Still got a ways to go...

**swooshie** · 10-14-2011, 09:45 AM

Good Morning! I just stumbled upon your journal and read through it. Here are a few things I think you may want to keep in mind.....People can be whomever they want to be on the internet. They can be nasty as hell and say things they would never say to your face because they are not talking to you face to face. They're behind a screen and on a keyboard typing crap. It's easy. So I wouldn't let it get to you. Some comments aren't even worth a replay. It will just needlessly stress you out and those people really aren't worth it. Stick with the positive people in your life. Boot out the negative ones.

You seem to be a very giving person, but some of your comments seem like you're giving of yourself at your expense. My best friend once told me "You can't control what people say or do, you can only control how you react to it." I try to always keep that in mind. Maybe that will help you too.

You're doing a great job with your workouts and progress! I'm here to cheer you on! Walk into that gym and let the stress of the world go away. For that hour it's just you and the weights. Keep it up!!

**latebloomingmom** · 10-14-2011, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by swooshie

Good Morning! I just stumbled upon your journal and read through it. Here are a few things I think you may want to keep in mind.....People can be whomever they want to be on the internet. They can be nasty as hell and say things they would never say to your face because they are not talking to you face to face. They're behind a screen and on a keyboard typing crap. It's easy. So I wouldn't let it get to you. Some comments aren't even worth a replay. It will just needlessly stress you out and those people really aren't worth it. Stick with the positive people in your life. Boot out the negative ones.

You seem to be a very giving person, but some of your comments seem like you're giving of yourself at your expense. My best friend once told me "You can't control what people say or do, you can only control how you react to it." I try to always keep that in mind. Maybe that will help you too.

You're doing a great job with your workouts and progress! I'm here to cheer you on! Walk into that gym and let the stress of the world go away. For that hour it's just you and the weights. Keep it up!!

thank you! I appreciate that you stopped by and your very nice words. yes, I know...I need to develop a thicker skin. get my feelings hurt way to easy.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-15-2011, 02:04 PM

squats: 115 lbs
3x10
butterflies 30 lb dumbells
3x8
pes dec flies
3x8
hammer curls:
30 lb dumbell
3x8
step-ups
100 lbs
3x8
have not done macros yet
let's see I had coffee, oatmeal, egg
two shakes..
have not eaten dinner yet
did half hour cardio this morning
tend to walk around and do laps in between leg exercises...helps loosen em up.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-16-2011, 12:38 PM

Hey all well lets see now..what I have been up to this weekend. my son had his big number 11 birthday today so we ate cake and he opened gifts. Does not seem like it has been that long since I was in the hospital having him.
I changed my AVI-- no not because I felt like it really. Ummm husband will be home by the end of the month and did not want him stumbling across my face. my legs could be mistaken for someone else's.
I went into my dashboard and turned off the ability to post comments and rate my pics on my bodyspace page. I also deleted all but a couple of em.
I cut my friend list waaaaaaay down to people that I like that actually talk to me as a person and not
"hey baby, you are hawt..."
what else...oh ya on friday I got my fist neg from a poster that did not like my comment to her.
I thought, ok what's one little neg?
On saturday I got a MOD neg....down went my points by 500...I guess she too thought I was being overly mean to a young girl that is hanging out in the over 35's
I find it interesting that you can say more stuff in the fem misc then in the over 35 misc
well, whatever. I post what I want. like it or not. Now, I dont go out of my way to be mean. I post nice advice sometimes too.
so BIG LEARNING LESSON HERE... I figured out this private messaging back and forth stuff
people send you a message...you answer when you have time...send it back...maybe they answer you right away, maybe not...maybe they dont answer til the next day...or not at all
sometimes you have someone that answers right away and you answer, they do and so on and so on like a conversation.
other times someone takes so long to answer you forget what the heck the question was you asked..Ha. No more hurt feelings though. I think my skin is thickening.

**vanessa40** · 10-16-2011, 06:49 PM

Hey girl,
Well Happy Birthday to your son. I know they grow up so fast.
LOL..I like the pic of your feet..it is different and i totally understand why you did it...

**latebloomingmom** · 10-18-2011, 03:46 PM

thanks vanessa...
voice in my head pounding loud today...
serves me right
what is it saying ..?
what the fug do you think you are doing?
talking about your life? talking about your feelings? getting all sappy and weak are ya?
why? what good does it do you? any? no it is weakness. good.
how did you survive this long by getting all in touch with your emotions? no
good. you put that sheet back away where it belongs. it is not for you.
were you given a golden ticket to happiness? no.
are you going to be given one? no
good. will your life change from what it is now when you go from being alone half a year to being alone all year? no.
what will you be doing? taking care of my kids, working, taking care of my home. anything else? no
then you need to put that other crap away...does you no d*mn good. creates false hope in you which will always lead to disappointment and your own misery.
now go down stairs and do your God d*mn workout.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-18-2011, 05:07 PM

right
pulls today
deadlifts
135 lbs
3x10
seated rows at 85 lbs til exhausted
back/lats
85 lbs
4 sets of 3x8
bicep hammer curls
3x8 25 lbs
20 lbs til exhausted.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-18-2011, 06:29 PM

who are the people you can count on in your life? 3 of em. who are they? my brother and my sons
who will rescue you from your own life? nobody. who will have to do it? I will.
do people really want to know about you or your life? no
will they understand why you stayed for 20 years? no
why did you? sacrificed my own needs for the needs of my children
does this make you weak? no
what will you do tomorrow? the same things I do everyday I will get up take care of my children, take care of my home, take care of myself. good
does anything else matter? no

**whatevergirl** · 10-18-2011, 06:36 PM

Hi lbmom...in reading through here, sounds like you're going through a crossroads perhaps in life. Just know, sending you good positive thoughts...

