When you first started training, what was people's reactions? Did you get negative comments from unsupportive friends? How did you overcome this?
I recently displayed a picture of what I want to look like...my goal. Instead of my friends cheering me on they all turned around and said that women shouldn't look that and it's gross. Needless to say I felt embarrassed. I thought friends would be Supportive.
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Thread: Negative comments
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01-24-2012, 03:09 PM #1
Negative comments
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01-24-2012, 03:12 PM #2
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I didn't get any comments until ~9 months later when tank top season came around again and suddenly my delts/biceps/triceps made an an appearance
Where did you display your picture? On fb? Personally I think these things are best left private, then you won't ever have to worry about the negative comments. If someone asks, I'll answer; otherwise, what I eat, how I train, and the goals I choose are nobody's business but my own (and the people who read my journal ).
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01-24-2012, 03:17 PM #3
I didn't tell anyone that I started working out. I didn't tell family, friends, or coworkers. The only people that knew I was working out was my girlfriend, my best friend, and my dad.
8-10 months into working out, everyone at work, all of my friends, even sometimes strangers commented on my appearance telling me that I look big and workout. I let the work do the talking. It was also a motivator because that made me strive to succeed even more. I thrived off of the comments. Obviously all of the comments were positive because I already proved to them that I was changing for the better. They could all physically see a major difference. It has been 2 years now and people are so used to it, when they look at old pictures, they laugh about how skinny and scrawny I used to be.
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01-24-2012, 03:20 PM #4
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01-24-2012, 03:23 PM #5
your friends are entitled to their own opinions - and that's all they are at the end of the day. my old friend and i had quite different tastes in fashion. whenever we went shopping, she'd think my purchases were 'interesting'. of course i knew what she meant, but it didn't bother me further. i didn't dress to impress her (in a good way ).
being openly hostile is a different story."The human race is still largely a group of monkeys with slightly better grooming habits. Give them a microscope and and they'll examine their own ****, give them a telescope and they'll go looking for tits."
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01-24-2012, 03:32 PM #6
OP,I think the relative point is you said "what you want to look like"
Start letting others make your choices for you and you will always be unhappy.
What do these others look like???Based on my observation of Aussie women,I would venture to say some are overweight.
You do what you want,and don't let anyone try and drag you down for making positive decisions because they won't.
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01-24-2012, 03:43 PM #7
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01-24-2012, 04:40 PM #8
12 months ago my wife and friends laughed their butts off at me when I told them that I was gonna start working out and look like I did when I was 25. ( they wernt rude but they didnt think I would last a month, thought I was nuts and told me that those days were long gone!)
I used it as motivation every time I wanted to eat bad or didnt feel like working out on a particular day etc.
Now im the one laughing. Just use those comments as motivation. Pike
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01-24-2012, 04:49 PM #9
Unfortunately, many people don't view women getting muscular as a good thing like they do with men, so even if she lets her work do the talking, she may still have everyone hating on the look. There's such a bias against women lifting heavy. Even when women simply work to get to a healthy weight, there is often a lot of negativity (I think due to people who don't want to admit they should/could do the same.)
Either way, it's important to stick to one's goals and try to surround yourself with others who are supportive of that.
I'd be interested in seeing what pic the OP shared.If I were an animal, I'd be a giraffe - long-limbed, weird looking, awkward as f#ck... but cooler than a frozen TV dinner!
Turds are like windows into the soul, only better, because we actually know the digestive tract exists, and how it impacts one's wellbeing.
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01-24-2012, 04:53 PM #10
You will always find negative people in life. Mainly they are just afraid that you will succeed where they fail or never try. At the end of the day if it's something you want badly enough you shouldn't let what other people say affect you. Friends or not. But I would reconsider what sort of friends they are if they make you feel like that
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01-24-2012, 05:01 PM #11
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01-24-2012, 06:01 PM #12
Well I started training long before I even met my current friends so they've always known it was a bit of an obsession for me However, if I formally questioned most of them about their feelings regarding my training/goals, I'm fairly certain that most of them would say they didn't think women with a lot of muscle were very attractive and that they wouldn't want to look like that themselves. Does this bother me... hell no. My goals are MY GOALS and I couldn't give two flips about whether my friends think it's a good idea or not. I'm not doing this for them... I'm doing it for me. I suspect it's because of this attitude that no one has ever made a negative comment to me about it. While I'm sure some aren't that impressed by it... they at least respect the discipline that it takes to do it... and will willingly admit they'd never be dedicated enough to do it themselves.
