being socially isolated as a kid make it impossible to change and enjoy life

[dabigMV]

I have zero opportunities to have success with girls because i can not go out without friends and I can never make it to the point were I am getting invited to go places. All i ****ing do is go to school, work, home, and gym my whole life. Tried hard as a kid and in high school but got no were and just sat in the library on my free time. I am trying hard now to make conversations with people in class in the school gym, etc but I can not get anywere. As soon as girls realize I am a loser they dont show interest even though i have looks on my side. How the **** am I supposed to make up for 20 years of lost social skills? I try and fail every ****ing time and work my ass off to improve myself by acquiring aesthetics , currency, etc but that gets me no were and i still cant make friends. Should i just become accepting of the fact I cant enjoy my youth and have friends? I have been extremely depressed day in and day out but now I am going to give up on life soon. People say its so easy in college and i still struggle what the **** am i supposed to do when i am working fulltime and have no time to go out? srsly considering suicide cuz i cant live my pathetic live for to much longer. I am really jealous of people born naturally gifted socially and extroverted you dont knwo how lucky you have it

[HayZues Christi]

why have you been so isolated? srs

[dabigMV]

why have you been so isolated? srs

i was shy and quiet. Also it has gotten a lot better after treatments but i had a skin condition called vitiligo on my face (right side) now its barely noticable so people made fun of me and wouldnt even look at me when i tried talking to them plus i had braces and bad acne so i just gave up and starting spending time in the library in high school.

[Dr83]

I find it hard to believe that you have no friends, even losers tend to stick together.

The biggest thing holding you back is your attitude. You set yourself up for failure by thinking that you're not 'worthy' of making legitimate friends because you haven't had social experience for 20 years. Guess what man, there's no deadline, you can start right now if you just drop the self-defeating mindset.

Think about what you have to offer people. Are you funny? Nice? People like people who give them value or make them feel good. I'm sure you can do that somehow.

You say you don't have time to make friends because you're constantly working or going to the gym or school? What do you want more? Would you rather be the rich jacked guy with no friends or the slightly less rich slightly less jacked guy with tons of friends and people who like you (it's entirely possible to have all three however)? What you put into the system is what you get out of it. Don't get invited to parties? Crash them, who gives a ****. Better yet, throw your own party or invite people out to eat/do whatever. Friends are an investment, you have to put yourself out there in the beginning in order to get some returns in the long run.

[dabigMV]

I find it hard to believe that you have no friends, even losers tend to stick together.

The biggest thing holding you back is your attitude. You set yourself up for failure by thinking that you're not 'worthy' of making legitimate friends because you haven't had social experience for 20 years. Guess what man, there's no deadline, you can start right now if you just drop the self-defeating mindset.

Think about what you have to offer people. Are you funny? Nice? People like people who give them value or make them feel good. I'm sure you can do that somehow.

You say you don't have time to make friends because you're constantly working or going to the gym or school? What do you want more? Would you rather be the rich jacked guy with no friends or the slightly less rich slightly less jacked guy with tons of friends and people who like you (it's entirely possible to have all three however)? What you put into the system is what you get out of it. Don't get invited to parties? Crash them, who gives a ****. Better yet, throw your own party or invite people out to eat/do whatever. Friends are an investment, you have to put yourself out there in the beginning in order to get some returns in the long run.

i put myself out at school by studying on campus or going to the school gym after class but i cant connect with people after small talk it blows my mind how people make friends so easily.

edit: besides lifting advice i have nothing to offer anyone and after years of isolation i have no sense of humour

[jacketfan]

get a job where you can talk to people youre age. will help u be less awkward and make friends

/thread

[dabigMV]

get a job where you can talk to people youre age. will help u be less awkward and make friends

/thread

i do and it doesnt help since people are already in there own social circles and are not accepting of others unless they have stuff to offer but i dont. I am less awkward but still after work or school i dont have conversations with anyone.

[jacketfan]

i do and it doesnt help since people are already in there own social circles and are not accepting of others unless they have stuff to offer but i dont. I am less awkward but still after work or school i dont have conversations with anyone.

not true, i make tons of friends from random social circles. just gotta go out of your way to invite them to do stuff, they will automatically like you

[damlurker]

its funny how even things like this can be genetic...

I was primarily raised by my mom, who was pretty extroverted had friends etc..

