ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

[Ricky_k]

beta moment coming up here. Trying so damn hard with this no contact thing but completely failed today. Problem is me and my gf were very close to the point where i knew things like her passwords and what not (bad i know,). Didn't speciifically know it was her fb password and i dont think she intended me to know it was for fb as well as other things...but turns out it is. Had been resisting the urge to snoop on her fb for so long and ended up giving in today even though i knew it would make me feel awful, really awful and a lot of it has to do with me actually breaking her trust and doing it on top of whats there. How the hell do i get around this, ifi tell her to change her password i have to speak to her and she'll know i snooped....if its not changed the current insecurity is making it ridiculous to try resist. Feel a complete ass for doing it but even more so now that i dont know what to do.....sucks. /hello depression.

Get off the computer man. Go for a walk when this happens, you need a positive environment.

[truthhurts]

Get off the computer man. Go for a walk when this happens, you need a positive environment.

I know :/ but my will power and holding off on this is ****....i don't want to do it. I seriously need to occupy myself some how but at the momnt im feeling so bad that puting in the effort for anything seems impossible, trying to give it time, maybe ill get past it

[FaustBrah]

We walk pass each other all the time and **** is ridiculously awkward for no reasons (been 2 months or so wow) (She dumped me on good terms (because I wasn't able to do so myself) and I don't want her back), recently it just became a lot lot worst and I can't explain why because I never talk to her and even say bad things about her when she's not there. We are carpooling (with someone else) for 40 minutes each week and it is just terrible to see the passive hate she is pouring on me. Her friends recently started to ignore me aswell.

I feel like I should break the no-talk rule just so I can find out if anything can be solved. This probably sounds extremely beta, but since I can't "don't give a **** about what she does" I might aswell try to solve this thing?

(she as a boyfriend since day #1 after "we broke up" (we never actually dated but this is where it was heading before everything went downhill)

[henryk21]

it is just terrible to see the passive hate she is pouring on me.

That feeling does suck man. They just don't know how else to deal with the situation I feel like. Especially when they're around people that know what you guys were.

[FaustBrah]

That feeling does suck man. They just don't know how else to deal with the situation I feel like. Especially when they're around people that know what you guys were.

She is making sexual jokes with the other guy, hugging him, complimenting him, laughing out loud at everything he does, saying how awesome he is and etc
When we were "together" she used to do that a bit to tease me, now she has kicked that **** into overdrive (no it's not just me noticing it more..)

But to be honest, I came out as doing the same thing (in her eyes). She told my friend how ****ing stupid I was to dance with other girls at clubs "only" when she was around (yeah right....). This was about a month ago and she was extremely pissed according to my friends [why? she has a boyfriend and ****, I can understand if she would have said it was pathetic...but getting mad over this?] and she started making up stories to humiliate me to everyone that was around.

That's what I would like to talk to her about, I don't mind apologizing first and etc (even if I don't think I really need to)...I just want the atmosphere not to be hellish when I'm around her (most every week day / 50% of my nights out)

[henryk21]

She is making sexual jokes with the other guy, hugging him, complimenting him, laughing out loud at everything he does, saying how awesome he is and etc
When we were "together" she used to do that a bit to tease me, now she has kicked that **** into overdrive (no it's not just me noticing it more..)

But to be honest, I came out as doing the same thing (in her eyes). She told my friend how ****ing stupid I was to dance with other girls at clubs "only" when she was around (yeah right....). This was about a month ago and she was extremely pissed according to my friends [why? she has a boyfriend and ****, I can understand if she would have said it was pathetic...but getting mad over this?] and she started making up stories to humiliate me to everyone that was around.

That's what I would like to talk to her about, I don't mind apologizing first and etc (even if I don't think I really need to)...I just want the atmosphere not to be hellish when I'm around her (most every week day / 50% of my nights out)

I know its tough man. It's just that their way of coping with things, is to get other's attention. Its hard to ignore it, but there isn't really much you could do. My ex did the same shiit first time I saw her at a party after the break up. Flirting with other guys, pretending everything was ok and seeking attention.

[TooBusyFarming]

Is there any advice on how to actually break up with the gf?

[CodyKG]

Is there any advice on how to actually break up with the gf?

Be straight up. Don't dance around it. If she asks for the reasons, don't lie and bull**** your way through it.

Always try to do it in person and in a rational way. Don't be a dickhead but don't be all sappy and sht. Just be normal.

[Italian.Muscle]

Just woke up to a call from my ex.........Fukkkk so hard to not answer

EDIT: she messaged me this on ********. Wat

So, I was wondering why you fell off the face of the earth. We dated for a year, Cody and now you don't exist when you're the one who ****ed up more times than I can count. You said you'd always be there for me, and I know that was never true. I know now that our entire relationship was a lie. I guess the reason I'm messaging you is because I need to say this. You are not who you said you were. I go on here to add you as a friend and I see you're flirting with Morgan and Rebecca and going on and on about getting wasted. You are the biggest hypocrite I've ever met in my entire life. I have no idea who you really are, after a year I have NO IDEA. And now I don't care to know. This really saddens me, because I had high hopes for you. I expected you to go on to AZ and 'work on yourself' like you said. But instead you're wasting your time talking to girls you used to talk **** about and getting wasted and going on misc. Cody, I'm realizing now that everything was a lie. I don't know how many times you went out and got wasted without telling me then came back and yelled at me for having some drinks or how many girls you ****ed behind my back. I don't want you to respond because I know that I will never get an honest answer from you no matter what I do. I just needed to get this off my chest and confirm that you'll never live up to anything you said. I hope you have a nice life, Cody, I really do.


>Yeah it was my fault we broke up, but she told me we were done for good, so NC started.
>I added my ex and a girl I had flirted with on ******** while we were together and they posted on one of my status'. I didn't even flirt. (remember I'm single.)
>Got drunk once, which was Saturday night (as seen above) i don't even know what to say about Miscing.........
>Going to ASU next fall for school????
>Never cheated on her, though I admit I did flirt with a couple girls during our relationship. Never got drunk without telling her (hell I barely drank, 90% of the time I was with her.)

Raging.

1) Delete her off ******** right now.
2) shes just attention whoring and looking for validation/comfort from you.
3) shes jealous you already moved on, having fun and banging other girls
4) dont respond and proceed with #3.

[Italian.Muscle]

I saw my ex in class today and we actually talked for a decent amount during it. Its weird that theres no awkwardness or anything and I could definitely notice myself not wanting to be with her much anymore. Its weird that one more class and I'll probably never see her again.

[CodyKG]

1) Delete her off ******** right now.
2) shes just attention whoring and looking for validation/comfort from you.
3) shes jealous you already moved on, having fun and banging other girls
4) dont respond and proceed with #3.

I don't even have her added brah. She just randomly messaged me this because I didn't answer her phone call.

Mind was full of phuck, and not gonna lie it pissed me off pretty bad

NC is still going strong.

[CodyKG]

I saw my ex in class today and we actually talked for a decent amount during it. Its weird that theres no awkwardness or anything and I could definitely notice myself not wanting to be with her much anymore. Its weird that one more class and I'll probably never see her again.

Not meaning to double post, but I can't imagine how hard it would be to have a class with my ex. But it's good you've seemed to already be 100% moved on. I know for a fact, that I would relapse hard if I ran into mine. Good thing I live an hour away.

[Italian.Muscle]

Not meaning to double post, but I can't imagine how hard it would be to have a class with my ex. But it's good you've seemed to already be 100% moved on. I know for a fact, that I would relapse hard if I ran into mine. Good thing I live an hour away.

Yeah it sucks big time. The first 2-3 classes post breakup it was real hard for me, I kept saying I wanna be with her, im gonna get back with her and all that. Today it just seemed like I was over that. She still looked hot and I wanted to CTC, but thats probably not a good idea.

Its so counterproductive to NC, brb not talking or texting her but then see her in class and small talk.

[pm22]

Great thread OP! sounds like some of yall are having real tough times getting over your ex's. Just follow OP's list and you will forsure succeed. Wish the best of luck to everyone

[msab]

in.

[truthhurts]

so um solution to me knowing my ex's fb password and her not realising this? feels bad....hate myself for even being low enough to snoop but im in serious lack of will power here and dont exactly want to out right talk to her and state i know it but i doubt she's going to just randomly change it anytime soon. Thinking just a case of me having to actually will power through it and ignore it cos this ****s messing me up

[TooBusyFarming]

Be straight up. Don't dance around it. If she asks for the reasons, don't lie and bull**** your way through it.

Always try to do it in person and in a rational way. Don't be a dickhead but don't be all sappy and sht. Just be normal.

Thanks brah. Repped (sorry for being red!). Also, what if the reason is that you think you still have feelings for another girl? How do you break that to her?