So... you get in there and lift your heart out and strive for YOUR goals... don't let the opinions of others derail you!
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01-24-2012, 11:18 PM #13
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01-25-2012, 04:09 AM #14
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01-25-2012, 05:40 AM #15
When people make big lifestyle changes even for the good, it makes others around stop and take stock. Generally releasing insecurities .. hence negative reactions. It not always that people don't want you to succeed but that they are afraid if you do then you want be their friend anymore, you want have as much in common with them, like they want be able to fit into your life style. Happens with friends, family and spouses.
It's very, very common.. it's even common for people to try and sabotage what your doing so be prepared and try not to take it personally. Just think Oh my peeps love me every time they say something bad or try to feed you a doughnut.
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01-25-2012, 06:45 AM #16
Dont you ever let someone... anyone... friends, family, co-workers..... tell you that being fit and healthy is "gross" or unhealthy" or "manly". ITS SO FAR FROM TRUE!
This is something I feel very strongly about because about 4 years ago when i decided to turn my life around me become strong and healthy, I had friends hate on me and "try" to make me feel bad because I was working toward bettering myself. I had family ( my own parents) not support me and stop talking to me because I was making changes and progress while they continued to sit around and eat pizza. This is a lifestyle choice. Not everyone has to take it to the exteme and compete but I do believe everyone should watch what they eat, take vitamins and workout 4x a week.
Always have a goal, and make sure that goal is what you want, not what others want.
I support you 100% girl!
Sorry for venting a bit but I just feel so strongly about how people can be so hateful to a women being strong, sexy, muscular and confident!Follow me on ********!
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01-25-2012, 06:46 AM #17
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IMO, real friends would support your goals. Whether or not they want to look like that shouldn't be a consideration, just the fact that you do.
I'd say lesson learned, just do what you need to do to reach your goals and don't discuss it with anyone. And remember it when they're looking for support.https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=17995794
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01-25-2012, 07:07 AM #18
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When I first started to show some real definition in my arms I had a number of friends and family make comments like "you don't want to look too muscular" and "you'll get bulky if you continue." I took the time to talk a bit about it with close friends and family. I explained how I really loved doing this and how much better I felt about myself. I also explained that while I understood this aesthetic isn't what they'd want for themselves it was something that I wanted for me. That it was ok for us to have different ideals in this area and my choice isn't in anyway a condemnation of theirs. After that, most become supportive and a few have actually started asking about starting programs of their own. There are a handful of folks who still occassionally make snide comments but those people are nearly all folks who are struggling with their own weight or fitness issues. I think seeing someone else succeed where they have failed is threatening to them so they comfort themselves by belittling the achievement. I just smile and ignore those comments. End of day, we are doing this for ourselves and not anyone else. So you are the only person whose opinion matters here.
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01-25-2012, 09:12 AM #19
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She must not have had too many kids. My mum always had some nice biceps/forearms on her from domestic chores and 4 kids, and she's a fairly small woman. Now that we're well grown her arms aren't so pumped.
Only negative comments I have ever received were that people worried I would become too thin. People have always said nice things about the muscles.Love others well, but love thyself the most
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01-25-2012, 09:42 AM #20
I used to get alot of negative comments, mostly from people who have known me my whole life as being a very chunky person, when I lost weight before, mostly because there is such a different point of view around here. People are afraid/hostile towards things they don't understand, so I try to use those times to educate those who will actually listen and aren't just out to hate on me. Most of the people making comments meant well, because I did look so very different, but it is aggravating. "Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter" Do what you need to do for yourself, and they'll either understand and appreciate your dedication to your health, or they'll move on.