But my dad is a really quiet, humorless person who is almost always srs and never lightens up.. Has few friends and prone to outbursts of anger which results in him not talking or completely ignoring the person that pissed him off for huge amounts of time.. (he has gone for almost 5+ yrs without saying a word to my mom.. stayed mad at me for almost 3months once..

Unfortunately I inherited the those exact traits from my dad.. DESPITE being reaised by my mom..
im pretty much the same if not worse than my father.. very quiet.. no emotion. utterly humorless and boring.. Also prone to outbursts of anger and random irrational violence..

dat dere genetics FTL..

i was shy and quiet. Also it has gotten a lot better after treatments but i had a skin condition called vitiligo on my face (right side) now its barely noticable so people made fun of me and wouldnt even look at me when i tried talking to them plus i had braces and bad acne so i just gave up and starting spending time in the library in high school.

you're lucky you are white and they eventually faded out

ever seen a black or brown person with Virgilio.. scarred for life..
They way MJ had that and its one reason he was so weird.. (i mean not the disease itself, but the way he people would treat him due to it)

[dabigMV]

its funny how even things like this can be genetic...

I was primarily raised by my mom, who was pretty extroverted had friends etc..

But my dad is a really quiet, humorless person who is almost always srs and never lightens up.. Has few friends and prone to outbursts of anger which results in him not talking or completely ignoring the person that pissed him off for huge amounts of time.. (he has gone for almost 5+ yrs without saying a word to my mom.. stayed mad at me for almost 3months once..

Unfortunately I inherited the those exact traits from my dad.. DESPITE being reaised by my mom..
im pretty much the same if not worse than my father.. very quiet.. no emotion. utterly humorless and boring.. Also prone to outbursts of anger and random irrational violence..

dat dere genetics FTL..

yep i think i acquired it from my dads side. My dad is not the most outgoing guy and my uncle and one of my aunts are still single and most likely virgins to this day. My other aunt from my dads side is outgoing though but thats only like 1/4 from my dads side.

[Dr83]

i put myself out at school by studying on campus or going to the school gym after class but i cant connect with people after small talk it blows my mind how people make friends so easily.

edit: besides lifting advice i have nothing to offer anyone and after years of isolation i have no sense of humour

studying on campus? lifting at the gym? dude I'm completely silent when I do these two things, I don't talk to anybody. how do these count as putting yourself out there? nobody is going to walk up to you and say "oh you're studying that's so cool what's your name?"

join a club, go to parties, hang out at a starbucks, go to bars, social places. don't have a sense of humor? watch funny youtube videos, comedians, steal material if you really can't be original.

I'll even give you a LIST of things to talk to people about, memorize it and you're on your way to making friends. These are topics that almost everyone has something to say about.
-their major (is it interesting? hard? what kind of job do you hope to get?)
-their job (stressful? stories? talk about your own job)
-if they have pets (cute/funny pet stories)
-favorite music/bands
-what they do for fun (if it's lifting you're golden)
-have they ever been anyplace cool

talk about yourself too. this is pretty basic conversation but you seem to not have a grasp of it anyway. insert humor and BOOM, people think you're cool/nice. get their contact info and invite them out to do stuff. this is how we make friends.

[Dale1988]

I know what you mean bro. Im in the same boat as you. Im introverted as phuck, had a very lonely childhood. Sometimes I feel lonely, but whenever I feel that way, I either hit the gym or pick up a book (about weight training of coarse!) and I usually feel better.

The biggest problem I found that was working against me was not talking to anyone. Always used to Think that people should talk to me first. You should strike up conversations wherever you can, as often as possible. Even if what you have to say is boring or stupid, people will still think higher of you than if you sat in the corner facing the wall. Also, if you are trying to pick up girls and you fail, its no big deal. The point is you tried. For example, how many crappy movies do you think Arnie made before he hit it big with conan the barbarian? Quite a fewI believe. Point being he never gave up, despite his past failures!



Bottom line: Lift heavy, take a multi, and dont be afriad of failure = sucess & friends

[czmudzin]

I have zero opportunities to have success with girls because i can not go out without friends and I can never make it to the point were I am getting invited to go places. All i ****ing do is go to school, work, home, and gym my whole life. Tried hard as a kid and in high school but got no were and just sat in the library on my free time. I am trying hard now to make conversations with people in class in the school gym, etc but I can not get anywere. As soon as girls realize I am a loser they dont show interest even though i have looks on my side. How the **** am I supposed to make up for 20 years of lost social skills? I try and fail every ****ing time and work my ass off to improve myself by acquiring aesthetics , currency, etc but that gets me no were and i still cant make friends. Should i just become accepting of the fact I cant enjoy my youth and have friends? I have been extremely depressed day in and day out but now I am going to give up on life soon. People say its so easy in college and i still struggle what the **** am i supposed to do when i am working fulltime and have no time to go out? srsly considering suicide cuz i cant live my pathetic live for to much longer. I am really jealous of people born naturally gifted socially and extroverted you dont knwo how lucky you have it

I was yanked out of a public school where I knew everyone and placed into a private school where I knew nobody. I completely shut down and became socially awkward as well, but i was able to connect with other kids that could see eye to eye. After a while I became a waiter because I heard it was good money, and in that line of work you're forced to become socially coherent. Plus in college, you have to take usually at least one or two communications classes where you give speeches. Don't be so self concious, your aesthetics give you a way into the female anyways, it won't be long after a conversation gets stricken up that someone will notice you work out and ask you about it giving you a chance to open up and find some common ground. Don't give up OP, communication is not that bad once you get used to it. Drinking helps you make friends too sometimes lulz, cuz no fu cks are given when drunk.

[cheeezles]

Join loads of clubs It's what i did and it worked, but i mean you have to join loads to get past the ones that never meet or the people arn't friendly or they just don't give a **** about you.

[philosobrah]

Bro, you're fawking joocy.. no homo

how can you not pull at least one girl? Put personality aside, just your body alone (again, no homo) can pull bitches left and right


You mentioned you have a job, why not make friends at work? It's really not that hard, i'm sure you've heard that million times, but really.. it's not that hard..

hasn't working out given you confidence? dood.... im dissapoint

[benzz]

I know what you mean bro. Im in the same boat as you. Im introverted as phuck, had a very lonely childhood. Sometimes I feel lonely, but whenever I feel that way, I either hit the gym or pick up a book (about weight training of coarse!) and I usually feel better.

The biggest problem I found that was working against me was not talking to anyone. Always used to Think that people should talk to me first. You should strike up conversations wherever you can, as often as possible. Even if what you have to say is boring or stupid, people will still think higher of you than if you sat in the corner facing the wall. Also, if you are trying to pick up girls and you fail, its no big deal. The point is you tried. For example, how many crappy movies do you think Arnie made before he hit it big with conan the barbarian? Quite a fewI believe. Point being he never gave up, despite his past failures!



Bottom line: Lift heavy, take a multi, and dont be afriad of failure = sucess & friends

this is what i need to work on with girls

have tons of friends but still trouble closing with girls.

[br0_r0gan]

i know that introvert feel bro. I suck at the small talk/pleasantries of meeting new people. I find it annoying but am starting to get better because there really is no other option.

[benzz]

Bro, you're fawking joocy.. no homo

how can you not pull at least one girl? Put personality aside, just your body alone (again, no homo) can pull bitches left and right


You mentioned you have a job, why not make friends at work? It's really not that hard, i'm sure you've heard that million times, but really.. it's not that hard..

hasn't working out given you confidence? dood.... im dissapoint

loll girls find that intimidating!!! if your good looking, built, ect

i got MORE approaches when i was a skinny fuk with long hair in hs/early cegep now I'm better in every way and get literally no approaches but a lot of signs of interest which my dumbass doesn't act on

[Contribution05]

I have zero opportunities to have success with girls because i can not go out without friends and I can never make it to the point were I am getting invited to go places. All i ****ing do is go to school, work, home, and gym my whole life. Tried hard as a kid and in high school but got no were and just sat in the library on my free time. I am trying hard now to make conversations with people in class in the school gym, etc but I can not get anywere. As soon as girls realize I am a loser they dont show interest even though i have looks on my side. How the **** am I supposed to make up for 20 years of lost social skills? I try and fail every ****ing time and work my ass off to improve myself by acquiring aesthetics , currency, etc but that gets me no were and i still cant make friends. Should i just become accepting of the fact I cant enjoy my youth and have friends? I have been extremely depressed day in and day out but now I am going to give up on life soon. People say its so easy in college and i still struggle what the **** am i supposed to do when i am working fulltime and have no time to go out? srsly considering suicide cuz i cant live my pathetic live for to much longer. I am really jealous of people born naturally gifted socially and extroverted you dont knwo how lucky you have it

If you acquired currency, you should have no problem. I don't like saying you can "buy" friends, but man if you pay for a round of drinks, or invite them to do things that cost money and you pay. They will love you.

