why do women fail?

[thehobbes]

Oh, I agree completely. I said recently that I think buying a food scale is possibly the most disordered thing I've ever done. And many times when I am weighing something I'm gonna eat to the fukcing gram, I want to bitchslap myself I managed to lose weight quite successfully when I wasn't tracking my food every day and before I owned that damn food scale, but once you start doing it, it's hard to stop.

I've been using a food scale for years because I am terrible at eyeballing stuff like peanut butter (and no I don't use it for EVERYTHING, but stuff that could potentially throw me off by a few hundred calories if I guessed wrong, lol.) I hate when they say something like a "tablespoon" of pb, I'd be way off if I went by how much I thought that meant.

Also agreed most fail to eat enough/correctly, and are afraid to lift heavy. 1200cals a day and doing 100 reps with 5lb dbs, and they complain they never get anywhere, ugh.

[Laurataylor573]

I think u could look at it as failure or just the fact that many peoples goals are constantly changing once they reach them. I am an example of this, initially it was all about loosing weight as I was very overweight, once I reached that goal it became about getting fit and running marathons, then trail running and now my goal is about building muscle, loosing fat and lifting heavy. I do not believe I have failed in my goals just changed them. I am not searching for happiness either, I am a very happy person, even when I was overweight happiness was not what I was searching for just healthiness. Ultimately in life there are things we have to do i.e. go to work and things we choose to do like going the gym, I believe the things we choose to do we should enjoy and I enjoy training, if I did not I wouldn't do it. Maybe people fail because training is something some people feel they have to do rather than want to do and therefore they will not stick with it because they will not enjoy it.

[latebloomingmom]

I think u could look at it as failure or just the fact that many peoples goals are constantly changing once they reach them. I am an example of this, initially it was all about loosing weight as I was very overweight, once I reached that goal it became about getting fit and running marathons, then trail running and now my goal is about building muscle, loosing fat and lifting heavy. I do not believe I have failed in my goals just changed them. I am not searching for happiness either, I am a very happy person, even when I was overweight happiness was not what I was searching for just healthiness. Ultimately in life there are things we have to do i.e. go to work and things we choose to do like going the gym, I believe the things we choose to do we should enjoy and I enjoy training, if I did not I wouldn't do it. Maybe people fail because training is something some people feel they have to do rather than want to do and therefore they will not stick with it because they will not enjoy it.

if you reach your goal and achieve it then that is NOT a failure..also if you are smart enough to stop for a minute and take a look at your goals and re-evaluate along the way, make some tweeks here and there and make it better..then that's a sign of learning and growth..or in my case: teaching this old dog new tricks..

[Michelle_Rose]

Yeah playing the "unique" or "special" card...thinking you are different from everyone else.

The comment that drives me nuts..."You have to find what works best for you!" This is crap, because the basic guidelines work for everyone.

ok, but "I" gain muscle so easily !

(sorry, thats my favourite :P )

[latebloomingmom]

ok, but "I" gain muscle so easily !

(sorry, thats my favourite :P )

dang-it I want that one too!!!!

[dsm246]

I'd taken multiple runs at this over the years and failed until 2 years ago when it finally stuck for me. If I think about what was different about this last round I'd say it's the following:

1. I embraced the whole thing as a lifestyle change. Because of that I was much more focused on sustainability than I'd been in the past - in terms of both eating and training.

2. I really took the time to learn about the role nutrition played. In the past, I'd followed diets but never really understood them and had no ability to adjust them. Now I really own my eating plans.

3. I picked up weights for first time ever and trained really hard. But I also take my rest days and deload weeks.

In the past I think I honestly failed because I did not properly educate myself, I followed eating and training plans that were not sustainable long term, and I just wasn't disciplined enough in general to put in the time and effort.

[Miranda]

I agree with this ^^^, but I figure if someone (me) is gonna be effed up in the head anyhow, may as well be strong and kinda muscle-ish. The inside's all wrong, but the shell is easier to fix! Plus, it's fun!

but of course. honest self-awareness is a great good, and leaves lifting for what it is: a satisfying hobby

[ziesha001]

because we are less motivated !