This is what they referred to as "sickly" but I'd give anything (and am working my tail off) to be back there again."Do not give away to others what you have not first given away at home." unknown
"It's never too late to be who you might have been." George Eliot, pen name of Mary Ann Evans
Proud wife and mommy.
Every saint has a past.
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01-25-2012, 02:47 PM #21
I love everyone's responses so far.
Larissa Reis is my goal (for legs at least)
Most comments I get are supportive, at least from my family and friends. At first, my sister kept telling my mom that I looked like a man, but that didn't bother me.
With that being said, I've had my fair share of negative comments. The first guy told me to leave the weight on the calf press machine, then eyeballed it and said, "Oh, I thought you only had two plates on there." I replied, "Yeah, that was my warm up." To which he said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but you're (Insert bulldog arm motion.) kind of buff." Which to me is a compliment. So I smiled and said. "No offense taken, that's actually my goal." And then his eyes kind of jumped out of his head... so I took it that he meant it offensively. Maybe he didn't, but his actions kind of seemed that way. Now when I see him in the gym, I make sure that I push myself as hard as possible. Maybe it will motivate him to lift heavier.
The second is this old guy who always talks to me. He's really nice. I was doing some Tbar rows, and he said, "Your back is getting pretty thick!" So I got all happy and said that I knew and I was excited about it. And then he said, "Yeah, but, you don't want to get much bigger than you are right now, you should probably stop sometime soon." And I said, "No, actually, I want to get a lot bigger than I am right now. I'm no where near my goal."
Moral of the story, most people really don't understand why a woman would want to build muscle. Sometimes, even with friends and family, it takes time for people to be okay with your new goals. I think once they see how positively it affects your life, they'll become more understanding.
Just use whatever hateful comments you get as fuel for your motivation. Never let someone else try to ruin your goals. If you want to look like Larissa Reis, push yourself every workout to achieve that kind of muscle. Do what you need to do to make yourself happy, and eventually your friends and family will come around.
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01-25-2012, 05:31 PM #22
I've gotten lots of very rude comments from people about me using heavy weights. Which is quite silly because I'm not even muscular or fit yet. You would think people be supportive of an overweight woman doing ANYTHING that involved the gym.
Just today my sis in law comes out of nowhere telling me I shouldn't keep up with this bodybuilding stuff and instead do some of those DVD programs that all the fitness models do. I politely informed her that those fitness models are just hired to pitch those videos. They got those bodies by LIFTING WEIGHTS. I also told her if I cared what she thought about my bodybuilding then I would ask her. I tossed in a few and LOLs to lighten it but she did indeed drop the subject after that.
I've realized I needed to be completely silent about my gym activities and body goals. If no one knows, I don't have to hear their stupid input. As for people in the gym who say silly things, I just try to ignore it since i can't exactly hide from them. An eye roll or a blank stare is usually enough to make them walk away.
The only people I can talk to about anything even hinting at lifting is you ladies and my husband (he's so impressed he is about to follow NROL4F too! LOL). Everyone else just doesn't get it. And you know what? Screw them. I'm not doing this to piss anyone off anymore than I am doing this to impress anyone. Insult or praise, I am the only one who matters during my deadlift. Frankly it is nice to have something all to myself and that is only for myself.Training Journal: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=140422843
Goal: I want to be able to bench press a grizzly bear before I die.
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01-25-2012, 07:37 PM #23
A lot of the time it's tall poppy syndrome with the criticism. You should always try to please yourself and be happy in your own skin.
Sorry about the tough time you're having with your friends I've had the same experience with a lot of people who say things about me either to my face or behind my back. There's one thing that works for me and that is telling people to bugger off. You should try it some time, it does make me a little upset when I hear other girls going through this.
Remember opinions are like backsides, everyone's got one.
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01-26-2012, 05:22 AM #24
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I actually losty best friend of over 20 years because she thought what I was doing was "wrong". It all started when she texted me saying how "I can't even look at your pictures" (I had posted some on FB). And she sent this text the day before my first show...talk about good timing. Anyway, it all came out and we haven't spoken since early November. It sucks but the way I see it, I do not need that kind of negativity surrounding me as I continue to compete.
