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  1. #1
    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    Beginner Lifting Journal - Let's get down to Business!

    Hello all!

    Background

    Age:22
    Female

    Starting:
    Weight: 55kg
    Bodyfat: 17%
    Lean kg: 45
    Waist: 26in

    I'm a long term gym lover, however I've focused on calisthenics and light lifting. Due to some encouragement from both the epic users on here and my partner, I have decided to start lifting properly. My old regime was HIIT, body weight exercises and the occasional squat - but all this is changing!

    The Program

    I will be using a modified version of Strong lifts 5X5 program. This is two workouts on rotation, comprising of 5 sets of 5 reps of three different exercises.

    Workout A
    Squat
    Bench press
    Row

    Workout B
    Squat
    Overhead press
    Deadlift

    My modification:
    Day 1: Workout A
    Day 2: Endurance cardio, comprised of running/ high incline walking and stretches + abs
    Day 3: Workout B
    Day 4: rest
    Day 5: Workout A
    Day 6: Moderate intensity cardio circuit of skipping and body weight exercises (dips, press ups, chin ups etc)
    Day 7: Workout B
    Day 8: Rest

    I will be cycling this for twelve weeks and seeing where it gets me.

    Goals

    A history of an eating disorder means that I really struggle with the idea of gaining mass- but I know it to be vital. So, I want to gain mass steadily through this process. Part of my reason for journaling is to support my recovery and hopefully gain support for my journey. I know I need to gain fat as well as muscle, and I'll be honest - this scares me. I will be eating at a moderate surplus, which is more than I have ever eaten in the past! It's because of this that I won't be counting macros. I realise that this will be contentious, but I worry that monitoring my food too strictly will lead to an unhealthy mentality. I do however have a meal plan and will be sticking to it.

    The image attached is from Day 6 of this plan.

    Wish me luck!
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  2. #2
    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    I began from nothing, and so far, on day 7:

    Squat: 30kg
    Bench press: 25kg
    Row: 25kg
    Overhead press: 15kg
    Deadlift: 42.5kg
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  3. #3
    time to grow rachelily's Avatar
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    In!

    I am glad you are starting a log! I recovered from an ED as well, and lifting greatly helped me through recovery as I learned to positively associate food and my weight with health. 5x5 is a great program as well.

    Question for you - you mention not tracking macros, but have a meal plan. Where is the meal plan from? This is still tracking macros, unless you are more using it as foods to eat rather than amounts. Unfortunately it will be difficult to tell if you ARE eating at a surplus without accurately tracking everything (I completely understand why you are avoiding this), but it may stall your progress or cause it to be inconsistent if you vary your eating day to day without knowing how much you are consuming.

    Can't wait to see you grow / recover / get strong!
    If you change nothing, nothing will change.

    My journal - http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=153752941

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  4. #4
    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    Hello there! Thank you so much for joining me. I am planning what I am eating without indepth portioning at the moment. I'm aware that this will make things more difficult to follow, but for my mental health I think this is the best route.

    Having said that, so far I have gained an inch on my waist! So perhaps my surplus is too high?

    Right, how am I doing today? Day 8 and I'm scared. This is a rest day, which is fine, work and yoga will keep me busy! But I've just been told that I'm filming in two weeks and for that I need to look good. Sort of athletic/waif good and naturally I'm concerned. But, I'm sticking to the program!

    I would value thoughts on this - should I still eat at a surplus? What will I be looking at in two weeks. Thanks all x
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  5. #5
    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    Day 9

    Squat: 35kg all sets managed
    Overhead press: by far the hardest, managed 4 sets with 15kg, but dropped down to 12.5 for the last.
    Deadlift: 45kg surprisingly easy today.

    I also had a go at some supported dips and pull ups. Do we think it's best for me to add these onto lifting days or cardio days? My overall goal is to get them unassisted.

    My body image is improving slightly - though my stomach is chubbier I have noticed a definite improvement in my arms, leg and butt.

