Guys: I need your help (serious)

**DMBsAmricanBaby** · 02-23-2007, 05:07 PM

I figure this is the best place to ask this since you guys are guys obviously...

I've known my boyfriend for a month but we've only been going out for 2 weeks. We've discussed sex before and he told me he doesn't like it when girls are easy and I told him he has nothing to worry about because I'm not easy... for both of us it's been awhile since we've fooled around with someone....well last night we were chilling in his room and he wouldn't leave me alone with kissing me and stuff, I told him I just wanted to chill, but he kept at it, like kissing my neck and stuff. I finally gave in and soon enough I was kissing him and he was obviously getting turned on because he was rubbing against me and stuff..but things started to get carried away until we were both in our underwear and he put his fingers down there.. We didn't have sex but towards the end he wanted to but I told him no, and then he said he's glad we didn't because then there would be nothing to look foward to.. well I ended up going home that night and today I haven't heard from him at all, I'm kinda nervous and I'm having second thoughts that things got a little too carried away..am I overreacting? I can't believe I actually let myself let things happen the way they did...it's totally not me, but it's been awhile and I just got a litte too excited....anyways, he hasnt called and it's making me worry like he's regretting last night and he's not into me anymore, what do you guys think?

**Brutotal** · 02-23-2007, 05:18 PM

He should call you back. He's probably trying to figure out a way not to be awkward when he talks to you.

That or he's an ******* and wishes things were moving faster.

**DMBsAmricanBaby** · 02-23-2007, 05:19 PM

oh ok, so you don't think things got too carried away? :\

**brownpound22** · 02-23-2007, 05:20 PM

Its okay < give him time. His ego is probably hurting right now. He will call back. Not giving in was the right thing to do. Most guys tell you they want to wait, but in reality He is thinking What he would do to you at that moment. It puts the male on an offense side. NOw you have to defend your emotions like you are doing now. Wondering if the relationship is damaged. Play the game back a little see how long he really is willing to wait.

**TricepsNGirls** · 02-23-2007, 05:22 PM

Nah, it sounds chill. It's hard for guys and we always have to consciously reset our boundaries for more serious relationships.

By far, the best thing you can do is to reassure him that you two are on good terms. Tell him it's ok, you understand, and you are "glad that he can exercise self-control."

It'll

1) make him feel less guilty about what happened

2) give him more confidence in the relationship and a reason to take things more slowly

**Illadelphia** · 02-23-2007, 05:22 PM

You may have lost him. He could be playing down the "cool" role till he has the chance to... you know.

I have the same view. I have/will always enjoy the thrill of the chase. (I feel as though, if you're throwing it to me that fast, how many other guys have gotten it that easy?) I've gone out with numerous girl who haven't made the bed, and that's cool. I feel as though "we", in general, disrespect women to the point that they don't trust us anymore or are even offset by the genuine advances of a man.

If i had a sister and she was treated the way I've seen some of my boys treat women, i'd be f'ing pissed.

You miss have got to go with your heart, if he doesn't call back, f' him, he wasn't worth it in the 1st place.

**Cosmonaut** · 02-23-2007, 05:23 PM

Well, its friday night, any advice you get tonight you should take with a grain of salt.

**LyZnX** · 02-23-2007, 05:23 PM

I m a Dude.... He's prolly nervouse or embarassed if he isnt too sexually experienced. Dont worry about it. Will you call him? or is that a no no?

**DMBsAmricanBaby** · 02-23-2007, 05:26 PM

thank you all for the responses. he's online now...I'm tempted to instant message him, I have my away message up so I'm hoping that's why he hasnt instant messaged me, should I just speak my mind and basically tell him what I told you guys?

**LyZnX** · 02-23-2007, 05:29 PM

just be like normal... like you arent affectedby it... then he will prolly feel comfortable.
Just an opinion.

**Illadelphia** · 02-23-2007, 05:29 PM

you could post his im name and we could bash the **** out of him for being a d-bag.

He can't IM you if he's dead........................ i'm just sayin

**PopeGregorius** · 02-23-2007, 06:21 PM

Sounds like you got carried away in the heat of the moment. Next time he gets carried away, go along but not 100%. Keep him guessing.

I'm sure he will call, next time do something unexpected - teach him to cook something, long walk in a park, visit a zoo, anything.

NEVER criticize anything about him that has to do with sex or masculinity. He may not be experienced and it will crush his ego if you tell him he's not Cassanova yet. He will gain confidence with time.

**Project_BelAir** · 02-23-2007, 07:11 PM

Well, I'm kinda well...different then other guys...I rather watch a movie(any movie just because I'm with her) and "cuddle" with her. I'm not a crazy sex guy.(no homo) He'll prob call tomorrow or something, don't worry.

