Is it genuinely difficult to get a girlfriend as so many of us make it seem to be?

[BigTimePlayer]

I'm just wondering if it's really as hard as so many make it out to be. Is it mainly our attitudes holding us back or are women genuinely so picky today that it actually is extremely difficult to meet someone today. I know social media has really messed things up in a lot of ways, but how genuinely difficult is it today to find someone?

[HeBrewHammah]

It isn't that difficult. It is how you carry yourself, and how you treat others that is a huge part of the problem....and miscers fail to realize that.


For instance, I am 5'7", according to the brilliant individuals on this site, I am literally pond scum to women. Yet, I've had the most lays/gfs/dates out of all of my friends that are significantly taller. The moral of the story is: most of the men here are complete and utter morons in general, and I wouldn't take 90% of the advice any of them give you.

[EBarbz]

Like the scum said above me.

It is not that difficult. Most guys don't know how to talk to woman. have no confidence. don't take innovative

[dp51134]

It isn't that difficult. It is how you carry yourself, and how you treat others that is a huge part of the problem....and miscers fail to realize that.


For instance, I am 5'7", according to the brilliant individuals on this site, I am literally pond scum to women. Yet, I've had the most lays/gfs/dates out of all of my friends that are significantly taller. The moral of the story is: most of the men here are complete and utter morons in general, and I wouldn't take 90% of the advice any of them give you.

/thread.

[BigTimePlayer]

It isn't that difficult. It is how you carry yourself, and how you treat others that is a huge part of the problem....and miscers fail to realize that.


For instance, I am 5'7", according to the brilliant individuals on this site, I am literally pond scum to women. Yet, I've had the most lays/gfs/dates out of all of my friends that are significantly taller. The moral of the story is: most of the men here are complete and utter morons in general, and I wouldn't take 90% of the advice any of them give you.

True, the height thing isn't anywhere as big of a deal as this place makes it out to be. I've seen plenty of shorter guys with women when at work so it's not like shorter men are disregarded like this place makes it seem to be. If I were to guess I think a lot of it has to do with a guy's standards. A lot of guys even who are alone still don't want to be in a relationship with a woman that's average looking. I'm guilty of that myself I admit since I'd need high physical attraction to want to be with them.

[BigTimePlayer]

Like the scum said above me.

It is not that difficult. Most guys don't know how to talk to woman. have no confidence. don't take innovative

Unfortunately that's a big part of my problem. I always assume the women I like are already taken since the vast majority of the time I see a woman I find attractive at my job for instance it always turns out they're never single or very rarely are they single. I also just never know what to say to start a convo with them in person & don't want to come across as a creep.

[dp51134]

True, the height thing isn't anywhere as big of a deal as this place makes it out to be. I've seen plenty of shorter guys with women when at work so it's not like shorter men are disregarded like this place makes it seem to be. If I were to guess I think a lot of it has to do with a guy's standards. A lot of guys even who are alone still don't want to be in a relationship with a woman that's average looking. I'm guilty of that myself I admit since I'd need high physical attraction to want to be with them.

Post example pics of what you consider average looking.

[NitrogenWidget]

It isn't that difficult. It is how you carry yourself, and how you treat others that is a huge part of the problem....and miscers fail to realize that.


For instance, I am 5'7", according to the brilliant individuals on this site, I am literally pond scum to women. Yet, I've had the most lays/gfs/dates out of all of my friends that are significantly taller. The moral of the story is: most of the men here are complete and utter morons in general, and I wouldn't take 90% of the advice any of them give you.

5'8" and didn't even know I was doomed until I started reading the misc.
All my married friends look forward to the annual lake trip just so they can hear my tales of slaying over the last yr.

My biggest problem is finding women that are in shape in their late 30's/early 40's.
It isn't easy.

[dp51134]

5'8" and didn't even know I was doomed until I started reading the misc.
All my married friends look forward to the annual lake trip just so they can hear my tales of slaying over the last yr.

My biggest problem is finding women that are in shape in their late 30's/early 40's.
It isn't easy.

What if you find a women who are not in the best shape (no whale) but they are working on it, going to the gym, eating right, etc and you see vast improvements from where they started? I've seen many women become serious about fitness who look remarkable after a couple of months.

[alltrapbrah]

Is it genuinely difficult to get a girlfriend as so many of us make it seem to be?

Short answer: Yes

Longer answer: Yes, but it's also relative... In other words, it's difficult for some and not for others. You think hundreds of men are just lying about their struggles for chits and giggles? Do you think it's some kinda epic troll effort the likes of which the world has never seen?

The difficultly exists in a spectrum and all men fall at various points along it.

