The Monogamy Hoax (Open Relationship Discussion) (srs)(long)(rant)(no homo)(beiber)

[janky]

Allright kids, hang on to your bibles and ye olde traditional ethics, this one's gunna get hairy.

We've all at least heard of the nature vs. nurture discussion. We know that our primal instincts are to fck (male) and bear children (female). We all know men (from an evolutionary perspective) search for the most "fertile" (lol, read: slutty in modern terms) females, and females search for the dominant, provider (read: high status baller) males.
Nothing in our evolutionary biology states anywhere that we are designed to find our soulmate and live happily ever after. Animals don't choose one life partner, and after all, we aint nothin but mammals.

So why is everyone so against open relationships?

Traditional ethics are bred into us from day one, teaching us that we're supposed to create a family and pass along our legacy, which completely opposes our natural instincts. An open relationship surely couldn't create a healthy environment to raise a family in, now could it?
Well I ask you, would a divorce or lack of one parent either way create a more productive environment for said child?

Any basic google search of divorce statistics will tell you that infidelity is one of the top causes nowadays. We strive to meet the expectations of our parents and society by searching for that perfect person and getting married, blahblahblah. Then once we have that, we're bored to tears, seeking adventure, reckless, and tired of staying in every day.
Then once a random stranger sparks back up those chemicals that give us the familiar rush we call "attraction", we slowly but surely begin caving to our primal desires.

This couldn't be more prevalent than in relationships involving younger people. For the younger readers, how many of you have been cheated on? Or left for another partner? We can chalk it up to "guys/girls don't know what they want at that age", but as statistics will tell you, your elders don't either. We're chasing a fantasy, and once we capture the closest thing to it, it dissipates in front of us and we're left searching elsewhere for excitement.

Is an open relationship really that bad? The biggest problems I've seen or encountered in relationships stem from insecurity. Open relationships fully solve this dilemma. There's no betrayal, no deceit, no lying, no covering your tracks. It is what it is.

And what better way to tell if someone truly wants to be with you? If you give them the option to run and they choose to stay, that speaks volumes now doesn't it? If you have the option of running, and yet you find yourself wanting to stay, does that not also speak volumes about your intent?

Why force yourself or another person into something so unnatural when you're both not ready? In the back of your subconscious you know how it's going to end, or at least you should by now. As far as I'm concerned, an open relationship solves all the conventional problems regarding traditional monogamy. Want to know how? Ask me.

Also, wtf at our media's perception of adultery. For eons it's been the case that the woman is the only adulterous one and in some cultures women can actually be put to death for it. It's only been recently in the past decade or two that we've seen a dramatic shift in womens rights and social perception. Now modern feminist movements have struggled for equality in the work place and civil liberties in general, yet they've created a paradoxical image in the media.

Women can work hard, be financially successful, handle their own, etc, so a male "provider" is no longer the valued commodity it was in our parent's generations. Our hyper-sexed media recites countless tales of scandalous, promiscuous women and puts these actions on display for the masses. So basically what has happened is that the statistics have shifted; it is now acceptable for women to be the adulterers, yet male adultery is readily frowned upon.

Desperate housewives rakes in millions, tiger woods loses $50 mil in endorsements. Go figure. Same exact behavior, yet one is praised and embraced while the other is shunned.

While the feminist movements that created wonderful opportunities do have many admirable facets, they seem to be lacking restraint or tact. If you can bash men for cheating, you have to bash your own gender as well. You can't shun one side while promoting the other.

The hypocrisy of it all is that we're raised to be these good, ethical, christian Americans who follow traditional morals and values, yet we have to hide behind the scenes to indulge our primal urges. Any unconventional thought, regardless of how valid and logically sound, creates an uncomfortable level of judgement from one's peers.
Get married and have kids, but then get divorced and the kids grow up with one parent because neither of you were capable of truly surpressing your natural instincts.
But you can't just "date around" openly while you're "with" someone you like more than all the others, because that's not what god, or your parents, would have done.

Cliffs:
- you didnt read it?
- We some bitch hypocrites
- Open relationships solve fallacies in monogamous relationships
- media shifted; men cheating = bad, women cheating = liberated
- justin bieber


in b4 tl;dr (at least post the cartlon dancing gif, that ones funny)
in b4 "dude im not letting my girl bang other guys!"
in b4 "whats religion got to do with it?!"
in b4 "I'm perfect. Never cheated, never been cheated on. I ride a white horse, and my gf is a 10 that cooks me steak and cleans my house. She only leaves when I tell her to."

