How To Get Over Inferiority Complex/"Putting The Pussy on Pedestal"?

[Broadcastin]

I'm going to try to make a very long and bizarre story as short as possible


- I'm 23 years old, handsome (have gotten tons and tons of compliments in my lifetime), in decent shape, earn a lot of money, are very friendly, have good social skills/awareness/ability to make people feel comfortable, have had lots of friends, intelligent, good in bed despite my relative inexperience, etc...
- Despite my quality traits, I've never had a girlfriend (which is all I want) - I have only had a few sexual partners. Please keep in mind I'm posting this only because I want a girlfriend, I couldn't care less about being a player
- The reason for my terrible success is because of my childhood, I was fat growing up so I never talked to girls or developed any confidence with them. In fact, I developed a lot of horrible habits as it relates to women - I'm shy, extremely underestimate my own value in relation to women and extremely overinflate women's value/standards/expectations. As hard as it is to believe, I dominate at sales and can't get a date to save my ****ing life
- After high school, I dropped all the weight and my face became much more handsome. I have worked very hard since that point to try to improve myself as much as possible in every way
- Last 5-6 years, I've read internet forums and PUA forums and what not and it has made me put the pussy on the pedestal even more because I felt like I had this to be this cassanova with the perfect lines and perfect approach to get a girlfriend
- I still have this inferiority complex and massively put the pussy on the pedestal. I feel like women have impossible standards - like they all want a 10/10 guy who earns a million dollars a year, is 6% BF and is the most charming guy on the face of the earth. I feel like I'm not worthy of being loved and I'm absolutely destined to be forever alone. Anytime I'm talking to a girl, I feel like I'm wasting her time and she's just annoyed by me
- I feel like women aren't even interested in meeting anybody and are just annoyed by guys approaching them no matter how awesome he may be
- All I want is to be able to feel like I'm worth being loved and feel like women don't have the most impossible standards on god's green earth...my forever alone status has caused me a lot of misery. I know if I can fix my internal issues, I can find a GF just being myself...people always say that I'm very likable when I'm just being myself


So there ya go RH misc, be my psychologist

[INeedLats]

You're really getting around today aren't ya buddy?!

Go do some real life stuff for a while

[revolutionbrah]

in on bonetana thread.

[Broadcastin]

in on bonetana thread.

Dunno who that is

[Dr83]

So you want a girlfriend who can fill the void you feel inside yourself. But ask yourself how would a girl do this? Why would she want to do this (unless she has the same problem as you and is using you for the same purpose? Neither of you would get what you want out of that.)? Is there not a way to "fix" yourself that doesn't require having a girlfriend?

What if she leaves you? Won't you just feel like **** again? Getting a girlfriend is merely a bandage over a wound. They might ease the pain but they will not cause the wound to heal.

I think you feel like your identity is tied to your success with women. That's your ego ****ing with your head. According to what you said, you sound like an attractive, educated, successful young man in his early 20s. Doesn't that make you feel good? The world is your oyster right now but you spend your time kicking yourself because you don't have a girlfriend, like it's the last piece of the puzzle to make your life complete. What you need to do is realize that girls are a complement to, or a result of you living a happy and productive life. It isn't a requirement.

[Mobraelite]

kind of relevant to your question OP, take his approach to women about not needing them and that they are a compliment for your lifestyle

[Broadcastin]

So you want a girlfriend who can fill the void you feel inside yourself. But ask yourself how would a girl do this? Why would she want to do this (unless she has the same problem as you and is using you for the same purpose? Neither of you would get what you want out of that.)? Is there not a way to "fix" yourself that doesn't require having a girlfriend?

What if she leaves you? Won't you just feel like **** again?

I think you feel like your identity is tied to your success with women. That's your ego ****ing with your head. According to what you said, you sound like an attractive, educated, successful young man in his early 20s. Doesn't that make you feel good? The world is your oyster right now but you spend your time kicking yourself because you don't have a girlfriend, like it's the last "piece of the puzzle" to make your life complete. What you need to do is realize that girls are a complement to, or a result of you living a happy and productive life. It isn't a requirement.

I don't feel like women are the last piece of the puzzle to make me complete or anything like that, I'm just tired of being permanently alone/permanently single


Being single for 8 years and wanting a girlfriend that entire time can be awfully draining on anybody

[Broadcastin]

youtube]Ge8EdL_2Ykc[/youtube]

kind of relevant to your question OP, take his approach to women about not needing them and that they are a compliment for your lifestyle

That's how I feel already brah. I don't know why they would be anything more than a compliment/one aspect of my life?


It's not like I'm going to stop trying to make a lot of money or give up my friends/lifting or anything

[Dr83]

I don't feel like women are the last piece of the puzzle to make me complete or anything like that, I'm just tired of being permanently alone/permanently single


Being single for 8 years and wanting a girlfriend that entire time can be awfully draining on anybody

But why though? Why does being single for 8 years make you feel bad? Is there a voice in the back of your subconscious that's saying "Happy and successful people have girlfriends. All of my friends have had girlfriends. I have money, good looks, and education, but I've never had a girlfriend so I must be still a failure. I'm not allowed to be happy." I know it's not a conscious thought, but do you see how your mind might be pressing some illogical standard on you?

It's not wrong for you to want a girlfriend. What I'm saying is that you should want a girlfriend because you love women and want to share experiences with them on a personal level. Not because you feel like you "should" have a girlfriend by now. There's a subtle difference.

[Mobraelite]

That's how I feel already brah. I don't know why they would be anything more than a compliment/one aspect of my life?


It's not like I'm going to stop trying to make a lot of money or give up my friends/lifting or anything

you seem alone, i can relate cause i have not had a serious gf in 5 years, it does suck going to friends bday party and most of my friends have gf's some of who are now engaged it gets lonely on holidays and chit but I know that I am not in a good point in my life financially right now and career wise so until i fix myself i dont think ill land a quality gf, i have had 3 chances to be in a serious relationship last year but didnt like those girls so i ended up passing on them and the ones i did want to be with passed on me when it came time to move things forward lol, that just how it works maybe there is something else about you that needs improving or being fixed, i would suggest asking your family and friends that know you well to help you out with that

[RandomMisc]

in on bonetana thread.

lol

[Broadcastin]

But why though? Why does being single for 8 years make you feel bad? Is there a voice in the back of your subconscious that's saying "Happy and successful people have girlfriends. All of my friends have had girlfriends. I have money, good looks, and education, but I've never had a girlfriend so I must be still a failure." I know it's not a conscious thought, but do you see how your mind might be pressing some illogical standard on you?

It's not wrong for you to want a girlfriend. What I'm saying is that you should want a girlfriend because you love women and want to share experiences with them on a personal level. Not because you feel like you "should" have a girlfriend by now. There's a subtle difference.

Yes to your bolded part

I don't want a girlfriend because of societal expectations, I want one because I feel so lonely

I went to a good school, got a business degree and started selling cars after school. I don't care what society thinks of me brah (otherwise I would be working in corporate world)

you seem alone, i can relate cause i have not had a serious gf in 5 years, it does suck going to friends bday party and most of my friends have gf's some of who are now engaged it gets lonely on holidays and chit but I know that I am not in a good point in my life financially right now and career wise so until i fix myself i dont think ill land a quality gf, i have had 3 chances to be in a serious relationship last year but didnt like those girls so i ended up passing on them and the ones i did want to be with passed on me when it came time to move things forward lol, that just how it works maybe there is something else about you that needs improving or being fixed, i would suggest asking your family and friends that know you well to help you out with that

For your bolded part, I've asked everybody in my life to tell me what's wrong with me and haven't received much feedback. All my acquaintances and friends love me dearly and say I'm a fantastic guy, interesting, cool, smart, etc...


Seemingly there is nothing wrong with me except for my attitude but it's not an easy thing to fix

[Dr83]

Yes to your bolded part

I don't want a girlfriend because of societal expectations, I want one because I feel so lonely

I went to a good school, got a business degree and started selling cars after school. I don't care what society thinks of me brah (otherwise I would be working in corporate world)

That's good. You said you've done reading on PUA forums, so surely you've heard about the concept of "value". People want to be around others who provide them some kind of value (socially, romantically, materialistically, etc.) You don't see the value inside yourself, so that's why you feel inferior to girls. You DO have value. Your friends love you because you provide value to their lives. Next time you're talking to a girl and she's smiling at you, that's because she's genuinely enjoying the value you're giving her (and ideally, she'd be providing some value to you). If you want I can point you to some material that does a lot better job than me at explaining this.

[Broadcastin]

That's good. You said you've done reading on PUA forums, so surely you've heard about the concept of "value". People want to be around others who provide them some kind of value (socially, romantically, materialistically, etc.) You don't see the value inside yourself, so that's why you feel inferior to girls. You DO have value. Your friends love you because you provide value to their lives. Next time you're talking to a girl and she's smiling at you, that's because she's genuinely enjoying the value you're giving her (and ideally, she'd be providing some value to you). If you want I can point you to some material that does a lot better job than me at explaining this.

I sell cars for a living brah, I understand social interaction very precisely. I make a lot of money because I can often times make people feel like I'm their best friend in 2 hours of interaction

All my issues come down to the feeling that women want a guy who is just ungodly perfect in every way (I'm severely underestimating and lowering my value in my own eyes in comparison to women while also severely over-inflating women's value, expectations and standards to impossible heights)

[SpiderSense]

Dude I'm not gonna read all that.

Your problem most likely is not enough options.

Until you learn to not put on a pedestal you should have multiple options.

Women don't want a guy who's perfect, they want a guy who's good.

It's like I told a girl recently "I never said I was all that, I said I was most of that"

Fight to make your life what you want it to be and good things will come your way.

[m1n2v5]

Anyone remotely intelligent doesn't expect or want someone who is perfect. Keep doing your thing and start small.

[iamdetermined]

in on bonetana thread.

lmao

[Krazshni]

just try friend zoning waves & droves & fields of chicks til you can engage with absolutely no pressure, saying the stupid, light-hearted, carefree, satirical bullsh17 that humans like to say for no reason whatsoever other than "friendship padding"

n_n

Lol.

[Boffothe]

Rumor has it OP sells cars, can anyone confirm

[kickblake]

I've never had a girlfriend (which is all I want)

Why?

[rorschachsaysno]

Do you want to be with a 10/10 model? Should you avoid every other girl because you'd take that 10/10 over an average 7/10?

Get over it. Girls aren't meeting these rich/charming/perfect guys every day, maybe once a year and they're taken/not interested in your 7/10. Just like 10/10 models aren't interested in you.

[Broadcastin]

Do you want to be with a 10/10 model? Should you avoid every other girl because you'd take that 10/10 over an average 7/10?

Get over it. Girls aren't meeting these rich/charming/perfect guys every day, maybe once a year and they're taken/not interested in your 7/10. Just like 10/10 models aren't interested in you.

Im perfectly fine with 7s and above

[RandomMisc]

Jgamibi, please seek professional help.



Also, pls go.

[tetraktys13]

Realize you are a ****oot and choose to stop being one. Almost like Neo did in the Matrix; except your ****gyness is not computer simulated.

[Jerma]

So you want a girlfriend who can fill the void you feel inside yourself. But ask yourself how would a girl do this? Why would she want to do this (unless she has the same problem as you and is using you for the same purpose? Neither of you would get what you want out of that.)? Is there not a way to "fix" yourself that doesn't require having a girlfriend?

What if she leaves you? Won't you just feel like **** again? Getting a girlfriend is merely a bandage over a wound. They might ease the pain but they will not cause the wound to heal.

I think you feel like your identity is tied to your success with women. That's your ego ****ing with your head. According to what you said, you sound like an attractive, educated, successful young man in his early 20s. Doesn't that make you feel good? The world is your oyster right now but you spend your time kicking yourself because you don't have a girlfriend, like it's the last piece of the puzzle to make your life complete. What you need to do is realize that girls are a complement to, or a result of you living a happy and productive life. It isn't a requirement.

There is sooo much truth in this post it deserves a Pulitzer. OP, only way to fix your problem is to find the root cause and tear down everything, start from scratch and build a new foundation on solid attributes. I know someone very intimately who kind of suffers from the same problem, but chose an opposite path to compensate for it. Instead he tied his identity to being a "player" and has been his entire sense of self worth on that premise. Its a terrible way to go through life, sure he feels good and is a good guy to be around when he's flush, and is doing well with females and is satisfying his ego. But when he's not in the flush, he'll do anything to his friends in hopes to find something to validate his ego. Its like watching a junkie, and validation is his drug.

You can not expect to find fulfillment in life through a girl, they are meant to compliment your already awesome life, not be a significant part that you'd crumble without. So you really have to honestly ask yourself, don't worry about answering to anyone else, this is strictly a self-imposed question. Do you NEED a girlfriend, or do you just WANT a girlfriend?

If the answer to that question is NEED, what you need to do is try and figure out what you think you expect to gain from having a girlfriend, the answer will be some intangible emotion or sense of satisfaction. When you can identify that, you need to find a way to satiate that need internally. I suggest you find a hobby or passion and dedicate a significant amount of effort to master that passion/hobby. I personally made this choice subconsciously a long time ago, I chose cooking. Believe it or not something seemingly menial like this is exactly what you need. Find something you have a natural talent for and embrace it.

If the answer to that question was WANT, then you're simply feeling an inferiority complex due to the unknown. The way to fix this is simply exposure. You just need to experience more women. And no I don't mean sexually experience, though that will still accomplish the task as long as you aren't the type of guy to fall in love instantly once you have sex with a girl. I suggest you intentionally try and friend zone yourself with some girls. Find some chicks that have cool personalities, but aren't attractive enough that you will develop intimate feelings for. Then try to be a true friend to them, offer them real value, spend time with them, you'll get exposure to the other side of the sexes, you'll start to find similarities between the girls you've been able to friend zone and feel totally normal around and the ones you put on a pedestal. Then when you are interacting with ones you want to date, you'll have developed second nature behaviors on how to act appropriately and you'll see them for who they really are. You'll also have enough women in your life where you won't feel a void and come from a scarcity mindset. The best way to meet women is through networking, not cold approach.

[Broadcastin]

There is sooo much truth in this post it deserves a Pulitzer. OP, only way to fix your problem is to find the root cause and tear down everything, start from scratch and build a new foundation on solid attributes. I know someone very intimately who kind of suffers from the same problem, but chose an opposite path to compensate for it. Instead he tied his identity to being a "player" and has been his entire sense of self worth on that premise. Its a terrible way to go through life, sure he feels good and is a good guy to be around when he's flush, and is doing well with females and is satisfying his ego. But when he's not in the flush, he'll do anything to his friends in hopes to find something to validate his ego. Its like watching a junkie, and validation is his drug.

You can not expect to find fulfillment in life through a girl, they are meant to compliment your already awesome life, not be a significant part that you'd crumble without. So you really have to honestly ask yourself, don't worry about answering to anyone else, this is strictly a self-imposed question. Do you NEED a girlfriend, or do you just WANT a girlfriend?

If the answer to that question is NEED, what you need to do is try and figure out what you think you expect to gain from having a girlfriend, the answer will be some intangible emotion or sense of satisfaction. When you can identify that, you need to find a way to satiate that need internally. I suggest you find a hobby or passion and dedicate a significant amount of effort to master that passion/hobby. I personally made this choice subconsciously a long time ago, I chose cooking. Believe it or not something seemingly menial like this is exactly what you need. Find something you have a natural talent for and embrace it.

