Stina is scallywaggin for $1000 - before, during and after Biggest Loser 2012

[StinaSaurus]

Maybe, posting publicly will help me hold myself a bit more accountable than I normally would.

The company for which I work (a chain of family-owned grocery stores) sponsors a "Biggest Loser" competition each year to promote healthy living and weight loss. The grand prize is $1000 cash, and the winning team (combined weight loss) gets an all-expenses night out. After winning last year, my 6 teammates and I taken by stretch Escalade to a $900 dinner and then out clubbing - all paid for by our company. Last year the $1000 grand prize wasn't in my sights; I had far too many things going on to really devote myself, but after breaking up with a boyfriend that had a bad habit of critiquing my exercise habits (or lack there of), drive to win the cash is almost out shadowed by the drive to get hella sexy and have a body that drives him crazy with remorse. Am I a little vindictive? Maybe. But it's a win-win either way.

My story? I started middle school at a disadvantage. My parents - who love me more than anything - spoiled me as a child, letting me eat fast food weekly and bought sweets and unhealthy snacks to keep me satisfied. They themselves were beginning to become overweight, and by the time I was exiting elementary school I had a pudgy face and an even pudgier stomach. But I wasn't fat - yet.

I wasn't actually aware that I was "fat" until I became a teenager. By the time I started high school I was wearing men's pants because I didn't like the way junior's jeans fit me. I was, admittedly, going through a tomboy phase, but despite my participation in a few sports couldn't keep the weight off my frame. By junior and senior year, I tried to tell myself that not being able to run a mile was normal; I was just "filling out" my jeans; the stares from my classmates were because they were jealous of me. I refused to believe I was overweight. By the time I graduated high school, I was more than 240 pounds and fighting depression.

Around this time is when my eating disorder really began. When depression set in my remedy was to eat. Dealing with the ups and downs of high school was not a pleasant experience, and by junior year I had begun binge eating. It wasn't uncommon for me to finish an entire family-sized bag of skittles and a large bag of smartfood in one sitting, to eat an entire jar of nutella just because, all of this in addition to 2 or 3 other meals during the day. Between high school and my junior year of college, when I decided things needed to change, I'd guestimate I was eating anywhere between 2500 and 6000 calories a day, depending on just how much I ate. My tolerance for eating absurd amounts of food like that is almost non-existent today, but when I'm really upset I can surprise myself.

I'm a big girl by nature - I have a wide frame and big bones, and no, that's not just me trying to console myself. According to the measurements I've taken I'm classified as having a large frame, which is something I've only become aware of recently and has skewed my body image for the past few years. While it doesn't alter my BMI by much (and yes, I know the BMI isn't that important), it does give alter the weight range that is considered normal. Since my transformation began, I have been constantly discouraged by the fact that even after losing 70, 80, 90, 100 lbs, I was still "obese." Knowing now that I have a more normalized BMI has had a surprisingly positive effect on my morale.

Biggest Loser 2009 was biggest turning point in my life thus far. When it started in April, I was around 280 pounds. Earlier that year I had seen what 300 pounds really looked like - and I was determined that I would never, ever, look like that. I was disgusted and disappointed in myself for ignoring the concerns of the people that cared about me. My mom and dad preached to me weekly that I needed to lose weight, but I loathed them for creating the foundations for my addiction to food. After committing to the competition I realized my greatest tool - far more helpful than the folder full of medical information and exercise data - was the fact that I was not alone on this battle. I had a team around me, to lift me up and encourage me, which was something I never had when I when I tried to diet on my own.

It's somewhat important to note, I suppose, that my job consists of the following: cooking pizza, frying foods, making sandwiches, in addition to cooking or preparing dozens of other items that we sell. Working in the kitchen in and of itself is a job hazard; not only am I surrounded by thousands of different food products, I have the ability to cook them on site and in quantities that most people can't access. A roast beef sandwich? No problem. Cheesy bacon fries? Sure, let's fry a 5 pound bag of fries while we're at it. Desert? How about some chocolate bread pudding, or homemade donuts. Whatever I craved, I could make.

Having support changed a lot for me. While I was working I faced the constant judgement of my coworkers; THEY wanted to win as a team, and encouraged me to come equipped with healthy meal options. My boss at the time had already made huge progress prior to the competition and gave me great advice on what to eat. WASA bars, baby bell cheese and grapes made up my diet for the better part of the 3 month competition, and for good reason. The first weigh-in I was down 3 pounds. The next week was 5. The week after that, another 2. Just by dieting. The pattern continued like that throughout the 12 weeks of weigh-ins. I didn't win the individual competition and we didn't win as a team, but as far as I was concerned, slimming down 35 pounds in 3 months was a huge achievement and more worthwhile than some cash.

