ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

[Dergo]

When your girlfriend wants a break do you guy think its because she wants to distance herself so she can emotionally check out of the relationship so that she can break up within a few weeks?

I've yet to hear from a relationship that survived a "girlfriend going on a break" thingy.

[henryk21]

Problem. Going to a party tomorrow, ex is going to be there and my hate for her is enormous at this point. This girl that i hook up with when I see her will also be there. How do I go about dealin with this?

[NHammondDesign]

Problem. Going to a party tomorrow, ex is going to be there and my hate for her is enormous at this point. This girl that i hook up with when I see her will also be there. How do I go about dealin with this?

Man up and don't go. If you have that much aggression still pent up about the first chick then it will clearly come out at some point during the night, especially if alcohol is involved. Maybe have a friend go first and text you if she isn't there? Then if she shows up just leave? That, or don't go at all. If you were fine with the ex then it would be a different story.

It's not worth bringing up the old emotions

[henryk21]

Man up and don't go. If you have that much aggression still pent up about the first chick then it will clearly come out at some point during the night, especially if alcohol is involved. Maybe have a friend go first and text you if she isn't there? Then if she shows up just leave? That, or don't go at all. If you were fine with the ex then it would be a different story.

It's not worth bringing up the old emotions

She doesn't know I hate her. I'm just not going to talk to her. I get happy when I drink. I just want to know how to handle me hooking up with the other girl when ex is around.

[NHammondDesign]

She doesn't know I hate her. I'm just not going to talk to her. I get happy when I drink. I just want to know how to handle me hooking up with the other girl when ex is around.

Gotcha. Well you don't have to be the guy that's purposefully trying to show off by hooking up with her, however, if that's what you're gonna do then don't feel bad for doing it. Your ex is her own person, she can handle her own emotions without you worrying about it. Do ya thang

[henryk21]

Gotcha. Well you don't have to be the guy that's purposefully trying to show off by hooking up with her, however, if that's what you're gonna do then don't feel bad for doing it. Your ex is her own person, she can handle her own emotions without you worrying about it. Do ya thang

I got ya. But I'm not doing it because she's gonna be there. I'm doing it because I have an opportunity to perhaps sleep with this girl, and I'm not going to miss that because of my ex being there.

[NHammondDesign]

I got ya. But I'm not doing it because she's gonna be there. I'm doing it because I have an opportunity to perhaps sleep with this girl, and I'm not going to miss that because of my ex being there.

Well you just answered your own question. What are you worried about?

[henryk21]

Well you just answered your own question. What are you worried about?

Lmao who the fuk knows. I just don't want to talk to that selfish bitch.

[Italian.Muscle]

Problem. Going to a party tomorrow, ex is going to be there and my hate for her is enormous at this point. This girl that i hook up with when I see her will also be there. How do I go about dealin with this?

I would 100% not go. If you can handle being in the same place and not letting emotions get to you go for it, for me id stay away completely. Esp when alcohol is involved i find it makes me way easier to get upset/depressed.

[Italian.Muscle]

Alright brosssss taking a hot girl to the club/bar tonight will report back later with them details.

First "date" since my 2 month breakup.

[_Roidz_]

Lmao who the fuk knows. I just don't want to talk to that selfish bitch.

Just know it is a very likely scenario you will see her hooking up with someone in front of you. You going to be OK with that?

[Angra_Mainyu]

been broken up for over a year, still haven't been interested in anyone else. damn

[proti3n]

ex left me about 2 months ago i finally felt over it totally go it out of my mind and last night had dreams all night about her f**kin ruined my day chit sucks

[henryk21]

Just know it is a very likely scenario you will see her hooking up with someone in front of you. You going to be OK with that?

I feel like I would be fine with it. But like its my cliq of friends. It's more of my friends party than hers. Why would I stop enjoying myself because she's there? Know what I mean?

[dat1brah]

When your girlfriend wants a break do you guy think its because she wants to distance herself so she can emotionally check out of the relationship so that she can break up within a few weeks?

id say yeah. some shiet went down with my gf where a girl started rumors about me talking **** about her. She doesnt believe me, few days later wants a break, back together the next day. **** was never the same though, shed be a bitch to me everytime we were together and then a few weeks later when I brought up her acting sketchy she broke up with me. breaks are relationship killers

[CodyKG]

Going on my first real date tomorrow night. Dinner and a movie with a girl who is extremely cute. She's also really shy which interests me for some reason. But after I drop her off I'm going to my buddy's house for a big party. Not sure if I should invite her...Or keep my options open because there will be other girls there for sure.

[Italian.Muscle]

Alright brosssss taking a hot girl to the club/bar tonight will report back later with them details.

First "date" since my 2 month breakup.