[CodyKG]

Thanks brah. Repped (sorry for being red!). Also, what if the reason is that you think you still have feelings for another girl? How do you break that to her?

Just tell her you don't have feelings for HER anymore. Easiest way about it.


EDIT:

Damn brahs, just found out my ex monkey branched like 3 days after we broke up. Sloots gonna sloot

[Brahtactic]

Just tell her you don't have feelings for HER anymore. Easiest way about it.


EDIT:

Damn brahs, just found out my ex monkey branched like 3 days after we broke up. Sloots gonna sloot

such is life

dont worry brah

[_Roidz_]

Just tell her you don't have feelings for HER anymore. Easiest way about it.


EDIT:

Damn brahs, just found out my ex monkey branched like 3 days after we broke up. Sloots gonna sloot

That is the way of the world, don't take it to heart. World is still spinning, so do not worry.

[CodyKG]

That is the way of the world, don't take it to heart. World is still spinning, so do not worry.

I don't really care anymore man, I just thought it was funny if you saw the message she sent me that I posted...she was calling me out for flirting with girls 2 weeks after we were done. And 11 days BEFORE she sent that message she was already seeing someone else! Female logic at it's finest.

Thanks to all the guys in this thread, my life is going great right now. I'm going on another trip to ISU next weekend with my boys....We're staying the whole weekend, and I'm definitely gonna hit on some randoms again, but control my alcohol intake this time lmao.

[troylee23]

So here is my deal.. dated a girl nearly 3 years. I was trusting of her and treated her exceptionally well. She was controlling/insecure... but possessed qualities I enjoyed and shared alot of the same interests. 6 weeks ago we took a mutual break. After some time i started puttin forth effort to get back together... at first it was all mind games on her part(she was also going to bars etc which is something she was never into before)... which unfortuanetly made me want her more... ( wish I would of found this thead then)

She then agrees to hangout.. we do it goes well for a week... we are getting ready to start dating... I then see a pic of her with another dude on ********... I ignore her for 1 day then figure its time to talk and get to bottom of this... during the one day she blows my phone up non stop text/call/saying she loves me what not... so we meet and talk she says pic was nothing... and asks if I had hung with girl I say yes I talked to girl at a party (she's a solid 8/9) my ex knows this and punches me and jumps out of vehicle saying she hates me and that we are thru...(but yet she hung with a dude and no big deal).

Did NC for 1 week I see her in the gym today... proceed to talk to her she says its over there is no intimate connection any longer... (but the whole week before shee was all up on my D, I never tried to seal the deal out of respect I wanted her to know I cared... but she was into me it was obvious)

When I talked to her at the gym I see her phone its a dude textin her... so she monkey branched onto this guy... but says he just a friend...(then turns it aroundd on me and says u talk to girls).... long story short she says we thru for good nothing there anymore!

Keep in mind the whole time we were together this girl spoke of marriage kids and all that great stuff and I supported it.. I was in love and honestly thought we were going to be together forever...(I treated this girl really well and the only reason for the break was the relationship getting kinda tiring like little fights that we both knew weren't worth it) so I thought some space would heal not hurt

I guess I am just venting but am open to advice from u guys.... I just can't rap my mind around her loving me one day and not wanting a thing to do with me the next

[xplsive]

Listen, right now its going to hurt, there is no denying that. But from an outside perspective, this girl is PLAYING GAMES with you, disrespecting you. You have to give it time and do other things in the mean time to keep yourself busy. If you go back to her, it will only show how much power she has over you. You will look like a fool, trust me. BS on her part that she talks to a guy and **** and then gets mad at you for talking to other girls. You dont need that right now. Right now you need to focus on yourself.

[troylee23]

Listen, right now its going to hurt, there is no denying that. But from an outside perspective, this girl is PLAYING GAMES with you, disrespecting you. You have to give it time and do other things in the mean time to keep yourself busy. If you go back to her, it will only show how much power she has over you. You will look like a fool, trust me. BS on her part that she talks to a guy and **** and then gets mad at you for talking to other girls. You dont need that right now. Right now you need to focus on yourself.

Yeah man I know it. I've been trying to just focus on other things. But I lived with her and her fam(so that was a big change)... and on top of that I have class with her. So regardless im going to see her for the next few weeks and it sucks so bad.. she is so cold to me now... but im that type of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and can't seem to be mean to someone even after all her dumb bs.. Feelsbadman

[Raaaaaaaaaah]

Quick update brah's.