[latebloomingmom]

perhaps just socialized into the belief that in order to be a good female you must put your needs aside ...in order to put others first..?that friendships and relationships and parenthood must all come before caring for yourself..

[nicholina]

I think certain long-running threads here actually feed into some of these neuroses. Trainees should spend less time worrying about food, less time on message boards TALKING about worrying about food, and more time in the gym with the Big Lifts.

THis is why I stay far far away from that ED support thread. Ive read a few posts. Never again.

Oh, I agree completely. I said recently that I think buying a food scale is possibly the most disordered thing I've ever done. And many times when I am weighing something I'm gonna eat to the fukcing gram, I want to bitchslap myself I managed to lose weight quite successfully when I wasn't tracking my food every day and before I owned that damn food scale, but once you start doing it, it's hard to stop.

I remember when you said that. I was afraid buying a food scale would make be become obsessive. I used to be slave to one. I hadn't used one in about 8 years and just started using one again a few months ago when I decided to try to gain. I have rules for myself with it. Only use it for things that HAVE to be weighed. Like meat or shredded cheese, dry pasta...things that don't have an alternative measurement on the package. I never use it for packaged foods..if I eat cereal, I measure out a cup or whatever, even though I KNOW that it probably weighs more than its supposed to. I don't weigh or measure vegetables. Don't weigh fruit. I was avoiding eating things like chicken and shredded cheese since I didn't have a way to measure it before...so having a scale has expanded my diet. And I don't bring it out in public (yes about 10 years ago, I used to bring it to restaurants. How embarrassing!). Now in restaurants I try to eat things that are healthy and what I normally would eat, but I think once in a while its fine to have things that fall outside of my definition of healthy. No, Im not going to eat fast food, fried food EVER...These things I just don't want in my body...but I try to be a *little* more flexible when Im out. Example: I went for sushi the other night. White rice is something i would not include in my normal diet. However, the guy i was with ordered a roll and wanted to share. So I had three pieces and we shared sashimi. I later entered it into my online tracking thing i use, and was shocked to see I didn't go over my calories or macros. Its helping me learn that lots of foods can fit into my macros, not just my carefully planned menu. And while I don't eat white rice all the time, eating it once isn't going to do anything to me, except help me connect better with the person I'm with by sharing food and being social. Its what you do the majority of the time on a consistent basis with your diet that influences your body, not what you eat at one meal.

[oregonchick76]

1. underestimating how many calories I'm REALLY eating
2. underestimating how long it takes to gain muscle and getting discouraged
3. ineffective workout routine
4. irrational fear of gaining fat in order to gain muscle

[Walks90]

I've been in all three scenarios. Currently i'm an average size girl trying to gain muscle.

I started off at about 126lbs which is my goal now for this bulk but at that time i wasn't lifting and a lot of it was fat. Then i had some eating issues and fell down to about 77lbs which was too skinny for me. I started getting better then and gained about 20lbs or so before i started lifting.

I've had my ups and downs but now finally feel like i'm on the right track. I've gained significant muscle and hope to gain a lot more.

People, not just women, fail because they will hit a brick wall or meet an obstacle and immediately give up and think "I can't do this, this isn't working, what's the point!?" It takes a lot of determination to reach your goals...if it didn't, then everybody would be fitness models.

[andrerox80]

In the past I think I honestly failed because I did not properly educate myself, I followed eating and training plans that were not sustainable long term

i was going to say something similar. people don't do their research. hell, they don't even read the stickies (starting to really annoy me when noobs haven't even attempted to figure out their numbers or are just so ignorant and uninformed. read first, ask after), which spell things out and are relatively short. but learn as much as you can about what you're doing. abt nutrition, calories, macro's, deficits, surpluses, cutting, bulking, different methods, training programs, lifting, cardio, everything. find out the role every single thing plays and what you ought to be doing. and then putting it into action. being consistent and patient. having a clear goal. keeping your eye on the prize, so to speak. finding ways to enjoy what you're doing so you really can see it as a lifestyle. that doesn't mean it has to define or overtake you.

in short, read voraciously, put what you learn into action, be consistent and patient, and make it a lifestyle.

