ITT: Breakup advice - What I have learned LONG

[truthhurts]

I need some help here, in a pretty bad situation and going to end up dpressing the fuk out of myself if this keeps up.

Baisically just broke up with my gf of 2 years. Was my first ever real relationship, was never great with girls but id say she was a solid 8/10 our personalitys just clicked and all the usual stuff.
Anyway she broke up with me as things had kind of gone a bit 'stale' she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Now this all happened 2 months ago....i knew nothing of breaks ups, bare that in mind. But then she gets her own place and starts inviting me over...we kiss, she's cuddling up to me in bed, showing genuine affection, saying 'i love you' and all that...so im like wtf, ok and go along with it (probably my first mistake). We were really close still and still had that 'connection' this carried on for atleas a month then all of a sudden after she'd been on a night out, it stopped. Pretty certain she met a guy, or rather started to like a 'friend' i know who it is and they've txt'd a fair bit in the past. This'd be a rebound right? her not wanting to be alone? i dunno. Was jsut odd how sudden it had happend, she claimed she didnt have those feelings for me anymore but the amount of affection she still gave up untill that point...makes me confused, girls are crazy :S

Problem is the situation im in now. Im lonely as ****. Live in a town with not much to do. Whilst we were going out for those 2 years most my friends moved away for jobs and what not, still in contact with them but they aren't actually here to hang out with.
Im also legally blind (partially sighted, still some usable vision ) which ofcourse affects my confidence a fair bit. I don't work as its a little hard for me to just find a job but im possibily starting soe volunteer work in a few weeks. Also set to start a PT course in a few months too as i want to pursue a career in that field.

I made a lot of friends through her but they are all really her friends, i.e. she knew them before me and those are they only ones still about in this town. She was essentially my best friend, maybe i approached the relationship thing wrong but i was new to it and now im missing the companionship like crazy. Days seem to take forever to pass, im trying to do no contact but it seems to make it hurt even more. As well as her sometimes being the one who contacts me too :s Im still working out but its starting to affect that, eating habbits not being as good, that 'sinking' feelingg in my stomach making it hard to eat anything at all. Going to try take up an instrument too....just something to pass time. Also debating moving but i have this course lined up and the volunteer work :/
Just wouldnt mind meeting some new people to talk too....to feel wanted/appreciated, something. But it can be hard with my eyesight, i mean i can be in social situations and ppl dont notice that im partially sighted but it makes me awful at recognizing people at any sort of distance...i.e. a cute looking girl. Or anyone :/

[kbuck19]

Hey guys, been lurking here for a while..this thread is truly epic. Just recently broke up 2 year relationship with gf. Reason for break up is she pressured me to have a baby with her and I said No..and that I'm getting a vasectomy. I'm 39 with 2 kids from previous marriage...she's 30 (and smokin hot). She also has a 6 year old kid from previous marriage. We broke up 6 months earlier after the same pressure of getting married. I said I loved her. but damn sure not ready for marriage...she said I'm gone then. Well, my bitch ass got back with her and since then we've broken up and got back together couple times. This last one seems to be the nail in the coffin. I think she's f*cked up for ending the relationship, but i get the "clock ticking" thing I guess. But I can't help that think she's got another lined up in her sites..What do u guys think? BTW...I've been NC for 5 days..and staying strong here.

[kbuck19]

I need some help here, in a pretty bad situation and going to end up dpressing the fuk out of myself if this keeps up.

Baisically just broke up with my gf of 2 years. Was my first ever real relationship, was never great with girls but id say she was a solid 8/10 our personalitys just clicked and all the usual stuff.
Anyway she broke up with me as things had kind of gone a bit 'stale' she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Now this all happened 2 months ago....i knew nothing of breaks ups, bare that in mind. But then she gets her own place and starts inviting me over...we kiss, she's cuddling up to me in bed, showing genuine affection, saying 'i love you' and all that...so im like wtf, ok and go along with it (probably my first mistake). We were really close still and still had that 'connection' this carried on for atleas a month then all of a sudden after she'd been on a night out, it stopped. Pretty certain she met a guy, or rather started to like a 'friend' i know who it is and they've txt'd a fair bit in the past. This'd be a rebound right? her not wanting to be alone? i dunno. Was jsut odd how sudden it had happend, she claimed she didnt have those feelings for me anymore but the amount of affection she still gave up untill that point...makes me confused, girls are crazy :S

Problem is the situation im in now. Im lonely as ****. Live in a town with not much to do. Whilst we were going out for those 2 years most my friends moved away for jobs and what not, still in contact with them but they aren't actually here to hang out with.
Im also legally blind (partially sighted, still some usable vision ) which ofcourse affects my confidence a fair bit. I don't work as its a little hard for me to just find a job but im possibily starting soe volunteer work in a few weeks. Also set to start a PT course in a few months too as i want to pursue a career in that field.

I made a lot of friends through her but they are all really her friends, i.e. she knew them before me and those are they only ones still about in this town. She was essentially my best friend, maybe i approached the relationship thing wrong but i was new to it and now im missing the companionship like crazy. Days seem to take forever to pass, im trying to do no contact but it seems to make it hurt even more. As well as her sometimes being the one who contacts me too :s Im still working out but its starting to affect that, eating habbits not being as good, that 'sinking' feelingg in my stomach making it hard to eat anything at all. Going to try take up an instrument too....just something to pass time. Also debating moving but i have this course lined up and the volunteer work :/
Just wouldnt mind meeting some new people to talk too....to feel wanted/appreciated, something. But it can be hard with my eyesight, i mean i can be in social situations and ppl dont notice that im partially sighted but it makes me awful at recognizing people at any sort of distance...i.e. a cute looking girl. Or anyone :/

I'm kinda in the same boat bro...most all my friends were through her..so I feel pretty isolated. I've been hitting the gym like a madman and that helps temporarily. I'm thinking about joining a social group here in town. there's tons of them, all kinds of activities and age-ranges. look into it! And keep reading this forum..it is truly helping me..

[ljr7475]

****. I just stumbled upon her blog (really by accident) and seeing pictures of her and how well she's doing etc. made me relapse.

[CodyKG]

****. I just stumbled upon her blog (really by accident) and seeing pictures of her and how well she's doing etc. made me relapse.

You gotta make sure you have no access to any of that stuff brah. Who cares how she is doing anyways? For all you know she's faking it. She's not a part of your life anymore, and that's her loss, not yours. She wasn't the one for you, she was just a stepping stone to get where you are going.

[truthhurts]

I need some help here, in a pretty bad situation and going to end up dpressing the fuk out of myself if this keeps up.

Baisically just broke up with my gf of 2 years. Was my first ever real relationship, was never great with girls but id say she was a solid 8/10 our personalitys just clicked and all the usual stuff.
Anyway she broke up with me as things had kind of gone a bit 'stale' she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Now this all happened 2 months ago....i knew nothing of breaks ups, bare that in mind. But then she gets her own place and starts inviting me over...we kiss, she's cuddling up to me in bed, showing genuine affection, saying 'i love you' and all that...so im like wtf, ok and go along with it (probably my first mistake). We were really close still and still had that 'connection' this carried on for atleas a month then all of a sudden after she'd been on a night out, it stopped. Pretty certain she met a guy, or rather started to like a 'friend' i know who it is and they've txt'd a fair bit in the past. This'd be a rebound right? her not wanting to be alone? i dunno. Was jsut odd how sudden it had happend, she claimed she didnt have those feelings for me anymore but the amount of affection she still gave up untill that point...makes me confused, girls are crazy :S

Problem is the situation im in now. Im lonely as ****. Live in a town with not much to do. Whilst we were going out for those 2 years most my friends moved away for jobs and what not, still in contact with them but they aren't actually here to hang out with.
Im also legally blind (partially sighted, still some usable vision ) which ofcourse affects my confidence a fair bit. I don't work as its a little hard for me to just find a job but im possibily starting soe volunteer work in a few weeks. Also set to start a PT course in a few months too as i want to pursue a career in that field.

I made a lot of friends through her but they are all really her friends, i.e. she knew them before me and those are they only ones still about in this town. She was essentially my best friend, maybe i approached the relationship thing wrong but i was new to it and now im missing the companionship like crazy. Days seem to take forever to pass, im trying to do no contact but it seems to make it hurt even more. As well as her sometimes being the one who contacts me too :s Im still working out but its starting to affect that, eating habbits not being as good, that 'sinking' feelingg in my stomach making it hard to eat anything at all. Going to try take up an instrument too....just something to pass time. Also debating moving but i have this course lined up and the volunteer work :/
Just wouldnt mind meeting some new people to talk too....to feel wanted/appreciated, something. But it can be hard with my eyesight, i mean i can be in social situations and ppl dont notice that im partially sighted but it makes me awful at recognizing people at any sort of distance...i.e. a cute looking girl. Or anyone :/

just a bump for my own sake, using this place as a vent i guess

[CodyKG]

just a bump for my own sake, using this place as a vent i guess

Brah, that is completely normal after a big break up. I'm going through under 2 weeks of no contact. I feeel great. Today is actually my ex's Bday. Not a single Happy Bday was given that day.

Disregard her. Delete her ********, twitter, skype, AND MOST IMPORTANT her phone number. Do not even think about contacting her. She used you as an emotional tampon brah, disregard her.

I know it hurts when this **** happens (my first relationship was 3 years, ended up getting cheated on and monkey branched) but you just have to continue living and disregard her. No contact means NO CONTACT. My town is boring as fukk too brah. I just been gyming/talking to people via internet, mainly RH brahs. I went on my first date with a really good looking girl, and it feels great man. You'll have your day too brah. Everyone does. Just keep your head up and fake it til you make it.


PS:

DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EX. DO NOT LOOK AT HER ********, PICTURES, ETC.

[Nocturnal310]

Brah, that is completely normal after a big break up. I'm going through under 2 weeks of no contact. I feeel great. Today is actually my ex's Bday. Not a single Happy Bday was given that day.

Disregard her. Delete her ********, twitter, skype, AND MOST IMPORTANT her phone number. Do not even think about contacting her. She used you as an emotional tampon brah, disregard her.

I know it hurts when this **** happens (my first relationship was 3 years, ended up getting cheated on and monkey branched) but you just have to continue living and disregard her. No contact means NO CONTACT. My town is boring as fukk too brah. I just been gyming/talking to people via internet, mainly RH brahs. I went on my first date with a really good looking girl, and it feels great man. You'll have your day too brah. Everyone does. Just keep your head up and fake it til you make it.


PS:

DO NOT CONTACT YOUR EX. DO NOT LOOK AT HER ********, PICTURES, ETC.

i m done with almost 1st week.

today she texted me regarding some money she owed me and said she transferred it back....i said 'thanks ' and she replied back to check and let her know if i ve received it.

then her roomie has been texting me asking back for her ps3 remote i had borrowed.

but so far..no initiating contact from my side.


worst part is...i know that even if she tries to get back or meetup i ll have moved on far away and can never forgive her or take her back

[Ricky_k]

I need some help here, in a pretty bad situation and going to end up dpressing the fuk out of myself if this keeps up.

Baisically just broke up with my gf of 2 years. Was my first ever real relationship, was never great with girls but id say she was a solid 8/10 our personalitys just clicked and all the usual stuff.
Anyway she broke up with me as things had kind of gone a bit 'stale' she said she wasn't in love with me anymore. Now this all happened 2 months ago....i knew nothing of breaks ups, bare that in mind. But then she gets her own place and starts inviting me over...we kiss, she's cuddling up to me in bed, showing genuine affection, saying 'i love you' and all that...so im like wtf, ok and go along with it (probably my first mistake). We were really close still and still had that 'connection' this carried on for atleas a month then all of a sudden after she'd been on a night out, it stopped. Pretty certain she met a guy, or rather started to like a 'friend' i know who it is and they've txt'd a fair bit in the past. This'd be a rebound right? her not wanting to be alone? i dunno. Was jsut odd how sudden it had happend, she claimed she didnt have those feelings for me anymore but the amount of affection she still gave up untill that point...makes me confused, girls are crazy :S

Problem is the situation im in now. Im lonely as ****. Live in a town with not much to do. Whilst we were going out for those 2 years most my friends moved away for jobs and what not, still in contact with them but they aren't actually here to hang out with.
Im also legally blind (partially sighted, still some usable vision ) which ofcourse affects my confidence a fair bit. I don't work as its a little hard for me to just find a job but im possibily starting soe volunteer work in a few weeks. Also set to start a PT course in a few months too as i want to pursue a career in that field.

I made a lot of friends through her but they are all really her friends, i.e. she knew them before me and those are they only ones still about in this town. She was essentially my best friend, maybe i approached the relationship thing wrong but i was new to it and now im missing the companionship like crazy. Days seem to take forever to pass, im trying to do no contact but it seems to make it hurt even more. As well as her sometimes being the one who contacts me too :s Im still working out but its starting to affect that, eating habbits not being as good, that 'sinking' feelingg in my stomach making it hard to eat anything at all. Going to try take up an instrument too....just something to pass time. Also debating moving but i have this course lined up and the volunteer work :/
Just wouldnt mind meeting some new people to talk too....to feel wanted/appreciated, something. But it can be hard with my eyesight, i mean i can be in social situations and ppl dont notice that im partially sighted but it makes me awful at recognizing people at any sort of distance...i.e. a cute looking girl. Or anyone :/

Hey man, some things to think about.

There are experiences / things in life have no characteristics of their own, and are merely a matter of perception and past experiences. Reading through this thread, you will notice most guys who claim to have lost 'the one' a girl of one and only kind. To those who have not had long term relationships before, she was not 'one of a kind' but the only one kind you know. So don't fret to much about that. Hearing there are other fish is in the sea doesn't help I know, but there is truth to it more than a over played cliche saying.

Not to be sexist or nothing, but girls have it easier in regards to options. You said it yourself, you feel lonely and want company. She feels the same way, regardless of who dumped who, if she was ever at any point invested in this relationship then there will be withdrawal symptoms. Any easy option to fill the void pops up, why not.... (another guy) this is a safe option of delusion combined with imagination where as playing emotional reloutte with you was real with real risks. Girls go clubbing rebound, get the trill with blanks, blah blah, its common man. The lesson there as you will find most frequently in this thread, don't play games with exs... never ends well.

To avoid this going on too long, going by your post, you feel a bit over the place. You got different problems knocking on your at different times, or sometimes all that once. I'd suggest writing down everything that is bothering you, and how you can work resolve them and prioritize them as to when you can worry / deal with them.

Right now, I would put girls last. Once you are happy with everything else in order, no doubt you prioritized her before, allowing her to become the single most important aspect at times when you know we have other things to do / focus on . But now its time to look out and take care of yourself.

Later on down the track, the emotions will fade given to keep up NC. Would you hate yourself then for letting a once in the opportunity chance go by (the work) ?
Moving now will give you emotional stability but you will have bad emotions later for not having that work experience. Staying now will and may hurt, but down the track you will feel alot better about yourself knowing you've got some work experience and have braved though one of the toughest times. There will be plenty of chances later to make friends. Even making 10 tomorrow WONT help you get over the breakup today. You need to understand its a wound that heals in time. Forcing stitches now just makes it a messy recovery per say. Like the body has its own systems in play for injuries to heal, so does the mind. It will take care of it. I promise.

and yes, take up an instrument. anything you've wanted to to do, starting making the moves to do it. I've done it all myself, found things i enjoy, got a better upstanding of my own identity, and found new friends through it. Also volunteer work is really enjoyable, ive done that to.

Treat the world like you treated her. Aim to treat the world and heal the wounds of others that you feel you are suffering now and it will work out for you.

If she wants to go into the world and take , let her. Don't hold any anger towards her or those close to her who can't be there for you now.

let her know you've got to find your own path now, and thanks for helping you thus far. But from now on, you learned the lesson about depending on people to much.

I don't have a issue with eyesight I can't say I know how you feel, but like you and everyone else I have a problem with my "eye sight" in the sense of my perception of myself and my own insecurities. My eyes/ your eyes are not the same eyes of 'everyone else' , like i said first in this thread, what they see and think is so complex and tied to so many other factors.

That 'cute girl' might have someone in her family how has a vision issue, and think nothing of it. Treat it like a disability and it will disable you. Think of it as something which makes you unique and it only change your approach to get to where you want to go. If this type of vision was how humans were, you would feel fine about it and carry on your life as so instead of having a negative mentality about it. You would be amazed of how scared every day people really are, so to someone with bad vision etc not be held back / be confident, it's pretty amazing at times. But seriously, if someone was to judge you the way you judge yourself on it....HOW FKING LOW would they be / feel about themselves. I would adopt a positive mentality about it and not play the victim to other people and they will be attracted to you etc

Bust out a

"Just so you know, I've got an issue with my vision, so unless your really good looking, I won't notice you for a distance ..jokes"

"I don't judge on looks....... because sometimes I really can't"

"I recognize girls by their perfume,... and I don't think i will ever get you confused with anyone else "

etc.... Im sure you've seen people with no hands play the piano and paint with their feet....

lastly, don't think to much about this 'cute girl' before you even meet her, its all your imagination playing worse case scenarios that don't even exist yet. live in the present moment and focus your attention on what you need to do.