Starting my junior year of college at ~240 pounds felt great. Sure, it was nowhere near where I wanted to be, but I was making serious headway. The stares were starting to stop. My tiny little Hyundai didn't threaten to bottom out the second I sat down in it. I was able to buy jeans in department stores and fit into clothes from high school. I had reconciled with a close friend of mine, who had at one point been the cause of my binge eating but came back into my life and supported me for as long as he decided to be my friend - almost a year and a half. During that time things were pretty good; I was happy, I was becoming healthier, and I was starting to turn my life around.

I wish I could say that my progress up until now has been 100% natural, but it hasn't been. I've never used substances specifically for the purpose of losing weight, but a bout with substance abuse between '09-'10 sped up my progress. In October '09 I was introduced to ********. At the time I was using it illegally, taking 20-60mg a few times a week but never daily, and usually to get the euphoric high associated with amphetamines. Some days I would use it to get through hectic days at work. I was in charge of holding on to the 40 or so pills my friend and I would get monthly - he had a problem. On the days we would take them together - upwards of 60mg in a few hours - we normally wouldn't eat. If we did, it was usually fast food, but neither of us cared because of the boost the drugs gave our metabolisms. Eventually he and I went our separate ways, and while I was better off without him in my life, my need for ******** didn't leave with him.

By the beginning of 2011 I was buying 60 20mg pills a month yet still taking them sporadically and in uneven doses. My stomach had shrunk by this point and I rarely had the desire to eat - a common side effect of the amphetamine family. I knew they were bad for me to an extent, especially unprescribed, but now that I wasn't taking them nearly daily I had noticed a definite improvement in my happiness, figure, overall energy and more than anything - my grades. School had been a struggle for me since I was in gradeschool and had often been a cause of the depression that made me eat, but having ******** in my system gave me the concentration and drive to push myself in my studies. In April of 2011 I saw a psychiatrist for the first time in my life, and after evaluating me and my problems suggested there was a more-than-probable chance that I had been suffering from ADD since childhood. The symptoms on the checklist fit almost perfectly with the symptoms I had struggled with for years. He prescribed me 40mg a day to start with; now I'm up to 50mg daily and the mental aspect of my battle, for the most part, is gone. The effect (arguably negative and positive) it has on my eating habits can be frustrating and I hope that some day soon I can ween myself off, but for the time being I can handle taking the good with the bad.

Fast forward to 2 weeks before Weigh-In #1. I'm currently at 175 pounds, give or take a few, and battling with the need to eat a sustainable amount of calories each day despite lacking anything resembling an appetite. I'm lucky to eat 1500 calories in a day; most I struggle to hit 1200. The past three days I've been constantly nauseous and have barely eaten at all; I haven't taken my medication, but more likely has to do with post-breakup anxiety and severe irritation caused by my peers. There's also a chance I got stuck with the same stomach bug my mom had last week, but as of right now I'm blaming this nausea on stress. The bottom line is that I need to figure out how to eat properly if I'm going to be throwing weight around at the gym. I'm feeling weak and fatigued just doing daily activities, and after my attempt to do squats last night after barely eating all day I realize the how big a challenge I face.

So my plan? First and foremost, eat clean. I'm surrounded by processed foods more than the average person, I would say; or at least am forced to be by them. I know I have to track my calories and make sure I'm eating enough. I know I have to find a routine and stick to it - which means less miscing, more lifting. I need to find the support I once had, the type that'll allow me to push myself without expecting the world of me. I need to abolish junk food from my house; my parents are finally on the same page as me regarding healthy eating, so with any luck I won't be finding stashes of chips and cookies and chocolate over the house. I need to get the junk food out of my system now; I don't mind going on a dirty bulk and putting a few pounds on, because the more I lose the better my chance of winning

Regardless of whether I end up $1000 richer I still will be a winner.

On my road to aesthetics and never looking back.

[TheBateman]

1st
gl

[StinaSaurus]

That all being said...I'm enjoying eating what I want until the 2nd. The prize is awarded to whoever loses the highest percentage of weight, so going into the first weigh-in with a few extra pounds (including but not limited to water weight [not 100% opposed to strapping ankle weights on myself, either]) can actually be a bit helpful.

I'll be happy with 30lbs, 35 only if I focus a lot on cardio to burn off the stupid extra mid-body fat I'm struggling with losing.

I worry about dropping below 140. I've been told my face is starting to look really drawn, and I've noticed that the cavities behind my clavicle bones continues to get deeper and tighter. I can only imagine how bad it'll be at 140.

So let the dirty bulk begin!