    Thanks for reading
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  6. #6
    Registered User waters99's Avatar
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    Hello!

    I'm Lexiconic's partner, and I'm chipping in on this thread to journal my own process in tandem with hers. I hope my own story may be of help for people with medical barriers - I came into this from a standing start. I have always been naturally quite strong, but relatively inactive, and just came out of a lengthy hospital stay for mental health reasons.

    I have PCOS, bipolar disorder, and bulimia. Which means I'm on a frankly hilarious number of medications which fiddle with my hormones, mood, with side effects ranging from weight gain to weight loss, half have sedative effects, the list goes on. For reference:

    Metformin 500mg/day (going to 1000mg/day as of next week).
    Quetiapine 400mg/day
    Lamotrigine 200mg/day
    Lorazepam 1-2mg as required
    Zopiclone 7.5mg as required

    I am also on a long and tedious cocktail of supplements (vit d, vit a, iron, etc etc) which are of less relevance as they have limited effects on my body etc. My diet is basically subscribed - rachelily, that's where the meal plan is coming from! - and is tailored for weight maintenance. Lexiconic and I are aware of the surplus and are amending accordingly.

    We are on the same programme, barring some differences in cardio days (as I tend to steer clear of calisthenic work, and replace with high-incline treadmill etc).

    As to my stats:

    Height: 5' 7.5''
    Weight: 68kg
    Waist: 27in

    I must admit, my concerns are more for strength than aesthetic. I know my physique will change as the programme continues, but that's somewhat secondary and inevitable! My body image is variable, but I am predominantly concerned with keeping an eating and exercise plan that keeps my eating disorder problems at bay and is sustainable - this is about an overhaul of how I treat my life and my overall self.

    So with that in mind - Day Nine.

    Squat: 35kg, comfortable.
    Overhead press: 20kg. I should have been on 17.5kg, but there were no bars available! Managed 3 complete sets, 2 incomplete. I elected to complete one additional set at 15kg. In retrospect, probably shouldn't have!
    Deadlift: 45kg, manageable.

    Personally am not seeing many changes yet in my body, but I'm perfectly aware that they'll come. I like the increased protein in my diet, and it is quite good for my bulimia as it prevents the urge to binge. This is harder on rest days, but I am keeping that in mind and am making minor alterations to meal planning on those days.

    Altogether, very promising, and I'm absolutely loving the notable strength gains since beginning the programme! Thank you for reading
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  7. #7
    time to grow rachelily's Avatar
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    Ooh exciting, a double training journal!

    I gotcha on the meal plan - makes sense now! Best of luck to you recovering from an ED - be very careful, but I am glad you are working towards a healthier mindset. I will be cheering you both on
    If you change nothing, nothing will change.

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  8. #8
    Registered User waters99's Avatar
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    Day Ten

    Cardio day. Really not a good day for me, didn't really have the will to push myself in any way. Ducked out of ab work and usual stretches for cooldowns, just going through the motions. But, left feeling like the next day would be better.

    Day Eleven

    So:
    Squats: 37.5kg, manageable.
    Bench Press: 27.5kg. Bloody nightmare. Managed full range of movement but had trouble finishing the sets. Will be maintaining the same weight next time.
    Row: 27.5kg, manageable.

    Overall? Feeling very dissatisfied with myself. I'm aware it's completely irrational (I've made great progress already, and I really did come from a complete standing start) but my overall feeling about it is still a bit negative. Hoping that will shift over the next few days as I continue.

    Also hi Rachelily, thank you for following what we're up to! Looking forward to seeing more of what you're up to as well
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  9. #9
    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    Day Ten

    Cardio Day as Waters said, for me it's the first long distance cardio I have done in a while! As a lover of HIIT I find endurance training dull beyond belief - but I need it for career and it's an epic challenge. I managed 35 minutes on a cross trainer, 300 cals burned and just over 3km. Now I know that probably sounds pathetic to you hardened types, but for me it's a good start. Some nice chilled stretching and I feel quite positive.

