as well. I shouldn't have worried, it really is a vibrant cross-section of every age, weight, and athletic ability. Not sure if it's just my gym, but I've found that during the middle of the day, there's less people and those who are there tend to be of the less fit variety. I usually am there between 11-2, and mostly I'm hanging out with little old ladies and housewives. I'm not too far off from the latter myself, and even if the little old ladies are really judgmental, I figure they can't see me that well.

[latebloomingmom]

I must admit, the idea of being the only water buffalo around a herd of young thin hotties was a factor that kept me from trying the gym sooner as well. I shouldn't have worried, it really is a vibrant cross-section of every age, weight, and athletic ability. Not sure if it's just my gym, but I've found that during the middle of the day, there's less people and those who are there tend to be of the less fit variety. I usually am there between 11-2, and mostly I'm hanging out with little old ladies and housewives. I'm not too far off from the latter myself, and even if the little old ladies are really judgmental, I figure they can't see me that well.

I find it helps to swipe their bifocals when they are on the treadmill