EDIT: If he doesn't call back or talk to you..forget that guy, he's a dumbass. Becuase, he lied to you and you know he was only after sex.

**parkerbro1** · 02-23-2007, 07:23 PM

This might sound funky, but...wait it out. Things have a way of working themselves out (not always for the better) on their own if given enough time. I'm like you, I'll stress over **** I can't really do anything about. Time and experience has taught me to just hang back, de-stress, and let it work itself out. Sometimes you can make $hit worse from overthinking and then overreacting.
By the way, some dudes that say they wanna wait, don't really mean it. Tellin' a girl that obviously isn't a slut you wanna bang her at first opportunity, somehow doesn't seem like a good idea...so they lie.

If he's a good one he'll respect and wait. $hit my girl made me wait (the first girl in a string of 'em that didn't give it up right away). All of the others I might've dated for a week max.
I've been with her for three years and counting.
Sex ain't the end all. It a part of things (FOR SURE), just not everything. Some one that can make me laugh (deep gut belly type) when all I wanna do is take someones head off...? That's someone to hang around for/with.
Stick to your guns. You're old enough to know what's alright for you and what's not.

**King Makaveli** · 02-23-2007, 07:29 PM

What are you guys waiting for exactly? You plan to get married? Why wouldn't he be into you anymore? He probably wants you even more now, now that he was so close to gettin some.

**Violator009** · 02-23-2007, 07:37 PM

relax mamita, he just playing it cool for now, jus because he didnt call, it doesnt mean he lost interest in you...

**Ex-Terminator** · 02-23-2007, 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by DMBsAmricanBaby

I figure this is the best place to ask this since you guys are guys obviously...

I've known my boyfriend for a month but we've only been going out for 2 weeks. We've discussed sex before and he told me he doesn't like it when girls are easy and I told him he has nothing to worry about because I'm not easy... for both of us it's been awhile since we've fooled around with someone....well last night we were chilling in his room and he wouldn't leave me alone with kissing me and stuff, I told him I just wanted to chill, but he kept at it, like kissing my neck and stuff. I finally gave in and soon enough I was kissing him and he was obviously getting turned on because he was rubbing against me and stuff..but things started to get carried away until we were both in our underwear and he put his fingers down there.. We didn't have sex but towards the end he wanted to but I told him no, and then he said he's glad we didn't because then there would be nothing to look foward to.. well I ended up going home that night and today I haven't heard from him at all, I'm kinda nervous and I'm having second thoughts that things got a little too carried away..am I overreacting? I can't believe I actually let myself let things happen the way they did...it's totally not me, but it's been awhile and I just got a litte too excited....anyways, he hasnt called and it's making me worry like he's regretting last night and he's not into me anymore, what do you guys think?

This is a double-edged sword. On one hand, if you go ahead and have sex with him, he might lose respect for you.

On the other hand, if you don't, he might be gone. I don't think he will, though.

Also, deep down inside, he's thinking along the lines of, "If I can get into her panties, then so can other guys." I don't mean that he thinks you'll cheat while you're with him. I just mean that he might see you as "easy."

I would suggest that you talk to him and approach it as an apology. You did nothing wrong, but follow me on this. Tell him that you're sorry you let things go that far because you aren't like that at all, but that you feel such an intimacy with him that you let things get out of hand. That way, you're telling him that you aren't "easy" in any way, but at the same time, you're laying a great compliment on him.

Make sense?

**DMBsAmricanBaby** · 02-23-2007, 08:51 PM

Originally Posted by Ex-Terminator

This is a double-edged sword. On one hand, if you go ahead and have sex with him, he might lose respect for you.

On the other hand, if you don't, he might be gone. I don't think he will, though.

Also, deep down inside, he's thinking along the lines of, "If I can get into her panties, then so can other guys." I don't mean that he thinks you'll cheat while you're with him. I just mean that he might see you as "easy."

I would suggest that you talk to him and approach it as an apology. You did nothing wrong, but follow me on this. Tell him that you're sorry you let things go that far because you aren't like that at all, but that you feel such an intimacy with him that you let things get out of hand. That way, you're telling him that you aren't "easy" in any way, but at the same time, you're laying a great compliment on him.

Make sense?

^^^ Great advice! I used it too haha =)

he ended up instant messaging me, and it was awkward at first but then we opened up about last night and I basically told him I was sorry for getting carried away but I couldn't help it haha, he told me he had fun and wanted to do it again, so that meant alot to me, he said he was surprised we didnt have sex and I told him I wanted to but I didn't actually want to and I wouldn't have let him.