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01-26-2012, 06:00 AM #25
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How awful - I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you guys work things out.
Everyone in my life knows I work out and most tell me I am an inspiration to them. My one friend jokes all the time about how she is jealous of me and my answer always has been that there's nothing stopping her from doing it, too. She called me last week to tell me she hired a trainer. I hope she sticks with it.
As far as me bodybuilding and thinking of competing, that may be a different story, but I sometimes think when people hear the term "bodybuilding," they get the wrong idea. I tend to say I'm thinking of competing in a figure competition. None of my friends have commented about me being too muscular with the exception of one of the trainers at my gym I'm friends with, which boggles my mind, but he keeps telling me he thinks girls should look more feminine and that I'm perfect right now but the competition body is way too much and girls shouldn't look that way. Um, it's not like I'd walk around stage ready all the time. LOL. I know my dad will not be one bit happy with me competiting and being that lean but he's old school Italian so you know how that is. My husband is super supportive of my workouts but not so much about competiting so that is why I'm hesitating slightly. He says I will freeze up on stage and doesn't know why I would want to put myself through all that dieting, how it isn't worth it, etc. I've been encouraged by his friends' wives that if it's something I really want to do, I should do it and I do think if I sit him down and tell him how much I want to, he'd be okay with it but I have to pick a time to do it where it's not going to interfere with our family life, i.e., vacations, etc.
But as mostly everyone else said, in the end it's only our own opinions that matter and we can't worry about what everyone else thinks. I do love the notion of just letting our results speak for themselves. So many women at the gym have asked me how I look the way I do and I tell them it's all about the weights and getting nutrition dialed in, yet I still see them slaving away for 90 minutes on the elliptical. *sigh*Danielle xoxo
#TEAM HYPE
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01-26-2012, 06:01 AM #26
It can be really difficult when confronted with friends and family who don't support you in achieving your goals. They're caught up in how a woman is "supposed" to look. Like many other posters have already said, surround yourself with people who have similar goals and will support you throughout your journeys (good for all parts of life!). I have some close friends who I met while building years ago and even with moves across country and kids and everything, we still we encourage each other to get in the gym and get the healthiest we can get. Some of your friends may come around. Heck, my father (very conservative, military, traditional man) didn't like it at first and the last time I saw him, he made me flex my biceps for him and he beamed with pride that his daughter is strong. (Well, getting stronger at least.) :-)
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01-26-2012, 07:11 AM #27
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01-26-2012, 02:39 PM #28
I read this earlier this morning, and I cannot stop thinking about how awful your friend reacted. I don't understand why people cant just be happy for each other, or why they have to constantly try to tear others down. Maybe this will make me sound like a hippie, but I just wish that everyone could chill out, and applaud others for the things that they've worked hard to achieve, even if it may be something that they don't want for themselves.
Last edited by Ma110W; 01-26-2012 at 02:40 PM. Reason: typo
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01-26-2012, 02:43 PM #29
Then add me to the hippie train right along with you. Who are we to judge each others journeys or goals? Especially when it is clear that it is making our friend genuinely happy!!??? My motto is always "If you like it, I love it." Unfortunately most people don't operate that way.
Training Journal: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=140422843
Goal: I want to be able to bench press a grizzly bear before I die.
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01-27-2012, 09:04 AM #30
It's your life and you should be how you want to be. Ignore their comments and find other friends at the gym for example who share like minded goals to provide you support for this part of your life. Turn to them for support about how you look etc. I have a couple of friends who I chat about BBing and getting shredded with and chat about what we eat while others just laugh. We spur each other on whilst others take the mickey but at the end of the day who's going to look smokin in a bikini in the summer? Or rock that dress or skiiny jeans?
Even some of my good male friends think I'm stupid and that I just 'want to get massive' and am going to get 'massive' and that I'm going to 'get huge' because I drink protein. According to a lot of boys, as soon as you start taking protein shakes you get MASSIVE #naive
Don't worry, they'll just get jealous in a few months (hang on... that' not a good thing either ) and you'll enjoy the comments and support you get from guys who work out who think it's awesome that a chick is working out.
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