And at least one of us is doing deadlifts these days.

nice job! Keep the faith. Stay strong.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-18-2011, 06:42 PM

thanks wegs...just me kicking me in the butt. sometimes I need it. been talking way too much about my life to someone and that is never a good thing...need to learn to just shut-up and deal with it.

**whatevergirl** · 10-18-2011, 06:45 PM

Originally Posted by latebloomingmom

thanks wegs...just me kicking me in the butt. sometimes I need it. been talking way too much about my life to someone and that is never a good thing...need to learn to just shut-up and deal with it.

actually, it's perfectly fine to talk to people, if you need to vent, whatever. but if you talk to 50 diff people about your issues, whatever they may be...you'll get 50 differing replies to how to handle them.

lol at some point. you have to do what you need to do to get to where you need to go. getting to the other side of our problems is never easy, but once you GET to the other side? life is better than ever. i also think it's in the pursuit of getting to the other side, when we learn and grow the most.

**erinlee01** · 10-19-2011, 05:11 AM

I agree that it's fine to talk to people. I find that once I get the thoughts out of my head and vocalize them, I have a much easier time figuring out how to deal with them.

I go to a psychologist about once a month just for this. I have a lot of issues with my ex and my options to vent to are my parents (who tend to ratchet things up rather than help me calm the stress) or my husband (which, as you can imagine, causes trouble in this marriage - you can only talk about another man so much). I keep thinking I should stop seeing her as things are pretty smooth right now, but there really is something to be said for getting the crap out.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-19-2011, 08:17 AM

my husband is coming home in a few weeks and will be home for a month..this tends to put my stress and anxiety thru the ceiling...I get upset, depressed..cant get motivated to do what I need to do each day. I am my own worst enemy at times..I know what the plan is. get the degree done, get out. but man, sometimes I would love to be able to run away from my own life. get so d*mn tired of always being the responsible one, the stable one, the secure one, the one that gets sh*t done around here.
makes me wanna eat food that is bad for me, cry a lot and hide from my problems...oh ya that is what I used to do and how I got to be 285 lbs and on meds...
so on occassion I yell at myself..get my butt in gear, to get with the program, to get on track

the diet, the workout, the school work...you wanna better life? you better work for it.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-19-2011, 08:24 AM

20 years been doing this now...since I was 23.
my marriage is a continuous state of disappointment to me
always has been
at times, it has dismayed and bewildered me, at time it has cut and wounded me
he is gone 6-8 months out of every year
it has now gotten to the point that the kids and I like it better when he is gone
our life is easier, less stressed

when he is home he drinks almost every night
he is not physically violent...just a verbal assault expert
I took my vows seriously I really did.
for years and years now I lived with that little bit of false hope ..that if I just tried harder, did more for him
that somehow we would once again become what we used to be...

**vanessa40** · 10-19-2011, 08:46 AM

Hey girl..
I feel for you..as i have told you before i know just how you feel. I was all that in my past relationship. It was hard leaving but it was something i knew i had to do. I made my plan in advance and acted on it. It takes time but it is so worth it. I didn't think i deserved to be this happy..now i wonder why i waited so long.
Just know i am here thinking of you..if you need to talk just let me know

**latebloomingmom** · 10-19-2011, 01:54 PM

the longer I stay...the more I feel just numb. there is this part of me that thinks if i can just withstand this a couple more years I could probably last another ten or twenty...if I just let the rest of my soul die...but man its hard to let go of that little bit of you that is still in there somewhere..
I am OK with the idea of it being just me and the kids...I want it to be this. then someday grandbabies coming to see me. I am used to this future plan but that is all...I want my health. I want a job. that is it.
I am OK with this idea oh 90 percent of the time..but man that other 10 percent pops up and just about kills me sometimes...
at 43, I am aware of my own limitations..I have no expectations I really dont. I am an amazon, the same size I have been since I was 12. I am gigantic, broad and muscular and temperamental..I know that. used to bother me in school
small guys shorter then me would date small, petite girls...big guys taller then me would date small girls..
it is the way it is and has not changed. fine.
I will have a job in a classroom all day, come home take care of my kids. ..I should be ok with this...most of the time I am. I have learned how to do without just about everything you are supposed to have in a relationship.
oh its just that 10 percent that reaches up and slaps me in the face sometimes

**latebloomingmom** · 10-20-2011, 02:41 PM

push day
squats
135x5
145x3
155x1
165x1
175x1
180x1
bench
75lbs
3x10
tired legs but all is good
what did I eat today? coffee, shake, egg, oatmeal, tuna, crackers, shake so far
going to my see my brother today is his birthday. I baked him an apple pie cause that is his favorite!