Failed miserably. I have known this girl for 2 years we worked together, but i havent seen her in like 4-5 months. Figured i could at least get some makeout type of sh*t in, I mean she agreed to hangout with me and my friends at a bar. Nope, just friends.

Depressed as fuk guys seriously, this stuff just pisses me off so easily. Then right after I fail i think about my ex and all the memories and I just sink deeper

[CodyKG]

Failed miserably. I have known this girl for 2 years we worked together, but i havent seen her in like 4-5 months. Figured i could at least get some makeout type of sh*t in, I mean she agreed to hangout with me and my friends at a bar. Nope, just friends.

Depressed as fuk guys seriously, this stuff just pisses me off so easily. Then right after I fail i think about my ex and all the memories and I just sink deeper

I know how it feels when you go out and expect so much. There's nothing you can really do about it brah, happened to me last night at the bar. Same thing happened - thought about if my ex was with me. I don't know the cure for it, but the best thing we can do is keep our heads up and keep moving forward.

[anonymous]

Failed miserably. I have known this girl for 2 years we worked together, but i havent seen her in like 4-5 months. Figured i could at least get some makeout type of sh*t in, I mean she agreed to hangout with me and my friends at a bar. Nope, just friends.

Depressed as fuk guys seriously, this stuff just pisses me off so easily. Then right after I fail i think about my ex and all the memories and I just sink deeper

I know how it feels when you go out and expect so much. There's nothing you can really do about it brah, happened to me last night at the bar. Same thing happened - thought about if my ex was with me. I don't know the cure for it, but the best thing we can do is keep our heads up and keep moving forward.

I agree, brah. If you're headed out. Make sure your main reason for doing so is to chill and hang with peeps. Never hurts to just focus on you until you're certain of where things stand

[manontherun]

For the first four or so weeks after I initiated no contact I felt very strong and resolute about getting over this. Now for the past two weeks I've had that immediate post-breakup depression again which just causes me to lie in bed and unable to move or do anything but ruminate over things and wonder if there's something wrong with me. I stayed in touch with her for many months after the breakup which only added salt to the wounds.

I know from breaking no contact prior to this that it's definitely not the solution. I was dumb enough to try this many times only to be burned each and every time.

[CodyKG]

For the first four or so weeks after I initiated no contact I felt very strong and resolute about getting over this. Now for the past two weeks I've had that immediate post-breakup depression again which just causes me to lie in bed and unable to move or do anything but ruminate over things and wonder if there's something wrong with me. I stayed in touch with her for many months after the breakup which only added salt to the wounds.

I know from breaking no contact prior to this that it's definitely not the solution. I was dumb enough to try this many times only to be burned each and every time.

Happens brah. For some of us it takes a month, some will take a year. You just need to continue on with your life, and realize you're still very well alive.

[Adz91]

2 weeks today since we split. she wanted space and i knew something was up so i had to finish it. still have feelings for her n kinda want to get back but still moving forward. its not gettin me down in any tbh and i feel pretty average. not wakening up n gettin depressed or anything like but soon as i see her with another guy its gonna kill me! currently on nc straight from break-up 2 weeks ago not heard a thng. dont think shes comin back lol

[GoldenBoy10]

I know how that feels and it sucks when you go out and meet other girls and theres no connection, or if you go out and theres no decent girls and doesnt work out.
You then start thinking about your ex and all the good times you guys had. Then you start wondering what shes been up to, and its even worse if you know shes with someone else already....

[NHammondDesign]

I agree, brah. If you're headed out. Make sure your main reason for doing so is to chill and hang with peeps. Never hurts to just focus on you until you're certain of where things stand

Strong this. Focusing on things you love to do and/or finding new things that interest you helps keep you on your own path and not worrying about hers. Plus it helps rebuild your self confidence.

Since my breakup I've been going to a few parties here or there but nothing crazy. When I go out I make sure I don't have any expectations and just flirt with whoever is in the room. Limit the alcohol. And make sure that I'm enjoying every moment of just relaxing and having good conversation. Do your own thing, don't worry about if other people think you're cool or not. If you think you're the sht then eventually everyone else will or they won't hang out with you. Win-win.

[GoldenBoy10]

Strong this. Focusing on things you love to do and/or finding new things that interest you helps keep you on your own path and not worrying about hers. Plus it helps rebuild your self confidence.

Since my breakup I've been going to a few parties here or there but nothing crazy. When I go out I make sure I don't have any expectations and just flirt with whoever is in the room. Limit the alcohol. And make sure that I'm enjoying every moment of just relaxing and having good conversation. Do your own thing, don't worry about if other people think you're cool or not. If you think you're the sht then eventually everyone else will or they won't hang out with you. Win-win.

