why do people make something like texting so complicated?
credit goes to the RH section from xcessive1
The first thing I always do when I initiate texting is to send a message like “Hey there :P”. It's non-committal, can be taken as a little bit flirty, and lightly suggests that she should reply. If she doesn't respond soon, you just wait and try again later. I know a lot of guys make the mistake of trying to initiate with a “canned” texting game, but you blow some great material if she isn't at her phone, doesn't have the time to chat with you, or just isn't in the mood.
If she responds, one of two things will happen. Either she will give a rather non-committal response back: “Hey”, or she will tell you something about what she is doing. Occasionally a woman will acknowledge you, but then say she is too busy to talk at the moment. Most of the time this is a good thing. If she actually doesn't want to talk to you, she won't respond. So in this case, just Eject gracefully by saying something like: “No prob. I'll catch ya later.”
If she responds to your initial text with a non-committal response, follow it with a “So what ya doing?”. This is different that “What's up?”. You want to phrase the question so that she is less likely to give you the traditional “Nothing” response. A lot of PUA's will tell you to not start with “boring” questions like these, but I feel they are crucially important in the early phases of texting a girl. This is a common texting sequence that they are used to, so you shouldn't get much resistance, and at this point, you haven't proceeded so far down the generic texting route as to have her put you on autopilot. The reason we want to go this route is to get her responding to us, to help us generate some early conversation points, and most importantly, so we can formulate a rough idea of where her mind and attitude are at the moment. At this point, if she still isn't giving you anything more that quick, useless responses, bag on her a bit. Say something like, “You're being boring. Can't you at least try to sound excited about [whatever she said], lol!”.
At this point, either she initially gave you a little preview of where her head-space is, or you cajoled it out of her. About forty percent of the time, she will already have given you a good “hook” to work with. “Hooks” or “Hook points” are important words or phrases which give you items you can use for further conversations. The magic of hook points is that you don't need to capitalize on them immediately. In fact, you shouldn't always snatch them up. When the current conversation thread gets boring, or you need to lighten up the conversation, just bring up a previous hook and change the topic. Another use of hooks, is to intentionally seed your responses with items that are easy for her to pick-up on and use to create new conversation. Later, in another section, we will discuss a more sneaky method of using hooks to help bring up sexual topics. Here's an example with several hooks in it:
ME: Hey there!
HER: What's up :P [Notice how she is putting the burden on me to carry the conversation]
ME: I'm just eating a delicious curry I made, and texting you. So what are you up to? [I've given her some hook points, and also turned the conversation back over to her. This is really “nice” of me. While I've put the responsibility of carrying the conversation on her (thus we will learn about her), I've given her topics if she needs a life line. Notice that the second Hook Point is also a DHV. It establishes that I not only cook, but that I cook exotic food.]
HER: OMG! That sounds so amazingly good right now. Curse my diet! [You'll notice that the hook points she leaves for me aren't near as easy to spot as the ones I intentionally left for her...get used to it. The first hook point is kinda subtle, but from it, we can derive conversations, about how I'm going to have to invite her over in the future for dinner, what type of foods she likes, if she can cook, ect. The second hook point, is a lesser hook point, but we can use it to discuss how we are going to take her out to celebrate once she finishes the diet.]
ME: I love Thai food...especially the eating part! What's your favorite cuisine? [I picked a route and got a conversation started that will lead to further conversation. I injected a mild bit of humor. In this scenario, I didn't pick the conversation topics that would have easily been steered to sexual areas, date topics, or future projection. The reason I avoided these sections right now, is that I barely know this woman at this point. I want to establish some comfort and a wide range of conversation topics, before I start raising very much attraction. Also, remember what I said about coming back to hook points. If we text for a bit, and things are going well, I may come back to this opening statement (providing better hooks haven't come along), and future project about me cooking Thai food for her after her diet ends.]
This goes back to what Coal Man said about Nouning...taking nouns out of her responses and using them as "hook points" to further the conversation. More to come.
The first item I want to discuss is what to do if she doesn't text back very often, or she is slow. The first thing to do, is remember the rules from Section 1. Don't start texting her a bunch of times in a row, hoping to get a response. You will look desperate. You also lose a certain amount of status every time you let her end the conversation. Be on the alert for when the conversation feels like it is winding down, so you can Eject first. It's easy, just make some excuse for why you have to go. If she is prone to stopping a conversation in the middle, this is a good way to get out gracefully. When she doesn't respond for a long period of time, send her one more text telling her that you “have to go, so you'll talk to her later.” Also remember that it is okay to let her end the conversation once in a while, just don't make it a habit.
