Depressed from breakup, lost motivation and gained weight

[buckoboi]

Like the title says, I went through a pretty bad breakup. Fell deeply in love with a girl and she ended up cheating on me. I broke up with her, and I went into a deep depression and ended up gaining 22 pounds, after I made a lifestyle change and lost 50 pounds and got decent muscle mass from the gym. I'm so demotivated. Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? I really don't want to go back to the way I was, I want to be muscular and ripped and it's like ever since the breakup (a month ago) I can't get the motivation to lose weight again, and I barely have motivation to get into the gym.

[Spanishdream]

Disregard females. Acquire aesthetics.

[TLTrooper]

Maybe its the fact that I just woke up and am slow at grasping the story but did you type that you had gained 22 lbs in a month and lost 50 within a month? Too lazy to return for a clear answer lol good luck!

[buckoboi]

Maybe its the fact that I just woke up and am slow at grasping the story but did you type that you had gained 22 lbs in a month and lost 50 within a month? Too lazy to return for a clear answer lol good luck!

Sorry if I wasn't very clear, I actually started gaining weight when the relationship was going south, but I gained more after I broke up with her. I lost 50 pounds in about 5 months.

[agentblack14]

I understand how you feel after a breakup, but no pain is forever. It's always hard the first time after a layoff, but as cliche as this sounds: JUST GET UP AND GO!! Don't worry about her because (cliche as well) there are other fish in the sea. You're still young, the females will always be there, but you need to do your thing to get back to where you were before. You will feel so much better knowing that you faced adversity and fought back. Good luck!

[jimmy191990]

I was with my girl for 3 years we had a kid and loved each other very much. She passed away on Feb 1st 2011, just two month after we had our daughter. It was the hardest thing and most painful thing that ever happened to me. I gave up everything...stopped eating...sold my stuff....and became weak. I did rise my daughter thought and she was the only thing in life that pushed me to continue. After about 4 months of doing nothing and being lazy I got tired of sitting on my a s s and thought to myself would Jess want me to be like this NOPE. So i stopped smoking started working out. I was 150 LBS at the time. But to make a long story short I busted my a s s for the last 3 or so months and today Im 5 times as strong and im at 185 LBS. What Im trying to say is bad thing will happen to you in life but you cant let take you away from your goals because if you do your best and give it your all you will have results.

Like the title says, I went through a pretty bad breakup. Fell deeply in love with a girl and she ended up cheating on me. I broke up with her, and I went into a deep depression and ended up gaining 22 pounds, after I made a lifestyle change and lost 50 pounds and got decent muscle mass from the gym. I'm so demotivated. Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? I really don't want to go back to the way I was, I want to be muscular and ripped and it's like ever since the breakup (a month ago) I can't get the motivation to lose weight again, and I barely have motivation to get into the gym.

[mvd546]

Take out your pain and anger in the gym. Only time will heal what she did to you. Same thing happened to me. Once in awhile I still think about it even though it has been a year, but I have been more motivated than ever to get jacked and show this girl what she is missing now. Use her cheating on you as your fuel in the gym.

[dbateman]

ok bro I know that feel man it suck's , but you should be useing it as motivation get under the bar , get jacked man and when you see her in like 6 months it will be all worth it when you see her face ..











you know the look when she realise that she dun goofed , and you will feel better





oh and one more thing you will find a better girl , i know you don't feel like it now but you will give it time .


go and smash a few randoms that helped me get through a bad break up , some people say you should not hook up with random's after a hard brake up as it confuses you more ? well all I know is that being with someone else gave me something to think about so I could clear my head a bit .

ok so I don't know if any of that made any sense ??????



What I do know is you should be using this to drive you get in the gym and lift heavy .

Do it .

[buckoboi]

Yeah, you guys are right. I'll get shredded and next time I see her, she'll be with an ugly fat slob, and she'll wonder why she cheated in the first place. Thanks for the advice, I greatly appreciate it.