Avoiding that though you should go to some bars and talk to people who come up and sit next to you at the bar. Or join intramural sports and can be friends with your teammates.

[endofdays89]

I've been feeling the same today. I just don't know how to get out of my comfort zone, it seems so impossible due to the anxiety and lack of knowledge and social skills that are needed to go out and enjoy life. Don't get me wrong, i have been improving a little bit but i still don't feel comfortable trying something new when everyone else has already learned and experienced it. I don't want to embarrass myself on something so miniscule that everyone else has learned before me. I'm 22 years old and i still haven't learned the basic social skills and knowledge in general that people pick up from their teen years. Is it really worth me going out and making a fool out of myself so people can feel sorry for me just to gain this knowledge? I know it will come quick, but those failed moments will feel like eternity.

[benzz]

If you acquired currency, you should have no problem. I don't like saying you can "buy" friends, but man if you pay for a round of drinks, or invite them to do things that cost money and you pay. They will love you.

Avoiding that though you should go to some bars and talk to people who come up and sit next to you at the bar. Or join intramural sports and can be friends with your teammates.

money won't help, if anything people will use you for it

[Wolf200]

Iknowthatfeelbro.jpg

But look on the bright side OP, your body is about 50x better than mine.

[mbwood]

I'm in the same boat as you op. I hope things turn out better for you

[endofdays89]

studying on campus? lifting at the gym? dude I'm completely silent when I do these two things, I don't talk to anybody. how do these count as putting yourself out there? nobody is going to walk up to you and say "oh you're studying that's so cool what's your name?"

join a club, go to parties, hang out at a starbucks, go to bars, social places. don't have a sense of humor? watch funny youtube videos, comedians, steal material if you really can't be original.

I'll even give you a LIST of things to talk to people about, memorize it and you're on your way to making friends. These are topics that almost everyone has something to say about.
-their major (is it interesting? hard? what kind of job do you hope to get?)
-their job (stressful? stories? talk about your own job)
-if they have pets (cute/funny pet stories)
-favorite music/bands
-what they do for fun (if it's lifting you're golden)
-have they ever been anyplace cool

talk about yourself too. this is pretty basic conversation but you seem to not have a grasp of it anyway. insert humor and BOOM, people think you're cool/nice. get their contact info and invite them out to do stuff. this is how we make friends.

How in the hell do you go to bars and parties when you have no social skills? You can't just walk into a bar like "HEY WASSUP GIRLS" when you are a) intimidated by chicks, and b) have the social skills of a moderate autistic kid. I'm shy as fuk until i get to know someone, and getting to know people is nearly impossible because of my situation. The only people i am close to are my coworkers i work with every day and that's because i was forced to work with them.

its funny how even things like this can be genetic...

I was primarily raised by my mom, who was pretty extroverted had friends etc..

But my dad is a really quiet, humorless person who is almost always srs and never lightens up.. Has few friends and prone to outbursts of anger which results in him not talking or completely ignoring the person that pissed him off for huge amounts of time.. (he has gone for almost 5+ yrs without saying a word to my mom.. stayed mad at me for almost 3months once..

Unfortunately I inherited the those exact traits from my dad.. DESPITE being reaised by my mom..
im pretty much the same if not worse than my father.. very quiet.. no emotion. utterly humorless and boring.. Also prone to outbursts of anger and random irrational violence..

dat dere genetics FTL..




you're lucky you are white and they eventually

ever seen a black or brown person with Virgilio.. scarred for life..
They way MJ had that and its one reason he was so weird.. (i mean not the disease itself, but the way he people would treat him due to it)

Whoaaa there brah, being introverted is not caused by genetics. It's caused by insecurities.