I think the real question you want answering is, where along the spectrum has the highest concentration of men? I really don't know... my guess would be that most of us fall around the middle somewhere, but if this forum is anything to go by then there's obviously men who fall in at both extreme ends.

[InstantLoser]

Yes, it's difficult as fuk.

[BigTimePlayer]

Yes, it's difficult as fuk.

The thing is why do I always constantly see guys with girlfriends though? When I'm at work I usually see about a dozen or two couples a day. I'm just confused where they meet these women as well as how they get these women to commit to them for a relationship. I just don't get how it seems to come so easy for some & for others it's so damn difficult.

[InstantLoser]

I just don't get how it seems to come so easy for some & for others it's so damn difficult.

It's the same as any skill set. Most people have one or two areas they excel at with minimal effort, some things they can work on to become proficient, and somethings they'll struggle with/never get good at no matter how much they try.

[xvicknumber7x]

it is absolutely not hard at all bt 90% of the time when it's that easy you won't want one.

[alltrapbrah]

I just don't get how it seems to come so easy for some & for others it's so damn difficult.

Has life taught you nothing? I can't think of anything that all men are equally good at...

Breathing, maybe?

But even then I would argue that athletes and those of certain training disciplines are better breathers than the average man.

[psychosylocibin]

It isn't that difficult. It is how you carry yourself, and how you treat others that is a huge part of the problem....and miscers fail to realize that.


For instance, I am 5'7", according to the brilliant individuals on this site, I am literally pond scum to women. Yet, I've had the most lays/gfs/dates out of all of my friends that are significantly taller. The moral of the story is: most of the men here are complete and utter morons in general, and I wouldn't take 90% of the advice any of them give you.

You look aesthetic as chit in your AVI (no homo). 5'7" and in good shape isn't a problem. I wouldnt go far as to say morons..There are men who are just in chitty situations that should be getting girlfriends. Let me explain below.



It really depends on the person and the circumstances (age/location/etc).

You can have someone who is great on paper and is confident that SHOULD be having no trouble at all, but maybe he doesn't really have ways to meet new single women in person. An example is a guy who is in his mid twenties past college working in a male dominated field where most of his friends are married. he has to therefore resort to online dating or cold approaching, but of which are terrible ways of meeting new women.

You can always have a guy who is not so confident or great on paper but is just surrounded by a lot of women - maybe he works in a field with mostly women or is still in college and comes in contact with a lot of women naturally. All he really has to do his have fun, be a little confident, and not be afraid to make a move. He will probably have better success than the guy above.

This explains part of the reason you see men with their chit together/job/confident/in shape yet cannot seem to find a girlfriend and men who are just average betas with hot girlfriends/wives (they met via social circle).

If you threw men from group 2 into the situation group 1, they would probably be sexless for a long time, until they decided to do something about it. And it is hard to find a social circle past a certain point as well. You can't just magically surround yourself with new single women in your late twenties.

If you are meeting women via cold approaching or online dating, it is going to be EXTREMELY difficult, unless you are the top 5% of men. Yes I said it..top 5%. it is no longer top 20%.


If you are meeting women via natural methods (college/around a lot of women at work), it is going to be a lot easier.

[kimm4]

It isn't that difficult. It is how you carry yourself, and how you treat others that is a huge part of the problem....and miscers fail to realize that.


For instance, I am 5'7", according to the brilliant individuals on this site, I am literally pond scum to women. Yet, I've had the most lays/gfs/dates out of all of my friends that are significantly taller. The moral of the story is: most of the men here are complete and utter morons in general, and I wouldn't take 90% of the advice any of them give you.

This.^^

[BigTimePlayer]

It really depends on the person and the circumstances (age/location/etc).

You can have someone who is great on paper and is confident that SHOULD be having no trouble at all, but maybe he doesn't really have ways to meet new single women in person. An example is a guy who is in his mid twenties past college working in a male dominated field where most of his friends are married. he has to therefore resort to online dating or cold approaching, but of which are terrible ways of meeting new women.

You can always have a guy who is not so confident or great on paper but is just surrounded by a lot of women - maybe he works in a field with mostly women or is still in college and comes in contact with a lot of women naturally. All he really has to do his have fun, be a little confident, and not be afraid to make a move. He will probably have better success than the guy above.

This explains part of the reason you see men with their chit together/job/confident/in shape yet cannot seem to find a girlfriend and men who are just average betas with hot girlfriends/wives (they met via social circle).

If you threw men from group 2 into the situation group 1, they would probably be sexless for a long time, until they decided to do something about it.

If you are meeting women via cold approaching or online dating, it is going to be EXTREMELY difficult, unless you are the top 5% of men. Yes I said it..top 5%. it is no longer top 20%.


If you are meeting women via natural methods (college/around a lot of women at work), it is going to be a lot easier.

I've only been doing online dating & yes it's extremely difficult. Every conversation usually ends really quick with the women I find attractive or they take literally days to reply back. The ones that I chat with back & forth for awhile who I have no intention of meeting usually keep replying to me until they seem to get tired/bored since I didn't ask them out. I mainly just talk to them to get some experience chatting with women.

I think women just hate my personality. I'm too laid back/quiet for women to like me it seems. It's not my looks since I've been told countless times I'm handsome/cute & other **** by women as well as match with some pretty attractive women on Tinder. I just never know what to say to women to start a conversation & wouldn't want to come across as a creep. And I think my job has a lot to do with it as well since I'm working a low paying job currently so a lot of women wouldn't want to give me a chance based on that alone.

[BigTimePlayer]

It's the same as any skill set. Most people have one or two areas they excel at with minimal effort, some things they can work on to become proficient, and somethings they'll struggle with/never get good at no matter how much they try.

Yeah true, it just sucks that I couldn't have an outgoing personality that women tend to like but I can't just magically change who I am & become some really talkative guy since I'd feel like I'm coming across as fake.

[InstantLoser]

Yeah true, it just sucks that I couldn't have an outgoing personality that women tend to like but I can't just magically change who I am & become some really talkative guy since I'd feel like I'm coming across as fake.

Yup. People on here will tell you to just "change everything about yourself" as if that's A)Possible, B)Something you should have to do, and C)Something you'd want to do.

You can of course change your appearance to some degree by getting in shape, but that's it. The idea that people can just change their personalities on a whim is in my opinion, pure bull****. Your mileage may vary though.

[psychosylocibin]

I've only been doing online dating & yes it's extremely difficult. Every conversation usually ends really quick with the women I find attractive or they take literally days to reply back. The ones that I chat with back & forth for awhile who I have no intention of meeting usually keep replying to me until they seem to get tired/bored since I didn't ask them out. I mainly just talk to them to get some experience chatting with women.

I think women just hate my personality. I'm too laid back/quiet for women to like me it seems. It's not my looks since I've been told countless times I'm handsome/cute & other **** by women as well as match with some pretty attractive women on Tinder. I just never know what to say to women to start a conversation & wouldn't want to come across as a creep. And I think my job has a lot to do with it as well since I'm working a low paying job currently so a lot of women wouldn't want to give me a chance based on that alone.

Why don't you ask them out? And don't ask them out. Say "I know this great place, We are grabbing drinks tonight at X and X...see you there".

But I know what you mean about feeling like having a quiet personality doesn't work. It definitely DOES NOT work when meeting online or cold approaching. Women love to be entertained. They want a guy to message them and basically jump up and down like dancing monkey and make them laugh. you can't ask any in depth/serious questions otherwise they lose interest. It sucks, because those are the kind of questions that I like to ask because I want to know that chit about someone before investing time and money into going on a date with them. The people who seem to succeed the most at cold approaching or online dating are the ones that have a "entertainer" personality. If you meet women through friends in a natural environment though, you don't need to do that chit as much.

I guess the only advice would be that "it is what is is". You either stay quiet and not get laid, or you work on becoming an entertainer and get laid. It sucks, but it's the truth. you can't change it. It's all about what you want to do. Forgot about unfairness because it is, quite frankly, completely hypocritical and unfair. Men are expected to be entertainers and witty, yet if the roles we reversed 99% of women would be boring as chit. But you can't think about it..because the unwritten social rules of the dating world are just as they are. you can't fight it.

Or you can find an environment where there are single women (maybe a new social circle etc). it would be a lot easier then.

[NitrogenWidget]

What if you find a women who are not in the best shape (no whale) but they are working on it, going to the gym, eating right, etc and you see vast improvements from where they started? I've seen many women become serious about fitness who look remarkable after a couple of months.

Been there, done that.
a few times actually and when they got to the point of getting loads of male attention guess what happened?
They hopped on that carousel that's talked about so often in these forums.


I'll stick to women who are used to tons of male attention already.

[BigTimePlayer]

Why don't you ask them out? And don't ask them out. Say "I know this great place, We are grabbing drinks tonight at X and X...see you there".

But I know what you mean about feeling like having a quiet personality doesn't work. It definitely DOES NOT work when meeting online or cold approaching. Women love to be entertained. They want a guy to message them and basically jump up and down like dancing monkey and make them laugh. you can't ask any in depth/serious questions otherwise they lose interest. It sucks, because those are the kind of questions that I like to ask because I want to know that chit about someone before investing time and money into going on a date with them. The people who seem to succeed the most at cold approaching or online dating are the ones that have a "entertainer" personality. If you meet women through friends in a natural environment though, you don't need to do that chit as much.