Ultimately, we want to limit women from relegating us to only when they have “time”. Remember, most women won't text you if they truly don't want to talk to you at all, therefore, if she texts you telling you she can't talk, it means that you aren't a high priority to her, but she does want to talk to you. From last week, I covered making your texts shorter, and always leaving thoughts unfinished, or ending with questions. This is the first thing to check, when you are having trouble with getting responses. Are you remembering to almost always end your texts in cliffhangers? Second, are you adding plenty of easy hooks into your texts so she can easily respond? Finally, think about the woman's day, are you always texting her at a bad time of the day?
If you are still having problems, use this technique. When she doesn't respond, text her with a really big cliffhanger, something like “OMG this is insane...” There is an implied story there, and it could be something huge. Now, when she finally responds later asking about it, refuse to tell her, at least at first. Say that it's too late, and she missed it. Be sure to bag on her, and tell her that she should have responded sooner, but also do it in a friendly, joking manner. One of my favorite ways to finish this up is to say, “well...actually I would tell you what I was talking about...but I don't remember...” It keeps you from having to make something up and establishes that you have a life above and beyond texting her.
While I'm on the topic of who should break off texting, remember that it is perfectly acceptable for you to ignore her texts too. On a semi regular basis, you should just stop responding, and respond at a much later time. You want her to not ever think that you are sitting round waiting for her texts. Finally, if you don't formally end a conversation, it gives you a nice topic to begin with when you are texting her in the future. In this same vein, time your text response time to be slightly longer than hers. It's okay to occasionally respond quickly (especially if you want to speed up the conversation), but as a general rule, she should be waiting more on you, than the other way around. It is one more way to establish dominance in the conversation.
The final thing I want to talk about is a common texting trap that is especially prevalent in the attraction stages but can also happen in comfort building. Women like texting because it is impersonal enough that they can feel comfortable flirting with guys over the phone. Don't be taken in by this flirting. We will use this later, but never assume that she is as attracted to you as she seems in a texting conversation. There is a whole class of women out there who like to play with guys through texting.
A lot of guys will immediately start pouring on the flirting, and trying to go hardcore sexual in a text conversation because the woman has started flirting with him. Most times this won't end well. He'll either creep her out, or he will discover that she is only playing with him. Once again, refer to the rules in the first section. Until you are very close to meeting and sealing the deal, you want to avoid responding directly to openly flirtatious or sexual texts from a woman. Think of them as a series of $hit tests. Also notice my choice of words. “directly” is key. We will respond, but we will do it on our terms.
Once you learn to relate, you will be automatically building some attraction if you are doing it right. Most of this attraction section will deal with techniques that are either the same, or similar to real life sarging.
Future Projection is the technique of talking about things that you and your target will do together in the future. This subtle suggests attraction, and also helps with the comfort aspect, as the woman will subconsciously pick up on the implied commitment of such statements. Future projection makes it "safe" for a woman to agree because it isn't a direct date, it is just a vaguely implied date. The great thing about it is she subtle gives you some attraction points just for the thought. It also subconsciously conditions her to say yes to a real date in the future. It provides you with a valuable "hook" for which you can future "randomly" text her to hang out.
Future projection also has the added benefit of providing you with a way to test the waters for various "date" ideas in the future.
Here's an example:
HER: I love the rain!
YOU: Me 2! Next time it rains, we're totally going to go walking in it.
HER: Lol kay.
YOU: You'd better wear your boots, cuz I'm so going to throw you into a puddle :P
Okay, here's some things to note about the above sample. First (and obviously), the future projection. Notice how it isn't a huge thing, it is small, fun, and light. Notice how I keep the conversation flirty and non-committal. Notice that there is some lightly implied physicality and sexuality when I joke about tossing her in a puddle (as a side note, I could say this even if we weren't friendly enough for me to actually really pick her up and toss her in a puddle. In fact, this would be an excellent time to use this statement as it implies that we will be that friendly at some point in the future). I might never actually do the above "quick date" but it already served it's purpose, however, it is a good idea to keep these faux dates in mind. Next time it rains, I could text her, and ask her if she's ready to go dance in the puddles with me.