ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

[eta510]

The text will achieve nothing but make you feel worse. I can tell by your post that you have a very level head on your shoulders so you will make it out just fine. I especially like how there is very little bitter undertone to your post, so you understand that this is merely an experience, not a lost investment. I see good things coming to you man, hang in there.

Yeah, definitely glad I didn't send the text. Thanks man, trying to hang in there.

This ^^^

Nothing good will come from texting her. There's nothing wrong with looking back at the good times you had. If anything - it's more useful to you as a person to be able to look back and see the good elements in people and the good times you shared together.

There's nothing empowering about holding onto negativity and spiteful thoughts in your head about her.

Learn from this. Take lessons. Improve yourself so that the next person who comes along will experience a 'stronger' version of what you have to offer.

Agreed. Trying my best to let go of the little negativity I have in regards to her. Gets you nowhere and only holds you back. Definitely going to use this to improve myself. Thanks you two.

[marshall85]

Since this post garnered such a great response in the No Contact thread, I thought it might be of use to some guys needing help in here. _Roidz_ and I are no strangers, and his thread is the very reason I signed up for this board. We've been through a lot of personal struggle and it has really helped me develop as a person.

Anyway here goes, enjoy!

Being able to say that I'm fully over my ex, and indeed one of the darkest, most painful and stressful periods of my life I thought I would pay it forward as such within the frame of a letter to myself, only a year ago.

If you like what you read, you should look through my older posts on the forum (she's the reason I signed up after all) and you might find a few comparisons to your own situation.

1. You will make all the same mistakes as everyone else (calling, pleading, begging).

2. She will be unresponsive, and distance herself from you because you lose all self respect and have nothing worth being attracted to.

3. You will appreciate that she had been considering a breakup a long time before she dropped the hatchet, and there really is nothing you can say to change her mind.

4. You will realise in time that by ignoring her it will drive her nuts, ultimately causing reaching out.

5. You will realise that this is just an attempt at validation, and should be ignored regardless.

6. You will undertake rugby as a new hobby and a way to motivate yourself.

7. You will make 50 new friends and meet countless new girls as a result.

8. You will push yourself harder than ever to succeed.

9. You will learn a valuable lesson: cliches are cliches because they are true, and are repeated over time.

10. You will learn that these lessons can be 'told' over and over - its when you experience them over time that they actually hold meaning and take effect.

11. You will grow to realise that this breakup was a blessing in disguise, and that it propelled you to improve yourself by 1% every single day, whether its terrific oral hygiene, better wardrobe, higher muscle mass, lower bf etc.

12. You will become entirely self reliant, and this will stand by you for as long as you live.

13. You will learn to devote time to those who devote time to you, and that emotional parasites are a true waste of time.

14. You will learn the value of not being afraid to say 'no', or take negativity without fear.

15. You will learn that the misc is the accumulation of many, many years of experience across a wide range of people, and its advice should always be adhered to.

[B_Nelley35]

Whenever I figure out the ingredients to blend for a pill which removes all heartache and makes you stop caring I'm going to earn a ****ing fortune.

It'll be a year in November - maybe I've actually lost my mind..maybe I was always a depressed obsessive maniac and all it took was her to send me over the edge.

I didn't even believe depression was a real thing until this, I always just told people to tighten up and get over it...incredible.

This is a huge bump, but I was bored browsing this thread...that pill exists...Its called oxycontin...or Heroin if you want to really forgot. I don't recommend it though lol.

[marshall85]

This is a huge bump, but I was bored browsing this thread...that pill exists...Its called oxycontin...or Heroin if you want to really forgot. I don't recommend it though lol.

Haha, I forgot all about even posting that - take it from me brahs, you're going to make it. We're all gonna make it.

See that **** right there? Nothing more than a valuable lesson learned: a quantitative example of how far I can stoop, and how far I can claw my way back to being myself again...I still think of her, but sooner or later you realise that you need to look out for #1.

PEACE

[G_Train]

Since this post garnered such a great response in the No Contact thread, I thought it might be of use to some guys needing help in here. _Roidz_ and I are no strangers, and his thread is the very reason I signed up for this board. We've been through a lot of personal struggle and it has really helped me develop as a person.

Anyway here goes, enjoy!

Being able to say that I'm fully over my ex, and indeed one of the darkest, most painful and stressful periods of my life I thought I would pay it forward as such within the frame of a letter to myself, only a year ago.

If you like what you read, you should look through my older posts on the forum (she's the reason I signed up after all) and you might find a few comparisons to your own situation.

1.....

15....

Good post. Breakups being a blessing in disguise is a point that cannot be understated.

Each time I've gone through a breakup I've ALWAYS come out a better person in the long run.

At the time of a challenging breakup it's always hard to see the 'long run' because you're trying just to get through the day, in many instances. However if you adhere to the 'self-improvement' & no-contact principles that we wax lyrical about around here - it never ceases to amaze me how quickly you can not only turn your mentality around, but reach a new level because of the strength and resolve you've acquired.

[bananabucket]

knowing she isnt worth this pain just makes it more painful lol

[_Roidz_]

knowing she isnt worth this pain just makes it more painful lol

Logically you know this, but it takes time for the emotional aspect of the break up to die down before the logic of the situation can truly shine through. Don't worry it will happen. I do recommend people go back and read Marshall's journey to where he is now, he has come out a much stronger person and will give a lot of you guys hope!

[_Roidz_]

Bump for those who need it!

[Clipper8]

I had to break up with my girlfriend Saturday night because I found out that she's been cheating on me with a 35 year old divorced former coworker since at least April. We're 21. It hurts pretty bad because she was my first everything, and we've been looking at apartments recently so we can move in together. She's my best friend. I made her go through all of their texts in front of me, and there was some really crappy stuff in there, including "so has [my name] ****ed your ass yet, or is that just for me?"

The worst part is that for the past month, she's been telling me that I have jealousy issues and that I should trust her, and that she would never do anything to hurt me. This came about because she still texts one of her former f***buddies (not the 35 year old in question, I had no idea who this guy was until this weekend). When I dumped her Saturday night, she fell on the floor in front of her door crying and begging me not to leave, saying I'm the only guy who has ever been good to her and she messed up horribly. She also has a history of severe depression and hurting herself, and said that it might come back because of all of this. It's hard not to feel like a villain for doing this to her, but cheating (especially like that) is completely unacceptable to me.

[G_Train]

I had to break up with my girlfriend Saturday night because I found out that she's been cheating on me with a 35 year old divorced former coworker since at least April. We're 21. It hurts pretty bad because she was my first everything, and we've been looking at apartments recently so we can move in together. She's my best friend. I made her go through all of their texts in front of me, and there was some really crappy stuff in there, including "so has [my name] ****ed your ass yet, or is that just for me?"

The worst part is that for the past month, she's been telling me that I have jealousy issues and that I should trust her, and that she would never do anything to hurt me. This came about because she still texts one of her former f***buddies (not the 35 year old in question, I had no idea who this guy was until this weekend). When I dumped her Saturday night, she fell on the floor in front of her door crying and begging me not to leave, saying I'm the only guy who has ever been good to her and she messed up horribly. She also has a history of severe depression and hurting herself, and said that it might come back because of all of this. It's hard not to feel like a villain for doing this to her, but cheating (especially like that) is completely unacceptable to me.

Mate - don't apologise for anything. She cheated. She isn't your problem anymore. Whatever she does to herself is her/somebody elses responsibility. As harsh as it sounds - it's true.

[_Roidz_]

I had to break up with my girlfriend Saturday night because I found out that she's been cheating on me with a 35 year old divorced former coworker since at least April. We're 21. It hurts pretty bad because she was my first everything, and we've been looking at apartments recently so we can move in together. She's my best friend. I made her go through all of their texts in front of me, and there was some really crappy stuff in there, including "so has [my name] ****ed your ass yet, or is that just for me?"

