By motivate, I mean make sarcastic comments about how much more I have to lose and crack jokes regarding my weight. I'm sharing this with the misc more out of the need to vent my frustrations, but also to see if others have dealt with the same thing and to just get a general reaction.
To make a long story short, I've lost roughly 90lbs in the past 2 years purely off of diet and increased physical activity (no lifting/gym time, just stuff like walking and hiking). Prior to that I was almost 270lbs. I've been heavy all my life, but started binge eating in high school and by sophomore year of college could barely fit in an airplane seat and had to take several breaks walking between my dorm and my classes. I was disgusting, and needless to say I've struggled with my self esteem and body image for a very long time.
I wound up on the misc last year through a friend of mine, and subsequently starting talking through my boyfriend via PM. We've been dating for roughly 3 months and officially together for about 1.5, but even before he met me in person was critical for my lack of exercise which I was okay with because I agreed with him and was finally finding the drive to start working out.
Lately he's been making more and more comments in regards to my weight - even after I blatantly told him it hurts my feelings a few weeks ago. I can be critical at times so I generally can take what I dish out, but I never criticize or poke fun of the things he's self conscious about (if I have, he's never told me). I explained to him that the comments that he makes hurt because even though I'm still not 100% happy with where my weight is, I've come a long way and have become a lot healthier. I still have a hard time seeing my body as it really is and not as it was when I was the size of a small cow, and every negative comment makes me disgusted with myself and warps my body image. When he says things like "You're happy you're maintaining your weight? I was hoping you'd get skinnier..." it makes me feel totally unwanted and disgusting, and super insecure. My eating habits overall are a lot better than they once were (daily diet used to consist of a liter or more of soda, several slices of pizza, cheeseburgers and fries, and almost always an entire bag of Smartfood and Skittles), and even though my diet could be better I eat as healthy as he does when we're together. While I might stare longingly at a pint of Ben & Jerry's or a jar of Nutella in the supermarket I've never caved, yet there's always seems to be a comment made about my addiction to junk food.
I've ignored the snide remarks until last night, when he implied that I had "plenty of insulation" to keep me warm at night in bed, and proceeded to poke me in the stomach like the ****ing Pillsbury doughboy. On top of that, he actually asked me what was wrong when I turned my back to him and started crying. Granted I know men are generally awful with anything to do with emotions, but given the fact that I've told him how much the weight comments bugged me I figured he'd put two and two together. In his defense he asked me what was wrong a few times, but since it was late and we had to get up early I didn't feel like it was worth starting a fight. It's been 24 hours and I've been brooding over the whole situation and am super depressed.
I know I need to have a serious talk with him in person and make it clear that if he wants me to lose weight he's going to have to encourage and support me, not criticize me. In the meantime I'm just generally upset and really down on myself and pretty much want to eat every carb in sight, and definitely have NO motivation to work out, even though I'm pretty sure he makes the comments in hopes that it'll get me to hit the gym more often.
Anybody else go through something similar? If so, did you suck it up and use the criticisms as a drive to better yourself, or did you put your foot down and make it clear the criticisms needed to stop?
-have lost 90lbs, finally starting to feel more confident and body image is improving. Not where I want to be, but more comfortable in my own skin.
-start dating misc'er who is generally really sweet and considerate and takes good care of me
-the exception is that he makes snide comments and jokes about the weight I still need to lose in what seems like an effort to motivate me to work out
-comments are causing me to become horribly depressed, self-conscious and feel completely undesirable
-bf knows something is bugging me but doesn't know what. Will discuss next time we see each other.
-curious for female misc's reaction but any feedback is welcome