Acquaintance/new friend wanting free services. How would you handle?

[areese1803]

I have a new co-worker at my day job. We have hit it off great and are forming a friendship, but not quite on the "Hey, I've known you since high-school, can you show me some moves for this and that or offer up a little free advice?" I understand that comes with the territory of being a trainer, just as I ask my attorney friend for a bit of advice here and there.

She has hinted about me helping her lose weight. I have no problem with that. I have invited her on two occasions to come to a class I teach at one of my gyms at no cost. She has said she would come, but has no showed both times.

She has now come out and asked me to train her for free (she's a single mother, financial issues, etc). I decided to just brush it off and "avoid" the situation just assuming it would go away (that never works, does it?). She has now said she is getting a gym membership and is asking if mornings work with my schedule.

The way she has handled it has kind of "irked" me. First she no showed my classes, then she has come out and said "Let's see how far we can get in 30 days! I will be your guinea pig!" Well, I don't need a guinea pig. I know exactly what someone is going to acheive in 30 days if they do all they are suppose to do, this isn't a "special case."

My question is, how would you handle this or how have you handled it in the past when something like this has come up?

I am not being greedy, it is not a matter of me not wanting to do something for free. But I too am a single mom. Frankly, I don't have the additional time to work for free right now, and after training for four years, I don't need a no-charge client to be a guinea pig.

[Keltron]

Wow.. I can't believe it. At first I thought it was someone just asking for free advice but she's actually looking to be trained for free? Yeah, she's off her fukking rocker.

So, how to handle the situation tactfully... Tell her you really don't have the time and resources to train her for free but if she finds someone to workout together with her, they can split the cost.

[greesemuunkie]

wow. Yeah, i could see how that would bug you. I am not even certified yet and just because of my own success with my weight loss/fitness people are CONSTANTLY asking me for advice. I am worried about this same issue as well. I mean, once I get certified am I going to still give people resources, advice and show them techniques for free? I can't exactly stop and be like, "well now that I'm certified, I need thirty bucks". lol. Let me know what you decide and how it goes.

Maybe you can tell her wat Keltron said, but also tell her that your offer for her to join your classes is still on the table

[Bradster101190]

Just explain politely you can't train her one on one because your a single mom yourself and just don't have the time. But your offer for her to attend SOME of your classes still stands and maybe you can write her a general guide when you get time.

I guarantee that approach will show her you care but don't have the time and are willing to help her other ways, which will keep your friendship abs she will probably just join your class as a paying attendee.

[Simmo0508]

If she was your friend then she wouldn't expect you to work for free. Seems like she's trying to take advantage of your seemingly "nice" personality.

But there's also a general rule in this business for that exact reason. You're not supposed to train friends or family members because that's what eventually happens... they expect things for free or at a large discount.

Tell her you can't train her because you're both personally involved being friends, and that it's not a professional arrangement. If you do train her, she must pay like everybody else since it's your job and that's how you make your income. Like anything.

Be firm and stand your ground, don't be a pushover. You're running a business.

She sounds like a flake if she's no showing those group classes. There's a lot of women out there who "dream" to have a trainer but don't actually want to get anywhere with it in terms of changing their body in any serious way. Like a novelty toy. "Oooh i'm gonna train with a trainer!! This is it! I'm so motivated right now!!". 5 minutes later... they'll be back laying around on the couch, over it.

[DaveChesser]

This person couldn't do a better job of telling you to run away. Tell her your schedule is full.

[gabswithabs]

Then she has come out and said "Let's see how far we can get in 30 days! I will be your guinea pig!" Well, I don't need a guinea pig. I know exactly what someone is going to acheive in 30 days....

.... after training for four years, I don't need a no-charge client to be a guinea pig.

Omg so much this.
I wish I got a pound every time someone asked me to use them as a guinea pig and train them for free.

I don't need guinea pigs and if I wanted to try something new I'll try it out on myself.

My single most hated quote in the world!

[chasidy1890]

wow I'm sorry I'm not a trianer but that's just down right rude. I'm good with friendships so if u tell her the honest truth and she kinda just shruggs u off and doesn't talk to u after no big lost ya know u can still leave the 2 free classes up for grabs and tell her if u have questions don't be afraid to ask but right now training for free is not an option u honestly don't have the time to with all ur other clients and it would be unfair to them. but I hope things turn out for the best:-)

[bonacris]

Simply tell her that your boss wont allow one on one sessions for free due to it being a business. tell her that your job woud be in trouble if you gave her free session because everything is logged.