[latebloomingmom]

right...sometimes when you are brand new to exercise...and stumble onto this site..the sheer amount of information can be a little overwhelming..plus you often get lots of opinions which ofter contradict each other..so it takes awhile to find your way around. I can understand why the ones that have been here awhile get tired of answering the same questions over and over. I think if a new person takes the advice given and reads the stickies but still has questions..then ask away..lots of knowledgeable people willing to help

[hieronymous]

I think many women fail because it involves a boatload of work and its not all fun.

I'm scenario #2:

Training is hard work but I can handle that and I like it.
Counting calories all of the time and being hungry all of the time is a lot of work and it's a misery.

= will never see a six-pack

But I have let that definition of success go and am pretty happy with having some nice muscles.

If you have a really rigid view on what constitutes being in shape it's a lot easier to fail than succeed.

[Miranda]

i was going to say something similar. people don't do their research. hell, they don't even read the stickies (starting to really annoy me when noobs haven't even attempted to figure out their numbers or are just so ignorant and uninformed. read first, ask after), which spell things out and are relatively short. but learn as much as you can about what you're doing. abt nutrition, calories, macro's, deficits, surpluses, cutting, bulking, different methods, training programs, lifting, cardio, everything. find out the role every single thing plays and what you ought to be doing. and then putting it into action. being consistent and patient. having a clear goal. keeping your eye on the prize, so to speak. finding ways to enjoy what you're doing so you really can see it as a lifestyle. that doesn't mean it has to define or overtake you.

in short, read voraciously, put what you learn into action, be consistent and patient, and make it a lifestyle.

this should be a sticky

right...sometimes when you are brand new to exercise...and stumble onto this site..the sheer amount of information can be a little overwhelming..plus you often get lots of opinions which ofter contradict each other..

opinions aren't facts. people on internet forums don't pull their 'knowledge' out of thin air, they all read it elsewhere first.

if you truly do want to educate yourself, read reputable sites and authors who've done their research AND can back up what they say by NOT appealing to your emotions/blowing smoke up your ass/looking buff/faulty logic BUT by pointing to outside research that is available for anyone to dissect, absorb and apply.

in short, learn to discriminate between opinions and facts

and gurus are mere messengers.

[dreahere]

If you have a really rigid view on what constitutes being in shape it's a lot easier to fail than succeed.

That's absolutely brilliant

[skybluefran]

I don't think Women fail anymore then Men do.. i just think sometimes they don't want the perfect body (as they see it) as much as they think they do. Therefore motivation will lack and it just won't happen. I wouldn't call it a fail, i'd call it "can't be arsed"

[Rowyn]

Women on here fail at building muscle mainly because a.) they're afraid to eat, or b.) they're obsessed with eating "clean", or c.) they're afraid to gain scale weight, or d.) they're afraid to gain a teeny bit of fat along with the muscle, or e.) they're obsessed with being able to see their abz at all times, or f.) all of the above.

Somebody is a little food obsessed. Where is anything about training? That's what is supposed to set this forum apart from Shape or WeightWatchers, right?

I didn't quote it, but the scale comment you made was kinda funny. Its YOU who makes weighing your food dysfunctional or not. Not trying to "pick" on you, just noticed most of the comments were diet related with eyeball rolls, lol.

I agree dramatic changes don't happen over night, but it also shouldn't take a lifetime to get the physique you want. If a trainee hasn't made SIGNIFIGANT gains in a year's time, something's off. Nutrition, maybe, but most likely training. Most people (women, anyway) simply don't push themselves hard enough in the gym. Hard enough to make gains. They think they do, but they don't.

Agreed, you should be making progress more quickly than that. If you aren't, too much thinking, not enough doing.

I swear, the nutrition/fat loss section is always hot with new threads like "I lost 5 pounds, recalculate my macros PLEASE!!!"

Training section? Chirp chirp chirp.

[latebloomingmom]

why dont women push themselves hard enough in their training? ignorance?