I guess the only advice would be that "it is what is is". You either stay quiet and not get laid, or you work on becoming an entertainer and get laid. It sucks, but it's the truth. you can't change it. It's all about what you want to do. Forgot about unfairness because it is, quite frankly, completely hypocritical and unfair. Men are expected to be entertainers and witty, yet if the roles we reversed 99% of women would be boring as chit. But you can't think about it..because the unwritten social rules of the dating world are just as they are. you can't fight it.

Or you can find an environment where there are single women (maybe a new social circle etc). it would be a lot easier then.

Meh, location has to do with a lot of it too at times. I'm not traveling 45 minutes to an hour for someone I have no interest in really.

And yeah I hear you. People always constantly ask me why am I so quiet. It gets annoying at times but I mean wtf am I supposed to do, just keep talking constantly about random pointless ****? I just can't change my personality though. I've been on the more laid back/quiet side my whole life & it's not going to just change. I'm more outgoing with people I've known for a long time though but with people I don't know or hardly know I never really know what to say to them to start a conversation.

[otakutrevan]

EDIT: Lol at all these guys that have never really had trouble with women going on and on about "how easy it is" and "/thread". The only person in this thread I really respect is Vick is because he KNOWS this **** isnt really fair for some men.

There are a few overweight/obese women that are head over heels for and think I'm the greatest man on the planet. Mostly girls that are gamers, into anime/manga. So a jacked guy that plays video games and watches anime is basically their dream guy. I could send a text message right now and have a girlfriend. Also my standards for what I call overweight/obese is kinda bad.

Example: I'd date a girl this size. To most of this forum this is whale would not touch status. So you can imagine what the above girls that like me look like.

[psychosylocibin]

Meh, location has to do with a lot of it too at times. I'm not traveling 45 minutes to an hour for someone I have no interest in really.

And yeah I hear you. People always constantly ask me why am I so quiet. It gets annoying at times but I mean wtf am I supposed to do, just keep talking constantly about random pointless ****? I just can't change my personality though. I've been on the more laid back/quiet side my whole life & it's not going to just change. I'm more outgoing with people I've known for a long time though but with people I don't know or hardly know I never really know what to say to them to start a conversation.

You can learn how to just start random conversations with strangers. Problem is, if you are a person that just doesnt give a chit about starting random conversations it will just start to annoy you. Which goes back to instantlosers whole point about "it's not you....you aren't going to want to change it and its going to become tedious to maintain it". the only reason why I would start random conversations with people is to get better at socializing so that when I do talk to women I am better at it. Any other situation I just don't give a chit. Problem is now I have to "maintain" my ability to entertain and talk to random people or otherwise I will lose it. for people who are quiet, its a muscle you a have to constantly flex.

[MHannibal]

Just apply yourself OP, it's really not that hard .... it's more effort than skill. There's loads of fun women out there who want to go on dates with fun people who are confident in themselves yet aren't twats.

I'm a bit of a twat, I get more than enough action.

[otakutrevan]

Just apply yourself OP, it's really not that hard .... it's more effort than skill. There's loads of fun women out there who want to go on dates with fun people who are confident in themselves yet aren't twats.

I'm a bit of a twat, I get more than enough action.

Location: London
Stats: 6'6", 206 lbs

I can't even laugh at this anymore. Lives in one of the greatest places to date in the world, good body, super tall, and tells other people "how easy it is"

[psychosylocibin]

Location: London
Stats: 6'6", 206 lbs

I can't even laugh at this anymore. Lives in one of the greatest places to date in the world, good body, super tall, and tells other people "how easy it is"

lol this. strong bias. you can't imagine the looks women give guys like you at the gym. Its like you have to autistic not to get laid at your height/race etc.

[zeronotyethero]

Girl I work with has told me numerous times that she likes me, thinks I'm really funny, and loves my sense of humor... and yet here I am sitting here posting on the misc while she is out on a date with some other guy.

That's the way she goes. The fukking way she goes, boys.

[SwackJackD]

It isn't easy but it ain't impossible either. Mindset is the main issue with guys like me who have never had a gf. We don't think we have the right looks, height, body, car, job..etc. we will literally pull every excuse out of our aholes to why we can't get a gf and yeahh social media has also really phucked things up for us.

In my circumstances, i could have had gfs..but i guess i never really tried hard enough to get one. I don't make enough effort. I also don't really know how to turn on the charm whenever i see a girl that's interested. My conversation skills are really poor. My social circle is pretty much non-existent and I'll need one to greatly increase my chances.

I've told i have nice looks but my is body chit due to alot of excess skin so self-esteem is pretty low. I'm also plagued with anxiety, meds don't really help me. Really hard to talk to girls when you feel like this.