    Day Eleven.

    Squats: 37.5, squats feel tough each time, but each time I manage the full set - so feeling positive.
    Bench Press: 27.5kg couldn't manage full range of motion. I completed the sets, but the bar was too far from my chest on each push up. I'll maintain the weight and get the better form.
    Row: 27.5kg - tough. Rowing felt fine last time, but this time my form was off and my left wrist was aching. I'll keep on this weight next time and see how I feel.

    I too am feeling quite low today. Waters is too modest, she is both incredibly strong and has brilliant form, I couldn't be more proud of her! I appreciate that we all move at different paces and it takes me a while to build muscle. I just have to keep going and remember that I've already made massive gains.

    A note on supplements:

    Protein powder of choice: MusclePharm combat powder. Great tasting, long lasting.

    Annnnd the more contentious one: MusclePharm Shred Matrix. I have been taking these, but today I stopped. It is a fat burner, it has no place on a bulk. I held onto it because I am afraid of gaining fat, but it's affecting my gains and it's time to step away for a bit. It means I'll have a lot less caffeine in me (I'm a green tea drinker over coffee) and it remains to be seen how that will affect things. I imagine I'll far less of a spring in my step for a while, but it will be worth it for the strength.
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  10. #10
    time to grow rachelily's Avatar
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    Nice work you two! Don't feel defeated / discouraged on bad days - they happen. Just gotta keep going

    Just out of curiosity - since this is a bulk, why the cardio? You mention not wanting to use the fat burner due to the bulk, but then the cardio would follow the same trajectory. Unless it's just a once-a-week, keeping cardio in shape kind of thing. As for 35 mins - I have NO cardiovascular endurance, so that's more than I can do I can tough out 15 mins on the stairmaster but then I want to die.
    If you change nothing, nothing will change.

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  11. #11
    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    Thanks lovely, and cardio is twice every 8 days. For me it is about increasing endurance and just checking in with my body. I need to be able to keep up my cardiovascular fitness for work, so need to keep some in xx
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  12. #12
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    Interesting read, you two!

    Recovered ED here as well and was once also on a ridiculous cocktail of meds, so I'm with you 100% on all that!

    I'd be careful with the cardio. I've pretty much ditched it altogether because it doesn't help my ultimate goal (muscle-building) and I've really grown to hate it. I'd definitely try not to pay attention to the kcal is says you've burned. Let that stuff go as you recover.

    I also don't count macros, though I don't have a real eating plan either. It's kind of just whatever, whenever at this point, lol. I've got a journal, too, if you ever feel the desire to follow along. You can do what I do with the google lb to kg converter off to the side lol. I'm going through some personal issues so updates, and especially those in regards to the gym, are kind of few and far between, but I'm making it when I can. I say that to say...

    Definitely don't get discouraged on your "bad" days. Remember that even if you don't want to be there, you made it, and any workout is better than none. And on the days when you just can't make it to the gym (there may be some), just keep on trucking, remembering that the gym will still be there when you're feeling better. Part of my recovery was not having this intense fear when I walked into the gym. I'd gathered up a pretty good one during the ED, feeling like I had certain expectations I had to meet while I was there. And I had to overcome some pretty intense guilt I'd developed on the days I don't make it. Sometimes you just need to rest, and that's okay.

    And don't ever feel embarrassed about how much weight you're moving. You both have stats similar to mine in weight, height, and strength, I think. Although you're killin' it on the bench press. One thing that's helped me is to work more on form than weight. If I'm really struggling and can't get the form right, I'll drop the weight in order to get the form right. This is also important to prevent injury, which I happen to be prone to. Just big emphasis on not getting discouraged or embarrassed about what you do or don't lift. A lot of the people on here have been doing this for years, and they all had to start somewhere...right there with you two and me! :-)

    Looking forward to keeping up with you guys! Keep up the great work!
    Last edited by lchoward; 08-11-2015 at 12:40 PM.
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  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by Lexiconic99 View Post
    Day Ten
    Annnnd the more contentious one: MusclePharm Shred Matrix. I have been taking these, but today I stopped. It is a fat burner, it has no place on a bulk. I held onto it because I am afraid of gaining fat, but it's affecting my gains and it's time to step away for a bit. It means I'll have a lot less caffeine in me (I'm a green tea drinker over coffee) and it remains to be seen how that will affect things. I imagine I'll far less of a spring in my step for a while, but it will be worth it for the strength.
    Good for you!! I know that can be hard! Great step in the right direction.