@Jimmy191990: that's a hell of a thing you did, all of that happening to you and then you made a lifestyle change, I salute you bro, sorry for your loss

[jxm26]

I was with my girl for 3 years we had a kid and loved each other very much. She passed away on Feb 1st 2011, just two month after we had our daughter. It was the hardest thing and most painful thing that ever happened to me. I gave up everything...stopped eating...sold my stuff....and became weak. I did rise my daughter thought and she was the only thing in life that pushed me to continue. After about 4 months of doing nothing and being lazy I got tired of sitting on my a s s and thought to myself would Jess want me to be like this NOPE. So i stopped smoking started working out. I was 150 LBS at the time. But to make a long story short I busted my a s s for the last 3 or so months and today Im 5 times as strong and im at 185 LBS. What Im trying to say is bad thing will happen to you in life but you cant let take you away from your goals because if you do your best and give it your all you will have results.

sorry to hear about everything...good job on getting it sorted out tho....and to op, you just have to think, would u rather be with somebody that will do that or to find somebody who will be as happy with u as u are with them

[Rick1824]

Like the title says, I went through a pretty bad breakup. Fell deeply in love with a girl and she ended up cheating on me. I broke up with her, and I went into a deep depression and ended up gaining 22 pounds, after I made a lifestyle change and lost 50 pounds and got decent muscle mass from the gym. I'm so demotivated. Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? I really don't want to go back to the way I was, I want to be muscular and ripped and it's like ever since the breakup (a month ago) I can't get the motivation to lose weight again, and I barely have motivation to get into the gym.

Your post sort of confuses in that there is something amiss with the timeline and the contradictions. But it seems that breaking up with her worked out in your favor.
broke up with girl
got depressed
gained 22 pounds
lifestyle change
lost 50 pounds
gained decent muscle mass
Not sure where or what the problem is but if you get these kinds of results every time you break up with a girl...then you should do it more often.
The rest of your post sort of contradicts the first part...so I don't know. But we all have things that mess us up, we just suck it up, deal with it, put it behind us and keep going in the direction we want to go.

[kentrel]

I went through something similar to you, as well as losing a parent to a long illness, so I understand how those feelings can keep you down and unmotivated. I would try and go out running, but even though I had the physical fitness to keep going I'd just stop, walk and be alone with angry depressing thoughts. I would come home feeling depressed, and angry with myself at a bad workout. Eventually I just stopped bothering going.

You have to deal with the depression first, because it won't go away with exercise.

In treating depression, at least in my case, exercise was like pressing the accelerator to the floor, and leaving depression in the distance, but you need something to start that engine, and get going first. I want to credit my running program and P90X with pulling me out of it, but I honestly can't. Something caught fire within me and then the exercise took over.

To deal with mild to serious depression this is an excellent workbook. Think of it as important, if not more important than your workout, because depression is a serious problem and you can't let it continue.

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/reso...cfm?Info_ID=37

Some things to remember are
1) Give yourself daily credit for things you've done well, no matter how small
2) Any time you have depressive thoughts, write them down. Often that's enough to make you question them, or notice a pattern
3) Small manageable daily\weekly goals
4) Add a lot of variation. Within Cardio and resistance training there are hundreds of really good variations, that are fun. Even if they're not just the novelty of doing something new is enough to keep you motivated.

The fact that you're ready to talk to people about this and take on this challenge is a sign that you're already ready to change, so I think everything is going to work out for you and the next few months will be a lot of fun, so remember to enjoy yourself!

[jmp5us]

jimmy191990- i imagine that would be the worst... never personally went through it, but when my best friend passed away, he left his girl behind, so i saw how that can be. sorry for your loss.

OP- from my perspective, for the most part, although not always... girls are nothing but a pain in the ass... my girl of 2+ years left me, and yes it sucked. but then i realized, i dont hear any more bitching, i dont have to keep an eye on the clock all the time, i spend ALOT less money, and i can go out with whoever i want whenever i want. your problem right now, is your still dwelling on it. I know how it is i did it too, but once you go get you another piece of ass it will all be better.

go live your life, hit the weights, then go smash all her friends.. girls are not worth the headache...imo, its going to take a hell of a woman before i ever contemplate actually dating anyone again.