Albert Einstein - �I never worry about the future. It comes soon enough"



Sorry for long wall of text and lack of structure.

[MM99]

Hey man, some things to think about.

There are experiences / things in life have no characteristics of their own, and are merely a matter of perception and past experiences. Reading through this thread, you will notice most guys who claim to have lost 'the one' a girl of one and only kind. To those who have not had long term relationships before, she was not 'one of a kind' but the only one kind you know. So don't fret to much about that. Hearing there are other fish is in the sea doesn't help I know, but there is truth to it more than a over played cliche saying.

Not to be sexist or nothing, but girls have it easier in regards to options. You said it yourself, you feel lonely and want company. She feels the same way, regardless of who dumped who, if she was ever at any point invested in this relationship then there will be withdrawal symptoms. Any easy option to fill the void pops up, why not.... (another guy) this is a safe option of delusion combined with imagination where as playing emotional reloutte with you was real with real risks. Girls go clubbing rebound, get the trill with blanks, blah blah, its common man. The lesson there as you will find most frequently in this thread, don't play games with exs... never ends well.

To avoid this going on too long, going by your post, you feel a bit over the place. You got different problems knocking on your at different times, or sometimes all that once. I'd suggest writing down everything that is bothering you, and how you can work resolve them and prioritize them as to when you can worry / deal with them.

Right now, I would put girls last. Once you are happy with everything else in order, no doubt you prioritized her before, allowing her to become the single most important aspect at times when you know we have other things to do / focus on . But now its time to look out and take care of yourself.

Later on down the track, the emotions will fade given to keep up NC. Would you hate yourself then for letting a once in the opportunity chance go by (the work) ?
Moving now will give you emotional stability but you will have bad emotions later for not having that work experience. Staying now will and may hurt, but down the track you will feel alot better about yourself knowing you've got some work experience and have braved though one of the toughest times. There will be plenty of chances later to make friends. Even making 10 tomorrow WONT help you get over the breakup today. You need to understand its a wound that heals in time. Forcing stitches now just makes it a messy recovery per say. Like the body has its own systems in play for injuries to heal, so does the mind. It will take care of it. I promise.

and yes, take up an instrument. anything you've wanted to to do, starting making the moves to do it. I've done it all myself, found things i enjoy, got a better upstanding of my own identity, and found new friends through it. Also volunteer work is really enjoyable, ive done that to.

Treat the world like you treated her. Aim to treat the world and heal the wounds of others that you feel you are suffering now and it will work out for you.

If she wants to go into the world and take , let her. Don't hold any anger towards her or those close to her who can't be there for you now.

let her know you've got to find your own path now, and thanks for helping you thus far. But from now on, you learned the lesson about depending on people to much.

I don't have a issue with eyesight I can't say I know how you feel, but like you and everyone else I have a problem with my "eye sight" in the sense of my perception of myself and my own insecurities. My eyes/ your eyes are not the same eyes of 'everyone else' , like i said first in this thread, what they see and think is so complex and tied to so many other factors.

That 'cute girl' might have someone in her family how has a vision issue, and think nothing of it. Treat it like a disability and it will disable you. Think of it as something which makes you unique and it only change your approach to get to where you want to go. If this type of vision was how humans were, you would feel fine about it and carry on your life as so instead of having a negative mentality about it. You would be amazed of how scared every day people really are, so to someone with bad vision etc not be held back / be confident, it's pretty amazing at times. But seriously, if someone was to judge you the way you judge yourself on it....HOW FKING LOW would they be / feel about themselves. I would adopt a positive mentality about it and not play the victim to other people and they will be attracted to you etc

Bust out a

"Just so you know, I've got an issue with my vision, so unless your really good looking, I won't notice you for a distance ..jokes"

"I don't judge on looks....... because sometimes I really can't"

"I recognize girls by their perfume,... and I don't think i will ever get you confused with anyone else "

etc.... Im sure you've seen people with no hands play the piano and paint with their feet....

lastly, don't think to much about this 'cute girl' before you even meet her, its all your imagination playing worse case scenarios that don't even exist yet. live in the present moment and focus your attention on what you need to do.

Albert Einstein - “I never worry about the future. It comes soon enough"



Sorry for long wall of text and lack of structure.

Absolutely outstanding advice here! Anyone needing any sort of advice should read this. Hell, read all 40 pages as it's well worth it.

To any bros who are finding it hard after a break-up i just want to say that it really does get better depending on your mentality.
I was posting in this thread myself a few pages back seeking advice after breaking up with my gf of 3 years as my head and emotions were all over the place. I was constantly thinking that i had just broke up with my soul mate and was lost at what to do.

But i can honestly say that i think breaking up with her was one of the best things to happen to me. Despite really loving her and not wanting us to break up at all, since the break up i've found myself trying out things i never would have before, saying yes to things i would have said no to before, having random conversations with random people, and just generally becoming a more social person.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that you will turn out however you choose to. Take some time to yourself to get all the emotion out, have a few days to just cry (on the second day after the break up i would be watching a football game and just randomly cry lol), but then after that really work on yourself. If you do it right you can turn a negative experience into a huge positive one that will stay with you for the rest of your life and will shape your personality into ways you wouldn't have expected.

[CodyKG]

i m done with almost 1st week.

today she texted me regarding some money she owed me and said she transferred it back....i said 'thanks ' and she replied back to check and let her know if i ve received it.

then her roomie has been texting me asking back for her ps3 remote i had borrowed.

but so far..no initiating contact from my side.


worst part is...i know that even if she tries to get back or meetup i ll have moved on far away and can never forgive her or take her back

Once all of that BS is settled with her roomie you can keep NC for good. Once you have completely moved on, life is great.


My post;

I'm going to leave to ISU with one of my good bros this afternoon. I can't wait. I got a fresh haircut yesterday (tried something new, fade hawk type cut) and I'm feeling good, and I'm up to 180 lbs right now because I've been going so hard at the gym/on my diet. I NEVER have a problem pulling girls, and tonight I'm gonna go off. Gonna find the hottest girl I can and prove to myself I still have the confidence, and I can get another great looking girl, if I want to.

[DevineBrah]

I came across this post and its a must read for all bros here.
_____________________________

The number one reason why people leave others is because they feel they can do better, or get more, out of someone else.

To leave someone that you have first to detach yourself, but there is a transitional process in which a person tries to detach themselves while they still care.

This is the point when people freak out and chase the other and beg. All this does is reassure them that you're a sure thing and that moving on and trying new things offers little risk. Fear of losing you at that point is nil, leaving them free to focus on what else life promises.

If instead of arguing, people simply called the other's bet ( or bluff) immediately and said "ok" when they claim the�re leaving,the other would be face-to-face immediately with the consequence of their decision and they would definitely think twice.

You have to pay attention within the relationship when this starts happening. They will begin complaining about being confused, or saying they need space, you're suffocating them, all that ****. This means you've been far too codependent and you pretty much convinced them that they can do better than you. This realization kills the attraction they might have for you and they start looking to trade you in for a more interesting deal. They start to detach themselves from you: lack of sex drive, lack of affection, they will start going out with their friends more, etc.

The detachment process is usually sped up by the desperation of the abandoned one, throwing away their dignity and pride to the wind in the name of love or the relationship. In the exact moment the other person starts acting aloof, disrespectful, or disinterested you immediately flip on the "get your act together or I'm leaving -you-" switch in YOUR head, then it's them who will dance to your tune and cut it out.

Not just that, but your willingness to let them go, your independence, shows confidence and this also helps reestablish the balance of value in the relationship.

Even so the transitional period often lasts past the end of the relationship. Every time they feel insecure with themselves they might turn to you for that little ego boost... They will try to fish it by acting positively ( giving you hope and hoping you take the bait and trying to convince them to come back, by saying things such as sometimes I miss you, one day we might be together but not now, etc) or by acting negatively (" the way you're acting proves you never loved me", essentially misintrepreting you negatively so you try to reassure them of your feelings.

It's all bull****. Don't chase. There is no convincing someone to stay that doesn't end up making them LESS attracted and respectful towards you. Instead you call their bet/bluff immediately. You might not win her by doing this, but chasing means you always lose. Nothing brings a person's respect and attraction back faster than realizing that they might actually lose you BEFORE they're done getting over you.

tl;dr If someone says they're leaving, tell them "ok" and be cool, that's your best shot.

[CodyKG]

About to leave brahs

Can't wait to get down there, will try to take some pics if I can, I'm so stoked to finally get out of the house

[truthhurts]

Hey man, some things to think about.

There are experiences / things in life have no characteristics of their own, and are merely a matter of perception and past experiences. Reading through this thread, you will notice most guys who claim to have lost 'the one' a girl of one and only kind. To those who have not had long term relationships before, she was not 'one of a kind' but the only one kind you know. So don't fret to much about that. Hearing there are other fish is in the sea doesn't help I know, but there is truth to it more than a over played cliche saying.

Not to be sexist or nothing, but girls have it easier in regards to options. You said it yourself, you feel lonely and want company. She feels the same way, regardless of who dumped who, if she was ever at any point invested in this relationship then there will be withdrawal symptoms. Any easy option to fill the void pops up, why not.... (another guy) this is a safe option of delusion combined with imagination where as playing emotional reloutte with you was real with real risks. Girls go clubbing rebound, get the trill with blanks, blah blah, its common man. The lesson there as you will find most frequently in this thread, don't play games with exs... never ends well.

To avoid this going on too long, going by your post, you feel a bit over the place. You got different problems knocking on your at different times, or sometimes all that once. I'd suggest writing down everything that is bothering you, and how you can work resolve them and prioritize them as to when you can worry / deal with them.

Right now, I would put girls last. Once you are happy with everything else in order, no doubt you prioritized her before, allowing her to become the single most important aspect at times when you know we have other things to do / focus on . But now its time to look out and take care of yourself.

Later on down the track, the emotions will fade given to keep up NC. Would you hate yourself then for letting a once in the opportunity chance go by (the work) ?
Moving now will give you emotional stability but you will have bad emotions later for not having that work experience. Staying now will and may hurt, but down the track you will feel alot better about yourself knowing you've got some work experience and have braved though one of the toughest times. There will be plenty of chances later to make friends. Even making 10 tomorrow WONT help you get over the breakup today. You need to understand its a wound that heals in time. Forcing stitches now just makes it a messy recovery per say. Like the body has its own systems in play for injuries to heal, so does the mind. It will take care of it. I promise.

and yes, take up an instrument. anything you've wanted to to do, starting making the moves to do it. I've done it all myself, found things i enjoy, got a better upstanding of my own identity, and found new friends through it. Also volunteer work is really enjoyable, ive done that to.

Treat the world like you treated her. Aim to treat the world and heal the wounds of others that you feel you are suffering now and it will work out for you.

If she wants to go into the world and take , let her. Don't hold any anger towards her or those close to her who can't be there for you now.

let her know you've got to find your own path now, and thanks for helping you thus far. But from now on, you learned the lesson about depending on people to much.

I don't have a issue with eyesight I can't say I know how you feel, but like you and everyone else I have a problem with my "eye sight" in the sense of my perception of myself and my own insecurities. My eyes/ your eyes are not the same eyes of 'everyone else' , like i said first in this thread, what they see and think is so complex and tied to so many other factors.

That 'cute girl' might have someone in her family how has a vision issue, and think nothing of it. Treat it like a disability and it will disable you. Think of it as something which makes you unique and it only change your approach to get to where you want to go. If this type of vision was how humans were, you would feel fine about it and carry on your life as so instead of having a negative mentality about it. You would be amazed of how scared every day people really are, so to someone with bad vision etc not be held back / be confident, it's pretty amazing at times. But seriously, if someone was to judge you the way you judge yourself on it....HOW FKING LOW would they be / feel about themselves. I would adopt a positive mentality about it and not play the victim to other people and they will be attracted to you etc

Bust out a

"Just so you know, I've got an issue with my vision, so unless your really good looking, I won't notice you for a distance ..jokes"

"I don't judge on looks....... because sometimes I really can't"

"I recognize girls by their perfume,... and I don't think i will ever get you confused with anyone else "

etc.... Im sure you've seen people with no hands play the piano and paint with their feet....

lastly, don't think to much about this 'cute girl' before you even meet her, its all your imagination playing worse case scenarios that don't even exist yet. live in the present moment and focus your attention on what you need to do.

Albert Einstein - �I never worry about the future. It comes soon enough"



Sorry for long wall of text and lack of structure.

Thanks for the advice...yeah its just hard right now when i literally have no one to 'turn' to i.e. hang out with in my own town that isn't linked to her. Ofcourse i want to work on myself but this feeling just sucks, draining all my energy making me want to do nothing.

The eyesight things alright, that happend about 6 years back so im more than adjusted to that, i do talk about it jokingly more so than i use too as ive gotten comfortable with it.

The no contact things going to kill me when ive got not enough stuff to occupy myself with :/

[truthhurts]

I came across this post and its a must read for all bros here.
_____________________________

The number one reason why people leave others is because they feel they can do better, or get more, out of someone else.

To leave someone that you have first to detach yourself, but there is a transitional process in which a person tries to detach themselves while they still care.

This is the point when people freak out and chase the other and beg. All this does is reassure them that you're a sure thing and that moving on and trying new things offers little risk. Fear of losing you at that point is nil, leaving them free to focus on what else life promises.

If instead of arguing, people simply called the other's bet ( or bluff) immediately and said "ok" when they claim the�re leaving,the other would be face-to-face immediately with the consequence of their decision and they would definitely think twice.

You have to pay attention within the relationship when this starts happening. They will begin complaining about being confused, or saying they need space, you're suffocating them, all that ****. This means you've been far too codependent and you pretty much convinced them that they can do better than you. This realization kills the attraction they might have for you and they start looking to trade you in for a more interesting deal. They start to detach themselves from you: lack of sex drive, lack of affection, they will start going out with their friends more, etc.

The detachment process is usually sped up by the desperation of the abandoned one, throwing away their dignity and pride to the wind in the name of love or the relationship. In the exact moment the other person starts acting aloof, disrespectful, or disinterested you immediately flip on the "get your act together or I'm leaving -you-" switch in YOUR head, then it's them who will dance to your tune and cut it out.

Not just that, but your willingness to let them go, your independence, shows confidence and this also helps reestablish the balance of value in the relationship.

Even so the transitional period often lasts past the end of the relationship. Every time they feel insecure with themselves they might turn to you for that little ego boost... They will try to fish it by acting positively ( giving you hope and hoping you take the bait and trying to convince them to come back, by saying things such as sometimes I miss you, one day we might be together but not now, etc) or by acting negatively (" the way you're acting proves you never loved me", essentially misintrepreting you negatively so you try to reassure them of your feelings.

It's all bull****. Don't chase. There is no convincing someone to stay that doesn't end up making them LESS attracted and respectful towards you. Instead you call their bet/bluff immediately. You might not win her by doing this, but chasing means you always lose. Nothing brings a person's respect and attraction back faster than realizing that they might actually lose you BEFORE they're done getting over you.

tl;dr If someone says they're leaving, tell them "ok" and be cool, that's your best shot.

see, this i wish id knew for my own situation :/ im usually good at things like that to as far as social/psychological understanding goes, but i bitch'd out on this one.

[Nocturnal310]

I came across this post and its a must read for all bros here.
_____________________________

The number one reason why people leave others is because they feel they can do better, or get more, out of someone else.

To leave someone that you have first to detach yourself, but there is a transitional process in which a person tries to detach themselves while they still care.

This is the point when people freak out and chase the other and beg. All this does is reassure them that you're a sure thing and that moving on and trying new things offers little risk. Fear of losing you at that point is nil, leaving them free to focus on what else life promises.

If instead of arguing, people simply called the other's bet ( or bluff) immediately and said "ok" when they claim the�re leaving,the other would be face-to-face immediately with the consequence of their decision and they would definitely think twice.

You have to pay attention within the relationship when this starts happening. They will begin complaining about being confused, or saying they need space, you're suffocating them, all that ****. This means you've been far too codependent and you pretty much convinced them that they can do better than you. This realization kills the attraction they might have for you and they start looking to trade you in for a more interesting deal. They start to detach themselves from you: lack of sex drive, lack of affection, they will start going out with their friends more, etc.

The detachment process is usually sped up by the desperation of the abandoned one, throwing away their dignity and pride to the wind in the name of love or the relationship. In the exact moment the other person starts acting aloof, disrespectful, or disinterested you immediately flip on the "get your act together or I'm leaving -you-" switch in YOUR head, then it's them who will dance to your tune and cut it out.

Not just that, but your willingness to let them go, your independence, shows confidence and this also helps reestablish the balance of value in the relationship.