    A pre-workout may make up for that caffeine deficit. I'm not sure it's really "recommended" but my husband and I drink pre-workout in the mornings in place of coffee (although I can second you on the tea). We use Cellucor C4. The fruit punch flavor is our favorite. If you've never used it though, may want to go easy. I have a mild heart condition and I had to wean onto it, as it can give you a racing heart. And it also makes you tingle...which was hilarious for my husband and I when our 8-year-old wanted to try it...he did not think it was so funny...
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  14. #14
    time to grow rachelily's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lchoward View Post
    Interesting read, you two!

    Recovered ED here as well and was once also on a ridiculous cocktail of meds, so I'm with you 100% on all that!

    I'd be careful with the cardio. I've pretty much ditched it altogether because it doesn't help my ultimate goal (muscle-building) and I've really grown to hate it. I'd definitely try not to pay attention to the kcal is says you've burned. Let that stuff go as you recover.

    I also don't count macros, though I don't have a real eating plan either. It's kind of just whatever, whenever at this point, lol. I've got a journal, too, if you ever feel the desire to follow along. You can do what I do with the google lb to kg converter off to the side lol. I'm going through some personal issues so updates, and especially those in regards to the gym, are kind of few and far between, but I'm making it when I can. I say that to say...

    Definitely don't get discouraged on your "bad" days. Remember that even if you don't want to be there, you made it, and any workout is better than none. And on the days when you just can't make it to the gym (there may be some), just keep on trucking, remembering that the gym will still be there when you're feeling better. Part of my recovery was not having this intense fear when I walked into the gym. I'd gathered up a pretty good one during the ED, feeling like I had certain expectations I had to meet while I was there. And I had to overcome some pretty intense guilt I'd developed on the days I don't make it. Sometimes you just need to rest, and that's okay.

    And don't ever feel embarrassed about how much weight you're moving. You both have stats similar to mine in weight, height, and strength, I think. Although you're killin' it on the bench press. One thing that's helped me is to work more on form than weight. If I'm really struggling and can't get the form right, I'll drop the weight in order to get the form right. This is also important to prevent injury, which I happen to be prone to. Just big emphasis on not getting discouraged or embarrassed about what you do or don't lift. A lot of the people on here have been doing this for years, and they all had to start somewhere...right there with you two and me! :-)

    Looking forward to keeping up with you guys! Keep up the great work!
    I second you on the cardio - but understand that you need it for work. Just make sure to eat a bit more on those days then

    Great advice on working through form vs. adding weight here, too. This was one of the hardest things for me. My first bulk, my form wasn't the best because I was mostly on my own. This time around, I've started a bit lighter (ok, way lighter) than where I used to be, but with the purpose of getting my form right. And now that my form is right, the weight is moving MUCH quicker in the right direction, naturally!
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    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    Thank you as ever ladies! And welcome aboard, it's great to have more people.

    Day Twelve

    Cardio! Well, a decent ab workout and a box fit class for me. I love boxing, it gets me into a really clear head space. Unfortunately the girl I was working with had never boxed before so I ended up teaching a bit and didn't really get to stretch myself. But it was a fun half hour that let me blow off some steam. My ab work was simple and I hope effective.

    Just a quick question - how long would an average bulk last? I need to be on top form this winter due to some career opportunities and I am concerned about not having the time to strip away fat.

    Thanks ladies
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    time to grow rachelily's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lexiconic99 View Post
    Thank you as ever ladies! And welcome aboard, it's great to have more people.