Discuss?

[OMGaGURL]

Aren't you currently or were recently in a monogamous relationship? The idea of an open relationship isn't something new you just came up with in this post. The concept of an open relationship is out there but not widely endorsed. Why not bring up the idea of an open relationship with the girl you are dating now and see how well that goes over. Show her this post if she needs more convincing. If you can't apply it to your own relationships Janky when you understand it so well how would you expect anyone else to? Just look at the people on this forum desperate to land just ONE girlfriend or boyfriend. If they ever get something study going they're not likely to share. The more clingy person in a relationship (probably your girlfriend in this case) will usually oppose this idea.

[janky]

Aren't you currently or were recently in a monogamous relationship? The idea of an open relationship isn't something new you just came up with in this post. The concept of an open relationship is out there but not widely endorsed. Why not bring up the idea of an open relationship with the girl you are dating now and see how well that goes over. Show her this post if she needs more convincing. If you can't apply it to your own relationships Janky when you understand it so well how would you expect anyone else to? Just look at the people on this forum desperate to land just ONE girlfriend or boyfriend. If they ever get something study going they're not likely to share. The more clingy person in a relationship (probably your girlfriend in this case) will usually oppose this idea.

Actually, we've been broken up for months, and when we WERE dating, I did pitch the idea because of her insecurities. Unfortunately, (and I should've guessed this) it backfired on me and created more insecurities lol.
I told my ex on more than one occasion that if she wanted to play the field a little before settling down that was perfectly fine so long as it was discussed openly and honestly and she didn't expect me to not do exploring of my own.
I also told her I was perfectly fine with MMF 3ways, but only if she was mutually accepting of FFM 3ways... if you wanted to take it to that level as well

so there

Agree with you on clingy people not being willing to share, but wouldn't you agree that that very clingyness you speak of stems from insecurity? And what are most people afraid of? Being cheated on?
hmmm.

again, seems like an open relationship solves that little dilemma, now doesn't it?

Being a fake ass about things doesn't solve anything. "Oh yea I love you baby" *meanwhile in class texting 3 other guys/girls*

I would MUCH rather have the honesty and know where we both stand.

[beaucephus]

Penguins have a single mate for life

[janky]

Penguins have a single mate for life

sonofabitch.

got me on that one

[fretslayer]

I think most people want to believe that they will resonate with another person so much, that said person will find them irreplaceable. The fear that someone else out there may catch your partners eye more than you is big bruise to the ego. The idea of soulmates is a bit far fetched but not impossible, just very rare.

An open relationship can work if the two people agree with it, personally I don't want to share my partner with others, so it's not my thing.

[beaucephus]

sonofabitch.

got me on that one

you being from Antarctica, I thought you'd of known...

Open relationships are a lot of fun, but I couldn't take the girl too seriously. I wouldn't be super-proud of the same girl I just saw taking it on both ends the night before while I was introducing her to my parents.

[janky]

you being from Antarctica, I thought you'd of known...

Open relationships are a lot of fun, but I couldn't take the girl too seriously. I wouldn't be super-proud of the same girl I just saw taking it on both ends the night before while I was introducing her to my parents.

Here's the thing though, I'm not portraying it as an all out reality kings style fck fest orgy..
What i'm saying is, the honeymoon phase is always 2 people involved in each other. The post-honeymoon phase is usually attraction chemicals/lust/infatuation wearing off and reality deciding compatibility. If you make it past those stages, you're fckin golden.
The problem occurs later into relationships when boredom and monotony set in. then both parties crave that excitement and those attraction/lust/infatuation feelings. All it takes is one friendly stranger to set it off and things go awry very quickly.

Staying in an "open relationship" the whole time (no matter how you wanna slice it) prevents the insecurities and proves to you how much a person really wants to be with YOU and JUST YOU. If she was out whoring every night, then she becomes more of a fck buddy. Would you wife a fck buddy? If so, that's your own mistake.

If she stays with you, loves you, and just has 1 or 2 occasional flings every now and then to satisfy that urge (or even 3ways) and you do as well, then come back to each other as in love as ever, then what's the harm in that?? It's just sex.

