have you ever dated a guy that's not fit?

[patterson678]

So, I'm afraid I'm about to sound shallow.

Almost every guy I've ever dated has always been super athletic and just as into fitness as I am. My Boyfriend now isn't, and yeah it shows. It is a bit pf a problem in our relationship. He wasn't into it when we got together, but he was always willing to listen to my advice and was working out with me. (his eating has always been awful, but is finally starting to get ready) Now I feel like I have to nag him everyday to work out.

Some of the major problems it's causing is:

He is insecure about the way he looks compared to how I look. Always saying he doesn't deserve me, people don't understand why I'm with him, etc etc etc and he gets jealous


I worry about his health. He has a family history of diabetes, and he has high blood pressure even though he is 8 years younger than me.


and (as much as I hate to say it) I do worry about what colleagues think, since I work in fitness, and my bf is not what you would call fit.


Anyone else have this issue with a significant other?

[BlackHeart.au]

So, I'm afraid I'm about to sound shallow. Almost every guy I've ever dated has always been super athletic and just as into fitness as I am. My Boyfriend now isn't, and yeah it shows. It is a bit pf a problem in our relationship. He wasn't into it when we got together, but he was always willing to listen to my advice and was working out with me. (his eating has always been awful, but is finally starting to get ready) Now I feel like I have to nag him everyday to work out. Some of the major problems it's causing is: He is insecure about the way he looks compared to how I look. Always saying he doesn't deserve me, people don't understand why I'm with him, etc etc etc and he gets jealous I worry about his health. He has a family history of diabetes, and he has high blood pressure even though he is 8 years younger than me. and (as much as I hate to say it) I do worry about what colleagues think, since I work in fitness, and my bf is not what you would call fit. Anyone else have this issue with a significant other?

This is quite interesting, I was dating a women that was into fitness with me, but i eventually developed ED and serverely depressed. I stop answering her calls and avoided her all together. FML . It's good that you must like him for who he is and not about a stereo type fitness guy. Maybe let him workout alone or get him some p90x program so he can do it by himself without feeling pressured.

[VW_Haus]

Sounds like he has more to worry about then just the way he looks on the outside. He needs to step it up before he gets lost in the laziness and starts failing his PT test.

[DearZorro]

It is his life. Drop it.

[Kilanna]

I have dated guys who were unhealth however this was more a 'beer belly' problem. I don't believe 'nagging' is the right way to go about it however if he's insecure maybe show him some of the body transformances on BB where they have loss weight AND gained confidence? but end of the day it's his choice.

To me the most attractive quality in a man is confidence before anything else.

[BlackHeart.au]

post pic's let us be the judge OP

[discdoggie]

My estranged husband weighed 180 when I met him and 280 by the time we spearated. But that is not why we separated. Actually, at close to 300 pounds HE is the one who had an affair. With a very attractive 22 y/o stripper no less. Physical appearances do not matter to me. I worried about his well being, but I was still every bit as physically/sexually attracted to him as the day we met. I'm not sure if he weighed 280 when we met if we'd ever have gotten together, but who knows? We have been separated for 2 years and he's lost 60 pounds. He says mostly from the stress of being separated, but his track record with the truth is shaky with me. I saw him recently. He actually looks pretty good.

[Kittyfeet]

My bf wasn't fit at all when we first got together. When I started going to the gym and getting results, it motivated him to get his act together and change his life. I never nagged or talked to him about it; in my experience, nagging and constant pestering only irritate the other person and they end up doing the opposite of what you want. It's his life and ultimately he will face the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle. When your bf is ready to change things, then he will.

Not sure why you care what other people think about your situation, though. Your choices and your bf's choices are none of their business.

[bosgirlin09]

My estranged husband is not fit or attractive. Looks never really mattered to me. But his insecurities certainly played a role in our demise. He basically worked hard to convince me I was unattractive, undesireable, etc...and lucky to have him b/c no one else would want me. I realize this was his messed up way of dealing with/hiding his insecurities, but it still sucked. Honestly, looks still are not the most important thing...but I see how a great disparity in attractiveness can cause problems.