    Day Twelve

    Cardio! Well, a decent ab workout and a box fit class for me. I love boxing, it gets me into a really clear head space. Unfortunately the girl I was working with had never boxed before so I ended up teaching a bit and didn't really get to stretch myself. But it was a fun half hour that let me blow off some steam. My ab work was simple and I hope effective.

    Just a quick question - how long would an average bulk last? I need to be on top form this winter due to some career opportunities and I am concerned about not having the time to strip away fat.

    Thanks ladies
    I've always wanted to try boxing, it sounds so so fun!

    I wouldn't bother with anything LESS than six months, honestly. You will be disappointed with results otherwise. Just buy some super cute sweaters and pencil skirts and show off that shape you just worked your a$$ off for! (Also, holiday food. Cutting during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years will literally kill your soul).
    If you change nothing, nothing will change.

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  17. #17
    Registered User Lexiconic99's Avatar
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    Ahh, but we are Brits - so no Thanksgiving for us! Lol, but Christmas and bonfire night would suck without it. But I am concerned that I can't commit to that length of time on a bulk. I guess I'll just take each day as it comes and see what happens.

    On another note, about to head to the gym and very aware I overworked my arms yesterday!! Oh boxing, why do you do this to me? I am somehow doubting my ability to overhead press today... I'll let you know
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    Originally Posted by Lexiconic99 View Post
    Ahh, but we are Brits - so no Thanksgiving for us! Lol, but Christmas and bonfire night would suck without it. But I am concerned that I can't commit to that length of time on a bulk. I guess I'll just take each day as it comes and see what happens.

    On another note, about to head to the gym and very aware I overworked my arms yesterday!! Oh boxing, why do you do this to me? I am somehow doubting my ability to overhead press today... I'll let you know
    Well, it is what it is then!

    I'd be careful with your arms today then - might be better served to rest them today.
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    Hello Ichoward and Rachelily - it's really encouraging to hear from both of you, it really does make a difference. Am trying to keep a more positive outlook and focus on what I'm actually looking for from this program, and your kind words are incredibly helpful

    (also, hell will freeze over before I cut over holidays. No. Ain't nobody got time for that :P)

    So for me...

    Day Twelve

    Cardio. I hit a treadmill and stayed there. Was in an absolutely foul mood, so somewhat malevolently found myself refusing to stop. Surprisingly enough, I didn't then feel like I'd been run over by a truck (no idea why not) although my mood was still pretty ****. I made Lexiconic's life hell for a day.

    ... which is when I discovered I was coming onto my period. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing: I am a demon from hell in the day or so preceding, and I then tend to get debilitating pain. BUT I have only just begun on my PCOS medication, which I was assured would help with regards to pain and regulation of hormones.

    I digress. It was a good day workout-wise, overall.

    Day Thirteen

    So I assumed today would be dire, for aforementioned reasons. However, my body and brain staged a revolution, and I felt absolutely fantastic going into it and throughout my workout. I also blame some very good music in the background. So:

    Squats: 40kg, still fairly comfortable. I feel like I'll still be able to go up a couple of notches without encountering too many issues. May be wrong, but in any case, squats seem to be coming reasonably easily at the moment. (famous last words...)
    Overhead Press: 20kg, which was extremely hard work. Barely finished sets, but did, so I'm taking that as a positive. Debating whether or not to increase weight next time, may stay at 20kg... will have a think.
    Deadlift: 47.5kg, manageable.

    So yes, after a slight dip, I feel like I've bounced back somewhat. Taking a full rest day tomorrow, and then we'll see from there Thank you again for commenting et cetera, it's making a tremendous difference. xx
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    Day thirteen

    Squat: 40kg. Just. Had to finish my last set with half squats, so will be staying on this weight for next round.

    Overhead press: 15kg felt a lot better, but my form still isn't perfect, another day of these in order. But very happy, esp considering my fatigue.

    Deadlift: 47.5. Manged it well, very proud.

    A better work out today, but in dire need of a true rest day tomorrow. I think I need to take it easier on rest days from now on to give my muscles time off. Will still go to the gym to keep in routine, but I'll ease off any strength work. I am both proud and jealous of my partner - her lifting form is perfect and she is improving so rapidly!! A real inspiration.

    Thanks for reading everyone, it makes me smile whenever I see your replies

    (Ps COMPLETELY off topic, but I've always wondered: what do you guys eat for Christmas? I know the turkey is a big thing for Thanksgiving, but for us it's a Christmas meat. What about for you? Also, are you aware of what bonfire night is? It's only when I come to explain it do I realise what an odd holiday it is...)
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    Rest days are definitely very important! Remember, that's the time when you're muscle really grows! Glad to see you both are taking advantage of them.

    Originally Posted by Lexiconic99 View Post
    (Ps COMPLETELY off topic, but I've always wondered: what do you guys eat for Christmas? I know the turkey is a big thing for Thanksgiving, but for us it's a Christmas meat. What about for you? Also, are you aware of what bonfire night is? It's only when I come to explain it do I realise what an odd holiday it is...)
    I have no clue what bonfire night is! That's the first I've ever heard of it.
    In my family, we generally have turkey for Thanksgiving and ham for Christmas (although we've switched it up a few times). "Turducken" has become a big thing around here (it's some concoction of turkey, duck, and chicken…I've never tried it) as has fried turkey (which I thought was good but nothing super special).
    My husband's mother is from Britain, and I love hearing her talk. I read your posts with her accent :-P lol. Every now and then you guys will type something that just sounds so "proper". lol. I love it!
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    Great job you two! Especially on your deadlift weight. I really like how you guys are paying attention to how things feel / analyzing your lift before increasing the amount of weight. That is a good skill to have.

    I am not sure what bonfire night is 100% - my assistant is Scottish, and she's mentioned it but would you explain? (About 40% of my company's design team is English, so I've got a lot of friends from over the big pond! And, may I add, I can imitate the accent QUITE well, even been told by the Brits ;D )

    Ichoward I'm the same - turkey for TG and ham for Xmas. A few times we've done goose for Xmas too.
    If you change nothing, nothing will change.

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    AH now, Bonfire Night is one of those British things that sounds really weird on paper... it's a celebration of a thwarted attempt to blow up the Houses of Parliament several hundred years ago. The leader of the would-be bombers was a man named Guy Fawkes. On Bonfire Night, the British set off a lot of fireworks, and build a bonfire on which we burn an effigy of Guy Fawkes. Kids and grown-ups alike celebrate.

    ... Like I say, sounds somewhat questionable on paper! :P
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    Oh bonfire night, a time for toffee apples, flapjack and apple crumble. Big bonfires, amazing fireworks and freezing your butt off. Epic tradition. Oh and sparklers!!

    Turducken sounds amazing. If questionable. So much bird... And we tend to go for turkey, although some people have chicken or goose or even salmon...

    So, onto the journal.

    Day fourteen.

    Rest. Well, a full stressful work day, but not at the gym!

    Day fifteen

    I am a fool and did not check my work hours, meaning we woke up too late to go to the gym. So we went in the evening after visiting my mother. We got to the gym at midnight, but we got there!!! And at the gym we learned a valuable lesson.

    Do not work out straight after a takeaway curry.

    We are big fans of Indian food and my mother had treated us to a takeaway. Squatting after that was a dangerous game. Nevertheless, we got through:

    Squats: stayed on 40kg and managed all my sets with good form. I'll be upping next week.

    Bench press: much better than last week, but still not good enough to advance. So I'm still on 27.5kg I believe

    Row: I think next week I will drop to 25kg at least for a few sets, though improved my form was still poor and I'm not happy with it. So I'll see how I go, but I want my form over the weight increase.

    Thanks ladies xx
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    Hello all! Hope everybody's doing well.