The worst part is that for the past month, she's been telling me that I have jealousy issues and that I should trust her, and that she would never do anything to hurt me. This came about because she still texts one of her former f***buddies (not the 35 year old in question, I had no idea who this guy was until this weekend). When I dumped her Saturday night, she fell on the floor in front of her door crying and begging me not to leave, saying I'm the only guy who has ever been good to her and she messed up horribly. She also has a history of severe depression and hurting herself, and said that it might come back because of all of this. It's hard not to feel like a villain for doing this to her, but cheating (especially like that) is completely unacceptable to me.

You sir handled that like a true man. She breached a big boundary, it is unacceptable, you dropped her. Did exactly what you had to in the situation, you should have no regrets or feel any sympathy towards her, as she did it to herself.

[Mr Beer]

She also has a history of severe depression and hurting herself, and said that it might come back because of all of this. It's hard not to feel like a villain for doing this to her, but cheating (especially like that) is completely unacceptable to me.

It may well come back, because of her unacceptable behaviour. I hardly see how that's your problem.

[Beastmode1403]

Great first post advice. However, I'm following all those but it still seems to not work or working very slowly. I had been friends with my ex for many years prior to dating. I always wanted to be with her. She wanted to be together recently so we were for 3 months. Relationship was going great then she suddenly states she wanted to slow down. So I don't talk to her much and gave her space. Then it blows up one weekend she blames the whole thing on me due to my "lack of communication" even though she wasn't interested at all after she said slow down. She offers a friendship. Come to find out she broke up with her ex a couple weeks before we dated. Once she said slow it down she began texting him, going back to hang out (prob with him) etc. i saw a comment on Instagram she wrote for him about going out with him on a weekend and a picture of them together. This all was before she blew up on me. It's been 2 and a half months since she did all this. She texts me all the time saying that she doesn't know why I hate her, that we should meet up, and that I am misunderstood.

I have been good with no contact (1month) and haven't looked at her media in over 1 1/2 months. Been improving myself, taking vacations, hitting the gym, and doing stuff I want to do. But she still runs through my head every single day. I am really getting tired of thinking of her/replaying the situation. It's a battle between my brain and conscience. I have made list of bad things I didn't like about the relationship. I also have accepted that I was a rebound. But she still seems to enter my mind daily. This normal or any other advice to how to get her out of my head?

[MIKE24]

Hey brahs, Ive been in an out of this thread and its helped me through various breakups. So many that I just had a recent break up and I personally feel stronger and ambitious to become better after all was said and done. Among the many reasons for this new-found "power" I have is because of this thread and every single post and experience that has been contributed here. I cannot thank all of you enough. That said, I stumbled across a video that shed some light on what kind of thought process and validations one should have when confronted with a break up.

DISCLAIMER: I do not advocate use of pua techniques, or anything of the sort. I watched this video merely for entertainment purposes and realized it has a powerful message on human interaction. Hope you guys get something out of it.

Edit: For great breakup specific advice start watching at 12:45 in the video

[Sheps13]

Ya i've been a lurker on this forums for a while and finally decided to make a profile

broke up with my girl about 2 weeks ago and it sucks. we were together for about 2 years...and man all i could feel is rage, anger, betrayal and guilt. i could not get over it, been having a tough time sleeping to because im used to her being there. Or before i go to bed we would text each other good night or in the morning "good morning i love you have a great day" now there is none of that happening. if i would drive somewhere she wanted me to text her to make sure i got there safely. but now nothing

it is as if she doesnt give a $hit about me anymore.

i did delate her from fb and her number..boxed up pictures of her, cards she gave me..and put it away but i still cant stop thinking about her. Good thing is i got school starting to help me take my mind of things and keep me busy...hitting the gym every day..but its when im home during the night and realize she isnt there for me to hold that it gets to me and then i have trouble sleeping.

sucks brahs, not sure how else to move on from this

[MrReptile]

Ya i've been a lurker on this forums for a while and finally decided to make a profile

broke up with my girl about 2 weeks ago and it sucks. we were together for about 2 years...and man all i could feel is rage, anger, betrayal and guilt. i could not get over it, been having a tough time sleeping to because im used to her being there. Or before i go to bed we would text each other good night or in the morning "good morning i love you have a great day" now there is none of that happening. if i would drive somewhere she wanted me to text her to make sure i got there safely. but now nothing

it is as if she doesnt give a $hit about me anymore.

i did delate her from fb and her number..boxed up pictures of her, cards she gave me..and put it away but i still cant stop thinking about her. Good thing is i got school starting to help me take my mind of things and keep me busy...hitting the gym every day..but its when im home during the night and realize she isnt there for me to hold that it gets to me and then i have trouble sleeping.

sucks brahs, not sure how else to move on from this

We've all been through this and it's completely normal but it's just like getting over an addiction, you want her to be there because you're used to it. Just like alcoholics who wants to stop, they want it like f*ck! but it's better if they don't touch it because it's hurting them in the long run, same here with your ex. Don't fall for it you don't need her to have a life, you don't need anyone no matter how hard it feels. You will have trouble to eat and sleeping yes but it will past, like all the pain you have now WILL pass just keep moving on without her... stay strong.

[Sheps13]

We've all been through this and it's completely normal but it's just like getting over an addiction, you want her to be there because you're used to it. Just like alcoholics who wants to stop, they want it like f*ck! but it's better if they don't touch it because it's hurting them in the long run, same here with your ex. Don't fall for it you don't need her to have a life, you don't need anyone no matter how hard it feels. You will have trouble to eat and sleeping yes but it will past, like all the pain you have now WILL pass just keep moving on without her... stay strong.

Thanks mang

ya it really sucks..i keep myself busy throughout the day but at night is when i really find i miss her and im like f^ck this sucks :/

[jnorton94]

I wish this was bumped a little earlier before i dealt with the situation and made the decisions myself. Eh oh well, more experience in life for me.

[_Roidz_]

All a learning experience man

[TiredOfTrying]

INTRO : Im 23years old. 5''10, 195 pounds ALPHA male. Damn right. Im lebanese, from montreal.

One day, was chilling on Instagram, and found that girl, a beautiful girl, insane body, beautiful and everything..with like 5K followers.
I liked one or 2 pics, and asked her her ******** name. (Lot of guys asked her before but she never answered) Guess what? She did answerd me.
AND GUESS WHAT? Shes also lebanese! 21 years old. We started texting eachother for a month, every single day. but I didnt gave a **** about her but she was crazy about me. Then we saw eachother 1 time..2 times...3.. she fell in love, completly. She was addicted to me. Texting me every single minutes, sending me pictures of what shes doing, buying me gifts for no reasons. Then, I traveled to my country for 10 days. She missed me like crazy, she didnt stopped texting and calling and sending me sexy pictures of her etc etc, she even drew a picture of me (yeap). When i came back from lebanon, we had sex for the first time, and it was INSANE. I never felt something like that, maybe because its the first time I take my time with a girl before having sex with her? I dont know but it was incredible. We then, for a month straight, had massive alpha sex. We then started to have some issues, like all the guys who tried to talk to her, with the fact that she cant stop posting picture of her insane body on instagram etc etc. I once got mad and told her im done ( happened 3-4 times) and she started crying, almost fainted infront of me. So I was pretty sure she was deep into me, her love was real. She told me 1000 times that we were going to get mary and she never found someone like me, im the perfect guy blablabla. I started having feelings for her, we were on contact every single seconds for 6 months straight. Then it happened, that one day, i felt like she backed off, i didnt felt her anymore around me. We talked yeah, but it was ackward, it wasnt real anymore. What happened? I dont know. She then told me " I dont know whats my problem, im not here anymore, i dont feel myself, i dont love myself, i cant be without you anymore, i swear on my mothers life there is no other guy, i dont give a **** about guys i just care about you, but i dont feel it anymore its not the same anymore, i know someday i will end up with you and have family together, but for now i dont feel anything anymore" . I told her okay, and left her place. We still textd eachother tho everyday, until I lost it and told her ****it i cant do it anymore and blocked her from everwhere. 2 days later, she posted a pic on instagram, the exact type of picture i hated and SHE DID IT. SO i lost my mind and unblocked her and askd her wtf? Is that it? was it so easy to get over me? She didnt respond, 3hours later she wrote me back " I dont wanna talk about it, im going out talk to you tomorow". I was ****ing crushed, next day we talkd she told me its over and she doesnt loved me the way she did before. She told me that she loves me but more like she loves her parents?! WHAT THE HELL GOD DAMMIT. I asked myself, maybe its a pass, maybe shell get back at me...i sent her flowers, nop, nada. She textd me back < thx for the flowers blablabla but i dont love you anymore..im sorry >. But sometimes she still text me, and im here like a beta ******* waiting for her to come back at me. Saw her 1 week ago and she hugged me for 5 min straight telling me she dont want me to go.. i missed her perfume so much.. yesterday she called me telling me that she wont have her cellphone today in case of i txt her without answer.. Why is she doing this? What does she want from me? I think its pretty clear she dont give 2 ****s anymore but i cant get over her. She was perfect for me. Plus, how can she say shes going to have a family with me, cry her ass to death when i tell her im gonna leave, do everything i ****ing want, and then act cold as ****, like she neverr ****ing knew me. How can she be so heartless?!

[TiredOfTrying]

Beta bump

[_Roidz_]

Beta bump

You need to go no contact as of right now. She says she does not want you, yet you let her have you whenever she feels a bit lonely. Yeah it sucks, but she made her choice, now show her what it is really like with you not there.

[TiredOfTrying]

You need to go no contact as of right now. She says she does not want you, yet you let her have you whenever she feels a bit lonely. Yeah it sucks, but she made her choice, now show her what it is really like with you not there.

Yeah I know you're right. But it's so hard cause I felt like she was the one.. we were the same person male/female version.. but yeah, you're right

[ImOldGregg]

Do you think it's right to break up with someone because of a lack of common interests, even if it's not really causing any problems right now?

[TiredOfTrying]

Do you think it's right to break up with someone because of a lack of common interests, even if it's not really causing any problems right now?

no, opposite attract.

[ImOldGregg]

no, opposite attract.

Broke up with the girl I loved because of this

It never stops hurting but I thought I was doing the right thing.

[TiredOfTrying]

Broke up with the girl I loved because of this

It never stops hurting but I thought I was doing the right thing.

theres no right thing in love. If you love her and she doesnt affect your life in a negativ way, stay with her

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

wish i had read this thread before but the outcome would have been the same anyway.

put everything i had into someone that just didnt love me. got rejected so hard and then just kept coming back for more mental punishment. every time i get the urge to contact her i just tell myself that im the last person in the world that she wants to hear from and that .. i shouldnt give a hoot about someone that does not care about me and would prob leave me to die

well, at least im not talking to myself as much as i was.. bout 4-5 months NC now and seeing a girl that actually treats me nice and cares about me. pretty interesting how things work out.. i do want to feel that crazy in love feeling again but i dont think this barrier ive put up around myself will let me.

[chirashi]

wish i had read this thread before but the outcome would have been the same anyway.

put everything i had into someone that just didnt love me. got rejected so hard and then just kept coming back for more mental punishment. every time i get the urge to contact her i just tell myself that im the last person in the world that she wants to hear from and that .. i shouldnt give a hoot about someone that does not care about me and would prob leave me to die

well, at least im not talking to myself as much as i was.. bout 4-5 months NC now and seeing a girl that actually treats me nice and cares about me. pretty interesting how things work out.. i do want to feel that crazy in love feeling again but i dont think this barrier ive put up around myself will let me.

Obviously you're going to have to open up for your relationship to survive. If you can't yet (hope that's not the case), you're not ready. I understand it takes time to trust again though.

[ImOldGregg]

theres no right thing in love. If you love her and she doesnt affect your life in a negativ way, stay with her

She made me a much better person actually, so much so I hate the person I used to be.

I just don't know if I would be happier with someone I have more in common with...