Need advice from my friends on here..

[plmb1]

I'll get right to the point:

Not to long ago (less than 4 years ago) I was able to low bar squat (hip breaking knee) 2.5 x bw.........deads from floor 3 x bw......I did pretty well at state level bb.ing shows and pl.ing meets for several years....you get the point.

Now, after several major back surgeries I have a hard time putting my shoes on and do good to do a singe bw squat while holding on to something.

All of ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ has put me in a very depressed state of mind. I have tried to keep myself motivated from within but it seems no matter how hard I try I want to just break down every time I look in the mirror. I've got to the point where I do not leave my house for days on end. I am at a point in life where I don't care if I wake up the next day or not.

Pretty much my entire life was spent in the gym. I've always been considered a bb.er and pl.er by people that know me IRL and they (my closer friends) still feel the same way but to "me" it's not the same anymore. I don't feel inside that I'm alive as I use to be.

I gathered all my bb.ing and pl.ing trophies and pictures and burned them about two weeks ago in a depressed rage. I know that was stupid and I do regret it but at the time....... just as now.....felt dead inside.

I know there is more to being a man than being strong or looking good........like providing for your family......supporting your wife and friends in their time of need etc..etc.. and thats another problem.......I find it hard to be there for anyone else when I can't even pull my weight around the house any more by doing things like helping with the children, cleaning and other things a "good" husband should do.

My wife says she understands but I can tell it's not ok with her like she says it is and I fear what is around the corner for me and my relationship with my wife.

My question is: how do you go from being that guy who eats, sleeps and breaths bb.ing, pl.ing and life in general to a cripple that has to be waited on hand and foot. How do you keep your sanity?

Anyone out there been through this? How did you cope with it?

Sorry I've not visited in a while and now coming on here with this.

Jeff

[SideSteal]

For your own sake, and for the benefit of your wife and family, have you considered talking to a professional therapist about this?

I can't begin to imagine how you feel about this so beyond the above, I don't think I have much of anything that is experienced based to help you Jeff. The only thing I can think of would be for you to consider mentoring/coaching other bodybuilders/PLers? Perhaps giving yourself a venue in which you can shine, and share the wealth of experience you've gained in your process, would help validate things for you?

Good luck to you, I hope you find a way to cope with this.

[Old-Time-Lifter]

I second the advice on seeing a therapist. You obviously are not going to work through this on your own. There is no shame in seeing a professional, look for somebody who specializes in depression.

Good luck but you need to move on this ASAP!

[Karl_Hungus]

I know what you mean .... when you've lifted and strength trained for a long time, it becomes part of your identity, and you feel bad when you can no longer do so. The other posters have provided sound advice, but I would suggest that you keep hitting the gym when you are well enough to do so. Just go very light (even just the bar if you have to), and slowly work your way back up. I know others around here have been in your situation -- In particular, when Bodyhard was in a car crash, he was in a wheelchair and couldn't even walk, and has had multiple surgeries. I remember he was pretty depressed about it too, but he came back strong.... so, maybe you can too.

[GuyJin]

What the other guys said. See a therapist for your back and get his/her opinion ASAP. If you have to, see a shrink about this depression.

Now, for my story and I'll keep it short. When I was 33 I overdosed on some asthma medication. Long story trimmed for readability, it damaged my heart and I went from being an overweight but strong 200-plus pounds to 159 in less than six months. My heart was beating around 150 beats per minute for almost a year, I had extremely low blood pressure...in short, I looked like death and felt like it, too. Lost all my so-called friends and almost lost the will to live.

What got me out of my depressed state was the idea that one day I'd get better. It took over a year, my mother's support, and my fiance's love for me to get me through the darkest days. But I did and never looked back. No, I'll never place in a contest and don't care to compete--not my thing. But I can still lift and I love being able to.

OP, while it IS eating at you, you have to be realistic about what you can do and what you can't and that's where a good sports rehab therapist comes in. Talk to your wife for she will be your anchor. If you can't train now, then let your body rest and when ready, start with baby steps. Do what you can, not what you think you should. Hope this helps a little, and wishing you a great holiday season and New Year.

[chodan9]

good to see you plmb1,
I think getting some help in dealing with these life changes.
In the end our activities do no define us, but they have an impact. you may need to readdress your options in regards to training. you may never power lift again or compete in bodybuilding, but you might get to a point where you can be fit.
your knowledge gained from a lifetime of training can be useful to others as a trainer perhaps.
You have lots of things to think about.

[mjf100215]

I'd agree with talking to someone who can give good solid suggestions on how to deal with life, refocus, and get back on track. If you're willing to talk to bb members, you're obviously willing to share and take advice from others.

I'd also add that not all therapists are the same. If you don't find a connection with the first one you meet and feel like it's helping, move on and find another.

I spent over 5 years of my life in nasty depression from going through cancer and divorce in the same week and really wish I could have some of that time back. I don't know if professional help would have done anything for me, but looking back, I can't see how it would have been foolish to try.

[MecGen]

Hi

I can't help you with the BB side of things. I was a blue collar worker, that owned my own business for 12 years. 4 years ago I had a work related accident which left me damaged and repaired in the upper body. My injuries are no where near as serious as yours, but I still had to change my trade which I have been doing since I was 14 years old, and had to make many adaptations in my personal life. It took lots of soul searching, lots of anger and sadness to get me looking on the bright side of things.

BB's like yourself have the added complication of it being a "vanity" sport on top of it, this is why I would seek help in your shoes, you are dealing with a lot of different angles on this. Remember X-Mas is a bad time for depression, not to mention depending where you live the lack of sunlight doesn't help.

I have to believe if your mentally strong enough to squat 2Xbw. you can get yourself out of this rut, just might have to ask for a P-Trainer for help, lots of walk in clinics will set you in the right direction.

+Karma

[2nd_chance]

Jeff, it really saddened my heart to read this. I will be praying for you brother. Bodybuilding is all about improvement and beating the competition of self. Even though you can't beat the "you" of 4 years ago, you can beat yesterday's "you." Just take small steps and don't focus on what used to be. There's much more for you. Plus others here and IRL can glean from your experience and knowledge. Of course, I agree with seeing a counselor as well.

[cdnava10]

I hate to see someone so down Jeff. If all of these members on BB.com are so supporting and we are strangers, I can't imagine how supportive your family must be! I agree with everyone on the therapist, maybe you can slowly work to recover. I'm sure it won't happen overnight. Just take it one day at a time friend! Good luck to you, my heart goes out to you!

[MadJasper]

Therapist. I began seeing one last year (no longer seeing one at the moment but thinking about it again). Best decision I ever made.... changed my life. I chose a licensed Christian therapist myself, but that was a personal preference.

I'll be praying for you brother.

[induced_drag]

Was up late and saw this thread. I remember you from when I first returned to the gym in 09.

I dont know if you remember, but I was in a terrible accident and was the sole survivor. I was left with broken neck and brain injury. The broken neck was the easy part as it heals. The brain injury is something all together different.

I will say that there were very dark times for me during my recovery. Times that made me question my ability to go on. Wondering why I lived when others did not. I went for days without leaving the room in which I recovered. I did not eat well or sleep well. I was left to question just about everything I had known. It is very hard to put in to words the feelings that I felt when you could tell the concern and pity people had when they spoke to you. This was very difficult. I did not want pity....I just wanted to be my normal self....but I had no control over it. I remember the sight of my daughter, then only 5, getting sick and throwing up when she first saw me in the hospital room after the accident. Many painful dark times.

In time, my injuries healed....but for me, I have come to a place where I am very happy. Different, but very happy. Many of my lifes goals have changed since. Things that were once important to me, now dont mean so much...and things that should have meant more to me, now have my focus.

The gym has played an enormous role in my recovery, mentally and physically. While I may never exceed my former personal bests, I strive to improve what is my best now. It has not been easy nor liner return. Not long after getting back in the gym after recovering, my wife was dealt a small setback health wise. This sidelined me from the gym for almost a year again. She has fully recovered and now I am about to finish my 10th month back training steady.

I dont know what words I can say other then sometimes in life, even the darkest times can provide you with wonderful clarity and perspective. I echo the suggestions on talking to someone. I had support of many during my recovery but I found the most comfort in relating with others who had been through similar events. It is ok to draw strength from others and does not mean you are weak or less of a man. There is a strength that you will gain in your recovery that few will relate to....but it will make you a better person in the long run. A better husband, a better father and better friend.