Give her some generic programme and say it is the best you can do without getting in trouble and that if she wants PT then here are my times and prices for classes etc.

Its a business after all. Hopefully she`ll see this and not try take advantage of you

[Environ]

I wouldn't entertain her at all. By not showing up at the classes, she has demonstrated that she is not motivated to do this anyway. I guarantee that, if you did agree to train her for free, she'd start making excuses to miss training sessions too. She probably thinks that if she gets a personal trainer, all her weight loss issues will be resolved ('cos personal trainers can work miracles - just show up and pounds will fall off). Anyway, that's irrelevant. Just tell her that you're not in a position to train anybody for free. You don't have to make up excuses because making up excuses assigns a form of guilt to you or suggests that you are trying to find a way out of helping her. Tell her that you need to make the best use of all your training hours and earn money that you need for you and your family to get by.

[KyleAaron]

Just be honest with her. I've said something like the below to several people.

In my experience, people don't value free stuff. For example, I offered you free group classes, you didn't come. Why would PT be different? At our gym people can buy vouchers for PT to give to relatives, these sessions are very poorly attended - the person perceives the sessions as free, so they don't value them.

I realise that PT is a significant cost. Everything which has a cost also has a value, but each thing has a different value to each person. Whatever we earn, we still have to make choices about our spending. None of us can get everything we want, so we choose how we spend money by what we value. Something which you'd happily pay $30 for I might not pay $1 for, or might pay $100. It's all about what we value.

I think PT has value. If I didn't think it had value, I wouldn't do this job. I only work with people who also think PT has value. If you think it has value, you'll pay for it. If you won't pay for it, you don't think it has value.

If you genuinely can't afford it, that's okay. We can't have everything we want.

******

Another route you could take is,

"People don't value free stuff. I offered you free group classes, you didn't come. Why would PT be any different? But I'm going to give you a chance. Here's a routine for you to follow at the gym. Notice that I've given you goals of running X distance in Y time, and squatting, benching and deadlifting these weights. To achieve these goals will take a few months of dedicated hard work from you. When you achieve those things, you'll have shown that you can dedicate yourself to training. Do that and I'll give you two free sessions a week."

And then it puts it back in her side of the court. Worst thing happens, she comes along six months later fitter and stronger. Most likely, she drifts off. I have made this offer to 6 different people (the training goals I set designed to achieve their particular goals), all of them stopped coming to the gym within 3 weeks.

Simmo's right about some women wanting a PT as a shiny new toy to brag about. In my more limited experience, those women all have some change in their looks as a goal, it's never about health or performance. I say to them, "you won't lose weight in the gym, it's all about diet - the gym just makes you stronger and fitter." They then look confused and wander off to the cross-trainer to read Cosmo, problem solved.

[TheDude8734]

This is ridiculous! People can be so brash sometimes.
Now I'll admit, I've provided free sessions to family/friends/acquaintances in my own free time, but nothing more than here and there. But that's nothing compared to this "one-sided arrangement" you have on your hands there! Especially when you are providing for a family, you can't afford to lose a good portion of a months worth of sessions for free. I hate to be a broken record with what everyone is saying, but she didn't even show up to the classes that were free. Why should you use up valuable time that could be with a paying customer for someone who most likely wont even show up half the time?
Just be honest with her and if she doesn't like it then she obviously isn't much of a friend. It also sounds like she needs to adjust her sense of self entitlement, as many people do.

[Singe03]

Not a PT, I just lurk various forums when I'm bored, but this "request" is so similar to what I get in my profession that I had to post.

Without going in to my resume, I've worked with computers for almost 20 years and I keep my skills up in a number of areas, malware / virus related issues happen to be one of those. Of course, this is a common problem for family, friends, friends of family, family of friends, friends of friends, coworkers, etc... It's amazing how many "friends" you have when you have this particular skill set. I get asked to "just take a quick look" at least once a week.

