Please read, its been bugging me for a while.
Basically growing up, i paid 0 attention to my physical appeareance. it didnt matter to me at all. then when I reached grade 11, most of my friends started to get gfs and such, and for some reason I convinced myself I was ugly.
The problem is that I can't tell if im actually ugly or not. I know i'm not a 9/10 or a 10/10 but i have no idea where i stand from 1/10-8/10. For all i know, i could be very average, very ugly, or even cute/hot.
I also can't tell when other guys are hot or ugly ( i can for girls but not for guys). unless the guy has a massive jawline and chiseled cheekbones i can tell, but guys like adam levine for instance, i'd never know they were hot if girls hadn't said so.
so how do i found out if im cute or ugly? I dont have any friends who are girls because i've never made an effort to talk to them (srs, literally) but family friends have complimented me. I dont really trust them because they've also complimented some really ugly people but theyve also complimented hot ppl so i dont know...
I've posted pics for ratings on other sites (did this for about a week) and all that but my face is very wierd....i got drastically different ratings depending on the pic so i dont know which pic shows the real me. when i used a certain pic, i got constant 8s. on another pic i got 3s =/ the lighting and angle were the same too.
anyway, if you've read up to here thanks a lot. the only reason i want to find out is because it'll be very liberating. i wont have to think in my head "hey maybe she finds me cute" or "what if she finds me ugly." I'll KNOW.
and no confidence/beauty is subjective/etc posts please. i just really want to find a way.
I sometimes catch women looking at me but I sometimes stare at ugly people because im fascinated by their ugliness so for all i know i could be doing the same thing.
so how do i figure out where i stand in terms of looks?