But of course, i'm breaking the sanctity of everything we've been passed down for ages

Oh, and to original reply; it is widely-endorsed actually, we just have to sugar coat it like everything else; it's called "fck buddies"

[beaucephus]

Here's the thing though, .......
But of course, i'm breaking the sanctity of everything we've been passed down for ages

Oh, and to original reply; it is widely-endorsed actually, we just have to sugar coat it like everything else; it's called "fck buddies"

Life is about give and take. If I had set out to become an astronaut, I would forfeit many of the opportunities that may have come my way because of the years of training, but one day, I"d get to float in space and do something I love.

Marriage, to me, is much the same. I gave up the marathon sex sessions, the excitement of something new, to be able to come home to a loving wife who I've divulged all my inner demons to and still accepts me/loves me. I gave up the strange for the familiar.

My ideal on life is to trust until given a reason not to. Give your significant other the room to make mistakes. Just accept that they may.

[Money Shot]

didn't read, but I would probably try an open relationship, as long as I didn't know her business and she didn't know mine

[b0ngman]

actually some mammals do choose mates for life

wolves and orangatangs for example

[b0ngman]

Eutopian societies used to have open relationships where everyone was fair game and the children were raised collectively

didnt really work though because people got jealous and the leader was more or less doing it for dat ass

maybe if it went on for a few generations and that society was all the people knew.. then it may have worked

[Dave P]

(these are parenthesis)

[metalhead420]

I don't see any reason to be in a relationship in general. The only benefit I see in such a thing would be a lot more pussy, but it would be with the same woman and it would give her control over you. The prospect of the all that pussy is enticing, but considering the negative aspects of relationships it does not seem worth it. An open relationship might be an option that's worth exploring, but why not just stick with a few **** buddies? You get a lot of pussy without all the bull**** drama. Seems like the way to go.

[Charuto222]

didnt really work though because people got jealous

There's the X factor. While Janky's relationship philosophy sounds great on paper the bottom line is that most people are simply far too jealous and possessive for it to work out.

For an open relationship to work out both members of the relationships need first off to prioritize liberty above security and that's extremely rare, especially this day in age where everyone seems afraid to venture outside their safety bubbles.

Second, they have to be VERY secure with their sexuality, almost abnormally so by most people's standards - this rules out the status quo.

Of course, if you're implying in any way that many people pursue monogamy because it's "the thing to do" and this pursuit is doomed to fail for obvious reasons then, well, one can't argue against that with logic and reason, I'm just saying that there's more to it than social conditioning. People don't want their jealous and possessive tendencies to come out in an ugly way and that's what's doomed to happen for a lot of people if open relationships become the norm.

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

While I don't think cheating should necessarily result in an immediate break-up, I still think I'd find it hard to deal with if my bf was shagging other women. What if he shagged someone and she was better than me? Then he'd want to do it more with her and less with me, and that's a road to disaster.

The idea of open relationships in principle is fine, but the reality would be difficult, I think.

Edit: swans also mate for life.

[T-mac]

Stop trying to push this anti marriage propaganda.

Divorces happen because its become popular culture in SOME of the western world for it to happen, people read statistics of people get divorces so they think its normal but the rest of the world's statistics are very different to that.

Marriages do work but they require commitment and if you cant commit to someone and feel the need to smash other vagina then maybe you should not be the relationship with them. Sure there are special circumstances where Open relationships apply where agreements have been made but eventually the open relationships would do more damage than solve problems.

The fatal flaw in your arguement is that you say it would solve problems like single parents, No it would not. Only commitment in an marriage can do that. Open relationship ultimately would fail when the adulterer began to gather emotions of the new person they were in contact with, eventually it would happen. Again there are special circumstances but the majority would not work out.

If you still want to smash other vag dont go/be in a relationship! Simple! There is no point to open relationships.

[9987]

Discuss?

You kind of rambled on and I really don't know what you're really trying to discuss.

[6-SPEED]

Penguins have a single mate for life

Edit: swans also mate for life.

Both statements are false. Neither of those animals are monogamous.

http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/b...20monogamy.htm

[hublife]

My ex and I had a dysfunctional and fukked up relationship for 6 years. Infidelity was never an issue. Just say'n.

[6-SPEED]

While I don't think cheating should necessarily result in an immediate break-up, I still think I'd find it hard to deal with if my bf was shagging other women. What if he shagged someone and she was better than me? Then he'd want to do it more with her and less with me, and that's a road to disaster.

The idea of open relationships in principle is fine, but the reality would be difficult, I think.

Edit: swans also mate for life.