In closing, I actually think I am lucky to have gone through what I did. It has forever changed me. Despite the hardship, it has given me new found focus and confidence to forge ahead.

[pvsampson]

Seven years ago I went through something similar.I wasn't BBing or Training but I was working as a labourer on a poultry farm,walked into work at 86kg,(about 190lb),fit and pretty strong.I blew a disc in my lower spine and I was crippled for 3 1/2 months before surgery,where I weighed in at 58kg (127lb!!).I was a mess.Depression hit hard as all my working life I had been a general labourer and had worked hard physical jobs for my pay. I was a state champ in IFAA and 3D archery and my whole life as I knew it went out the window.My relationship at the time ended badly and after 5yrs I finally took the initiative and decide to change my life.I started lifting VERY light weights and steadily have increased my core strength to where I am now comfortably and confidently ready to start getting serious about a training routine in the New Year. Mate...things do get better.If you want them to.It sounds as though your wife is an absolute legend as she is sticking with you and supporting you.The previous posts mentioned seeking professional therapy,and I would recommend it as well.You are going through a tough time and it is extremely hard to get through these type of situations without an outside,professional point of view....even if it is just to talk about how you feel.Please talk to someone,outside of your family,about what you are going through.Yes you have come here,but sitting with someone face to face will do amazing things for your general,mental wellbeing.I know,I had 2 suicide attempts in my early twenties and was so close it was a miracle I survived.Things get better.Derek Poundstone absolutely f###ed his back and he is now probably stronger than ever.Please stay strong and seek some advice.

[Forgettoned]

You're still walking. Heck you're even doing one body weight squats which is a blessing beyond words. You are still alive and have every single tool to come back stronger than you ever have been. This time you won't make the same mistakes and you'll clear all the hurdles like you never have because you've already done it once.

Focus on all the positives in your life and build on that base. I don't doubt your motivated bodybuilding brain is going to get you out of this one. I am more than certain of it actually, because as much as you are down and out you are already looking for a solution, a way out and even communicating your frustrations instead of keeping it inside.

Keep your chin up, this is a test to see if you can pick up the weight that isn't just literal weight. I believe you can do it, now you just have to

[camau71]

From the posts above you know you're not alone or unique in your suffering. I can also relate, at 41 I was at the top of my game in natural bodybuilding. In the previous 6 years competing as a master's I had either won or placed first in my class at every show I entered.

I hit a bit of a roadblock on my 41st birthday. I was skydiving with some friends, had an equipment issue on our last jump and consequently broke a LOT of things. I was able to sit up and when I got a look at myself I laid back down and felt real fear. The surgeon looked through the xrays and said "I see you are a bodybuilder, but you need to accept that you're done with that now".

That was my point of decision, I decided then and there that whatever it took I would come back from this. There were some very tough times in the months that followed, but as soon as I was able I was back in the gym doing whatever I could. In the beginning, it was pretty pathetic as I couldn't walk without crutches and only had the use of one hand. Still, I kept going, no matter how little I could do I just showed up. Determination combined with positive action proved to be a very powerful healing agent for me, both physically and emotionally.

Healing begins in the mind by making a decision to take that first step, then continually taking another one until the scenery improves. Becoming a champion in bodybuilding and powerlifting requires a lot of dedication and fortitude. You obviously posses those traits, but you may need professional help to help you reconnect with them.

There has been lots of sound advice expressed in the previous posts. I hope you will take some of it to heart and start today.

Take a look at my signature line, I earned it, but you can borrow it if you like

[flat6nut]

Jeff, when I started on here you gave me some real good advice. If you can not lift any more...you can use your experience to help others.

If you can lift...just do it...and improve yourself to be better than you are TODAY.

Good luck bro.

[BioUnit]

What does not work is sitting on your couch getting drunk and feeling sorry for yourself. I know cuz i tried for five years. It will just make your back problems worse. I had to swallow my pride and start from nothing to being able to lift my bw after a full year of work.

I loved weilding and when i couldnt do it anymore it sucked alot. Anyways to get through this you need to get out and be around positive ppl and get some new goals for fitness in areas were you can make some progress. Focus on what you can do not what you cant anymore. Just keep moving and this storm in life will pass and sunny days will come again.

[bodyhard]

I'll get right to the point:

Not to long ago (less than 4 years ago) I was able to low bar squat (hip breaking knee) 2.5 x bw.........deads from floor 3 x bw......I did pretty well at state level bb.ing shows and pl.ing meets for several years....you get the point.

Now, after several major back surgeries I have a hard time putting my shoes on and do good to do a singe bw squat while holding on to something.

All of ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ has put me in a very depressed state of mind. I have tried to keep myself motivated from within but it seems no matter how hard I try I want to just break down every time I look in the mirror. I've got to the point where I do not leave my house for days on end. I am at a point in life where I don't care if I wake up the next day or not.

Pretty much my entire life was spent in the gym. I've always been considered a bb.er and pl.er by people that know me IRL and they (my closer friends) still feel the same way but to "me" it's not the same anymore. I don't feel inside that I'm alive as I use to be.

I gathered all my bb.ing and pl.ing trophies and pictures and burned them about two weeks ago in a depressed rage. I know that was stupid and I do regret it but at the time....... just as now.....felt dead inside.

I know there is more to being a man than being strong or looking good........like providing for your family......supporting your wife and friends in their time of need etc..etc.. and thats another problem.......I find it hard to be there for anyone else when I can't even pull my weight around the house any more by doing things like helping with the children, cleaning and other things a "good" husband should do.

My wife says she understands but I can tell it's not ok with her like she says it is and I fear what is around the corner for me and my relationship with my wife.

My question is: how do you go from being that guy who eats, sleeps and breaths bb.ing, pl.ing and life in general to a cripple that has to be waited on hand and foot. How do you keep your sanity?

Anyone out there been through this? How did you cope with it?

Sorry I've not visited in a while and now coming on here with this.

Jeff

When was your last surgery? You can't expect to be doing what you used to do, much less bodybuilding in a short period of time. I am not going to get into what has happen to me, but I can tell you. I've been there, I have put a gun to my mouth and was going to end my life, my daughter walking in on me, gave me a second chance and not only am I training I am good at it once again..

One thing I can tell you, no one NO ONE is going to do sh!t for you, no one can fix you but you, it has to start from within, you have to want to live again, you and only you has to want to live, not for your wife, not for your children, not for anyone but you. The more you think of what you can't do for others, the more you kill the person that is inside of you. You can't help others if you can't help yourself...

Do what you need to do to fix you, go to therapy both physical and mental, put what you used to do behind you, that sh!t has passed, don't f'cking dwell on what used to be, that will only make you weaker, focus on how you are now and where you are going to be tomorrow and I mean that literally, You have to take your life 1 day at a time. If you can bend down to your knees, tomorrow try to bend down .5 inches lower.

Life is not over for you, only harder, you are alive and that is what is important.

[pharmamarketer]

Some great advice in here fro people that have been in Some very difficult situations. Just wanted to wish you the best

[Forgettoned]

[QUOTE=camau71; The surgeon looked through the xrays and said "I see you are a bodybuilder, but you need to accept that you're done with that now". [/QUOTE]

Of course the doctors told you that you were done with that. If they didn't control, manipulate and discourage you from healing how else would become a life long patient to pad their profits.

Jeff, you are in charge of your own destiny with regards to your bodybuilding and everything else. You're already doing some exercise and I have all the faith in the world that you're going to do more each day. The strongest part of you right now is your mind and you can use it to build yourself up or break yourself down. Use iron will and confidence in yourself to get moving forward in the right direction. When you go to bed at night tell yourself that tomorrow is going to be a better day. When you wake up decide that it will be better.

I went to therapy years ago and it didn't work for me. I started meditating which lead me on a path to heal myself. I started with nutrition, then started lifting weights which essentially is still healing me. No doctors, no drugs, no therapy. Maybe try to see this as an opportunity, time away to evaluate goals and how far you want to take your bodybuilding. In my mind you're going to take it further than you ever have. Get physical therapy and sports psychology text books from your local college and read all you can about rehabilitation, then begin applying it to yourself. Perhaps, you are finding yourself in this scenario because someday you're going to be able to help others in your situation. This moment is where your years of training is going to support you and pull you out of this. I'm excited about hearing about your improvement in the days and months to come

[Brackneyc]

Of course the doctors told you that you were done with that. If they didn't control, manipulate and discourage you from healing how else would become a life long patient to pad their profits.

Great, another "doctors are the bad guys" post. Look around you, do doctors "really" need to keep people sick, or otherwise manipulate them. They (we) do a damn good job of screwing themselves/ourselves up without "needing" to keep us coming back.

[drudixon]

I'll get right to the point:

Not to long ago (less than 4 years ago) I was able to low bar squat (hip breaking knee) 2.5 x bw.........deads from floor 3 x bw......I did pretty well at state level bb.ing shows and pl.ing meets for several years....you get the point.

Now, after several major back surgeries I have a hard time putting my shoes on and do good to do a singe bw squat while holding on to something.

All of ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ has put me in a very depressed state of mind. I have tried to keep myself motivated from within but it seems no matter how hard I try I want to just break down every time I look in the mirror. I've got to the point where I do not leave my house for days on end. I am at a point in life where I don't care if I wake up the next day or not.

Pretty much my entire life was spent in the gym. I've always been considered a bb.er and pl.er by people that know me IRL and they (my closer friends) still feel the same way but to "me" it's not the same anymore. I don't feel inside that I'm alive as I use to be.

I gathered all my bb.ing and pl.ing trophies and pictures and burned them about two weeks ago in a depressed rage. I know that was stupid and I do regret it but at the time....... just as now.....felt dead inside.

I know there is more to being a man than being strong or looking good........like providing for your family......supporting your wife and friends in their time of need etc..etc.. and thats another problem.......I find it hard to be there for anyone else when I can't even pull my weight around the house any more by doing things like helping with the children, cleaning and other things a "good" husband should do.

My wife says she understands but I can tell it's not ok with her like she says it is and I fear what is around the corner for me and my relationship with my wife.

My question is: how do you go from being that guy who eats, sleeps and breaths bb.ing, pl.ing and life in general to a cripple that has to be waited on hand and foot. How do you keep your sanity?

Anyone out there been through this? How did you cope with it?

Sorry I've not visited in a while and now coming on here with this.

Jeff

The question you need to answer is, "who are you?"

Answer that, and your rage should disappear. I went through these stages when I first started losing my hearing, then again when my sight began to go. i am more than whats happening to me. You will realize this too.

[Forgettoned]

The question you need to answer is, "who are you?"

Great post.

[Corbi]

Tailor your workout to basically eliminate lifts that will aggravate your lower back, or go real light and take it super easy and see how it works out after 6 months. Sure it sucks but it's better than doing nothing.

It's how you deal with this adversity that will define you instead of the injury and surgeries.

[plumher]

It probably wouldnt hurt to get a full physical with a complete blood workup. Sometimes our bodies change so slowly we dont notice it until we take a long look and come to grips with "I feel different".

Good luck though, I feel your pain. Take a long look at your current situation and ask yourself what will make you happy, then take baby steps to acccomplish that.

[trickyB]

Of course the doctors told you that you were done with that. If they didn't control, manipulate and discourage you from healing how else would become a life long patient to pad their profits.

Good call! Don't forget the dentists their just as bad..

[Brackneyc]

Good call! Don't forget the dentists their just as bad..

They are even worse. All those suggestions to brush, floss and use mouthwash. It is a giant conspiracy. Especially those cleanings and check-ups. Good god, there ought to be a law.

Dentists and doctors.....two groups who should be ignored in leu of advice from a BBing forum, where incidentally, a lot of THAT advice is suspect.

[67fastback]

Some time during our life, each of us will face extremely difficult challenges.

Depression can be a natural component, of such challenges.

Start counting the things you have going for you, don't dwell on what's gone.
Challenge yourself, to stay positive. Instead of lifting masssive #, a good day might just be walking to the park or hugging your wife.
Baby steps, and let your surgery heal.

Best of Luck

[billrich210]

Jeff,

Although I have had some back surgery and can feel your pain, I think John (BH) can relate even better. The man knows how to overcome! You can do this!

Bill

[Forgettoned]

Anything is possible. Just get your mind behind your plan Jeff.