[fittness93]

I married a heavy man, and am still with him happily 20 years later. I have put up with rude people asking me why I married him,including a drunk ex-cheerleader bitch who cornered me at his class reunion to ask me why I was with him. I have put up with fit men hitting on me because "I deserve better" and I have put up with people insulting him to my face. It's been well worth the hassle. Bottom line is, he's sweet, sexy, funny, and an amazing father. He is literally the best person I have ever met. He treats me like gold. When I changed my career, he decided to lose weight so as not to embarrass me, since I am trying to work towards a masters in exercise physiology. He is now 60 pounds leaner and smaller than I have ever seen him. I never asked or expected him to lose weight, he lost it when he was finally driven enough to. The funny thing is, he is now smaller than the formerly fit guys my friends married. He still wants to lose another 20-40 pounds. I was worried when he really got to his biggest, because we have a small child and I didn't want our son to lose out on the wonderful father son relationship our older sons have had. But I never pushed. Weigh the rewards for staying with this guy along with the hassles.
In my case, I enjoy the unconditional love. I can be fat, thin, rich, or poor, and this man will still love me. It's allowed me to have a successful career and to walk away from my successful career to pursue my passion, fitness. You have to decide what you are willing to compromise for, if the benefits of being with this guy outweigh the embarrassment .

[Sleev-les]

OP, how out of shape is out of shape? I'd let him do his thing. He sounds like he lacks confidence. If his family has a history of diabetes, he should be a little more health consious. I've been type 1 for 25 years. No complications and I feel great, but I take care of myself.

[latebloomingmom]

ahhhh a weighty issue indeed. when I dated my husband of 20 years I was a size 18. He weighed maybe 220 at 6ft tall. told me I was perfect just the way I was. to him, maybe I was. so two heavier people married and had kids and time went by. He got heavier, so did I and we raised portly children. We became the fat couple no one wants to be. I was not happy with myself. He was not happy with himself and often, we are not happy with each other. I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to marry someone that encouraged me to try for more, to try harder to improve in all areas of my life. would that have driven me nuts over time? I too felt pampered, flattered for awhile and let myself go but you see.....now that I am trying to improve myself, now is when the insecurities/jealousies come out of the woodwork. Be careful. I knew i was insecure at 23, overweight, in college and looking for someone. I did not realize, that he was in the same boat and just as full of insecurities.

[FitMommy71010]

While I haven't dated a guy who isn't fit, it really isn't for aesthetic reasons, it is simply because I have never been compatible with someone who doesn't have an active lifestyle or is interested in the activites I am. Typically speaking, I have had common interests in people who have similar interests as mine - which for me definitely includes healthy eating and exercise. I am married now, and my spouse and I do share those common interests, but for the sake of argument, if I had found someone who I was compatable with, but didn't have a great physique I don't think it would hold me back. However, if someone I was dating just wanted to sit around (skinny/not-so skinny/whatever the case may be), I probably wouldn't want to be with them. Is your dissatisfaction with the relationship because of not having common interests? This may be a problem down the road? You must ask yourself if you truly find yourself compatable with your partner?

I don't think, however, that other's opinions of your mate should really rate high on your list of priorities in a relationship...

[SurferGirl92037]

Never ever dated a guy who wasn't super fit. *I'm just not sexually attracted to physically weak men. *I've always been an athlete and I served in the Army for 20 years and always been around fit guys. *Fortunately, fit men are easy to find here in Southern California!