If you're worried the woman he's shagging is better than you... isn't that motivation for you to step your game up? Can't just sit back and get fat & lazy if your man is free to let other females satisfy him.

[thetruth21]

Communication, compromise and being able to take a realistic look @ yourself and the person you're with would save a lot of people getting married and then getting divorced.

[beaucephus]

Both statements are false. Neither of those animals are monogamous.

http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/b...20monogamy.htm

its on the interwebz, it must be true

[6-SPEED]

its on the interwebz, it must be true

It's on more than the internet. Try an encyclopedia. Way better sources than believing old myths that have been disproven years ago.

[Fiz-iks]

I completely agree with you Janky, but you're way ahead of your time.

No one is going to understand/agree with this right now, they're all too brainwashed.

Look on the bright side, twenty years from now you'll be saying I told you so! Until then what else is there to do but to keep try and explaining it, sooner or later it's got to sink in...

[Charuto222]

If you're worried the woman he's shagging is better than you... isn't that motivation for you to step your game up? Can't just sit back and get fat & lazy if your man is free to let other females satisfy him.

In this society we're not only increasingly prone but in many ways encouraged to seek out stasis and complacence. Nobody sees this as a problem, as if ignoring it will make it go away when if you look around you it's clear that it's making things worse.

While I'm not as opposed to the concept of monogamy as Janky, this is indeed an undeniable flaw in that type of relationship - once you find your "soulmate" and gotten "everything you need in life by finding your other half" you've got yourself the best excuse in the world to just sit back, watch life fly by, and allow your mind, body, and soul to rot away into oblivion - an excuse that most people take full advantage of in our society.

It's amazing how blind social norms makes us to the other edge of the sword

[NOVA888]

I didn't read all of this, but I like the overall theme. I would sign up tomorrow to be a polygamist wife, but without the religious overtones, and ugly dresses.

I would love to have sister-wives.
I would love to have some female help around the house.
I would love to have someone help with childrearing.
I believe that men need more than one woman.

However, I WOULD NOT be down for the reverse. No multiple husbands for women. Serves no purpose.

[TOMMAX2]

Sounds like a recipe for disease and emotional problems.

Also, I look at it in the way of a person that has 1 best friend compared to a person that has 10 acquaintances.
Which would you rather have?

Id rather have 1 down ass person that I can rely on and connect with as opposed to 10 people that I have a lukewarm relationship with that I semi-trust and are kinda alright but nothing special. Im not into shallow relationships and need alot of depth from a person so Id rather have 1 great person than 10 ok ones.

I like to keep it simple and having an open relationship really would over complicate things and create unnecessary drama.

[RandomMisc]

I have mixed feelings on this subject. I know couples who've been extremely happy in open relationships, then I know others where someone failed to obey the rules or just ended up not being okay with the situation, and the whole relationship fell to ****.

I don't know that I'd be okay with giving a guy permission to be with someone else. Maybe at times I'd be okay with it, but I'm not sure I'd be okay with it 100%. If he's going to do it, I think I'd probably rather not know (assuming he used condoms and never put me at risk.) I dunno lol. Hypothetical situation is hypothetical.

I grew up in a household where the woman was crazy loyal and subservient, and still happy. The man cheated like it was his job, but she chose to be oblivious. She didn't ask questions she didn't want the answer to. She didn't snoop or try to see things that were right in front of her. She didn't ask around, she didn't question things even when there was reason to. To this day, she maintains that she never knew he was cheating. When she did find out, she wasn't really bothered by it.

So I grew up with a weird example, but I don't really see much problem with it. I don't think less of my dad for having cheated. It's pretty rare that I ever condemn a dude for cheating. Most times, he's given plenty of reason to do it and it becomes the logical response. In my parent's case, my mom was a prude. When my dad asked for a blowjob, she literally blew a stream of air at his pecker, thinking that's what it meant. Up until a few years ago, she thought missionary was the only position that was even possible. Of course that dude's gonna cheat.

I like to think that I don't give a dude any reason to want to stray. lulz. But who knows. For the right dude, I might be able to deal with it. Like with my last dude, I wouldn't really care what the terms were, so long as he was in my life. Some dudes earn a free pass by being awesome enough to warrant it. lulz.

/rambling.

[DoubtErased]

Me personally couldnt do it. Heres a story

Man comes home
Man- "Hey baby. How was your day?"
Woman- "It was good went to Toms house had sex then picked up the kids from school"

Sorry just couldnt do it. Somebody in the long run is going to get their feelings hurt