    Day Fourteen

    Rest day. No cardio or anything, just a full rest day. Am noticing a correlation between time in gym, and my eating disorder habits. I think the former tends to offset the other, at least in part because it forces me out of the house and doing something practical. I'm currently unable to work formally (post-hospital, I'm supposed to be convalescing for a while to stave off relapsing) which is ultimately very boring. I then have to be more careful about food planning etc when I'm on rest days.

    Day Fifteen

    As Lexiconic as mentioned, we learnt not to work out post curry. However, I have decided I adore late-night gym sessions (always have, but last night confirmed it). Win some, lose some.

    Squats: 42.5kg, still pretty manageable.
    Bench Press: 27.5kg. I'm on perfect form, but I'm missing the last rep on the last two sets. Will therefore keep at it this level next time, but I'd hope I'll be upping the time after. We shall see.
    Row: 30kg. My form is apparently fine, according to Lexiconic, but I'm not entirely happy. Will maintain 30kg for next time, just to be safe.

    Thank you as ever, much appreciated. xx
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    Ohh, Guy Fawkes day! Yeah we know what that is! We just call it "Guy Fawkes Day" literally
    If you change nothing, nothing will change.

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    Sorry for the few days' delay in posting, have had a weird few days - my mental health is still a fairly moveable entity, and I'm currently riding through a difficult week or so. I'm gonna blame my period for messing with my hormones. Plus the metformin. Really, there's any number of reasons, but I've been a bit of a nightmare to be around and Lexiconic has been exceptionally patient with me!

    I didn't realise you guys had Guy Fawkes day, by the by - what do you do for it?!

    And onto the last few days:

    Day Sixteen

    Rest day. Much needed.

    Day Seventeen

    Squat: 45kg, fine, but it was oddly painful on my back so I'm slightly wary. Muscular exhaustion hitting with a vengeance. Realised I'm coming down with a cold, just to add insult to injury insofar as my will and my overall mood - it's had a not-great effect on my eating, which is consequently affecting my workout. I don't know. It was fine.
    Overhead Press: 20kg. Very disappointed with myself. Just about finished the sets, but it felt considerably harder and my heart just wasn't in it. So not ideal.
    Deadlift: 50kg. Well it's not a walk in the park, but was manageable.

    Finished the day a touch concerned for my back, and generally a bit... disappointed with myself, really. Probably being far too hard on myself. Like I say, discovered shortly afterwards I'm sporting a delightful fluey-cold sort of thing. So...

    Day Eighteen:

    Rest day. Sat down quietly, drank lots of fluids, felt rather sorry for myself.

    Day Nineteen:

    Squats: 47.5kg, and perfectly fine. Back seemed alright too, which was quite a relief.
    Bench Press: 27.5kg. FINISHED ALL SETS. I'm ecstatic about it!! May stay on the same weight next to time to make absolutely certain my form's right, but I was buzzing after that.
    Row: 30kg. All finished, all fine. I still don't feel entirely happy with my form, and I can't work out what it is. Lexiconic assures me it's fine, but I don't feel like I'm getting it tight enough in to the chest... so I'm debating staying on the same weight until I'm a little happier.

    So that's that, the last four days. I'm really delighted with my progress weight-wise (esp squats and bench press) but I'm feeling deeply unhappy with my body image. I am aware that, with a history of eating problems, I may be simply unable to see any difference yet - which leads me to ask how quickly is any physical change noticeable? I mean either in terms of gains (weight/body size) or indeed fat loss, if there is any? I feel like I'm going a little mad while my body shifts around a bit... my stomach feels larger, in particular, which is bizarre given the amount of exercise I'm currently doing! Food-wise Lexiconic and I are doing the same things.

    In short: weight is fine, but when does the body catch up??

    Thank you for reading, and for any help <3
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    Originally Posted by rachelily View Post
    Ohh, Guy Fawkes day! Yeah we know what that is! We just call it "Guy Fawkes Day" literally
    I'm from the States also and still have no idea what you guys are talking about...
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    Originally Posted by waters99 View Post
    Sorry for the few days' delay in posting, have had a weird few days - my mental health is still a fairly moveable entity, and I'm currently riding through a difficult week or so. I'm gonna blame my period for messing with my hormones. Plus the metformin. Really, there's any number of reasons, but I've been a bit of a nightmare to be around and Lexiconic has been exceptionally patient with me!
    You should read my journal. It's pretty much constant mental issues and every now and then a workout :-) Really, though, you're going through a very challenging time, and you're doing great. Getting on new meds is always...an adventure.


    Originally Posted by waters99 View Post
    Finished the day a touch concerned for my back, and generally a bit... disappointed with myself, really. Probably being far too hard on myself. Like I say, discovered shortly afterwards I'm sporting a delightful fluey-cold sort of thing. So...
    Stop it! You're doing great!! There will be off-days.

    "delightful fluey-cold sort of thing" (read in my mother-in-law's accent) <3 I want to be British. You guys are the coolest.


    Originally Posted by waters99 View Post
    ...but I'm feeling deeply unhappy with my body image. I am aware that, with a history of eating problems, I may be simply unable to see any difference yet - which leads me to ask how quickly is any physical change noticeable? I mean either in terms of gains (weight/body size) or indeed fat loss, if there is any? I feel like I'm going a little mad while my body shifts around a bit... my stomach feels larger, in particular, which is bizarre given the amount of exercise I'm currently doing! Food-wise Lexiconic and I are doing the same things.

    In short: weight is fine, but when does the body catch up??
    As I advised before, I strongly recommend avoiding the scale and mirror right now. You've still got some body dysmorphia going on, I'm sure (I'm not sure it ever fully goes away).
    That said, know that change takes time. I get discouraged, too, especially when I've really been hitting it hard. But most of the people on these forums have been doing this stuff for years. And it literally can take years to see much of a difference.
    Did you take / Have you taken "before" photos? If not, I recommend them. You don't even have to look at them right now. Just put them somewhere for safe-keeping. And then after you've hit it hard for 6-8 months (consistent, tough workouts, eating enough kcal, taking care of yourself, etc.), take some "after" photos. For me, this is much easier to see progress in than just watching the mirror day-to-day. And just know that even after 6-8 months, you're not going to be a new person. And keep your goals in mind. If your goal is to gain muscle, you're not going to see a lot of fat loss right now because you need to eat in excess in order to gain muscle.
    For those with former eating disorders, oftentimes when we return to eating appropriately, we tend to get bloated. It goes away. When you reference your stomach, this is what I imagine you're seeing. I don't have a medical term for it or any scientific backing, but I've seen it in myself and others. Not to mention we're just more sensitive to any feeling of fullness anyway. As your body adjusts to your new eating habits and exercise regimen, the bloat will reduce. And getting some good ab muscles will help diminish the appearance as well.
    I imagine your goal right now is to build a solid muscle foundation. In doing so, again, ditch the scale, especially for someone with a former eating disorder. Reason being that you will gain weight and you're going to need to be okay with that. The scale will do nothing but slow your progress. Trust me on this one.
    I feel for you because I so know where you're at mentally. And the best thing I can tell you is just to be patient, keep doing what you're doing and know that the changes will come in due time. Focus less on what your body is looking like and weighing and more on what you're doing. Lift heavy, eat sufficient kcal to support muscle growth.
    Your focus right now should be on continuing to do what you're doing. You've only been at this a few weeks. Again, changes take time. And we are our worst critics. Be patient. You're doing everything right.

    Always a great read, you two. xoxo
    Last edited by lchoward; 08-19-2015 at 11:45 AM.
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    Originally Posted by lchoward View Post
    I'm from the States also and still have no idea what you guys are talking about...
    I must admit, I'm surprised Guy Fawkes day exists anywhere in the States! Whereabouts in the States are you guys from? Maybe different states have different celebrations of it...
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