I find this is the best thing to do. Go out meet new people, be outgoing, have a good time with friends, chat up different girls. Always keep yourself busy and make use of your free time you have now and take up some new hobbies.

[NHammondDesign]

I know how that feels and it sucks when you go out and meet other girls and theres no connection, or if you go out and theres no decent girls and doesnt work out.
You then start thinking about your ex and all the good times you guys had. Then you start wondering what shes been up to, and its even worse if you know shes with someone else already....

To this previous comment of yours...I frequently have these thoughts cross my mind also. What helps me is to think about how all she did was seek validation from someone else in order to try and solve her problems. When in life is this ever a good thing? Never. Even if she's happy currently she'll be in the EXACT same situation when that relationship ends, just like she did with yours.

I made the mistake of thinking my ex was different (has never NOT been in a relationship, cheated on everyone but me) and that's what came back to bite me is the ass. I realized that no matter how much you want to help someone change, or believe that they're on the right track, they have their own agenda at the end of the day. Not something to get pissed or sad over because it just means that you were on different levels to begin with. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

Take each relationship for what it is, a damn good try.

[GoldenBoy10]

To this previous comment of yours...I frequently have these thoughts cross my mind also. What helps me is to think about how all she did was seek validation from someone else in order to try and solve her problems. When in life is this ever a good thing? Never. Even if she's happy currently she'll be in the EXACT same situation when that relationship ends, just like she did with yours.

I made the mistake of thinking my ex was different (has never NOT been in a relationship, cheated on everyone but me) and that's what came back to bite me is the ass. I realized that no matter how much you want to help someone change, or believe that they're on the right track, they have their own agenda at the end of the day. Not something to get pissed or sad over because it just means that you were on different levels to begin with. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

Take each relationship for what it is, a damn good try.

Thats so true, and a pretty good way to look at it.
When I started dating this chick 2 years ago she just started her career and was looking to settle down. She really liked me and said I was so different than all the other guys she dated, Apparently she got cheated on the last 2 relationships. We hit it off good, then all of a sudden her work promoted her couple times and now shes pretty high up. Travelling all the time for months at a time now, working crazy long hours. This pretty much killed the relationship. Found out our lives were not similar anymore and now she wants something different then when we started going out. Yeah your right at the end of the day i guess girls just have there own agenda and there not much you can do about it....

[HChinaski]

To this previous comment of yours...I frequently have these thoughts cross my mind also. What helps me is to think about how all she did was seek validation from someone else in order to try and solve her problems. When in life is this ever a good thing? Never. Even if she's happy currently she'll be in the EXACT same situation when that relationship ends, just like she did with yours.

I made the mistake of thinking my ex was different (has never NOT been in a relationship, cheated on everyone but me) and that's what came back to bite me is the ass. I realized that no matter how much you want to help someone change, or believe that they're on the right track, they have their own agenda at the end of the day. Not something to get pissed or sad over because it just means that you were on different levels to begin with. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

Take each relationship for what it is, a damn good try.

"For universally, be not deceived, every animal is attached to nothing so much as to its own interest."

That's a good point. I don't think I ever grasped the fact that a relationship is two people actively choosing to be together, and the reasons why they choose to do so are subject to change at any moment. Really once you start believing anyone or anything is going to be around forever, you're setting yourself up for a big reality check later on down the road.

And if you're thinking so and so is different while blatantly ignoring evidence to the contrary, you're in for an even bigger reality check. My ex cheated on her boyfriend before me (pretty nonchalantly I might add). It always bothered me, but I chose to ignore it and convinced myself she had changed or that she'd never do that to me.

It was a good lesson.

[Italian.Muscle]

Strong this. Focusing on things you love to do and/or finding new things that interest you helps keep you on your own path and not worrying about hers. Plus it helps rebuild your self confidence.

Since my breakup I've been going to a few parties here or there but nothing crazy. When I go out I make sure I don't have any expectations and just flirt with whoever is in the room. Limit the alcohol. And make sure that I'm enjoying every moment of just relaxing and having good conversation. Do your own thing, don't worry about if other people think you're cool or not. If you think you're the sht then eventually everyone else will or they won't hang out with you. Win-win.

I never fully understood what this means when people suggest it. I'm always (in a rel or not) doing what i want/need to do in my life. I always put myself first and focus on myself. I just like having (not needing) a consistent woman around in my life.

[Speww]

I never fully understood what this means when people suggest it. I'm always (in a rel or not) doing what i want/need to do in my life. I always put myself first and focus on myself. I just like having (not needing) a consistent woman around in my life.

I think a lot of people tied up in relationships were never able to do some stuff they wanted to do, and now theyre single going out and doing it helps get their mind off the breakup. Unfortunately my ex was not clingy at all so i did everything i wanted to do while in the relationship, which kind of negates this point for me too.