Girls Trip to Vegas

[dyee4613]

So, a friend of me and my girlfriend creeped on his wife's phone and saw a group chat with a mutual friend (of his wife and my girlfriend) about going to Vegas. He is a giant idiot who is afraid of getting cheated on so of course he decides to buy her tickets to Vegas and was telling my girlfriend as he was buying her at ticket. I'm still pretty mad about this because that's super inappropriate and I yelled at him incoherently over the phone.

Anyway, now that I thought a little more rationally about it I am not okay with her going to Vegas. The problem is my girlfriend has about as much leverage for the "do you trust me" card as possible as we've been dating for 7 years. I told her that it's her choice but I really don't trust the people you are going with and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and I'd really appreciate it if you don't go. This has worked for right now but I'm pretty sure as this gets closer this will come back up and bigger cards are going to be played.

How should I handle these upcoming fights? What techniques can I use to diffuse the situation? Oh also, I went to Vegas without her like 2 years ago for a fantasy football draft she didn't go to because she was on a different vacation.

Edit: Apparently, it helps when I give people enough information to make decisions. Here is a later post clarifying stuff.


Thanks for the responses everyone. I tried to leave off as much information as possible because I didn’t want to have too much of my personal life on the internet but I guess that’s a little misleading. I will try to be as objective as possible but please remember that I’m obviously super bias. Warning: This is going to be long.

“If she’s going to cheat, she’s going to cheat”

This is true for preemptive cheating. I’m not worried about preemptive cheating. I’m worried about impulsive, spur of the moment cheating. I don’t think people inherently want to cheat but opportunities and situations pressure them into short-term thinking. You wouldn’t be okay with your girlfriend doing ecstasy with Brad Pitt because of the obvious temptation. The argument should center on whether or not the situational pressures warrant my behavior, not whether or not situational pressures are a factor. They are.

“Why are you looking through her phone”

I’m not. The husband did that to his wife.

“Why did you yell at the husband”
The husband is putting me in an uncomfortable situation (she’ll resent me if she doesn’t go, I’ll resent her if she does go) because he is a pansy. He is using my girlfriend as an excuse to mask his insecurity and as a result he is putting me in an awkward situation. By allowing my girlfriend to go, he is showing that he trusts her which he doesn’t. He has someone he trusts to watch his wife and will report back if the wife gets out of line. He obviously doesn’t trust her based on things he said and the fact he was looking through her phone.
On top of that, he either can’t afford this or was lying to me for absolutely no reason. About two days earlier, he said he literally has no money right now and this is the poorest he has ever been. His wife spends a TON of money and this trip will be thousands of dollars for him. He also said he was going to stop his wife from walking all over him and be more upfront with his feelings. One of the ways he was going to do this was to stop doing nice, unexpected gestures for her when she treats him crappy. I believe he said this a week prior to this.
So, basically, I had all of these thoughts going through my mind and I knew I felt uncomfortable with her going to Vegas with the girls. I was blindsided and had all of this going through my head and I didn’t make a good decision. I essentially called him a bitch a bunch of times in a very inarticulate manner.

“Why don’t you trust the girls”
I know two of them. The wife I know somewhat well but I don’t really trust her. She is very good at peer-pressure. The fact the husband is worried about her cheating, and based on her respect level for him, I wouldn’t be surprised if she cheated. If she planned on doing that, she would need to silence my girlfriend because she obviously wouldn’t be okay with that. The friend of my girlfriend and the wife is a giant sloot who has recently just got out of a relationship. I don’t know her peer-pressure ability but I do question her decision making skills. She is probably going to be the leader of the group but he wife has the most manipulative powers. I don’t know any of the other girls but I assume they fit the general demographic of the friend which is above-average in intelligence/attractiveness but low-self esteem and slooty.

So, what do you think a bunch of low-self esteem slots are going to do in one of the worst places in terms of giving into your vices? I assume this trip is going to be first and foremost food oriented and then the second theme will be sex which means bars/clubs etc. Two voices are, especially the wife’s, is worrisome but a group mentality of horny sloots is very concerning.
I don’t mind the fact she is going to Vegas. I mind that she is going to Vegas in this situation.