Even so the transitional period often lasts past the end of the relationship. Every time they feel insecure with themselves they might turn to you for that little ego boost... They will try to fish it by acting positively ( giving you hope and hoping you take the bait and trying to convince them to come back, by saying things such as sometimes I miss you, one day we might be together but not now, etc) or by acting negatively (" the way you're acting proves you never loved me", essentially misintrepreting you negatively so you try to reassure them of your feelings.

It's all bull****. Don't chase. There is no convincing someone to stay that doesn't end up making them LESS attracted and respectful towards you. Instead you call their bet/bluff immediately. You might not win her by doing this, but chasing means you always lose. Nothing brings a person's respect and attraction back faster than realizing that they might actually lose you BEFORE they're done getting over you.

tl;dr If someone says they're leaving, tell them "ok" and be cool, that's your best shot.

the thing about me is that even a girl pulls this on me...i ll end it anyway even if she wants me back.

loyalty is the only thing i value in girls..and if they cant even give that then fuk u bish...i ll replace u with a taller, leaner, prettier girl...and even kick her out if she tries that stunt.

ya it ll hurt for a week or 2 to not have u around...but trust me..i am a guy and i can actively improve my life and worth much better than u.

[henryk21]

Absolutely outstanding advice here! Anyone needing any sort of advice should read this. Hell, read all 40 pages as it's well worth it.

To any bros who are finding it hard after a break-up i just want to say that it really does get better depending on your mentality.
I was posting in this thread myself a few pages back seeking advice after breaking up with my gf of 3 years as my head and emotions were all over the place. I was constantly thinking that i had just broke up with my soul mate and was lost at what to do.

But i can honestly say that i think breaking up with her was one of the best things to happen to me. Despite really loving her and not wanting us to break up at all, since the break up i've found myself trying out things i never would have before, saying yes to things i would have said no to before, having random conversations with random people, and just generally becoming a more social person.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that you will turn out however you choose to. Take some time to yourself to get all the emotion out, have a few days to just cry (on the second day after the break up i would be watching a football game and just randomly cry lol), but then after that really work on yourself. If you do it right you can turn a negative experience into a huge positive one that will stay with you for the rest of your life and will shape your personality into ways you wouldn't have expected.

This x74738282837373738282551

Someone rep this man

[Shwank]

Awesome thread , helped me so much. Thanks OP. Its also nice to read all these other stories from everyone else , makes me feel like im not the only one. What i've learnt though is to get over a bitch you gotta stop acting like one

[_Roidz_]

Bump for those who may need it!

[SpartanTraining]

This thread was amazing.

Last night, 5 months to the day after ex-gf broke up with me, I gave her (ex)best friend a facial while she visiting the room next me (made friends with some of my good friends in the dorm)...
How did I get over her? deleted contact, ignored her, found better things to do, no happy bdays (note: I DIDN'T delete ******** cause i figured that would show i would care)
while me and her ex best friend walk out of the room, she happens to be leaving and we ended up having to laugh andrun away cause she was bertstaring lmfao. awkward.
cliffs: -amazing night, facial

[CodyKG]

Long read brahs, but just letting you know how my night went

Just got home from ISU! Was an amazing night out. Started getting yucky drinking some Dos Equis with my boys and grilling up some burgers/hot dogs....went to my buddies girlfriends house to get ready and pregame with my boys and a few girls who lived with my buddies GF, got yucky off some scotch, and went out. Got to a party around 10 and instantly clicked with a few girls. Found the best looking girl there , flirted with her (actually used the if you were a triangle line and that got her, lol) Ended up grabbing her at one point and making out with her, before I had to go say goodbye to my boys (they left, my friend who I drove with got way too drunk)

Stayed at that party for a little bit, had none of my friends there with me but was with my friend's girlfriends roomates, and they were gonna help me home. Ended up finding the girl again, talking to a bit, then disregarded her because I ran into some kids I went to high school with. She ended up leaving I guess, and the girls I was with took me to some other party (25 minute walk)

Get to the next party around 12:30, and it was CRAZY. I walked in and I was pretty much taller than everyone lol, and I had a nice slim fit shirt on and a fresh haircut so I stood out. Ended up grabbing some jungle juice they had there which the girls gave me for free, but I was already extremely trashed (I never drink.) Danced with a 7/10 short reddish blonde haired girl for a while, made out with her, she invited me back to her dorm, but I said no, didn't know my way back to my buddies. We seperate to grab drinks, I get back, didn't see her, so drunk me finds another girl...Ended up dancing with her a bit....Then she drops the boyfriend line, so I said okay and started to walk away...She grabs me and kisses me lulz. Danced with her for a while longer then I felt bad and went outside and met up with the people I went there with, and my boy called and said he was on his way to pick me up. FeltGoodMan.JPG, it was like 3 am and I was way too gone to walk that long distance back. Ended up wingmanning for one of the guys who was in the group I was with, and again got invited back to their apartment, but I just wanted to go back and sleep. Ended up giving her my number though, and kissing her for a bit before my boy got there and picked all of us up. Crashed the second my head hit the pillow.

Going back in 2 weeks, girl texted me this morning and asked if I was ever coming back, and that I could stay with her if I did. Woke up at 8 am still buzzin, went to Denny's with my boys, and made fun of my friend for getting too drunk.

I've really missed being able to do all this stuff, I just wish my boys didn't leave so damn early.



CLIFFS:
-Went to ISU
-Grilled/Drank with my buddies
-Pregamed at friends gf's house
-went to party, used triangle line, made out with 8/10 thanks to the triangle line
-Friend has to leave to take care of other friend who is too drunk, I continue on to another party
-Make out with 7/10, dance for a bit, got invited to her place, but then split ways
-Dance with girl with boyfriend, end up kissing her, feelsbadman
-Buddy coming to get me, wingman for another guy real fast, hit it off with another girl, give her my #, then went back and crashed.