When I do contract (which is rare, I hate the hassle, my salary at my full time job is fine) my rates start at $85 an hour, $125 if it is virus related and $200 if you took it to geek squad first and I have to sort out however they screwed your machine up before I can even get started (I am dead serious about that), first hour billed in full even if I walk in and flip the power switch on and walk out.

After a few too many free four hour plus quick looks for friends, I had to learn to say no. My mom and dad get freebies, sister and I trade quid pro quo, usually a good dinner for tech work, everyone else gets 5 minutes of good advice and a price list.

It can be done gently and tactfully without destroying a friendship. I'll write a few steps down on a piece of paper that are the best 5 or so steps I can think of given the situation, and divert them or just tell them I'm really booked for the next week, "try the stuff I wrote down and get back to me and I'll give you a few more steps". I just gently but firmly try to set the tone that I'm not going to go sit at their computer and remove a virus for them.

I can see something similar working for a PT. "I have a number of clients booked and I spend my working time either training them or doing homework and designing programs for them, I have an obligation to them and I really can't take someone else on right now, but I've found this information to be very useful, give them some steps, maybe a couple links to programs on the super site, a calorie count website that helps figure out dietary macros, whatever you think is best and you can do in a few minutes.

Seriously give them some good advice, you are a professional of course, explain that results come from knowledge, dedication and hard work, you are happy to give advice on how to get started, but to dedicate time to really develop a program and train them requires a commitment on your part and you have to charge them.

FYI, PTs at my gym are busy as heck and I honor their downtime, I wont even ask for advice in the locker room, but if it is offered I'll take every bit of it. If one who knows what I do, and a couple do, offered to barter, a couple of sessions for a repair job, I'd seriously consider it.

Wow I think I blew off some steam in that post... Sorry folks.

[LiftHeavy85]

"No thanks, I'm to busy to take on projects"

[Hummina]

im certainly no trainer, but i'm friends with one who i do work with. and yes, i do pay him. though he does give me good deals

on to your situation. no way. run away. be brutally honest with her. it's the only thing that's going to work.

say something to the extent of: "listen (name), i enjoy what i do and i like helping people, but i need to support myself as well. i'm not training you for free."

some people just don't get hints...

[musclebum213]

[QUOTE=Simmo0508;704806241]If she was your friend then she wouldn't expect you to work for free. Seems like she's trying to take advantage of your seemingly "nice" personality.


This just goes to show gym's have changed you only get "special attention" when someone want's to charge you for there help. Wow how stingy! We (normal people on earth) pay through the nose for food and supplements and people wanna pay some PRIck to sit and say yeah your doing great, kill yourself some more. Working out shouldn't be quite the business it is. Everyone should be willing to help but they aren't. We have a gym in my city if you sit the weights down to hard they come and tell you to leave. I get mad because people wanna tell you what to do whether it's right or wrong and expect you to decide the two whether our bodies are different or not. I also feel like when nutritionist's (not you guy's) are saying mix milk with nitric oxide it's time to find another occupation. In the end though, personal trainer's or PT's are not worth the money in the end. Would I buy or have I paid for one?! F*** NO! and again F**** NO! But I see the slushes who do and look like there about to die from it! I think the fit instructor's have fun watching out of shape gaggle bodies stress out from " yeah do what you can, your doing great" lmao. I think everyone should be willing to help you out. If your tugging on the lat bar wrong or sitting straight up, someone should come over and say arch your back stare at the ceiling. I enjoy showing people what I know and have learned. I just feel like there are too many cheifs and not enough indian's. thanks for reading my rant, rep if you want!

[KyleAaron]

This just goes to show gym's have changed you only get "special attention" when someone want's to charge you for there help.

Not in my gym, as I outline in why you should not join a gym. Of course, when you pay a gym membership, you are in fact paying for some basic instruction.

PT is something different. The gym instructor should be hanging around the gym to help anyone who asks for it. The PT is there for you in regular booked sessions - and there just for you, not for anyone in the gym who asks for it. General help is what you pay for in your gym membership, special personalised help is PT.

We (normal people on earth) pay through the nose for food and supplements and people wanna pay some PRIck to sit and say yeah your doing great, kill yourself some more.

If you pay a lot of money for food, you need budget and shopping lessons. If you buy supplements, since most of them are useless you're an idiot. As a trainer, it is not my fault if you don't know how to shop like a grownup and believe marketing hype of supplement sellers.

