Treated worse after getting in shape

[brooklyndown]

I know there have been lots of are-you-treated-differently-after-getting-in-shape threads, but most of them do not really reflect my own experience. I've heard people talk about how much better they're treated after getting in shape, but has anyone here had the opposite experience? To give a little background....

In the past year I've changed my body dramatically. Through lots of hard work with diet and exercise, I've gone from over 200 lbs at around 20+% body fat to a leen 180 lbs at under 10% body fat. The change in my body is very noticeable, and I feel great about it. In the past I was always self conscious about my body, but now that I'm in better shape, I have a lot more confidence. Pretty much every thing in life feels better. I've noticed, however, that some people who knew me before I was in shape have been--well, let's say "less than supportive." I've gotten the strong, less-than-subtle vibe from a number of people that they preferred me as the shy, out-of-shape person I was.

I don't know if it's just me imposing my own insecurities on the situation, but the other night I had a really strange experience. I was at a party with some people I hadn't seen in a long time, and nearly everyone made some comment on how different I looked from the last time they saw me. But it wasn't really in a good way. I strongly felt that it was more like, "What happened to you? You're supposed to be the kind of likable loser, not some in-shape jock." There was one person at the party who more or less said as much, comparing me with Jonah Hill and how it made more sense for him to be the lovable fat guy than Brad Pitt. It really made me feel terrible. I know it shouldn't, but it did. I'm still the same person I was, just now I enjoy living an active life that involves being fit and active. I feel good about my body for the first time ever, but I feel that lots of people I used to know think of me as being vain or something, even though I'm the same person.

Has anyone else had this experience? Have you felt that people have judged you negatively for wanting to improve your body and your health?

Wondering what people's thoughts on this are....

[imsotheman]

welcome my friend... its called jelousy... ditch them and get new friends...also sometimes i have noticed people are generally worried when someone is in low bodyfat because they arent used to seeing it and sometimes will think you are sick.. or havent been eating.. which is the case of my girlfriend... her family and friends thought she was starving herself because she went from 24 to 17% and all they talked about is how she didnt look better she looked sick.. when everyone else who she would meet off the street would ask her if shes a fitness model or tell her how great she looks...

long story short do it for yourself not for other people and it wont make a difference... having been fat i can relate, but you just have to learn to get over it.

[sanblz33]

I had this experience before & I kicked the haters to the curb!

[sshin]

Jealous people will try to make themselves feel better about themselves by belittling someone that's better than them in a subtle manner. Don't just stand there and take it from them. If they start ripping your ass for doing something that changes your lifestyle, tell them how much fatter they look compared to what they looked like in high school.

For about 5 months thus far, I've been playing tackle football every other weekend with people that I don't even know. They were obviously bigger, stronger, and faster than me, but they weren't douchey about it. I started a new cut routine which is a much harder routine since it involves preserving as much muscle mass/gain muscle mass while cutting fat. I have only lost about 5lbs of fat during my 5 months. I definitely feel stronger and faster, and the guys definitely compliment me on how much I have improved.

You just got to find friends that are in a similar lifestyle as you. I do know that there are some "ripped" guys/girls that pretend to be all "alpha" and be a dick to everyone and pretend to lift like they own the gym. If you like this kind of crowd, hang out with them and bathe yourself in douche-like behavior. On the otherhand, there are people struggling to obtain their goals. They might not be at the best shape in their life right now, but you never know if that fat kid at the gym will be a fitness model later on.

TL;DR: My advice: Forget what people think or say. Forget about bad gossip that's about you. Forget your "friends" that pull you down with them. You got goals? Get them.

[jakefurfaro]

Do not listen to the people that say you should be the fat loser, or that they like you better that way. Even if they didn't say that directly. You have done of a hell of a job changing your life, and if people dont like that, then you need find new people to surround yourself with. I know its easier said than done... But I got faith in you brah

[JRemix]

Rule 1 of confidence: be socially selfish and know what you will/won't stand for. if something they say bothers you either call it out to their face or walk away and find friends who will appreciate you for who you are.