“You want to Vegas too”

Again, this is not an apt comparison. When I went, she knew and trusted at least 90% of the people going. My behavior was going to be very predictable as I gamble for about 18 hours a day in Vegas. If the group didn’t want to gamble, I have a history of saying, “okay, have fun” and staying at the tables. I have a very strong personality (which probably lead to this situation), she does not. There was little risk of me getting into a situation conducive to cheating.
That being said, I am not saying this is not hypocritical of me. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’m sure she would have let me go because she’s a better person than I am.
Now, once again. I didn’t stop her from going. I said she is an adult who is capable of making her own decisions but this trip makes me very uncomfortable and I feel really strongly that you shouldn’t go. Everything I said is highly circumstantial, I am just explaining what is going through my head. In reality, she will probably just spend the entire time eating and then thinking about what she is going to eat next. Regardless, it makes very uncomfortable that she would be in a potentially super toxic situation and I will never know if anything happened or not. I still think nothing will happen but I will always have the doubt and I will resent her for putting me in that position.
I think I did a good job in not saying what I wanted to say, “No, you can’t go” and said something similar to this post to her. Right now, she resents me a bit but is overall okay with not going. I have just noticed little inconsistencies as of late which leads me to believe this issue will become a lot bigger later (like when the wife finds out about he trip and starts peer pressuring her to go). So, I made this thread to preemptively prepare for how to handle it and things I can say to help her remain on myside without harming the relationship too much.

Cliffs:
-Mutual friend of ours buys gf tickets to Vegas without asking
-BF (me) gets mad at mutual friend, cusses at him
-GF wants to go, BF doesn’t want to her to go because he thinks friends are sloots
- GF agrees but BF thinks this will come back to up.

Thanks to everyone who posted. I will review everything and rep later today.

[J411]

If she gives you a hard time tell her that seven years seems about the right time to trade up to a newer model anyway and to have fun.

Also, there is a reason its called the seven year itch. A lot of guys I know of cheated on their SOs or their SOs cheated on them around 7 years in.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_seven-year_itch

[JyzzMagnet]

You don't have any power over your GF. You can firmly state how you feel, but you can't make her do anything. So you either accept the situation if she decides to go, or you remove yourself from it. No point fighting about it.. That's only going to make her resent you.

Say you would prefer if she didn't go. Then,

- accept if she goes
- break up

Why create negativity? Do you want to logic her into not going? You might think it will make you seem protective and caring and also alpha if you can convince her to stay, because it will give you an illusion of power. But it is not power, it is weakness. Your bond will get weaker. She will see you as someone who is not secure, as someone who values her in a suffocating manner, and if she had even an inkling of curiosity about slooting in Vegas then that inkling will only grow.

State your preference. Accept or remove.

[MBisonSon]

^^^^Oh God don't be a ***got, that **** is ANNOYING.

[dyee4613]

You don't have any power over your GF. You can firmly state how you feel, but you can't make her do anything. So you either accept the situation if she decides to go, or you remove yourself from it. No point fighting about it.. That's only going to make her resent you.

Say you would prefer if she didn't go. Then,

- accept if she goes
- break up

Why create negativity? Do you want to logic her into not going? You might think it will make you seem protective and caring and also alpha if you can convince her to stay, because it will give you an illusion of power. But it is not power, it is weakness. Your bond will get weaker. She will see you as someone who is not secure, as someone who values her in a suffocating manner, and if she had even an inkling of curiosity about slooting in Vegas then that inkling will only grow.

State your preference. Accept or remove.

That's basically my take on the situation. I'm still really mad at the friend because this is all his fault as she said she wasn't going to prior to him and we even talked about how I don't know if I'd be okay with it happening. Then, he was about to buy the tickets and screwed it all up.

We are a strong relationship and I have a lot of trust in her. I'm trying to communicate that I do trust her and I'm not trying to control her life but this is something I feel very strongly about. I tried to do this by saying "it's your choice but this makes me feel really uncomfortable". The plan was to try to emphasize and connect with her emotionally. I think it semi-worked. I just see hints that she is going to try to bring this up again and I'd love a way to diffuse the situation and avoid a big fight where she feels I forced her not to go.

If she gives you a hard time tell her that seven years seems about the right time to trade up to a newer model anyway and to have fun.

Also, there is a reason its called the seven year itch. A lot of guys I know of cheated on their SOs or their SOs cheated on them around 7 years in.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_seven-year_itch

That was a cruel link to send. I'm not thinking about cheating and I don't think she is either. Lets hope it isn't something that applies to us.

[dyee4613]

tumblrpics

I'm sure you're a wonderful person with a lot of great qualities. I think we would get along a lot better if you didn't do everything in your power to try to hide this about yourself.

[dyee4613]

lmao I'd never be friends with someone like you

I'm assuming you're upset because of the post I made in the other thread. I was being sarcastic because I thought it was ridiculous that people were upset that girls had preferences. I guess sarcasm is hard to identify on this site as half of the populace are redpillers but I was agreeing with you.

If you're mad about me acting like a jerk in this thread, I'd be more then happy to discuss it. I definitely overreacted a bit (there's a little backstory there) but I think I generally handled the situation correctly. If you see it another way, I'd love to hear your perspective and determine if I messed up and how I can salvage the situation.

If not, then I don't have the energy to give you the attention you desire. Based on your avatar, there should be plenty of guys for that. Please leave my thread.

[Thillygooth]

I'm assuming you're upset because of the post I made in the other thread. I was being sarcastic because I thought it was ridiculous that people were upset that girls had preferences. I guess sarcasm is hard to identify on this site as half of the populace are redpillers but I was agreeing with you.

If you're mad about me acting like a jerk in this thread, I'd be more then happy to discuss it. I definitely overreacted a bit (there's a little backstory there) but I think I generally handled the situation correctly. If you see it another way, I'd love to hear your perspective and determine if I messed up and how I can salvage the situation.

If not, then I don't have the energy to give you the attention you desire. Based on your avatar, there should be plenty of guys for that. Please leave my thread.

The thread is now officially derailed. lol...

As the other poster mentioned, you can't control anyone. There's what you're willing to do and not willing to do. If she's built up some cred and your gut isn't going crazy about it then open communication and compromise is the way to go.

It does seem like there's a bit of control issues on your side though... Yelling at people incoherently, don't trust the people she's going with (without giving any reasons why), creeping through her phone (what led you to creep through her phone to begin with?), the fact that it was okay for you to go 2 years ago but now she can't (lmao).

It seems like there's a lot of back story missing as to why you feel insecure about her especially after admitting "The problem is my girlfriend has about as much leverage for the "do you trust me" card as possible as we've been dating for 7 years."

I get why a bunch of girls going to Vegas is cause for concern from a guy's perspective, but there seems to be a lot more going on than just the trip.

[RogerSteward]

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I'm sure you expected some of us to point out your hypocrisy and pouting about your girlfriend of seven years going to Vegas when you went to Vegas alone with some friends. You have no leg to stand on. You've already conveyed your worry to your girlfriend clearly, you don't want to lose her to some drunk stranger in Vegas. Maybe you didn't say it to her exactly like that, but she can read between the lines. I'm sure afterwards she tried to comfort your fears. Yep, you're acting Beta. But a little jealousy is good, just not a lot of it. Now you've got to trust her. If she still wants to go to Vegas, it'll probably be a good idea to just allow her to go and have a good time. If you're treating her good, she will have no reason to cheat and will be longing to come back home to you, that's after drinking martini after martini and dancing with her girlfriends all night and going to the bathroom about thirty times. Plus, now you'll have the trump card to use again in the future to go to Vegas again for fantasy football.

[1slo5oh]

LOL.. So you guys do realize if a broad is going to cheat she is going to do it at home just as easily as she could in Vegas...

If she wants to go just nut the fk up... tell her to have a good time and that you'll talk to her when she gets back.. If she is into you at all... you not making contact with her will drive her insane while she is there and will probably blow you up... on the other hand.. if she was already not feeling the relationship then...well.. I got some bad news opie.. that $hit was going to happen anyways...get over it and move along...

[Murgatroid]

Depends who she's going with and how she is. You know your gf and you probably know her friends.

I've dated girls I wouldn't trust at all, and I've dated girls who it would never cross my mind to be worried. Current gf of a few months is going to DC with her sister. Told her to have fun. Not going to text her or check up on her. Don't really care too much.

If you've been together seven years, and you trust her and her friends are decent people, then tell her to have fun. If anything I would probably be annoyed at that point it's not a group trip (when I was married my spouse and I didn't go on trips without each other), but you can't really stop her so let it go.

[FU3L]

LOL.. So you guys do realize if a broad is going to cheat she is going to do it at home just as easily as she could in Vegas...

Indeed. But you also must realize the temptation in Vegas is going to be more than it would be back at home.

[daisygirl713]

I definitely overreacted a bit (there's a little backstory there) but I think I generally handled the situation correctly. If you see it another way, I'd love to hear your perspective and determine if I messed up and how I can salvage the situation.

It does seem like there's a bit of control issues on your side though... Yelling at people incoherently, don't trust the people she's going with (without giving any reasons why), creeping through her phone (what led you to creep through her phone to begin with?), the fact that it was okay for you to go 2 years ago but now she can't (lmao).
It seems like there's a lot of back story missing as to why you feel insecure about her especially after admitting "The problem is my girlfriend has about as much leverage for the "do you trust me" card as possible as we've been dating for 7 years."
I get why a bunch of girls going to Vegas is cause for concern from a guy's perspective, but there seems to be a lot more going on than just the trip.

^^^All of this. Why don't you trust the people she is going with? Aren't there only two other women going? What is the backstory to why you overreacted? Without that context, you come off as dramatic and overly-anxious

[FriendOfFrank]

What weekend is she going, brah?

[BillHendricks]

Listen fella, we can see you are the jealous type. That's fine but you are not married to the chick. If you want a say in her vacations and life then marry her. She hasn't given you a reason to not trust her. Let her go and have fun she will admire you for supporting her and her decisions. They are her decisions not yours. You can simply ask her to facetime you when she gets home every night and maybe call you to keep you in the loop. Stop being so ****ing beta

[HayZues Christi]

Everybody cheats.

If she loves you, she won't get caught.

[xvicknumber7x]

I'm going in a few weeks, maybe I'll see her there.

But really OP. Either you trust her or you don't. She is going to cheat on you anywhere if that's what she wants to do. You look like a controlling twat. Stop caring so much.

[1slo5oh]

Indeed. But you also must realize the temptation in Vegas is going to be more than it would be back at home.

Nah...Temptation is everywhere...


This is unless you live in some Podunk a$$ town with A stop light and 3 available women that the whole town has taken a turn with then maybe your perception may be a bit different. I live in Houston... its hot.. there's a lot of pools , lakes , minimal clothing and a partying going on for most of the year....Its just as tempting.... if you let it be

[TelephoneLines]

Do you know if Trey Songs is going to be in Vegas around the time your GF is going OP?

[missalexx]

Everybody cheats.

If she loves you, she won't get caught.

What weekend is she going, brah?

lmaoooo

[poopman123]

If I was going to Vegas with my buddies and my gf said no..

Id go anyway.

[ragingcrayon]

wtf... your gf wants to go to vegas and you are saying no?

she is going to resent the sht out of you. let her have fun. If you trust her, no worries. If you don't, break up with her.

you don't trust the people she's going with... you think they're going to talk her into cheating on you? They're probably not going to do that. Worst case, your girl gets hit on a bunch.
If you are afraid of more, you have trust issues and should probably end it.

[LexBrah]

lol op is a ****.

If she is going to cheat, she is going to cheat. Nothing you can say or do will stop that.

Weird how you've been with her for 7 years and don't trust her not to fuk someone else?