PT is about more than, "you're doing great, kill yourself some more."

In the end though, personal trainer's or PT's are not worth the money in the end. Would I buy or have I paid for one?! F*** NO! and again F**** NO!

Some people see value in it, 97% of gym members don't. That's okay. Results count. Look at what the people with PTs achieve, look at what the people without PTs achieve. Around half of all gym members have not attended the gym in the last two weeks. If the PT does nothing else, they at least get you to show up. And 90% of success is showing up.

I think everyone should be willing to help you out. If your tugging on the lat bar wrong or sitting straight up, someone should come over and say arch your back stare at the ceiling.!

This is the gym instructor's job. Unfortunately most gym members are not receptive to advice. Young adult males like yourself (your gender and age are guessable from your literacy and ranting) never hire trainers nor listen to free advice because they know everything already. Most people in gyms are not engaged in progressive resistance training, nor do they want to be. Most people with gym memberships are wasting their money because they don't go to the gym, and don't listen to instruction if they do go to the gym.

[areese1803]

This just goes to show gym's have changed you only get "special attention" when someone want's to charge you for there help. Wow how stingy! We (normal people on earth) pay through the nose for food and supplements and people wanna pay some PRIck to sit and say yeah your doing great, kill yourself some more. Working out shouldn't be quite the business it is. Everyone should be willing to help but they aren't. We have a gym in my city if you sit the weights down to hard they come and tell you to leave. I get mad because people wanna tell you what to do whether it's right or wrong and expect you to decide the two whether our bodies are different or not. I also feel like when nutritionist's (not you guy's) are saying mix milk with nitric oxide it's time to find another occupation. In the end though, personal trainer's or PT's are not worth the money in the end. Would I buy or have I paid for one?! F*** NO! and again F**** NO! But I see the slushes who do and look like there about to die from it! I think the fit instructor's have fun watching out of shape gaggle bodies stress out from " yeah do what you can, your doing great" lmao. I think everyone should be willing to help you out. If your tugging on the lat bar wrong or sitting straight up, someone should come over and say arch your back stare at the ceiling. I enjoy showing people what I know and have learned. I just feel like there are too many cheifs and not enough indian's. thanks for reading my rant, rep if you want!

I guarantee this will be the next kid on the forums with the typical " Thinking about getting my PT cert, which is best?"

[areese1803]

By the way, update on the whole situation...we were suppose to get our daughters together (who are the same age) this past Friday night. She called and cancelled at the very last minute and asked if we could meet Saturday instead "so they could have more time to play." Saturday rolled around and not even a phone call or text! I have decided she is just one of those people in all aspects of her life. It is a cold case. She says she is going in tomorrow morning to the new gym and wants me to write something up for her. After the let down to my daughter over the weekend, it has really gotten personal and I will not be offering ANY advice period at this point.

[Keltron]

This just goes to show gym's have changed you only get "special attention" when someone want's to charge you for there help. Wow how stingy! We (normal people on earth) pay through the nose for food and supplements and people wanna pay some PRIck to sit and say yeah your doing great, kill yourself some more. Working out shouldn't be quite the business it is. Everyone should be willing to help but they aren't. We have a gym in my city if you sit the weights down to hard they come and tell you to leave. I get mad because people wanna tell you what to do whether it's right or wrong and expect you to decide the two whether our bodies are different or not. I also feel like when nutritionist's (not you guy's) are saying mix milk with nitric oxide it's time to find another occupation. In the end though, personal trainer's or PT's are not worth the money in the end. Would I buy or have I paid for one?! F*** NO! and again F**** NO! But I see the slushes who do and look like there about to die from it! I think the fit instructor's have fun watching out of shape gaggle bodies stress out from " yeah do what you can, your doing great" lmao. I think everyone should be willing to help you out. If your tugging on the lat bar wrong or sitting straight up, someone should come over and say arch your back stare at the ceiling. I enjoy showing people what I know and have learned. I just feel like there are too many cheifs and not enough indian's. thanks for reading my rant, rep if you want!

When it comes to who we are and what we do, there is unaware... there is "strong unaware" and then there is super-human-on-roids-strong unaware"

You sir, are of the 3rd category... possibly beyond.
I'm not one to give out red skittles but if I were, you'd be tasting the rainbow.