[Italian.Muscle]

reporting in. 1 year relationship has been over for like 3? weeks now maybe 2 i dont even know.

point is not a single fuk is given anymore. already looking for new girls to bang, been lifting like an animal and making serious money. also getting yucky with the boys.

Gents, please go absolutely no contact, delete number, photos, your FB (i did) makes it 100% easier.

[CodyKG]

reporting in. 1 year relationship has been over for like 3? weeks now maybe 2 i dont even know.

point is not a single fuk is given anymore. already looking for new girls to bang, been lifting like an animal and making serious money. also getting yucky with the boys.

Gents, please go absolutely no contact, delete number, photos, your FB (i did) makes it 100% easier.

Same situation as myself brah. Raped. No contact = no problem

[Ricky_k]

CLIFFS:
-Went to ISU
-Grilled/Drank with my buddies
-Pregamed at friends gf's house
-went to party, used triangle line, made out with 8/10 thanks to the triangle line
-Friend has to leave to take care of other friend who is too drunk, I continue on to another party
-Make out with 7/10, dance for a bit, got invited to her place, but then split ways
-Dance with girl with boyfriend, end up kissing her, feelsbadman
-Buddy coming to get me, wingman for another guy real fast, hit it off with another girl, give her my #, then went back and crashed.

haha pure win.

[CodyKG]

Just woke up to a call from my ex.........Fukkkk so hard to not answer

EDIT: she messaged me this on ********. Wat

So, I was wondering why you fell off the face of the earth. We dated for a year, Cody and now you don't exist when you're the one who ****ed up more times than I can count. You said you'd always be there for me, and I know that was never true. I know now that our entire relationship was a lie. I guess the reason I'm messaging you is because I need to say this. You are not who you said you were. I go on here to add you as a friend and I see you're flirting with Morgan and Rebecca and going on and on about getting wasted. You are the biggest hypocrite I've ever met in my entire life. I have no idea who you really are, after a year I have NO IDEA. And now I don't care to know. This really saddens me, because I had high hopes for you. I expected you to go on to AZ and 'work on yourself' like you said. But instead you're wasting your time talking to girls you used to talk **** about and getting wasted and going on misc. Cody, I'm realizing now that everything was a lie. I don't know how many times you went out and got wasted without telling me then came back and yelled at me for having some drinks or how many girls you ****ed behind my back. I don't want you to respond because I know that I will never get an honest answer from you no matter what I do. I just needed to get this off my chest and confirm that you'll never live up to anything you said. I hope you have a nice life, Cody, I really do.


>Yeah it was my fault we broke up, but she told me we were done for good, so NC started.
>I added my ex and a girl I had flirted with on ******** while we were together and they posted on one of my status'. I didn't even flirt. (remember I'm single.)
>Got drunk once, which was Saturday night (as seen above) i don't even know what to say about Miscing.........
>Going to ASU next fall for school????
>Never cheated on her, though I admit I did flirt with a couple girls during our relationship. Never got drunk without telling her (hell I barely drank, 90% of the time I was with her.)

Raging.

[ljr7475]

Felt like **** this weekend since I knew basically the exact day and time she would be with someone else as she felt the need to inform me 2 weeks ago. I was raging in the gym and somehow had a lot left over afterwards. Shouldn't have picked up the phone but lesson learned. I feel much better today.

Cut contact and don't ever look back, guys. Everyone wants to believe they're the exception when they're surrounded by a haze of emotions. It's a huge leap of faith but you just have to trust all of those who have done it and have felt better as a result. Almost every setback happens once you get back in touch or hear from them again, either directly or indirectly. Tons of posts in this thread are proof of that.

[henryk21]

Saw the ex first time in a month. I was dressed like a boss, she was myrin' and said " well you look good." I noticed her mustache was out of control. I gave her a hug and left. Like a BAWS, felt fukking good man.

It all gets better in time brahs, believe me.

[Ricky_k]

Saw the ex first time in a month. I was dressed like a boss, she was myrin' and said " well you look good." I noticed her mustache was out of control. I gave her a hug and left. Like a BAWS, felt fukking good man.

It all gets better in time brahs, believe me.

No hate. But are you not getting caught up in the fickle little post relationship games ?

I just mean to say, I hope you are feeling BAWS before this otherwise you telling us is no different to her having a bitch to her girlfriends in the toilet.

Or maybe this is your reward for dropping out of the games and getting your own s*it together.... so gw brah

[henryk21]

No hate. But are you not getting caught up in the fickle little post relationship games ?

I just mean to say, I hope you are feeling BAWS before this otherwise you telling us is no different to her having a bitch to her girlfriends in the toilet.

Or maybe this is your reward for dropping out of the games and getting your own s*it together.... so gw brah

no no. Her and I are not the type to play games, like talk **** about each other or try to make one jealous. We had a normal conversation it wasn't awkward or anything. I feel like a baws everyday just felt even better to hear her compliment me. No hate on her at all.

[truthhurts]

beta moment coming up here. Trying so damn hard with this no contact thing but completely failed today. Problem is me and my gf were very close to the point where i knew things like her passwords and what not (bad i know,). Didn't speciifically know it was her fb password and i dont think she intended me to know it was for fb as well as other things...but turns out it is. Had been resisting the urge to snoop on her fb for so long and ended up giving in today even though i knew it would make me feel awful, really awful and a lot of it has to do with me actually breaking her trust and doing it on top of whats there. How the hell do i get around this, ifi tell her to change her password i have to speak to her and she'll know i snooped....if its not changed the current insecurity is making it ridiculous to try resist. Feel a complete ass for doing it but even more so now that i dont know what to do.....sucks. /hello depression.