I just hope it's not all going to be about sex now, I still want to get to know him, and I want him to get to know me, cause he said he wanted a serious relationship when he asked me out and I want to try to build something :\

I really appreciate everyones honest answers, you guys give the best advice

**Ex-Terminator** · 02-23-2007, 09:00 PM

Originally Posted by DMBsAmricanBaby

^^^ Great advice! I used it too haha =)

he ended up instant messaging me, and it was awkward at first but then we opened up about last night and I basically told him I was sorry for getting carried away but I couldn't help it haha, he told me he had fun and wanted to do it again, so that meant alot to me, he said he was surprised we didnt have sex and I told him I wanted to but I didn't actually want to and I wouldn't have let him.

I just hope it's not all going to be about sex now, I still want to get to know him, and I want him to get to know me, cause he said he wanted a serious relationship when he asked me out and I want to try to build something :\

I really appreciate everyones honest answers, you guys give the best advice

Glad it worked out well for you.

**ToBuyaGunXX** · 02-23-2007, 09:27 PM

Originally Posted by Brutotal

He should call you back. He's probably trying to figure out a way not to be awkward when he talks to you.

That or he's an ******* and wishes things were moving faster.

that has to be it.

**ironman1964bc** · 02-23-2007, 10:05 PM

If the guy can't fool around a little and enjoy it without wanting sex, then this whole relationship may not work. I love kissing, cuddling, hugging, giving massages, etc but I can enjoy all those things without needing sex. I dated one girl a while ago where we would take one night a week that no sex was allowed. We would drive each other crazy on that night and it ended up being fun because we actually paid attention to each other more, plus it is more relaxing to not have to worry about "performing like a porn star" all the time.

If he is one of those guys that you can't even touch without him wanting sex, it is going to be tough for you. Maybe you can tease him while he masturbates in front of you. That should solve both your problems.

**flapjackson** · 02-23-2007, 10:09 PM

he probably hasnt called you because most guys hate talking on the phone.
i try and avoid calling my gf as much as possible, even though she rules.

**crease123** · 02-23-2007, 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by DMBsAmricanBaby

^^^ Great advice! I used it too haha =)

he ended up instant messaging me, and it was awkward at first but then we opened up about last night and I basically told him I was sorry for getting carried away but I couldn't help it haha, he told me he had fun and wanted to do it again, so that meant alot to me, he said he was surprised we didnt have sex and I told him I wanted to but I didn't actually want to and I wouldn't have let him.

I just hope it's not all going to be about sex now, I still want to get to know him, and I want him to get to know me, cause he said he wanted a serious relationship when he asked me out and I want to try to build something :\

I really appreciate everyones honest answers, you guys give the best advice

When your bf said that he loses respect for girls who have sex too easily...he meant it! I feel that I'm similar to your bf on that level. I had a number of gfs in my time, and somehow....when they slept with me very early in the relationship, I dont feel as much respect for her. Ok the "losing respect for her" term may be too strong a word here. But I think for men, we need something to look forward to and work for, for us to be motivated and stay interested. And in this case...its sex.

I feel you definetly did the right thing by holding your passions back. It might be only 2 months, but if its the first few times you guys made out and you gave in right away....thats bad. I'm not saying dont make love with your bf totally, just not the first few make-out session. At maybe the 4th or 5th session...if you are comfortable enough then go for it. Trust me, it will make him treasure you more, and assure him with the knowledge that you are not a promiscious girl.

Let me know if my advice helped

**DMBsAmricanBaby** · 02-23-2007, 10:23 PM

he seems like a really sexual guy, we only get to see eachother about 1 or 2 times a week, but he was already asking tonight if I'd send him a nude pic of myself...it's kind of getting too much to handle, I'm scared of having sex with him cause I don't want to feel used :\

**DMBsAmricanBaby** · 02-23-2007, 10:27 PM

Originally Posted by crease123

When your bf said that he loses respect for girls who have sex too easily...he meant it! I feel that I'm similar to your bf on that level. I had a number of gfs in my time, and somehow....when they slept with me very early in the relationship, I dont feel as much respect for her. Ok the "losing respect for her" term may be too strong a word here. But I think for men, we need something to look forward to and work for, for us to be motivated and stay interested. And in this case...its sex.

I feel you definetly did the right thing by holding your passions back. It might be only 2 months, but if its the first few times you guys made out and you gave in right away....thats bad. I'm not saying dont make love with your bf totally, just not the first few make-out session. At maybe the 4th or 5th session...if you are comfortable enough then go for it. Trust me, it will make him treasure you more, and assure him with the knowledge that you are not a promiscious girl.

Let me know if my advice helped

your advice was VERY helpful, I appreciate it, I will definitely take your advice

thanks alot

It's not that I gave in, at first I told him I just wanted to chill but he kept grabbing me and holding onto me tightly and wanted to kiss me...so I kissed him and he started to get touchy feely, I didn't want to dissapoint him so I kept kissing him, and then I started to get turned on :\ but he's the one who made all the moves.