[Keltron]

By the way, update on the whole situation...we were suppose to get our daughters together (who are the same age) this past Friday night. She called and cancelled at the very last minute and asked if we could meet Saturday instead "so they could have more time to play." Saturday rolled around and not even a phone call or text! I have decided she is just one of those people in all aspects of her life. It is a cold case. She says she is going in tomorrow morning to the new gym and wants me to write something up for her. After the let down to my daughter over the weekend, it has really gotten personal and I will not be offering ANY advice period at this point.

I think at this point you have every right to dismiss letting her down tactfully. She doesn't deserve that kind of consideration.

[Simmo0508]

I guarantee this will be the next kid on the forums with the typical " Thinking about getting my PT cert, which is best?"

Can you edit your quote please and put the names correctly. It makes me look as if i was the one who posted that rant. Cheers.

[areese1803]

When it comes to who we are and what we do, there is unaware... there is "strong unaware" and then there is super-human-on-roids-strong unaware"

You sir, are of the 3rd category... possibly beyond.
I'm not one to give out red skittles but if I were, you'd be tasting the rainbow.

Keltron, don't waste your time laying into this loser. He eats raman noodles and drinks protein from Walmart (per his postings asking for nutrition advice), CLEARLY he has no knowledge and no value, why would we expect him to understand the value of personal training?

[areese1803]

Can you edit your quote please and put the names correctly. It makes me look as if i was the one who posted that rant. Cheers.

Gotcha buddy, didn't notice that =)

[Keltron]

Can you edit your quote please and put the names correctly. It makes me look as if i was the one who posted that rant. Cheers.

lol, I caught that (because it wouldn't be something you'd say) and fixed it on my quote.

[KyleAaron]

areese, sounds like you've got a real winner there who wants to be your bestest buddy.

Run, run for the hills.

[EdgarAllanPoe]

my cousin is like that....tells me how motivated he is, wants me to get him in shape, wants me to show him this and that...he's gonna call me so we can do this, and he'll never call....

He's been like that for years...in all honesty i just ignore him. It's like 5 years and he hasn't made any improvements and he hasn't prioritized his fitness. Maybe he's trying to relate to me, or something.

Really, PT'g is your profession....unless you just offer it to free for someone, nobody else should expect it for free. You start training a friend, training your parents, training your sister and her husband, a co-worker, granddad, etc...you'll have a full time job with no money lol.

For future reference, just explain thats your career, you worked hard to gain the knowledge and this is how u support yourself...you can't afford to work for free.

[areese1803]

She and another co-worker made plans to go and check out a gym this morning. The other co-worker, who lives in another town, got up at 5:30 AM to drive 30 minutes to the gym. She pulled up, waited...waited...and waited some more. The unreliable one never showed, no phone call, text, etc. My other co-worker waited in her car for an hour (why she didn't just go in and do her own thing I don't know, probably because the whole experience was new and she was nervous and intimidated. She finally gets a call at 7:00 AM this morning--the unreliable one overslept, her alarm never went off...blah blah blah.

They were both telling me the story this morning and the unreliable one (notice no longer termed "my friend") was laughing about it! I felt bad for my other co-worker. To get up that early, drive out of her way, just to be stood up!

She is definately a hopeless cause. At this point it is just funny to listen to her million excuses why she is so undependable. The girl clearly has issues. And yes, I am now on the other side of the hill.

[Lasharm]

I always explain to friends that "If I were a lawyer, a cook, or a mechanic would you expect me to work for free? Heck, if I was a waiter at your table, would you not tip me?" We are professionals just like them... We provide a service and eat off the money we make.

The other alternative I use is I have "human billboards". If a friend qualifies (little money, true determination, and must always be around the gym) I will cut them a deal. They get some sessions (usually group sessions with other human billboards like them) and in exchange they provide me with testimonials, show up to seminars, help me out with marketing, etc...

Another thing with friends is to barter if you can. That way they can provide needed services without the feeling you are a w-h-o-r-e.

[dmmyc8]

Friends I will generally give guidelines to but family is a whole different story. Fortunately we still love each other even if I tell them to **** off because if it comes from me it wont sink in as well and usually they wont put in as much effort