If the answer to that question was WANT, then you're simply feeling an inferiority complex due to the unknown. The way to fix this is simply exposure. You just need to experience more women. And no I don't mean sexually experience, though that will still accomplish the task as long as you aren't the type of guy to fall in love instantly once you have sex with a girl. I suggest you intentionally try and friend zone yourself with some girls. Find some chicks that have cool personalities, but aren't attractive enough that you will develop intimate feelings for. Then try to be a true friend to them, offer them real value, spend time with them, you'll get exposure to the other side of the sexes, you'll start to find similarities between the girls you've been able to friend zone and feel totally normal around and the ones you put on a pedestal. Then when you are interacting with ones you want to date, you'll have developed second nature behaviors on how to act appropriately and you'll see them for who they really are. You'll also have enough women in your life where you won't feel a void and come from a scarcity mindset. The best way to meet women is through networking, not cold approach.

Most of this post is nonsense brah. I don't need a girlfriend to validate my existence, I just want one cause I'm so incredibly lonely. I don't know why anybody would make a girl their life meaning, that notion is very bizarre to me


BTW I already have female friends - my friend's girlfriends all like me quite a bit, my best friend's cousin (who is taken unfortunately) and there is another girl I'm close with (she's a little too old/has a child so is not girlfriend material)

[chirashi]

Most of this post is nonsense brah. I don't need a girlfriend to validate my existence, I just want one cause I'm so incredibly lonely. I don't know why anybody would make a girl their life meaning, that notion is very bizarre to me


BTW I already have female friends - my friend's girlfriends all like me quite a bit, my best friend's cousin (who is taken unfortunately) and there is another girl I'm close with (she's a little too old/has a child so is not girlfriend material)

Posters keep giving you legitimate advice and you keep saying the same thing. Read what you just wrote.

"Most of this post is nonsense brah. I don't need a girlfriend to validate my existence, I just want one cause I'm so incredibly lonely."

AKA you want a girl to complete your life. There's nothing wrong with being alone man. Do I want a LTR relationship with a great girl? Definitely. But I don't NEED one to be happy. If you have female friends, then you should know there's nothing special about having an extra X chromosome...

[Broadcastin]

AKA you want a girl to complete your life. There's nothing wrong with being alone man. Do I want a LTR relationship with a great girl? Definitely.

I don't look at it like I have to have a girlfriend to feel like my life is complete. I'm actually very happy with my life. I know there are guys in my position who just want to sleep with women and have no interest in being with anybody beyond that...nothing wrong with that of course


For me personally, I want a girlfriend because I'm emotionally starved for romantic companionship. I think romantic companionship is something that everybody needs to be mentally healthy. Why do you see all these forever alone dudes who are miserable and mentally f*cked up? Because hanging out in your basement every friday and saturday is not mentally healthy. Humans are social creatures for a reason

If you have female friends, then you should know there's nothing special about having an extra X chromosome...

True, but having female friends and dating is hugely different

[coldvein]

For me personally, I want a girlfriend because I'm emotionally starved for romantic companionship. I think romantic companionship is something that everybody needs to be mentally healthy. Why do you see all these forever alone dudes who are miserable and mentally f*cked up? Because hanging out in your basement every friday and saturday is not mentally healthy. Humans are social creatures for a reason

I actually agree with OP on this one. I mean, as long as you aren't some person who gets way too attached to their SO and has absolutely no life outside of them, you're probably doing fine. There is a fine line between being an ultra needy desperate person to being a person who has a relatively boring life, yet still has some things going on. So yes, I see girlfriends as someone who CAN fill a void as long as that void isn't too large; rather than just enhance something. You're obviously better having your **** together though.

I think there are enough studies that show that a lack of social and intimate development can hinder growth to an extent.

OP, to stop putting it on the pedestal think like this: most girls live pretty boring lives. A lot of them get crappy grades, eat bad food but get away with it at a young age because of genetics (wait until later), go get smashed on weekends, can't carry intelligent conversation, are more worried about trivial things in their lives rather than the things going on in the world, etc. There are gems out there, but they all have their problems. My buddy's girlfriend is a great gal, very smart, has her stuff together, fun, going to a very prestigious medical school next year, etc. and she can still be a bitch and do stupid stuff. Keep all of that in mind.

[BrawnySwoleman]

Think of it this way: What does a hot girl weigh, 120 lbs? You think you couldn't kick her ass?

















not srs