No contact has been going strong for about 2 weeks (or as little contact as possible...I work in the same office as the bish).

NC has been working a treat, i've been ignoring her and just going out, doing my own thing...and now she actually won't leave me alone. Constantly walking past me trying to ruffle my hair/cuddle up to me and sh*t. Guess she's finally realising how much she actually needs my attention and now she isn't getting it she doesn't like it one bit.

She's also trying to guilt trip me into taking her and her little sister out to some concert...probably because her new fella's too retarded to get a driving liscense. No chance of that at all im afraid love!

feelsgoodman.jpg

Stay strong guys, just keep up NC and go out and enjoy life for yourself and I promise that things will start looking up.

[hardgainersrs]

op great advice for all the brahs. Went through a LTR break up about 8 months ago and every thing in this thread is bang on i found this thread about 3 weeks after the break up and from there on everything change and i thought about the break up differntly all the younger brahs need to take note.

[CodyKG]

Quick update brah's.

No contact has been going strong for about 2 weeks (or as little contact as possible...I work in the same office as the bish).

NC has been working a treat, i've been ignoring her and just going out, doing my own thing...and now she actually won't leave me alone. Constantly walking past me trying to ruffle my hair/cuddle up to me and sh*t. Guess she's finally realising how much she actually needs my attention and now she isn't getting it she doesn't like it one bit.

She's also trying to guilt trip me into taking her and her little sister out to some concert...probably because her new fella's too retarded to get a driving liscense. No chance of that at all im afraid love!

feelsgoodman.jpg

Stay strong guys, just keep up NC and go out and enjoy life for yourself and I promise that things will start looking up.

Sounds like your golden brah. Don't give in no matter what. Keep strong on the NC. It only gets easier.

op great advice for all the brahs. Went through a LTR break up about 8 months ago and every thing in this thread is bang on i found this thread about 3 weeks after the break up and from there on everything change and i thought about the break up differntly all the younger brahs need to take note.

This has helped me so much as well man. I think us younger brahs need to realize this is all a learning experience, we weren't married and definitely weren't destined to get married to our highschool/college girlfriends.

[HChinaski]

If anyone here has some time to read or would like a decent distraction from their problems, I urge them to pick up Awareness by Anthony DeMello. Some of the things he touches on in his book may help change your perspective or otherwise offer you a glimpse at a new method of viewing love and relationships. It is a short book and an easy read. Took me a couple of weeks to finish it though because I couldn't get past a few consecutive pages without getting lost in thought.

[_Roidz_]

If anyone here has some time to read or would like a decent distraction from their problems, I urge them to pick up Awareness by Anthony DeMello. Some of the things he touches on in his book may help change your perspective or otherwise offer you a glimpse at a new method of viewing love and relationships. It is a short book and an easy read. Took me a couple of weeks to finish it though because I couldn't get past a few consecutive pages without getting lost in thought.

Love new reading material, thanks!

[Ricky_k]

If anyone here has some time to read or would like a decent distraction from their problems, I urge them to pick up Awareness by Anthony DeMello. Some of the things he touches on in his book may help change your perspective or otherwise offer you a glimpse at a new method of viewing love and relationships. It is a short book and an easy read. Took me a couple of weeks to finish it though because I couldn't get past a few consecutive pages without getting lost in thought.

Its on my list man....... just ordered



Meditation for Busy People: Stress-Beating Strategies to Calm Your Life (Paperback)
By (author) Osho


Enchiridion Enchiridion (Paperback)
By (author) Epictetus


Awareness Awareness (Paperback)
By (author) Anthony de Mello


Fight Club Fight Club (Paperback)
By (author) Chuck Palahniuk


Siddhartha Siddhartha (Paperback)
By (author) Hermann Hesse


Prometheus Rising (Paperback)
By (author) Robert Anton Wilson


Creativity: Unleashing Forces within
By (author) Osho


Man's Search for Meaning
By (author) Viktor E. Frankl


The Drunkard's Walk: How Randomness Rules Our Lives
By (author) Leonard Mlodinow


The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living T
By (author) Dalai Lama XIV Bstan-'dzin-rgya-mtsho, By (author) Howard C. Cutler


Poetry: The Basics Poetry: The Basics (Paperback)
By (author) Jeffrey Wainwright


The Philosophy Book (Hardback)



The Dream of a Ridiculous Man
By (author) Fyodor Dostoyevsky