[thecityignites]

I've dated a pretty wide range of types of guys - some fit, some not fit. Some we'd call unfit because they were waaaay too skinny, one or two because they were pudgy. I dated a guy who was 6'1" and about 210 (not all muscle). He seemed like an awesome person so I dated him regardless. The relationship ended because he said we were "too different" but I think it was mostly because I was dedicated to a lot things that he just didn't care about (fitness, school, etc) I also dated a reeaallly skinny guy (my height, 130ish lbs) and that relationship ended in flames. He put me down for working out and wanting to put on weight when I was 105 lbs. Said I didn't need to gain weight. I think at one point (when I told him I was going to get to 125 and I wanted to have more muscle) he said he didn't want me to start looking like a man because he wouldn't find it attractive and I'd be scary. Srs? 125 and I'd be scary and manly? Puh-leeze. He just didn't want me to become even more attractive than I already was ^.^ Then it'd be far too easy to replace him. But I couldn't deal with someone who only wanted to drag me down and keep tabs on me, or that would get jealous and paranoid. His way of dealing with his insecurity was to lash out at me and try to make me question my goals and myself. So I broke up with him, and am doing much better now.

IMO - It definitely sounds like he's insecure. That's not really something you can change for him, and nagging about the health issues might not go over so well (even if its well meaning). When he makes those comments to you, it may be a good idea to remind him that he has the power to change if he is unhappy with how he looks and that you'd be willing to support him along the way. But don't let his insecurities make you doubt yourself in anyway. If you are unhappy with the relationship - do something about it. Its also my opinion that when one person has insecurities to a very deep extent, it pretty much dooms the relationship if they aren't willing to try to make changes to help themselves.*

[KateHeat]

only been with guys that most people would consider fit and in shape. i'm really only attracted to guys with great bodies.

i don't think it's shallow to want your bf to be fit and in shape. it's part of attraction.

[SoggyDoughnut]

Something I had to deal with after I got hurt real bad was going back to the gym to lift little dinky weights while everyone else was still pounding out massive weight. It sucks. He probably is worried about cardio because he doesn't want to get on the treadmill/bike with you beside him showing you up. He might be nervous to start lifting because everyone else will lift more. Maybe try to get into more active hobbies together. I'm thinking things like going for a walk or going on a stroll through the park and then just keep stretching it out. By actively not making him workout but being active you will remove any insecurities about not measuring up that he has. When he gets more fit from being more active then he will most likely be more open to going to the gym.

[Sleev-les]

I've dated a pretty wide range of types of guys - some fit, some not fit. Some we'd call unfit because they were waaaay too skinny, one or two because they were pudgy. I dated a guy who was 6'1" and about 210 (not all muscle). He seemed like an awesome person so I dated him regardless. The relationship ended because he said we were "too different" but I think it was mostly because I was dedicated to a lot things that he just didn't care about (fitness, school, etc) I also dated a reeaallly skinny guy (my height, 130ish lbs) and that relationship ended in flames. He put me down for working out and wanting to put on weight when I was 105 lbs. Said I didn't need to gain weight. I think at one point (when I told him I was going to get to 125 and I wanted to have more muscle) he said he didn't want me to start looking like a man because he wouldn't find it attractive and I'd be scary. Srs? 125 and I'd be scary and manly? Puh-leeze. He just didn't want me to become even more attractive than I already was ^.^ Then it'd be far too easy to replace him. But I couldn't deal with someone who only wanted to drag me down and keep tabs on me, or that would get jealous and paranoid. His way of dealing with his insecurity was to lash out at me and try to make me question my goals and myself. So I broke up with him, and am doing much better now.

IMO - It definitely sounds like he's insecure. That's not really something you can change for him, and nagging about the health issues might not go over so well (even if its well meaning). When he makes those comments to you, it may be a good idea to remind him that he has the power to change if he is unhappy with how he looks and that you'd be willing to support him along the way. But don't let his insecurities make you doubt yourself in anyway. If you are unhappy with the relationship - do something about it. Its also my opinion that when one person has insecurities to a very deep extent, it pretty much dooms the relationship if they aren't willing to try to make changes to help themselves.*

At 125, you'd still be smaller than the girl I was recently talking too. She was at 137 and shredded.. I thought it was sexy. She wasnt the manly muscle type, more of the Jamie Eason build... Some guys like that look, some dont... I know i do but you dont have to be a fitness model for me to find attractive. I think another issue with the whole fitness/non fitness relationship that makes things harder is there are people obsessed with the gym.. As important as it is to me to go to the gym, it wont compromise a relationship. In that, I mean If my SO wants to go out one night, I'll go out and miss the gym or fit it in another time or even make it my off night.. Some people cant do that and the gym is their life. If I want to go do something with my SO and she says, "I cant, I have to go to the gym" or "I cant eat that" its not going to last long. If I can reach my goals and improve and once in a while go out or get a cheat meal, then so should the person Im dating, if they are into that. Point in this whole story is, especially for women. If you are into fitness and your guy isnt, he is going to be insecure and if he's a tool on top of that, he will try to bring you down with him.

[patterson678]

OP, how out of shape is out of shape? I'd let him do his thing. He sounds like he lacks confidence. If his family has a history of diabetes, he should be a little more health consious. I've been type 1 for 25 years. No complications and I feel great, but I take care of myself.

Well he doesn't want to lift weights, but he is a Marine and always passes his PFT and CFT. His eating habits are awful, and like is said he already has high blood pressure. He is a big guy, but looking at him people would say he is out of shape

[patterson678]

My bf wasn't fit at all when we first got together. When I started going to the gym and getting results, it motivated him to get his act together and change his life. I never nagged or talked to him about it; in my experience, nagging and constant pestering only irritate the other person and they end up doing the opposite of what you want. It's his life and ultimately he will face the consequences of an unhealthy lifestyle. When your bf is ready to change things, then he will.

Not sure why you care what other people think about your situation, though. Your choices and your bf's choices are none of their business.

It's mostly because I have already had this conversation with Marines and Sailors I work with

" How can you say I'm not healthy. You can't even get your bf in shape"

so I guess I feel like it hurts my credibility as their fitness director. Sure my personal choices are none of their business, but as a civilian, especially a female civilian on a carrier, I have to work really hard to earn their respect

[JustaGirl78]

My ex husband wasn't into fitness at all. *He dabbled occasionally with running and he came to the gym with me on one occasion but he really hated it. *Fitness is really important to me and he never really got it. *As I got more and more in shape, he would tell me how he preferred me the way I looked before and would encourage me to "treat myself" to junk food.

My boyfriend now is really into his health and fitness and it's a real joy to have someone to share it with, who doesn't belittle my efforts and supports and encourages me.

[javyn]

You should love and support him for how he is. /typical female response when men ask these sorts of questions

[Sleev-les]

Well he doesn't want to lift weights, but he is a Marine and always passes his PFT and CFT. His eating habits are awful, and like is said he already has high blood pressure. He is a big guy, but looking at him people would say he is out of shape

If he has high blood pressure already and family has a history of diabetes, he should at least fix his eating habits. No reason to add to the risk factor.

[MissKaz]

So, I'm afraid I'm about to sound shallow.

Almost every guy I've ever dated has always been super athletic and just as into fitness as I am. My Boyfriend now isn't, and yeah it shows. It is a bit pf a problem in our relationship. He wasn't into it when we got together, but he was always willing to listen to my advice and was working out with me. (his eating has always been awful, but is finally starting to get ready) Now I feel like I have to nag him everyday to work out.

Some of the major problems it's causing is:

He is insecure about the way he looks compared to how I look. Always saying he doesn't deserve me, people don't understand why I'm with him, etc etc etc and he gets jealous


I worry about his health. He has a family history of diabetes, and he has high blood pressure even though he is 8 years younger than me.


and (as much as I hate to say it) I do worry about what colleagues think, since I work in fitness, and my bf is not what you would call fit.


Anyone else have this issue with a significant other?

My husband is unfit and happy. They get there eventually!