[jimmy191990]

Thanks man yea its something you will never forget.

jimmy191990- i imagine that would be the worst... never personally went through it, but when my best friend passed away, he left his girl behind, so i saw how that can be. sorry for your loss.

OP- from my perspective, for the most part, although not always... girls are nothing but a pain in the ass... my girl of 2+ years left me, and yes it sucked. but then i realized, i dont hear any more bitching, i dont have to keep an eye on the clock all the time, i spend ALOT less money, and i can go out with whoever i want whenever i want. your problem right now, is your still dwelling on it. I know how it is i did it too, but once you go get you another piece of ass it will all be better.

go live your life, hit the weights, then go smash all her friends.. girls are not worth the headache...imo, its going to take a hell of a woman before i ever contemplate actually dating anyone again.

[aberry9475]

Like the title says, I went through a pretty bad breakup. Fell deeply in love with a girl and she ended up cheating on me. I broke up with her, and I went into a deep depression and ended up gaining 22 pounds, after I made a lifestyle change and lost 50 pounds and got decent muscle mass from the gym. I'm so demotivated. Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? I really don't want to go back to the way I was, I want to be muscular and ripped and it's like ever since the breakup (a month ago) I can't get the motivation to lose weight again, and I barely have motivation to get into the gym.

When I started going through puberty, my emotions became much more prevalent. At that age all kids really want is to be accepted by the main group, and while that was all I wanted most, I was outcasted by the "cool kids". Eventually my depression got worse and worse until for a period of about half a year I woke up every single day feeling sick to my stomach, absolutely worthless, that life was a pointless and all I wanted to do was sit in my room because I didn't want to face another day of failure and misery. Every single day I contemplated how and when I was going to kill myself, and what I would tell my parents before I left.

While I got over that really deep depression, I spent the next 3-4 years of my life not really feeling quite me. I was very withdrawn socially. I still felt questionable about my life, and why exactly I was even still alive after that or what I was ever going to do with myself. I always felt that if my life would change, that if I would get lots of friends, or even my first girlfriend at that time, that I would feel better. I thought I had a right to be depressed, why have a ****ty life and see everyone else go out and have fun and be happy about that?

I made efforts to get those things. I had at one point 50 or so friends whom I was texting on a daily to weekly basis. That did not make me happy. I got my first girlfriend, and then a 2nd and 3rd which were progressively more beautiful. Those did not make me happy. I came to realize that your happiness has nothing at all to do with your life situation, but everything to do with how you see it. I also realized how much easier life seems (i.e. getting the things you want) after you've changed your outlook and ultimate attitude.

What does that mean as far as getting yourself out of depression and motivated to get back into the gym. Well a problem in the mind requires a solution in the mind. YOU have to be the one to pull yourself out of this, nobody else can do it. Shut out the negative thoughts and replace them with constructive thoughts about the future, and then force the change if you have to. If you've been thinking this way for a while, the brain will naturally become used to it and gravitate your thoughts towards being depressed. As Thoreau put it.. "As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives."

To a certain degree, be it large or small, you won't want to change - so you force it. You keep doing those two things over and over until one day..those hard times are no more than figments of the past and memory.

The only thing you can control in life is how you see it. You can't always blame yourself for things..in fact, most things in life will not be as a direct result of your doing. You can't change cheating girlfriends, nor are they a sign of your own weakness or insecurity. Many women (and men too) who cheat will continue to cheat throughout their lives no matter how good looking, rich, popular, etc. their bfs or even future husbands will be. You made the right choice breaking up.

Bodybuilding is a great tool as well. While some see it as predominantly physical sport, I'm sure most of us here will attest to the fact that it is just as much mental. It was Arnie or Lee who first talked about putting your mind in the muscle, and it will build a lot of dedication and mental strength that will help you through hard times. They say ignorance is bliss..it really is. But those who are ignorant are blind of what the world is all about.

AB

[selffirst]

You got to remember you started lifting for yourself...not for your ex girl....She may have taken your heart but she can't take away your resolve in regards to lifting and a healthier lifestyle...Lifting is a great mental destressor....focus on yourself...what's best for you...chicks come and go but you'll be with that body FOREVER...Chin up junior....Self