If I ruined it for myself is there anyway in patching it back up?

**Violator009** · 02-23-2007, 10:29 PM

Originally Posted by DMBsAmricanBaby

he seems like a really sexual guy, we only get to see eachother about 1 or 2 times a week, but he was already asking tonight if I'd send him a nude pic of myself...it's kind of getting too much to handle, I'm scared of having sex with him cause I don't want to feel used :\

LOL, so what are u gonna do? keep it in yo pants if u aint sure....

**King Makaveli** · 02-23-2007, 10:42 PM

Originally Posted by DMBsAmricanBaby

he seems like a really sexual guy, we only get to see eachother about 1 or 2 times a week, but he was already asking tonight if I'd send him a nude pic of myself...it's kind of getting too much to handle, I'm scared of having sex with him cause I don't want to feel used :\

From your posts here, you sound like a very timid lady....like you have a lot of hangups about sex. You said you dont want to feel used? How are you being used if you're getting something out of it as well? Dont you enjoy sex at all? You're only being used if he has sex with you and he leaves, and I doubt he'd leave. What are both your goals for this relationship? It sounds as if your goal is to keep him waiting as long as possible for sex, when it should be about enjoying each other in all ways possible. Sex should be a bonding and enjoyable part of a relationship, not a bargaining chip to make sure he doesn't leave.

If your goal was to build a solid relationship, you should be able to have sex easily and often with no problems because that's not the focus in the relationship. But you're making sex the focus because you're denying him in most ways(no nude pictures, no sex). It'll only have him thinking about sex with you all the time, and once he finally DOES get it, he'll just crave it more and more, or he'll leave because he finally got the prize. I hope I'm making sense. Dont hinge the relationship on sex; learn to enjoy it with your man and focus on spending time together and building an emotional connection.

**DMBsAmricanBaby** · 02-23-2007, 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by Hustla_Ambition

From your posts here, you sound like a very timid lady....like you have a lot of hangups about sex. You said you dont want to feel used? How are you being used if you're getting something out of it as well? Dont you enjoy sex at all? You're only being used if he has sex with you and he leaves, and I doubt he'd leave. What are both your goals for this relationship? It sounds as if your goal is to keep him waiting as long as possible for sex, when it should be about enjoying each other in all ways possible. Sex should be a bonding and enjoyable part of a relationship, not a bargaining chip to make sure he doesn't leave.

If your goal was to build a solid relationship, you should be able to have sex easily and often with no problems because that's not the focus in the relationship. But you're making sex the focus because you're denying him in most ways(no nude pictures, no sex). It'll only have him thinking about sex with you all the time, and once he finally DOES get it, he'll just crave it more and more, or he'll leave because he finally got the prize. I hope I'm making sense. Dont hinge the relationship on sex; learn to enjoy it with your man and focus on spending time together and building an emotional connection.

I'm just scared cause it seems too early for sex and I haven't really got to know him that well, and I want to get to know him so I can trust him enough so I will be able to have sex with him and know that he wont get up and leave me afterwards. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken, I don't want to accept the fact he could be using me so I'm giving him a chance...I just hope it wont be too late. The only reason I'm denying him of those things is because I have respect for myself and I don't trust him 100% with pictures of me, who knows who else's eyes will see them or if he'll post them on the internet.. thanks for your advice though, how can I get sex off of his mind so he'll think of our relationship? I mean I don't want him sex deprived but we haven't even been going out for a month!

**crease123** · 02-23-2007, 11:30 PM

Originally Posted by DMBsAmricanBaby

your advice was VERY helpful, I appreciate it, I will definitely take your advice

thanks alot

It's not that I gave in, at first I told him I just wanted to chill but he kept grabbing me and holding onto me tightly and wanted to kiss me...so I kissed him and he started to get touchy feely, I didn't want to dissapoint him so I kept kissing him, and then I started to get turned on :\ but he's the one who made all the moves.

If I ruined it for myself is there anyway in patching it back up?

Girl...you DID not ruined it for yourself. I repeat, you did not. Guys can be strange like that too. I remembered telling one of my gf the same thing your bf said to you....but when it come to the crunch....I'm horny as hell too and was trying to get fresh with her. Only when she insisted on "NO" then I calmed myself down....sit back and think "hey, this girl actually resisted me". Guys say and act differently when they are all calm and relaxed compared to when they are on-heat.

**Aramosc76** · 02-23-2007, 11:30 PM

Well sorry to tell you Hustla_Ambition your not making sense, why should she have sex with him if she doesnt want to? Is it not possible to have a relationship without sex? Is it wrong that she wants to get to know him before having sex? Dont make her sound in the wrong for not wanting to have sex.

Thread: Guys: I need your help (serious)

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Guys: I need your help (serious)

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions