ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

**_Roidz_** · 09-13-2011, 08:46 PM

Keeping it alive!

**TheBateman** · 09-13-2011, 09:01 PM

excellent OP

i wish i found this thraed before i posted my situation and dealt with it on my own

can coal man sticky this thread so others can read it before asking for advice?

**_Roidz_** · 09-13-2011, 09:08 PM

Originally Posted by TheBateman

excellent OP

i wish i found this thraed before i posted my situation and dealt with it on my own

can coal man sticky this thread so others can read it before asking for advice?

I may PM him about it, but it is good to talk through your individual situations with other people, that is why I keep bumping the thread, so people have a place to talk about their experiences in dealing with this.

**Jonnis** · 09-13-2011, 11:06 PM

broke up with the missus last night..

she just doesn't realise the **** I did for her but yeah. If I think about it all, she has almost nothing to offer me that no other girl can give me in the relationship. She never paid for things, had no licence etc etc

but yeah, finding it hard being out of the comfort zone of it all even though it was ****. She'll call me tonight I think and want me to go see her to talk but I don't know. It'll re-stir emotions and crap..

**_Roidz_** · 09-13-2011, 11:12 PM

I have seen you post a few times regarding issues with your now ex. I would avoid all contact with her for now unless it is absolutely necessary. Why talk to her? What can possibly be said to benefit you or her? Judging by previous posts you have your head screwed on straight, and although your emotions would be yelling at you to go back to her and talk or whatever, you must fight it. It is important to know you'r pain is not unique, we have all been there and got through it. If I may ask, how long were you 2 together?

**Jonnis** · 09-13-2011, 11:32 PM

together just over a year.

shes my first real girlfriend. And I'm her first real girlfriend but she has more of a past than me with hooking up etc not sex though, only 1 more than me.

her friends hate me cause she chose not to organise to see them. They blamed me and so did she although she wouldn't admit it.

But the thing is, we saw each other EVERY day except maybe 2 weeks in total. So its that much of a comfort thing, I'll never make that mistake again.

**_Roidz_** · 09-13-2011, 11:43 PM

Originally Posted by Jonnis

together just over a year.

shes my first real girlfriend. And I'm her first real girlfriend but she has more of a past than me with hooking up etc not sex though, only 1 more than me.

her friends hate me cause she chose not to organise to see them. They blamed me and so did she although she wouldn't admit it.

But the thing is, we saw each other EVERY day except maybe 2 weeks in total. So its that much of a comfort thing, I'll never make that mistake again.

Man we all make that mistake, one thing to always remember in the future is never make someone else your life. A woman is there to enhance your already awesome life, not define how awesome your life is. I am a believer in always having some separation from your significant other, you need activities and things you do away from her. The harsh reality of the situation will be blunt and will hit hard, you need to stay strong in these moments. You will miss her comfort, but this pain WILL heal itself in time. She was your first real girl friend, you may read some places that you never forget your first 'real love' and I want to put this into perspective for you. It is true you never forget them BUT you DO NOT think of them with emotions attached. It becomes just a memory, does not hurt, does not make you happy or sad, it is just a memory. I want to make sure you understand that this will not haunt you forever as I thought it would when I went through my first real break up.

If you need any more advice feel free to drop by again.

**_Roidz_** · 09-17-2011, 10:16 PM

Thick, solid, tight bump.

**SrT4u2Nv** · 09-18-2011, 05:46 AM

Bump for good info

**_Roidz_** · 09-18-2011, 10:43 PM

Bumped for heart broken brahs.

**banch0ng** · 09-19-2011, 01:10 AM

argh

been almost 4 months since I broke up with my girl, pain is still as raw as it was after a week ... maybe not to that degree, but yeah

she broke it off ... she barred me the first few months, saying it was better that way ... which I guess is true, but not even a message to see how I was ... definitely struggled pretty bad the first 2 or 3 months, she knew this through her friends who i occasionally talked too ... but seems like she didn't care

saw her out last night unfortunately, first time in 4 months ... she texted me later that night saying, it was hard seeing me, and she just wants to be able to talk to me again

gave her a full spiel about how she only wants to talk when it suits her, wasn't there when I needed her etc ... what say you misc? I know it's stupid on my behalf, everyone will probably say shes done the right thing but not contacting me etc ... in the same vein though, I don't want her to just come to me after a few months and expect me to be all beta and start talking to her just because it suits her.

**_Roidz_** · 09-19-2011, 01:18 AM

Need to cut contact with this girl completely man. You should not care whether she is there for you or not, thats what your mates are for. As far as you are concerned she is dead to you man. Disregard her approaches to talk or be friends, that is the ONLY way which will see you move on. You have to accept it is done now, and for good. No more telling her friends you are miserable, none of that crap. As far as she knows you are great. I would also avoid her friends if I was you.

**banch0ng** · 09-19-2011, 01:23 AM

hmmm yeah ... contact has been cut, havent talked to her at all since it happened basically ... has been quite tricky, we work together sort of (indirectly, but same company) so I see all her friends that I used to be friends with most days ...

Just don't want to make out like I'm a prick ... she was texting me today, didn't reply which has been pretty hard

Can definitely agree with one of your points, in deleting all memories ... phone number, photos, ******** (I deleted ******** altogether to fix this, best thing I ever did) ... it's still hard, but so much easier without all that **** ... even returned all the stuff she got me, put it all in a box and left it on her front door step ... didn't go down too well lawlz

**_Roidz_** · 09-19-2011, 01:27 AM

You have to get into the mentality that you do not care what she thinks of you. If she thinks you are a prick, let her. It does not effect you in any way how she perceives you nor should it. The time where her judgements meant something are gone, she is just another stranger now who you could not give 2 sh!ts about.

**silent1029** · 09-19-2011, 02:23 AM

Wow a post worth reading.... wtf o_O

**_Roidz_** · 09-19-2011, 08:20 AM

Originally Posted by silent1029

Wow a post worth reading.... wtf o_O

Hahahaha glad you enjoyed it brah.

**azzspankr** · 09-19-2011, 08:24 AM

Wow, strong and thoughful OP. Good job, pretty much covered it imo

**_Roidz_** · 09-19-2011, 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by azzspankr

Wow, strong and thoughful OP. Good job, pretty much covered it imo

Glad people agree and it is helping some of you guys out.

**etherHATESether** · 09-19-2011, 05:33 PM

Is it ever okay to be the one to re-initiate contact after a while? Can it work out?

**_Roidz_** · 09-19-2011, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by etherHATESether

Is it ever okay to be the one to re-initiate contact after a while? Can it work out?

What do you mean by work out? As in be friends or more?

**silent1029** · 09-20-2011, 03:00 AM

Originally Posted by etherHATESether

Is it ever okay to be the one to re-initiate contact after a while? Can it work out?

it seems like many asking these questions expecting fully legit answers. imo it would depend on YOUR situation/circumstance. can't really ask specific questions via forum and just go by that. gotta figure most **** out yourself.

**dizi24** · 09-20-2011, 04:10 AM

Good read. Just broke up with a girl last night and this is all stuff I knew, but good to read anyways. Only dated for a couple months, but she was really cute and had an awesome personality. Probably my own fault for showering her with way too much attention, but it's time to move on. I got my own things in my life to focus on right now.

**_Roidz_** · 09-20-2011, 04:58 AM

Originally Posted by dizi24

Good read. Just broke up with a girl last night and this is all stuff I knew, but good to read anyways. Only dated for a couple months, but she was really cute and had an awesome personality. Probably my own fault for showering her with way too much attention, but it's time to move on. I got my own things in my life to focus on right now.

Good job on knowing to move on brah.

**_Roidz_** · 09-20-2011, 11:40 PM

bump!

**Alar** · 09-21-2011, 12:15 AM

She broke up with me because her reason was she couldn't be the gf and wouldn't be able to make time for me even though I "made her feel like a princess" and spoiled her with everything and always had time for her (these are her words not mine). She says we'll talk in a couple days but should I be thinking whats the point? She ditched me regardless. It's all bs, I know she just stopped loving me or that I wasn't even worth it anymore.

I wish we got back together, because we've built so much together, I'm talking years, but if she's willing to leave me hanging like that, and if you don't know what you want then someone else will deserve my actions? I even begged her to give it a chance, which I know was kind of stupid, my heart was speaking for me. But Is this correct? I should just move on? I made her a priority, all the time because I live a busy life and she would get jealous sometimes. She says she want's to hang out, and Im not so sure that's a good idea if I still have feelings for her right? I'll just get hurt again.

**_Roidz_** · 09-21-2011, 12:24 AM

Originally Posted by Alar

She broke up with me because her reason was she couldn't be the gf and wouldn't be able to make time for me even though I "made her feel like a princess" and spoiled her with everything and always had time for her (these are her words not mine). She says we'll talk in a couple days but should I be thinking whats the point? She ditched me regardless. It's all bs, I know she just stopped loving me or that I wasn't even worth it anymore.

I wish we got back together, because we've built so much together, I'm talking years, but if she's willing to leave me hanging like that, and if you don't know what you want then someone else will deserve my actions? I even begged her to give it a chance, which I know was kind of stupid, my heart was speaking for me. But Is this correct? I should just move on? I made her a priority, all the time because I live a busy life and she would get jealous sometimes. She says she want's to hang out, and Im not so sure that's a good idea if I still have feelings for her right? I'll just get hurt again.

Yeah chances are you are right in she lost feelings for you. You know it is done, nothing you can do now will salvage the situation, but man you are young. You just have to trust what you think is the best course of action, I get the feeling you know that you should move on, and in my opinion that is the right things to do here. She made her intentions clear, she no longer wants to be with you. Why should you make yourself available to her?

**Alar** · 09-21-2011, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by _Roidz_

Yeah chances are you are right in she lost feelings for you. You know it is done, nothing you can do now will salvage the situation, but man you are young. You just have to trust what you think is the best course of action, I get the feeling you know that you should move on, and in my opinion that is the right things to do here. She made her intentions clear, she no longer wants to be with you. Why should you make yourself available to her?

I feel like I know all this but I am being weak and having doubts. Like, it is there but it is not understood. She has been texting me and such asking how its going, I do reply, out of respect mostly, but short such as okay, or I'm doing great and if it's anything else I will not reply. I did text her today asking that she pack my things for me to pick up and that she doesn't have to be there when doing so or to give it to her sister and that I had already collected her things from my home and it is ready to go. She responded with "sure...but I'm in no rush to get rid of these things lol" like jedifuarkingmindtricks, but I just replied,

"Look, I'm trying to move on, as I think and what others think that's the best thing to do. I'm trying to make it easy for myself and not keep things that will remind me of you. Do I have feelings towards the situation? Maybe, but I wish you the best".

her reply:

"I did not break up with you because I disliked you, or hated you, I just think we were going through some rough times and it was unhealthy and I think it was hurting us. I still love you too but I think this space is what's best for us".

I replied:

"The sooner I can grab my things, the better. Thanks"

So come today, she finds out I've been recruited to her university varsity team, she's been texting me the same message asking what's going to happen, will i be transffering etc etc.

I haven't replied since it shouldn't matter to her.

But,

3 days from now, I have been invited to this event, involving her family ( whom I am quite close with), which we go to every year. I said I will be going, not to her but her sister, and told my ex that I will have her stuff ready there. She texts me saying " as long as you don't think thing's will get complicated"

my reply:

"What things? Things look pretty straight with me".

Later, she text me the same message above, regarding the varsity recruit whatever. and I have yet to reply.

thumbs up? down?

**_Roidz_** · 09-21-2011, 10:15 PM

Originally Posted by Alar

I feel like I know all this but I am being weak and having doubts. Like, it is there but it is not understood. She has been texting me and such asking how its going, I do reply, out of respect mostly, but short such as okay, or I'm doing great and if it's anything else I will not reply. I did text her today asking that she pack my things for me to pick up and that she doesn't have to be there when doing so or to give it to her sister and that I had already collected her things from my home and it is ready to go. She responded with "sure...but I'm in no rush to get rid of these things lol" like jedifuarkingmindtricks, but I just replied,

"Look, I'm trying to move on, as I think and what others think that's the best thing to do. I'm trying to make it easy for myself and not keep things that will remind me of you. Do I have feelings towards the situation? Maybe, but I wish you the best".

her reply:

"I did not break up with you because I disliked you, or hated you, I just think we were going through some rough times and it was unhealthy and I think it was hurting us. I still love you too but I think this space is what's best for us".