[Errorist]

I'm extremely introverted. I was socially isolated as a kid, mostly by choice, partly by ostracization, but I do fine now. Have friends to hang out with, chicks to hook up with, etc. Didn't start changing until about 23, and it started out real slow. I didn't give a fuk at first, but especially within the past year I realized I needed to start building a network for business in the future, so I look for ways to connect with others. There's still a lot of time where I just don't give a fuk about anyone around me and I'm so caught up in my own thoughts though.

Whoaaa there brah, being introverted is not caused by genetics. It's caused by insecurities.

Idiot.

[CCAurora]

Whoaaa there brah, being introverted is not caused by genetics. It's caused by insecurities.

Behavior very much has genetic links. Personality disorders get carried down from generation to generation all the time.

There was a time where I was intimidated as fuk by the thought of going somewhere new and knowing nobody, but after experiencing it a few times, its not that bad... I'm not intimidated by the thought of moving to a random state to work in a year. Getting out there is the best way to make **** happen...

[damlurker]

Behavior very much has genetic links. Personality disorders get carried down from generation to generation all the time.

There was a time where I was intimidated as fuk by the thought of going somewhere new and knowing nobody, but after experiencing it a few times, its not that bad... I'm not intimidated by the thought of moving to a random state to work in a year. Getting out there is the best way to make **** happen...

yeah i've looked into it and along with my personal experiences convinced genetics has much to do with it..
Like dabigMV said, many people in my fathers side of the family are pretty hardcore introverts and foreveraloners..

I have a uncle who is almost 50 and still a virgin who's intimidated by most people around him.. He lives in my parents house and doesn't even come out when we have visitors and my dad is having a drink with them.. wtf.. )

One of my father's cousins was actually a hardcore agoraphobic who NEVER left his house.. didnt even have a job..
He died recently in his 60's or so and my mom mentioned it was the first time she had seen him in decades.. oh and I've never even seen him myself..

The latest in the line (well except for me) is one of my cousins from my fathers side who is almost 35+ and still unmarried and has never had a gf.. Ironically he was the only cousin i was close to as a kid since he lived in our house for a few years..
He DOES have friends etc.. goes on road trips and stuff all the time with them but I suspect he might also be a 35+ virgin lolzz

man.. Even I've come a long way I guess..
I was so isolated I couldnt even talk store clerks at all as a kid.. I mean I did it when my mom bugged me or when I had no choice but I HATED it..



Now go to my mom's side and its full of extroverts.. family get togethr's at their places are so much more fun with everyone getting drunk, cracking jokes, shouting and occasional fights..

heck.. my own uncle (who's possibly the closest person i've had in my family apart from my mom/dad) is possibly the worst of the that bunch.. dude is always out with friends every single night getting drinking or eating.. (guy's a lawyer with his own law firm so i guess its to be expected lol)

The guy even was joking that he could find me a girl to "practice" (his words.. lolz) before getting a real GF.. who da FuK says stuff like that in Real Life?!?! Even my mom, his own sister, heard that hahaha

[Dale1988]

loll girls find that intimidating!!! if your good looking, built, ect

i got MORE approaches when i was a skinny fuk with long hair in hs/early cegep now I'm better in every way and get literally no approaches but a lot of signs of interest which my dumbass doesn't act on

I bet if you lost 10 pounds of muscle you would get approached a phuck of alot, assuming you have facial aesthetics.

[umadjelly]

The biggest problem I found that was working against me was not talking to anyone. Always used to Think that people should talk to me first. You should strike up conversations wherever you can, as often as possible. Even if what you have to say is boring or stupid, people will still think higher of you than if you sat in the corner facing the wall. Also, if you are trying to pick up girls and you fail, its no big deal. The point is you tried. For example, how many crappy movies do you think Arnie made before he hit it big with conan the barbarian? Quite a fewI believe. Point being he never gave up, despite his past failures!



Bottom line: Lift heavy, take a multi, and dont be afriad of failure = sucess & friends

This.

[umadjelly]

Whoaaa there brah, being introverted is not caused by genetics. It's caused by insecurities.

It does have a genetic basis, but I think the environment and experiences you had growing up play a HUGE part in your personality. For example there's a study that concludes that kids bullied between the ages of 14-18 are more likely to become depressed, introverted and have anxiety. But interestingly kids that are bullied before adolescense, really young in fact (can't remember exactly but the age is something like 7 to 11 year olds) become more resilient and are less likely to become depressed/socially anxious and are more likely to be able to deal with bullies.