**latebloomingmom** · 10-20-2011, 07:06 PM

I seem to be going thru conversation withdrawal symptoms today....
birthday at my brother's went well. He is the big 44 and two years older then me til my birthday in a few months. did my homework like a good girl. did the workout...been pretty d*mn quite on these boards today...I dont like it and I am not happy

**whatevergirl** · 10-20-2011, 07:40 PM

Well...here's something to make you happier...I hope. A ray of sunshine...........

Life's too short to be unhappy...a cliche, perhaps...but...it's true.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-20-2011, 08:04 PM

Thank you wegs I appreciate it but tonight I am just mad
mad, mad, mad , mad , mad.................

**whatevergirl** · 10-20-2011, 08:18 PM

me too...

no, not really. j/k

why are you so mad??

**latebloomingmom** · 10-20-2011, 08:32 PM

hey, when you are banned can you still read your profile comments?

**vanessa40** · 10-21-2011, 01:24 AM

Originally Posted by latebloomingmom

Thank you wegs I appreciate it but tonight I am just mad
mad, mad, mad , mad , mad.................

What happened to make you so mad?
Are you feeling better today...

**latebloomingmom** · 10-21-2011, 04:09 AM

conversation interruptus....sent someone a message and waited and waited and checked back and waited all day yesterday...serves me right. this is what I get for actually liking something or thinking it was gonna continue for a little while longer. gotta laugh at my own stupidity sometimes. I got mad.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-21-2011, 05:52 AM

Originally Posted by latebloomingmom

conversation interruptus....sent someone a message and waited and waited and checked back and waited all day yesterday...serves me right. this is what I get for actually liking something or thinking it was gonna continue for a little while longer. gotta laugh at my own stupidity sometimes. I got mad.

see here is the stupidity of it...I knew what it was
knew it was a convenient conversation with someone who had a desk job and access to a computer
knew it was just someone that wanted a listening ear, some sympathy, free counseling or advice
it was just conversation and the reason it continued was because I answered...
I kept telling myself this over and over..that if it was not me having this conversation that went on an on
it could just as easily have been someone else

this person is well-known on this site and has many friends to converse with
that eventually the interest and momentum would wane...and this would just disappear
that eventually this messaging back and forth would just end
I would sent a message and just NOT hear back ever again
I knew this going into it
I am not dumb
That this is not real life, it is only something to occupy someone else's time and get rid of the boredom
well it ended abruptly yesterday
he got banned because he created a mod call-out thread
so I thought well I will quickly send him a profile comment cause maybe he can read those
well maybe I will tell him I have an email listed on my profile page and he can get ahold of me that way
well maybe he will use his other name he has and post under that and get me a message
maybe he will do it right away because he knows I am left wondering what happened
But you see the stupidity in this?
This assumes or it presumes that I have merit and worth.
That I have feelings that may have gotten hurt
that someone else knows this
and that it actually matters
it does not
this person has a very full life
where one conversation ends, another begins
without a second thought
so I got MAD.....first at him for letting this happen
then at me..for being this dumb and caring about it

**whatevergirl** · 10-21-2011, 12:28 PM

Hey you…happy Friday! I posted a reply to you in my journal relating to this ^^. But, thought I’d say hello here, too. Life’s too short, lbmom. Truly. Don’t sweat stuff like this. Sometimes, people just get busy…I bet that’s all it is.

Do something to pamper yourself this weekend…relax. Enjoy every blessing you have, for life throws enough crap our way. Lol Take the good moments when they come by.
Have a gr8 weekend.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-21-2011, 01:46 PM

Thank you..your so sweet...I will try. cleaned my house today. father in law is coming to see the boys tomorrow and I have some homework to catch up on sunday.

**latebloomingmom** · 10-22-2011, 06:13 AM

Here is me! The real one that isnt hiding behind the sunglasses.
thought I'd put it up for a little while before I go into hiding mode.
feeling alot better now. I have decided to stop accepting private messages from guys.
I think that is the real issue. I need some more girl friends. I like them better anyhow.
I think maybe its the company of women I have been missing for years now
Men just tend to remind me how lonely I am, what I dont have...
makes me feel sad so its girls for me from now on! as friends I mean..

**latebloomingmom** · 10-22-2011, 03:40 PM

pulls today
deads
135x5
145x3
155x1
165x1
back lats
100 lbs
3x8
4 kinds
half hour cardio this morning
feeling tired today in the legs so took it easy on em

**whatevergirl** · 10-23-2011, 11:17 AM

Nice work on the deadlifts lbmom!!

You make me wanna do those today.

Hope you are enjoying your Sunday. And I see you're keeping your avi up....I think that's a good choice.

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