I replied:

"The sooner I can grab my things, the better. Thanks"

So come today, she finds out I've been recruited to her university varsity team, she's been texting me the same message asking what's going to happen, will i be transffering etc etc.

I haven't replied since it shouldn't matter to her.

But,

3 days from now, I have been invited to this event, involving her family ( whom I am quite close with), which we go to every year. I said I will be going, not to her but her sister, and told my ex that I will have her stuff ready there. She texts me saying " as long as you don't think thing's will get complicated"

my reply:

"What things? Things look pretty straight with me".

Later, she text me the same message above, regarding the varsity recruit whatever. and I have yet to reply.

thumbs up? down?

For a guy your age, you handled that really well man. You have your head screwed on straight, you can tell. You have the right idea, get your stuff as quick as possible with saying as little as possible to her. If you do transfer to her University, you have to treat her as a stranger. A casual hi, when passing her, but not more then that. At the start it is going to be really fresh, so I advise keeping your distance as much as possible for a little while, just so you can get over it all.

Lastly do not listen to her excuses for breaking up, she probably lost excitement and thinks the grass is greener on the other side, which most woman do. She wants to keep you around in case that does not work out for her. You need to be away from her.

**Alar** · 09-22-2011, 02:19 AM

Thanks OP, I have a hard time opening up about everything, it has always been a problem all my life until I met my gf. Right now, I realize I am stuck in that same LaLa land, first real girlfriend, love forever mindset and trying to transition the such, into just another experience rather than hurt. Hell, she said it herself, I treated her like a princess, and people still tell me this day, they were more than aware how much I loved her yet she couldn't see that.

One day she will be left by the one she likes, for the one that they love. I am young, these are my prime years to explore and find new meaning in life, I know what it feels like to go through change but as of right now, my confidence is at an all time low. I, understand the fact that people's views change, sometimes drastically and irrationally. But, I am proud to say, even at the end of it all, I stayed true to myself, and my feelings, and I can look you in the eye and say I gave it a %100, and I will say that happily. Even when times were rough and my friends told me to break up with her, I was always true to myself and feelings. For that, I know, I was always the stronger one in this relationship. I was motivated out of love and she was of fear. This has helped me realize, although I feel bad for her that she has allowed even a couple troubles to determine her decision, and her fear of being confined to a single significant other, I was the closest to perfection in those 4 years, and possibly more to come. Because, I was of truth.

**_Roidz_** · 09-22-2011, 02:55 AM

Originally Posted by Alar

Thanks OP, I have a hard time opening up about everything, it has always been a problem all my life until I met my gf. Right now, I realize I am stuck in that same LaLa land, first real girlfriend, love forever mindset and trying to transition the such, into just another experience rather than hurt. Hell, she said it herself, I treated her like a princess, and people still tell me this day, they were more than aware how much I loved her yet she couldn't see that.

One day she will be left by the one she likes, for the one that they love. I am young, these are my prime years to explore and find new meaning in life, I know what it feels like to go through change but as of right now, my confidence is at an all time low. I, understand the fact that people's views change, sometimes drastically and irrationally. But, I am proud to say, even at the end of it all, I stayed true to myself, and my feelings, and I can look you in the eye and say I gave it a %100, and I will say that happily. Even when times were rough and my friends told me to break up with her, I was always true to myself and feelings. For that, I know, I was always the stronger one in this relationship. I was motivated out of love and she was of fear. This has helped me realize, although I feel bad for her that she has allowed even a couple troubles to determine her decision, and her fear of being confined to a single significant other, I was the closest to perfection in those 4 years, and possibly more to come. Because, I was of truth.

It is very easy to see you are a smart guy, you will make a girl who deserves you very happy one day (no homo). Just enjoy being young man, you had a good experience that will hold you in good stead for the rest of your life. Do not rush into things, just take them as they come from here on out.

All the best with it man.

Thread: ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions