Darkness Sometimes...

[EFT]

I question what it is that I'm doing all this for sometimes. There are those rare days where nothing about diet or exercise makes sense, and this is one of them. I have several service connected disabilities, and also experience bi-polar depression. It's when the 'darkness' that comes when things can typically get derailed quickly for me. Its not a situational thing, it's a chemical thing. I've been told to 'get over it" and i say, "drink 12 beers and instantly make yourself sober" It's the same type of thing.

Anyway, I feel the pull of depression coming my way, and am also involved with the Juggernaut Challenge and know that it comes down to one thing, ME. Whether I feel good or not cannot affect the fact that I'm trying to accomplish something that I set out to do, which is be a finalist in their challenge. The only truth is your own, and mine happens to be that i'm hurting and it's getting worse, but I also know that it's up to me and me alone to finish this thing. I knew there would be obsticales, and this is just one of many. i have trained through plantar fascaitis, and two seperate tendonitis injuries. I tape myself and move on. Depression is different, but I move along anyway even if it's with no smile or ability to look at someone without litterally starting to cry.

I did cardio this morning, that was my workout, and I did it in tears. For no reason... nothing bad happened, it's just the darkness coming to me. Luckily no one was there and I was able to simply continue along for an hour. When I was done I felt nothing, but I knew I did something.

This is where the real challenge begins, the fight to reclaim my healthy mental status and exercise is about the best medicine for this. I hope the next few days the medication takes effect. We will see...

My diet is what it is, today I had no energy to cook so it was leftovers... eggs, tuna, chicken, eggs, tuna, chicken, protein shake. That's it. If you read this then that means you must have an understanding of what darkness is like, and if you're like me you sometimes have the strength to fight it off, and sometimes you don't. I took two naps today and wrote this log. I did cardio and forced myself to eat.

Lets hope tomorrow is a better day.