Progression Not Perfection

[vanessa40]

Welcome to my new journal.

I felt like it was time for a fresh start. I have overcome my past demons and i have stayed the course for over a month and anyone that knows me here know that is something

The program which i have been on since July 13 has me lifting the heaviest i ever have and cutting down on my cardio. I lift 4 days a week and my cardio is interval running. This is a far cry from my 3-6 miles a day six days a week. I do plan on a couple of fall races but nothing like the half-marathons i use to do.

I have to say i am feeling better than i have in months. I feel positive about what i am doing and where i'm going.

I do want to thank two people Rob( Vytis) for the plan and Joan (Buffycat..but really who doesn't know Joan here...lol) for being my inspiration. Seeing her and all she has done let me know that if i put my mind to it i could get where i wanted to be.

You have all played a part in where i am right now. Coming here and reading in my journal has helped on days i was feeling low. You have all made me laugh and brighten my day so thank you

I have come a long way since i weighed 220 and i still have a ways to go to get to my goal but i know now i can do this..

It's all about progress..doing the best you can do everyday. You don't have to be perfect..just the best you can be.

Thanks again everyone for the support. It means the world to me.

[vanessa40]

Today's Workout

BB Rows
3x5x70#

Deadlifts
3x5x100#

Hammer Curls
3x5x29#

SLDL
3x5x100#

DB Shrugs
3x5x30#e


Cardio
Intervals
30 minutes
2.62 miles
Calories Burned-400
HR-110-180

I did an iFit interval program. I loved it

[Buffycat3]

Vanessa! You are in incredible person! You've gone through a lot to get where you are now I applaud your every step.
No matter it was through fails, or success you overcome many obstacles.
Number One being the battle between you and you.
Being now that you have taken grip of yourself and have brought yourself to a happy place, I know for sure your goal and contiued happiness will continue.
...of course I am not saying there won't be some 'bumps' along the way...(that's just life) ...but I am saying you can and will deal with them as they come.
...with confidence and pride (and help from loved-ones/friends, when needed)

Do Your Best, and Be the Best You Can Be!
<3

[MuscleMom]

So happy for you that you have taken more steps to a positive life *You are doing a great job and have made such progress these past couple of months! *I applaud you! *
Glad to be along for the ride!!!!

[vanessa40]

Good Morning

Thank you both so much. You have always been my biggest cheerleaders
Anytime i have ever needed advice or support you have been there for me
I really can't thank you enough


Brittany got home from her birthday trip to see her friend last night. She had a wonderful time which is good because now there is something we have to deal with...

As most of you know we have had no contact with Brittany's father for 10 years. I hate to say this but he turned into a loser drug addict wife beater. It's funny how you can never really know someone. When we first meet he was sweet but then he got involved in all that and changed. The first time he hit me i left. I feel like if they hit you once they will do it again. Besides he picked drugs over his family so i knew i had to make a better life for Brittany so i left,got a job and went on government assistance. I felt bad about myself then, i had a two year old, all alone well except for my good friend Todd who i have been friends with since i was seven. Too bad he is gay or we would be married . He let us stay with him while i got thins sorted out. I finally did..i got promoted at work and was able to get our own place and pay my own way. I never asked for child support. We made a deal no child support for no contact. Besides he would have just ran anyway and i would have paid more trying to get the money from him. I told him that if he wanted to see her he had to call me and we would work out a time but i always had to be there..

So he saw her maybe three times from the time she was 3-5 and then the last time was on her 13 birthday. That did not go well at all. He was high,stood up and started singing Happy Birthday in the middle of dinner..everyone looked around..we got up and left. We have not heard from him until Brittany's birthday last week.

Yes thanks to Facebook he contacted me. Those of you who are my friends can look and see him. Please don't judge me to harshly...lol..he has always thought he was a rock star..so his pic has him with one of his many guitars.
Brittany does not have a FB account. I think she must be the one of ten people that don't..