Just let her go and stop being a creepy little weirdo.

If she cheats and you find out, then cherish the memories you had with her and move on to the next girl. Bullet dodged, least you didnt marry her..

[poopman123]

wtf... your gf wants to go to vegas and you are saying no?

she is going to resent the sht out of you. let her have fun. If you trust her, no worries. If you don't, break up with her.

you don't trust the people she's going with... you think they're going to talk her into cheating on you? They're probably not going to do that. Worst case, your girl gets hit on a bunch.
If you are afraid of more, you have trust issues and should probably end it.

As a single guy who has a lot of engaged/married friends, the bolded is true. Id never push my friends to cheat

[1slo5oh]

lol op is a ****.

If she is going to cheat, she is going to cheat. Nothing you can say or do will stop that.

Weird how you've been with her for 7 years and don't trust her not to fuk someone else?

Just let her go and stop being a creepy little weirdo.

If she cheats and you find out, then cherish the memories you had with her and move on to the next girl. Bullet dodged, least you didnt marry her..

After thinking about this for a second... I am almost willing to bet she has already taken some side D...got caught and Opie took her back...

[missalexx]

wtf... your gf wants to go to vegas and you are saying no?

she is going to resent the sht out of you. let her have fun. If you trust her, no worries. If you don't, break up with her.

you don't trust the people she's going with... you think they're going to talk her into cheating on you? They're probably not going to do that. Worst case, your girl gets hit on a bunch.
If you are afraid of more, you have trust issues and should probably end it.

this

[justins1983]

Personally I wouldn't be interested in a "guys trip to vegas" unless I was single or wanting to do things behind my girl's back. What's the point of excluding her? Why would I want to masturbate in vegas instead of ****ing? Evidently your girlfriend and her friends feel differently.

[StinkholePatrol]

LOL @ feminists ITT

7 years together is practically marriage, why are you not going to Vegas with her. Are you not invited?

Put this in perspective, would she be eager for you to go to Vegas without her? You said you went but if she was eager for you to go then I got bad news OP.

I do not know of any real couple that has one or the other partner go to "sin city" without the other. JUST LOL


Honestly if she wants to go she doesn't give a fuk about you. Heres what I would do OP in this order, assuming you're decent looking.

1. She asks to go to vegas without you
2. You say cool have a great time, you could use some private time.
3. She leaves
4. Go NC from this point forward, no communication at all, blocked numbers.
5. Have sex with every friend in her social circle that is willing. 7 years you should know ALL of her girlfriends. Take a few selfies with them put them up on FB. Shes going to check FB while in vegas and this is going to ruin her trip combined with you being NC. Even though she's getting dicked down by chad she will be miserable now. Ego crushed
6. Get all her stuff out out of your house and in storage under her name.

When she comes back, hand her the storage company's pamphlet with all the relevant information, keys, etc. Don't talk to her anymore.

Now move on with your life, you just won. There is no way her ego will ever recover from this.

Your relationship is over at her wanting to go to Vegas without you, it doesn't even matter if she goes or not. The fact that she would consider it means she truly doesn't love you.

[RogerSteward]

Personally I wouldn't be interested in a "guys trip to vegas" unless I was single or wanting to do things behind my girl's back. What's the point of excluding her? Why would I want to masturbate in vegas instead of ****ing? Evidently your girlfriend and her friends feel differently.

I've done guys trip to Vegas. It was fun and yea, we checked out girls and shared photos of girls etc but none of us cheated. We just went to a tournament and did some drinking and black jack. We all had girlfriends too. If my girlfriend said I couldn't go or gave me a guilt trip, that would've definitely turned me off to her. I would've completely resented it.

[justins1983]

I've done guys trip to Vegas. It was fun and yea, we checked out girls and shared photos of girls etc but none of us cheated. We just went to a tournament and did some drinking and black jack. We all had girlfriends too. If my girlfriend said I couldn't go or gave me a guilt trip, that would've definitely turned me off to her. I would've completely resented it.

What does this have to do with what I said?