Everyone is at a different place in their life and I can appreciate the effort ANYONE has in the gym/to get into shape.


And yes those people preferred you overweight because you were not seen as competition to them. Now - if you're leaner than them and maybe even look better than them - *especially if it's dudes making these comments* - they see you as a threat at parties...girls may choose you over them and they don't want that. So they put you down so you feel bad about yourself/hopefully stop showing up to parties where they go.

If women are saying this stuff then they must be real insecure - even if a woman did not want you - a quality/or at least mentally healthy one would never belittle you for IMPROVING YOURSELF. She'd at least act like a friend and give you props/a high five for losing the weight.

I suggest you find a new social circle.

[GoJonnyGo]

I agree with everyone else here buddy, people like to make themselves feel better about their average lives by bringing down other people who make positive changes to how they are. Ignore the hate, and if it's something you feel strongly about then confront your haters. They can either like the changes you're making or find someone else to hang with. I'm sure there's just as many friends you have who are majorly impressed by the changes you've made, so don't let it get you, keep going.

[kanis999]

And yes those people preferred you overweight because you were not seen as competition to them. Now - if you're leaner than them and maybe even look better than them - *especially if it's dudes making these comments* - they see you as a threat at parties...girls may choose you over them and they don't want that. So they put you down so you feel bad about yourself/hopefully stop showing up to parties where they go.

I really like this paragraph. I'd love nothing more than to be a threat to the a**holes who once dominated me in the mating game. I'm in a committed relationship now, and would never lay hands on another woman, but I want to make it clear to certain douches from my past that IF I was available, they'd be dead in the water with me around

[Trigger543]

I know what you're talking about but I wouldn't take it too seriously at first.. If you get that feeling more than once from the same guy, either ignore it and move on or stand up and toss him around a bit. Or you could just invite him to the gym and workout with him, then have a terrible sneezing fit when you're supposed to be spotting him....

[scdiver2001]

So friends you havent seen in a long time, during said time when you changed for the better........sounds to me that the reason you changed may be because said "friends" were not around to hold you down.

[brooklyndown]

Thanks, everyone, for the replies and advice. It really does help, and I feel better when I know that others have struggled with this and that I'm not crazy.

When making the decision to transform my body, I didn't realize how many things would be changed either directly or indirectly. You guys are right, and I have to learn that some of my "friends" aren't who I thought they were--which is easier said than done. When I was out of shape (my whole life up to a year ago), I always assumed that the reason I didn't hang out with athletic guys or confident girls was because they looked down on me, but now as my body has changed I'm realizing (slowly) that maybe people with higher self images don't like hanging out with unconfident people because of the constant negativity. I don't know if this is true or not, but I suspect it might be. Since getting in shape, strangers have been nicer, and I get attention from a different category of girls (to be blunt, all of a sudden girls who are pretty and confident seem to like me), but my old friends treat me like crap. When I hang out with them I feel like they're suggesting that I think I'm better than them or something just because I don't want to sit around and drink beer all the time, when I'm really the exact same person I was--just in shape. I don't talk about it or rub it in their faces, but they do in mine. They're the ones who are being pricks.

This has definitely been the hardest and most unexpected consequence of changing my body. On one hand, it's great to get attention from pretty girls and respect from guys--but on the other, it sucks that a lot of my friends can't be supportive of my trying to better myself.

Thanks again for all the nice responses!

[JRemix]

I rather be fit/confident/in a better crowd than be stuck with a bunch of downers for life. Your gut feelings are correct - they do realize you are better than them now. And they are so insecure that in their minds they already think you hate them/are laughing at them on the inside. So they project what they think you're doing back on to you.

Ditch the friends - make new ones - date quality girls- keep getting into even better shape each month/year and your lifestyle will be 1000x better.

[LoganCL]

Find friends that support you. People that don't support you aren't really your friends anyways.

[cavaliere]

They're projecting their own frustration onto you. Tell them to get over it and, as others rightly said, ditch'em if they don't.

[BryJensen]

People are always going to be jealous when the people in their lives do amazing things for themselves while they're still sedentary and complacent (or even unhappy) with where they are. People may have preferred you as the less fit person you are now, but what do you prefer? Thats all that matters. True friends will be excited for you, and thrilled with your success.

I'm not saying you need to walk away from these people (though sometimes it is the better option), but don't let their feelings dictate what you do. You're awesome for coming as far as you have. And you will attract more people like you.

[gbullock32]

I've had this happen to me, parents would always say "you shouldn't push yourself so hard, it's not like being more fit will help you." My only response was "I push myself because you don't, you won't, you sit there and accept normality, while I push to be more than that, and I always will." Just gotta do what's best for you and not worry what others think. As courage wolf said "If you don't look up to them, don't let them look down on you."

[Nothing_Clever]

Don’t sweat it. It sounds like jealousy. You did something they can’t see themselves as doing so they are hating. Also some of them may have seen you as the loveable fat guy that made them look better. Now you are the dedicated fitness buff others will compare them to. Don’t put them down in revenge. Instead think of how you felt when you were fatter. Deep down inside these people are feeling the same way. They just don’t know how to express that anger, regret, confusion, shame and desire to better themselves, in a constructive way. Hate is just the egos way of rejecting the hard truth. Don’t enable their ego. Instead, continue to put it to shame by bettering yourself.

[chentewarrior]

you are feeling that way because you are intepreting that comments as bad, the better you can do is to interpret that ¨bad comments¨ as a good ones.

If some one tell you, ¨ you were more handsome when you was fat¨ respond: yes, you are right, this type of answer is a blow to his ego that they will stop telling you that type of comments.



another tip, dont try to change them, just change you and keep close people that support/contribute you in your life.

srry from my english, doing my best

[ksalmela]

you are feeling that way because you are intepreting that comments as bad, the better you can do is to interpret that ¨bad comments¨ as a good ones.

If some one tell you, ¨ you were more handsome when you was fat¨ respond: yes, you are right, this type of answer is a blow to his ego that they will stop telling you that type of comments.



another tip, dont try to change them, just change you and keep close people that support/contribute you in your life.

srry from my english, doing my best

Like weigh lifting and eating right, you always have a choice. Don't let maybes and mayhaps bother you. Unless they say something direct, you are just thinking the worse.
Just because they arent supporting you like your mother, doesn't mean they are against you. Vibes mean ****. When the whole world seems crazy, its time to look in the mirror.

[WhiteBo]

Welcome to the club, the truth is, life isn't fair, and we all know that. So just be your self and all will be fine. If you are proud of who you have become, then that is all that matters

Everybody else's opinion=0

[rasit]

Some girls don't really like muscular guys. That's only one side of it..

Other than that; all the other negative comments you had received was nothing but jealousy. It's something you gotta live with..They're jealous because they've been sitting on their asses while you were working your ass off at the gym..They were killing the burgers, fries and ice-cream when you were strictly on a diet...

It's in the nature of human beings..They won't like you, because you're better than them. This motivates me even more

[cavaliere]

The really hot girls usually like muscular guys. Some girls also have body image issues and feel uncomfortalble around very attractive men. It's just like meeting a girl who you think is just out of your league. They are the same way, am I right ladies?

[ethan058]

I don't know if it's just me imposing my own insecurities on the situation, but the other night I had a really strange experience. I was at a party with some people I hadn't seen in a long time, and nearly everyone made some comment on how different I looked from the last time they saw me. But it wasn't really in a good way. I strongly felt that it was more like, "What happened to you? You're supposed to be the kind of likable loser, not some in-shape jock." There was one person at the party who more or less said as much, comparing me with Jonah Hill and how it made more sense for him to be the lovable fat guy than Brad Pitt. It really made me feel terrible. I know it shouldn't, but it did. I'm still the same person I was, just now I enjoy living an active life that involves being fit and active. I feel good about my body for the first time ever, but I feel that lots of people I used to know think of me as being vain or something, even though I'm the same person.

Has anyone else had this experience? Have you felt that people have judged you negatively for wanting to improve your body and your health?

Wondering what people's thoughts on this are....

Sounds like a crappy high school reunion. Although this is really bad. I got compliments 99% of the time when I got into shape, mostly everyone was happy for me. These don't sound like the type of people you want to associate yourself with. People always show their true colors when the tables are turned against them.

[greeny2229]

I know that feel bro.

Went from 25%+ BF in 2009 to a lead 15% or less at the start of this year. The reaction is weird...on the one hand you have haters and then others are amazed and proud! BUT...I get the feeling when you see someone and they make the comment "oh your looking great man" all that Sh!t you can word it as many ways as you want, there will always be the person that makes you think what are you really saying.

Ill tell you now man you've done well. Haters gon hate. Look past it live for yourself.

[Gnadenlos]

Stay you, be cool, and don't change for them. Those who are your real friends will take pleasure in your success, and they're the kind of people worth being around. People who liked you better fat are people who have a lot of hate -- for themselves, for the world, for people who try and succeed. They're jealous that you accomplished something and it makes them feel bad. They liked you better as someone they could look down on, not as a friend. **** em.

[brooklyndown]

Thanks again, everyone, for the nice comments. This did really help! I was feeling down when I made that first post, but now I'm motivated again! Good supportative community here. Thank you!!

[Jonson82]

Hey man, I read through your post and I can feel your pain and frustration at these people.

I heard a great example that perfectly describes such people - They are crabs. Don't let the crabs grind you down. If you put a crab in a bucket, it will try to climb out. If you put more than 1 crab in a bucket, one will try to climb out but WITHOUT FAIL the others will grab hold of the one trying to escape and drag the crab back into the bucket. The crab will never escape. The others will always seek to drag him down to their level, because it is all they know; they do not aspire to be anything else and are happy leading life without goals, aspirations or motivation. Most probably the nearest thing they have to motivation is things that happen outside their own temple.

You can always spot and identify a crab by their refusal to accept that change is possible and change has happened. Their innate psychological response is to deny their own pre-programmed beliefs can be changed. I know how hard it can be to cut these people off from your life, so good luck man.

[selffirst]

Dude...Some individuals are uncomfortable with change...they want things as they remembered...but they lack vision...You decided to take on this challenge to better health and to improve your body image...How others view or relate to the new you is relative...Continue to do what's in your best interest...Your happiness rates higher in relation to friends expectations....All the best....Self

[Size16]

I don't know if it's just me imposing my own insecurities on the situation, but the other night I had a really strange experience. I was at a party with some people I hadn't seen in a long time, and nearly everyone made some comment on how different I looked from the last time they saw me. But it wasn't really in a good way. I strongly felt that it was more like, "What happened to you? You're supposed to be the kind of likable loser, not some in-shape jock." There was one person at the party who more or less said as much, comparing me with Jonah Hill and how it made more sense for him to be the lovable fat guy than Brad Pitt. It really made me feel terrible. I know it shouldn't, but it did. I'm still the same person I was, just now I enjoy living an active life that involves being fit and active. I feel good about my body for the first time ever, but I feel that lots of people I used to know think of me as being vain or something, even though I'm the same person.

Anyone else get ****ing pissed IRL when you read that? Friends or not, flat out disrespectful, I really hope you spoke up for yourself.

I can kind of relate, though. I was always the big, loveable, fat guy. Shy as ****. I think my "friends" enjoyed they had someone to make themselves feel better. Now, they're the fatty fat fattersons, and not all of them are happy about it. Subsequently, not all of them are people I hang around with anymore.

Jealously makes people do some really ****ty things. Just be a bigger man about it. But speak up. I don't let people get away with **** anymore, neither should you.

[moofthedog]

people like that are best treated by taking off your shirt,

throwing up a double biceps pose


looking them dead in the eye


and asking


"U mirin', brah?"