So as you know i had posted about Brittany's birthday and later that day when i go back there it is a friends request from him. I almost died he is a under the radar person so i knew something had to be up for him to be on there. I mean if you look up his name online you see nothing. He told me he missed Brittany and wanted to talk to her. I told him she was in therapy for depression and was finally getting back to normal and i didn't want to do anything to derail that but i would let her know and it would be up to her because it always has been. I have never spoke ill of him because i had always hoped he would change for her and maybe one day there could be something. Besides if someone is really bad their actions do more than you could ever say.

So i gave her his email and they have wrote. Brittany was nice enough to let me see all of it. He seems stuck in the past like he feels like nothing really happened bad then.. Brittany said if they do meet she wants me to go which i said i would. See agreed to one meeting. He wanted us to go to dinner but Brittany said she didn't want to feel trapped by a time limit..you know having to sit there and wait for the meal, so i told her we could just go for coffee and that way we could leave when we wanted. I hope this turns out good but my gut tells me otherwise. The sad thing is she told me that she has no feeling at all where he is concerned. She has never known him since we left when she was almost three. The only thing that makes me mad is i feel like now that the real work is over he wants to step in and play dad. When he wrote her he even sign it Love Dad. When she wrote him she called him by his first name...she said i should have wrote Dear Sperm Donor...lol

I am happy to say that i have come a long way and i am a different person than when i was with him. It seems like a lifetime ago. When i looked at his picture it looks like he is still the same person. Froze in time. Well except he has gained a few pounds ( Sorry i had to get one dig in) I valued myself enough to leave a relationship i knew was hurting me and Brittany. It's like i have always told Brittany..There are millions of men in the world you do not have to settle.
I have raised her to value herself because if you don't love yourself then you are no good to anyone.

Wow..ok i have wrote a book. I just want you all to know that this will in no way affect my journey. You know what they say.. That that does not kill you makes you stronger....

[Min125]

Welcome to my new journal.

I felt like it was time for a fresh start. I have overcome my past demons and i have stayed the course for over a month and anyone that knows me here know that is something

The program which i have been on since July 13 has me lifting the heaviest i ever have and cutting down on my cardio. I lift 4 days a week and my cardio is interval running. This is a far cry from my 3-6 miles a day six days a week. I do plan on a couple of fall races but nothing like the half-marathons i use to do.

I have to say i am feeling better than i have in months. I feel positive about what i am doing and where i'm going.

I do want to thank two people Rob( Vytis) for the plan and Joan (Buffycat..but really who doesn't know Joan here...lol) for being my inspiration. Seeing her and all she has done let me know that if i put my mind to it i could get where i wanted to be.

You have all played a part in where i am right now. Coming here and reading in my journal has helped on days i was feeling low. You have all made me laugh and brighten my day so thank you

I have come a long way since i weighed 220 and i still have a ways to go to get to my goal but i know now i can do this..

It's all about progress..doing the best you can do everyday. You don't have to be perfect..just the best you can be.

Thanks again everyone for the support. It means the world to me.

This is why you are inspirational to me. You give me hope. Thanks Vanessa.

Have a great weekend!

[vanessa40]

Thanks Min..you have a wonderful weekend too

Ok here is today's workout.
No lifting on the weekends and Sunday is my off day. Believe me i feel like i need it

Cardio/Treadmill

Interval/Hills

Incline~ 2-12%
Speeds~ 4-8mph
Time~ 30 minutes
Calories Burned~200
HR~128-160

[vanessa40]

Thankfully today is rest day and i feel like i need it. Another thing i have learned is that it is ok to take a whole day off and do nothing. I use to freak if i didn't run or lift everyday. Now i can relax and not feel bad like i use too.

I emailed Rob about changing up my program a bit. I feel like i need a little change. Nothing to major.
Hope you are all enjoying your Sunday

[nett]

I love the new Journal Vanessa. You really have come a long long way and you should be very proud. I could and have really learn a lot from you. I love reading your journal and I am inspired by your spirit and drive. I am finding that being your best doesn't always mean having to be perfect. No one is perfect, and if they think they can be, they are setting themselves us for failure. All you can do is be the best that you can be. I am thrilled to keep reading along and learning.

[vanessa40]

I love the new Journal Vanessa. You really have come a long long way and you should be very proud. I could and have really learn a lot from you. I love reading your journal and I am inspired by your spirit and drive. I am finding that being your best doesn't always mean having to be perfect. No one is perfect, and if they think they can be, they are setting themselves us for failure. All you can do is be the best that you can be. I am thrilled to keep reading along and learning.

Good morning Annette,
It took me along time to get here. In the past if i slipped up i would just write off the day of not the whole week. Now i know things happen and you just learn from it and move on.
Thanks for being here for me

[vanessa40]

Well i enjoyed my day off but now it's time to get back at it. Today's plan is Power/Volume and HIIT
I emailed Rob about changing my plan a little so i'll see what happens

Today' calories come out too

Calories-1316
Fat-31.8
Carbs-132.4
Protein-128.7

BBL

[vanessa40]

I heard back from Rob. We are keeping everything the same for now except i'll be adding some HIIT 2x a week and LISS the rest of the time.

I feel like this will help with my fat loss.

So to update today will be Power/Volume and 20 mins of LISS

[vanessa40]

DB Bench
3x14x18#e

Fly
3x14x18#e

DB Shoulder Press
3x12x18#e

OH Tri
3x15x18#

DB Step Ups
3x15x18#e

DB lunges
3x12x10#e

Time-39 mins
Calories Burned-150
HR 91-132


Cardio/ After Weight
Light Treadmill Run
Time-22 mins
Calories Burned-160
HR 137-159

[latebloomingmom]

just poppin to say hi. sounds like you got a pretty good daughter with a mama that loves her. too bad her dad is such a drip but our kids did not get to pick their parents huh? my mom used to say one good parent is better then two bad or two who are bad together. I like this new journal!

[vanessa40]

just poppin to say hi. sounds like you got a pretty good daughter with a mama that loves her. too bad her dad is such a drip but our kids did not get to pick their parents huh? my mom used to say one good parent is better then two bad or two who are bad together. I like this new journal!

Yeah we were bad together. I hate to think where i would be right now if i had not left. I always hate it when i hear people say we stayed together for the children. Why..if you are unhappy your children know..they pick up on that..
Thanks for stopping by

[vanessa40]

I'm a little sore this morning but over all i feel great. My weight is at 131.4 but i am still seeing changes so that is what matters to me. I know sooner or later the loss will come.

Thankfully not to much planned for today. Tomorrow and Thursday are my kind of busy days...or as busy as i get..
Tomorrow is grocery day and i am taking Brittany shopping,Thursday is my hair appointment and Saturday is the funniest day of all The day we go see The Sperm Donor AKA Brittany's Dad. He wanted us to go to dinner but Brittany said she did not want to feel trapped so we are meeting in the food court at the mall for coffee. That way she said if it goes bad we can just leave.

Anyway...today plan is Pull Volume and 20 mins of LISS this afternoon

Yesterday i consumed 1350 calories and i burned 2018

Today Meals

M1
oats,1 egg white,protein
M2
cottage cheese,protein
M3
tuna salad,romaine,broccoli,olive oil
M4-post lifting
oats,egg white,protein
M5
turkey burger-no bun,broccoli

Calories-1345
Fat-32.5~21%
Carbs-129~39%
Protein-132.5~40%

[wolfpack7483]

After I read your story, I had the strongest urge to stand up and clap! You sound like a great mom who's raised a great kid.

[nett]

After I read your story, I had the strongest urge to stand up and clap! You sound like a great mom who's raised a great kid.

I agree. Admirable.

That is funny, I am getting myhair done Saturday too. I have a love hate with that. I love how it comes out but it takes so darn long. If I spent as much time blowdrying my hair as they do, I would have no life. Why can I get my hair dry in less than 4 minutes and it takes them about 1/2 hour? Guess that is why I like how it looks when they are done.

[MuscleMom]

Good morning Vanessa!

I wish I had some words to say about your visit with the SD. I understand and totally feel your pain. (you will have to pop in for the latest with My SD ...selfish jerks...) Anyway, Im not going to flood your journal with negativity! I will be right there with you! *hugs*

Great job as always!!

(and I need to get my hair done!)

[vanessa40]

After I read your story, I had the strongest urge to stand up and clap! You sound like a great mom who's raised a great kid.

I am so lucky. Brittany is such a great person. I hate that he wasn't there and he missed so much. I have never understood how someone can have a child and then have no contact. Then i think maybe he knew he was no good and it was for the best..but if it was me i would value my child more than drugs. I really try not to judge but it is hard for me because i just can't understand that way of thinking..
Thanks for stopping by

I agree. Admirable.

That is funny, I am getting myhair done Saturday too. I have a love hate with that. I love how it comes out but it takes so darn long. If I spent as much time blowdrying my hair as they do, I would have no life. Why can I get my hair dry in less than 4 minutes and it takes them about 1/2 hour? Guess that is why I like how it looks when they are done.

LOL..Steve laughs because he says i can get ready faster than him. But then again my hair is short now. I remember back when i had long hair i did love it..i use to french braid it but it just got to be too much. I have been thinking of letting it grow back to a bob. I just started getting my hair highlighted last month and i love it..
I was thinking the same thing the last time i got my hair done..it took forever...and the bad thing is i suck at small talk

[Buffycat3]

I agree, Vanessa...You and Brittany have a super relationship!
This is so wonderful!

I am happy you are feeling changes...isn't it awesome! I support you all the way...all the way with hard work, and Fun!
You can do it!


Ahh yes! Nothing like getting one's hair done.
It makes you feel like a fresh new woman!
I am intersted to see what you choose to do with your style.

...and um, good luck with 'him'. Ugh!

[vanessa40]

I agree, Vanessa...You and Brittany have a super relationship!
This is so wonderful!

I am happy you are feeling changes...isn't it awesome! I support you all the way...all the way with hard work, and Fun!
You can do it!


Ahh yes! Nothing like getting one's hair done.
It makes you feel like a fresh new woman!
I am intersted to see what you choose to do with your style.

...and um, good luck with 'him'. Ugh!

Thanks Joan ..i'm going to need it. I mean i have not seen or talked to him in years.
It's going to be weird and uncomfortable. I told Steve i'll need a drink after and then i said to hell with that i's rather have a root beer float. He makes the best with A&W Diet Root beer and vanilla ice cream. I have been so good on my plan i think i deserve one after the day i will have

[vanessa40]

Power/Pull/Volume

BB Rows
3x10x50#

DB Rows-1 arm
3x15x18#

Side Lateral
3x10x10#e

BB Curls
3x15x20#

SLDL
3x12x70#

Abs
1 foot planks
3x30 seconds

Reverse Ab Crunch
3x10x10# ball

Standing Side Crunch
3x10x10#

Ab Twist
3x20x10#

Time-37 minutes
Calories Burned-90 calories
HR ~ 85-112


Cardio- After Weights
2 mile light run
Time-23 minutes
Calories Burned-137
HR~125-147

[vanessa40]

Finally back from the grocery store. You know me i am there at 7am. Later today Brittany and I going to a few consignment shops and thankfully tomorrow is hair coloring day. I need it

Trying to decide if i'm doing cardio or taking the day off. I am a bit sore so i'll see how i feel this afternoon

You all have a wonderful day

[vanessa40]

Good Morning
Well i decided to hit the treadmill after all my running around yesterday. We found some great deals at the consignment shop. Brittany got a pair of Diesel jeans for 14.00. I got a bunch of Ann Taylor and Gap shirts and a few pants.
It funny how different brands of clothes look on you. It made me feel good about my progress. For the first time while i was trying on pants i didn't want to hurl myself into oncoming traffic when i was done..

Yesterday my numbers came out too

Calories Consumed-1380
Calories Burned-2029

Yesterdays Workout

Cardio~Interval~Treadmill
Time~30 mins(5 min warm up,25 min intervals)
Calories Burned~174
HR~ 118-154
Speed~4.0-8.0 MPH

Weight is still the same today but that is ok

Steve and I need to make a trip to one of my fave places today the Apple Store. I need a new mouse for my Mac and i plan on getting an i-Pod Touch. I had one of the shuffles for my music when i workout but with this one i ca play games and stuff. You know me i'm all about the fun stuff.

Oh and it's hair day too. ..don't worry i'll get my lifting in at some point today

[vanessa40]

Yesterday's Workout

DB Bench
3x5x29#e

Shoulder Press
3x5x24#e

OH Tri
3x5x29#

DB Step Ups
3x8x24#e

Plie Squats
3x5x29#e

Abs

Ab Crunch
3x10x10#
WoodChop
3x10x10#
Ab Twist
3x10x10#

Calories Burned-90
Time-30 minutes
HR- 84-112

[vanessa40]

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I love my hair color now. When i did it myself it was this i don't know bottled look i guess you would say. I now look normal. I finally found someone i feel comfortable with..i am very introverted so it takes me awhile to warm up and feel at ease with anyone. I had been going to Deb for about a year having her just cut my hair. She is nice and easy going. She also lifts weights and runs so we have things in common. Last month i finally decided to let her color my hair and i wish i had done it sooner. I feel so much better now.
I am loving my i-Pod Touch too. Another thing i wish i had done sooner..lol
Note to self..Just do things

Today i decided to go for a run outside. It has been almost a month and it felt great..a little humid but not as bad as it was..

Now i'm just waiting on the shoe store to open so i can go and get some new running shoes and then lifting this afternoon..

BBL

Have a great day

[vanessa40]

Good Morning
Nice and cool morning run with my new shoes. Boy do they feel great. I ran 3.09 miles and will lift this afternoon.
My weight is at 130 even today and my body is feeling lighter when i run.

Saturday Brittany and I went and met with her father that she has not seen in 10 years. Talk about a draining afternoon. It was ok. He is stuck in the past..sad really. Seeing him made me even more thankful for the good life i have now with someone who loves and cares about me and Brittany.
The worst part was when it was over he hugged me. I wanted to hurl
Anyway other than that i was a nice relaxing weekend

[Buffycat3]

Hello there Vanessa!

Mighty good looking workout I must say.

Yay for new shoes! Did you get Reebox Zigs?

Ugh, I know that must have been a hard thing to do with Brittany's father.
I hope this meeting was left with at least a little good came out of it....are there any plans for another meeting? or is this a meeting of closure?
(sorry about the hug..ugh!)

Have a Happy Day!

[vanessa40]

Good Morning,

I can feel fall coming on. It is cooler when i run outside now. I love it. I am starting to build up my daily mileage to 6 because of the Turkey Trot i run in every year. Don't worry i'm not going insane again. 6 mile will be the longest run and that will just be one day a week on the weekend. I'll still be lifting heavy.

So this morning i ran 4.13 miles and i'll be lifting this afternoon

On to Brittany's father..yes we have plans to do some dinner with his mother and some of his family that is visiting. This will be it for awhile. It is a very long story but Brittany has been in therapy for almost a year for depression and she is doing great now..i refuse to let this derail her. So we are taking this slow.
He made a few passive aggressive comments about how WE need to help Brittany with her problems...i let it go at the first meeting but if he says it again then i told Steve he better have some bail money put back..
I love Brittany and I am the one (and Steve) who have been there for her through the good and bad times..he is not going to just drop in and play Dr. Phil...i think what i will say is if you want to help hand me a blank check and we can let brittany fill in the amount
So if you don't hear from me on Sunday..send a cake with a file in it