[Miranda]

why dont women push themselves hard enough in their training? ignorance?

grunting, making faces and otherwise looking like you're not 'approachable' in a gym surrounded by men isn't ladylike.

i'd also say there's a certain lack of 'owning' the training, if you know what i mean. ok, i've the program, here's the rep ranges, let's move through it, done . . .

[latebloomingmom]

grunting, making faces and otherwise looking like you're not 'approachable' in a gym surrounded by men isn't ladylike.

i'd also say there's a certain lack of 'owning' the training, if you know what i mean. ok, i've the program, here's the rep ranges, let's move through it, done . . .

hmmm...odd because I lift in the free weight room where its mostly guys..I would think grunting or trying hard, lifting heavy would make you feel more like you fit in then lifting light would..could just be me though
also..I really dont give a rat's *ss what they think

[gobbles23]

hmmm...odd because I lift in the free weight room where its mostly guys..I would think grunting or trying hard, lifting heavy would make you feel more like you fit in then lifting light would..could just be me though
also..I really dont give a rat's *ss what they think

Hahaha! Me neither I workout at home, but the last time I was at a gym I was the ugliest, sweatiest person in there and I didn't give a crap! Poeple gave me looks and I gave them the "Yeah, that's right. WORK FOR IT" angry look

[Miranda]

hmmm...odd because I lift in the free weight room where its mostly guys..I would think grunting or trying hard, lifting heavy would make you feel more like you fit in then lifting light would..could just be me though
also..I really dont give a rat's *ss what they think

this is one of my bullsht theories, but imo culture and how women are brought up plays a big part.

say if you're conditioned to be passive, quiet, 'pretty' and non-threatening for the men to ogle at (the stereotypical female, depending where you live), then any activity that makes you assertive, loud, unattractive (pulling faces ay) and actively there, is a problem.

it ties into the age-old issue where women train primarily for a look (passive) and aren't generally interested in playing actual sports (active).

[paulett]

in short, read voraciously, put what you learn into action, be consistent and patient, and make it a lifestyle.

That is also part of the problem. There is alot of nutritional and weight loss information floating around the web (some good, some bad and some soso). It's hard for a person to know what is right and what isn't unless they have a firm understanding of biology to begin with. And even then there are so many competing theories regarding the subject it can be maddening. How many people do you know who are afriad to eat fat? Or are afraid to eat too much protein? Or too many carbs? Or afraid to eat at all?

When I was looking for a program, I had people suggesting books left and right. It is amazing how many of these sources differ in their approach to gaining strength and/or losing weight. Which one was right for me? All of them? None of them? Some of them? I talked to my doctor and she recommended the opposite of what most people do on here. It is very fustrating when even a very knowledge MD hands out questionable advice.

Honestly, I think women fail because they have no confidence in the plan they have picked. Specially if they are at a stage where they are close to their goals and any tweak starts adding scale weight back on. I know I fall prey to this all the time. "Am I doing this right?" is always in the back of my head.

[paulett]

why dont women push themselves hard enough in their training? ignorance?

Afraid of getting hurt by over doing it is my issue. Also, not knowing how much rest you should give yourself. Think that only comes with time and knowing your body.

[kjake55]

I have actually been struggling with this question since you first posted it. Very possibly longer than that. Why do women fail? Because that’s what we’re taught to do. That’s what we expect from ourselves, that’s what is expected of us. We fail because we’re supposed to fail.

Ok, pissed off now?!?

Yea, I was pissed off a couple of years ago and that’s when I finally decided that if I didn’t do this thing and do it now I probably wouldn’t be around to do much of anything much longer. I went for a physical, my doc told me I was overweight and smoked too much...yea, yea, yea, what else is new? I was a fat kid, I’m a fat adult and I’ll be a fat geriatric. So what?

So what? I’m not done yet. That’s what.

