How does an adult male "break up" with a friend?

[cowboybiker]

Dude, You know why he wants to hang out with you?
cause everyone else is sick of his chit and told him so.

[discdoggie]

that he's gonna boil your bunny.

[Iceman1800]

maybe change phone numbers too? it isn't that hard anymore. this shouldn't even be a tough decision since he adds no value to your life and he's not even family.

[Corbi]

I like this idea. If the guy was bothering me as much as you say he is bothering you, I'd be tempted to say something like "No offense bro, but you are kind of a douche, and hanging out with you blows"....and then list a few examples of his excessive douchebaggery.

^^^This.
Stop being a pussy, man up and tell him to get lost.

I didn't read all that, but it's very simple. Put him on ignore. Eventually he will stop calling. If you have plans cancel them and tell him something came up, or be hoenst adn just tell him you don't feel like it.

I'm a heartless bastard though, so I don't find doing this one bit difficult.

Prolly why I have no friends too.

Like Flex I can be heartless and it doesn't bother me one bit, my wife thinks it's messed up that I can be that way. No issue at all with telling anyone they have to leave my house, have done it many times and that includes family. When i get tired of them or their $hit this is what I say "time for you to go" and it works like a charm. Nobodies feelings get hurt because i'm direct and don't try to bull$hit them.

[Brackneyc]

^^^This.
Stop being a pussy, man up and tell him to get lost.



Like Flex I can be heartless and it doesn't bother me one bit, my wife thinks it's messed up that I can be that way. No issue at all with telling anyone they have to leave my house, have done it many times and that includes family. When i get tired of them or their $hit this is what I say "time for you to go" and it works like a charm. Nobodies feelings get hurt because i'm direct and don't try to bull$hit them.

Question is, do you still get a Christmas card from them?

[Corbi]

Question is, do you still get a Christmas card from them?

75% for now

[AlphaDog3]

Thanks for all the replies. They were much better than what I got on the misc. I thought about it at the gym and it's possible I've made it worse than it is... he's not really bothering me, I just don't get the idea behind a text nearly every weekend trying to hang out. If we lived closer I wouldn't mind hanging out for a bit every now and then. It's not so bad for a few hours, but the 3-4 hour drive means it's at least a two day thing. I'm just not down for that because I've got too much going on now.

Anyways, I appreciate all the responses and words of wisdom.

EDIT: I may be being a p*ssy, I don't know. When he has stepped out of line in the past I definitely let him know and that's when he comes back with either the "I am on new medication" or "I didn't take my medication". I'm just not willing to except that excuse anymore, but I don't see the point in saying it just because I get a text that says "dude, want to chill this weekend?" I think I would be a dick if I replied back "no... go **** yourself and don't ever contact me again. You are an *******." I really don't think him essentially begging to hang out warrants that response from me.

[latebloomingmom]

He is a 'user' and a manipulator. He will push you just as far as he can get away with. He knows your weaknesses. He has lived with you and hung out with you. He can read you like a book. He will be nice as pie til you give in again and then he will continue to take advantage of you. He will use his so-called disorder to make excuses for his own bad behavior. This friendship is unequal and completely one-sided. He is getting attention and someone to listen to all his problems whenever he shows up. What are you getting besides a headache? You will have to be brutal, these kind of people do not take hints, they ignore them. He will take advantage of your kindess and continue to treat you like a doormat unti you say no and mean it.

[debandmikeb]

I'm gonna have to go with the "ignore and ignore" group on this one. I also am a non-confrontational type of person and have had occasion to disassociate myself from people. A quick example was a guy that I went all through high school with and hung around with after. He had two kids that were always the center of a conversation and we had none, so it was hard to relate to many stories. Also, it was always further from his house to ours than it was from us to them, if you get my drift. I just stopped any contact and he has his life now and I have mine.

Don't respond to calls, messages, e-mails, ********s or smoke signals. He will eventually fade away.

Good luck....

Mike

[cozener]

At this jucture I'd probably just tell him to take a hike but...that's me. We all handle things in our own way.

[drudixon]

I like this idea. If the guy was bothering me as much as you say he is bothering you, I'd be tempted to say something like "No offense bro, but you are kind of a douche, and hanging out with you blows"....and then list a few examples of his excessive douchebaggery.

This

[pharmamarketer]

I can't believe you needed advice on this one

[paolo59]

Dude, You know why he wants to hang out with you?
cause everyone else is sick of his chit and told him so.

I would say that you've hit the nail right on the head with this!!!

[whatevergirl]

He is a 'user' and a manipulator. He will push you just as far as he can get away with. He knows your weaknesses. He has lived with you and hung out with you. He can read you like a book. He will be nice as pie til you give in again and then he will continue to take advantage of you. He will use his so-called disorder to make excuses for his own bad behavior. This friendship is unequal and completely one-sided. He is getting attention and someone to listen to all his problems whenever he shows up. What are you getting besides a headache? You will have to be brutal, these kind of people do not take hints, they ignore them. He will take advantage of your kindess and continue to treat you like a doormat unti you say no and mean it.

agree with this. your posts are always well reasoned, latebmom

[latebloomingmom]

agree with this. your posts are always well reasoned, latebmom

thanks.

[tsoden]

I could not read all of this, but I went through a very similar problem with a couple former friends. For one of them, I snapped one day as I knew in was being taken advantage of (and for a long time) and in the midst of driving this person home i simply had had enough....pulled over and simply told them to get out of my car and that was that. Did not respond back to messages or calls. After a while I got one more call, and took the opportunity to explain my side and end things.

The other *friend* decided that money and success were more important than friendship. He got into pyramid marketing and tried to drag me in a pre-paid legal scheme....to be able to have a lawyer on call 24x7. I live in Canada for Petes sake. Why would I ever need a lawyer on call 24x7??? He also just simply didn't respect me as a person and over time many events led to us drifting apart. On one occasion, I simply blew up at him because I was a major victim in one of his shenanigans. He would not sense how much he hurt me, and kept attempting to throw it back in my face. It was that point when I realized who my real friends were...and he was certainly not one of them.

[djflex]

Gone forever,
we are done with worldviews mechanical

(None shall)
none shall ever be a slave to thoughts inside their heads

[SerpentHearted]

first up you need to change your screen name to something more accurate.

2nd up I've been in similar situations plenty of times. Depending on the person, either I just stop being available when they try to make plans with me + never initiate anything with them and eventually they lose interest / get the message. Others wont' get it so you have to say "look, that's not actually fun for me" or in this guy's case "you're a grown man 30+ years old, start acting like it and get your **** together. Why would I want you to come spend another weekend with me when you shoot down any idea I have of something to actually do, and you just expect me to smoke weed with you all weekend instead? I'm an adult why the **** would I want to do that?"

tend to agree with the others though, this guy is a lost cause and aint gonna get it no matter what. At best you might be able to piss him off enough that he won't ask again though because in his mind you'll be the jerk.

[NYkarate]

Like serpenthearted suggests either change your name, or be an "alphadog" and just walk away without giving a sheet.

[tsoden]

You honestly sound like me dude....wanting to give people second, third, 40 chances...it is really hard breaking up a friendship gone toxic especially if you are a real nice guy...but if I have learned ANYTHING in the past 10 years, is figuring out who your real friends are - and AND giving them the time of day. You deserve better. It's time to do what you got to do, close this chapter and move on. You gave him enough chances to change, and he blew it...over and over again. You don't need toxic relationships in your life.

Thanks for all the replies. They were much better than what I got on the misc. I thought about it at the gym and it's possible I've made it worse than it is... he's not really bothering me, I just don't get the idea behind a text nearly every weekend trying to hang out. If we lived closer I wouldn't mind hanging out for a bit every now and then. It's not so bad for a few hours, but the 3-4 hour drive means it's at least a two day thing. I'm just not down for that because I've got too much going on now.

Anyways, I appreciate all the responses and words of wisdom.

EDIT: I may be being a p*ssy, I don't know. When he has stepped out of line in the past I definitely let him know and that's when he comes back with either the "I am on new medication" or "I didn't take my medication". I'm just not willing to except that excuse anymore, but I don't see the point in saying it just because I get a text that says "dude, want to chill this weekend?" I think I would be a dick if I replied back "no... go **** yourself and don't ever contact me again. You are an *******." I really don't think him essentially begging to hang out warrants that response from me.

[dungeonmistress]

For one, change your name from Alphadog to something else lol (jk). Second, why do you feel you owe this putz anything? Hell I wouldn't even answer the phone if he called.

[StressMonkey]

Second, why do you feel you owe this putz anything? Hell I wouldn't even answer the phone if he called.

This. He sounds like a total nutcase. Caller ID is a beautiful thing.

[rochey]

This guy sounds like he can play you like a piano. The diplomatic way would be to ignore and make excuses if he does get in contact with you. As a lot of people have already advised. You could also be cruel to be kind, but I don't think this guy would be the type to take advice form you, in as much as you tell him to put down the playstation controller, quit the dependency of drugs and grow up and get a life! Personally I would just explain to him in as little amount of words possible, that he is a life sucking leetch who needs to stay the fcuk away from you or his uber rich parents will have to pay for his games console to be removed from his........add your own body part dude!

[AlphaDog3]

I tried to pick the name betadog, but it was taken... along with alphadog1 and alphadog2. This was actually my fool around name on the misc, but I lost my password to my original account and the e-mail address I registered with is no longer active.

In the last month I've only responded to one text/phone call out of the dozen he has sent. It was the one where I was said I was visiting my Dad in a few months and would let him know about possibly stopping by. I plan to continue this. It's really not upsetting me that much, I just kind of needed to vent yesterday after receiving another message. Not sure why I have sympathy for him and feel like a dick when he is the one who has really been a dick the entire time. It sounds like everyone knows a few people like this.. hell someone may consider me that person.

[-=FLEX=-]

I plan to continue this.

Continue what? Stringing him along???

Wouldn't the ignore option be easier than to respond to random texts/calls and pretend there's a chance at continuing the freindship?

facepalm.jpg

[Leddyman]

Listen, if you don't want to hang out with him maybe I could get his number. I've been looking for a new friend to hang with. You say he likes guns? I've got lots. I don't care for pot, but maybe he'd be interested something a little more chemical. I've been looking for a new friend, the guy I used to hang out with disappeared and no one can find him.






































lol

[Meatpants]

[bodyrokk]

He cant call u if he is dead!! just sayin

[lkelley1975]

For one, change your name from Alphadog to something else lol (jk). Second, why do you feel you owe this putz anything? Hell I wouldn't even answer the phone if he called.

Ditto, I think your user name is a misnomer considering this thread. Granted this is one issue but if you don't have the balls to just tell the guy that you don't like him because of A,B and C you sound to me more like a whiney little ...

I could understand if you were a 20 something but you're a grown ass man dealing with another grown ass man. Man the F up!!

[MontyMagpie]

I'm good at this, you tell him to stop being a "douchbag" and stop smoking the weed otherwise you don't want anything to do with him, this will be impossible for him to do and so he will no longer be your friend and you are douchbagless.