I quit smoking, I lost weight and I got in shape. Success story right? Not so much. I got down to my “ideal” weight (which was wrong and skinny fat but that's a different post). I never picked up another cigarette and made other beneficial life changes. What happened next…you look sick…is everything with you and DH ok? …you’re not looking so good do you have enough money for groceries (from my mom), or my very favorite, you looked great before this why are you doing all this crazy stuff?

The difference between failing and succeeding is changing your life and lifestyle and that is not always easy. When you plateau or have a slip you start to think everyone else is right and that you’ve become “obsessive”. Sometimes when it gets really hard (and it does) it’s easy to say to yourself “I’m tired of being the only one I want to be like everyone else”. When you were the one who stuck out all the time in bad ways you kind of get self-conscious about sticking out at all.

I think, simply put, we fail because we haven’t been taught not to fail. And when we succeed we don’t always know how to handle it, sometimes neither do our loved ones. Its places like this and people like most of those who post here that make us realize that our success is something to celebrate and be proud of. We need to share with like-minded people to succeed. Suddenly failure is not the right way. Acceptance promotes success.

Sorry for the long rant.

P.S. LateBloomingMom…LBM…I just got that! And I’ve been talking to you for a while now. Very clever! :-D

[andrerox80]

why dont women push themselves hard enough in their training? ignorance?

i think a lot of times women think they are pushing themselves. like a while ago i really did think i was working out hard, but i was doing too much, too frequently, showing that i clearly wasn't working out w/ enough intensity. but i thought i was lifting heavy and to fatigue. but i don't think my example is the norm, per se, but still do think that to some extent people think they're pushing themselves when they're not, and if they worked w/ a (good) trainer, they'd be surprised.

[dreahere]

Somebody is a little food obsessed. Where is anything about training? That's what is supposed to set this forum apart from Shape or WeightWatchers, right?

I was only addressing women who fail to gain muscle and from everything I have seen on here for the past year and a half, most of that is because they're afraid to eat enough or to put on fat. I'm not talking about women who come on here and don't really want to lift but somehow ended up at bb.com because they took a wrong turn on the internet. I'm talking about women who are in the gym doing work but are so afraid of fat gain, they hold themselves back. I see that so much. You might not think that's the main problem around here, but the OP was asking for opinions, and that's mine.

I didn't quote it, but the scale comment you made was kinda funny. Its YOU who makes weighing your food dysfunctional or not. Not trying to "pick" on you, just noticed most of the comments were diet related with eyeball rolls, lol.

I'm sorry, but weighing every fukcing thing you put in your mouth is NOT normal human behavior. I mean, millions of people around the world manage to be non-obese and healthy without weighing, measuring and writing down everything that goes in their mouths, but somehow in the weight lifting community we in general drink the (sugar free) koolaid and internalize that's what we must do. In my case, I know it's fukcing nutz, yet I continue to do it. And, yes, all the eyerolls are directed at myself, because believe me, you can mock me all you want, you cannot possibly mock me more than I mock myself. I own my crazy 100%. I think that's pretty well-established to anyone who's read my posts.

Agreed, you should be making progress more quickly than that. If you aren't, too much thinking, not enough doing.

I swear, the nutrition/fat loss section is always hot with new threads like "I lost 5 pounds, recalculate my macros PLEASE!!!"

Training section? Chirp chirp chirp.

Maybe because the answer to 90% of the training questions from newbies is "read NRoLFW!" <--like that one?

[toodlepip]

I'm sorry, but weighing every fukcing thing you put in your mouth is NOT normal human behavior. I mean, millions of people around the world manage to be non-obese and healthy without weighing, measuring and writing down everything that goes in their mouths, but somehow in the weight lifting community we in general drink the (sugar free) koolaid and internalize that's what we must do. In my case, I know it's fukcing nutz, yet I continue to do it. And, yes, all the eyerolls are directed at myself, because believe me, you can mock me all you want, you cannot possibly mock me more than I mock myself. I own my crazy 100%. I think that's pretty well-established to anyone who's read my posts.

hear hear

I see your crazy and raise it. One of my ongoing goals is to learn to trust myself, my body & my appetites enough that I can put the scale away and still achieve my physical goals. All without the shizzball fecknuttiness. (real words)