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  1. #1
    Misc King TheBateman's Avatar
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    Dude, i'm gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my meal. and I'm being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont cook sht that was perviously in cans. you're a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking serious. gert areal family that cooks good food, drinks beer and wine and winecoolers and has a good fuking time, and has a milliondollar house on the beach, im seriously.. dont eever potst your fuking poverty dinner on these forums ever the fuk again bro, and by bro i mean never my bro, fuking phaggot.

    This is currently my favorite copy pasta. please post all the good ones itt so people don't have to go use google to look for that ****
    *not gonna make it crew*
    *hold my own hand to see what it feels like crew*
    *paint my own nails to fap so it looks like girl is giving me handjob crew*
    *delivery boy passes me pizza through mail slot crew*
    *jason genova is happier than me crew*
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  2. #2
    March 2010 Member LiveStrongly's Avatar
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    1st

    hi bateman! i've heard a lot about ya.

    U horrible sick fukin basterd I knew u recorded something I should have known why would u show all that sh!t to ____ u lowlife do i know how much sh!t u caused i have no fuking place to stay back home hope somebody ruins you ife 1 day and they will cos now ur cards are marked. funny that u won't answer the phone so enjoy getting kneecapped when my dad finds out about this and i hope u drop dead u sick piece of sh!t
    Last edited by LiveStrongly; 05-12-2011 at 09:44 PM.
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  3. #3
    Doesnt afraid of anything Croatian_Lifter's Avatar
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    In on this I lost my word document that had all of them
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  4. #4
    NJ brah 422brah's Avatar
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    I rep back 500+ 100% of the time.

    Raping fans of BTBAM, Opeth, Gojira, Veil of Maya, Born of Osiris, or any other awesome teh metulz band

    Will do your math/programming related homework (srs) (inb4 strong age)
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  5. #5
    ⊙▂⊙ cyde's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheBateman View Post
    Dude, i'm gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my meal. and I'm being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont cook sht that was perviously in cans. you're a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking serious. gert areal family that cooks good food, drinks beer and wine and winecoolers and has a good fuking time, and has a milliondollar house on the beach, im seriously.. dont eever potst your fuking poverty dinner on these forums ever the fuk again bro, and by bro i mean never my bro, fuking phaggot.
    Haha this ****ing guy. I couldn't give a **** what they think about my meal. Most of the people on this site need their moms to cook their meals or if they could cook, the only thing they could cook up is a ****ing streak with a potateo. I might not be rolling in money but I got unlimited stacks of swag and creativity. Been living on my own since I was 16 years old doing part-time while in school. I'm 19 now and 99% of the misc wouldn't even know the start of struggle. Me, I earned my swag and learned how to do things on my own. They talk **** like they could do better when in reality, they wouldn't even know how to turn on a damn microwave. Haha
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  6. #6
    Misc King TheBateman's Avatar
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    u are 1 ****ing cheeky **** mate i swear i am goin 2 wreck u i swear on my mums life
    and i no u are scared lil bitch gettin your mates to send me messages saying dont meet up coz u r sum big bastard with muscles lol ****in sad mate really sad jus shows what a scared lil gay boy u are and whats all this crap ur mates sendin me about sum bodybuildin website that 1 of your faverite places to look at men u lil ****in gay boy fone me if u got da balls cheeky prick see if u can step up lil queer
    *not gonna make it crew*
    *hold my own hand to see what it feels like crew*
    *paint my own nails to fap so it looks like girl is giving me handjob crew*
    *delivery boy passes me pizza through mail slot crew*
    *jason genova is happier than me crew*
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  7. #7
    ››››››››››››› Getx's Avatar
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    ill dump my word document that has a ****load for some reps brahz
    not sure if it will fit into one post though
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  8. #8
    Registered User Cutfoot's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheBateman View Post
    Dude, i'm gonna type as sober as possible, that honestly looks fcking pathetic and digusting compared to my meal. and I'm being one hundred percent serious. Sorry we dont cook sht that was perviously in cans. you're a fuking joke dude, and im dead fuking serious. gert areal family that cooks good food, drinks beer and wine and winecoolers and has a good fuking time, and has a milliondollar house on the beach, im seriously.. dont eever potst your fuking poverty dinner on these forums ever the fuk again bro, and by bro i mean never my bro, fuking phaggot.

    This is currently my favorite copy pasta. please post all the good ones itt so people don't have to go use google to look for that ****
    Posted this in the perfect thread yesterday. Somebody was unaware.

    http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=134442861

    Another one

    you again?! you have ruined how many of my threads now? you always do this ****, post 1 gif and leave, you probably laugh too, and ppl are gonna start talking about it, but do you know how long it took me to come up with this ****, and write it down into a comprehending message? do you even care bro?!?! why do you have to be such a godamn phaggot? fuk
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  9. #9
    Registered User 12ozCurls's Avatar
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    I think you might have something wrong with your brain. Why are you trying to be all cyberbully on me. Do you really think anyone cares about you. You talk to people like they are trash. Why would you want to come off like that. Does it make you feel tough? Are you trying to make up for having a small smelly dick? You need to see a shrink. Have fun going through life wondering why people don't like you. I'll give you a hint though, you try to make others feel like ****. But you have failed on me. I know what you are. See, the thing is, I'm a nice guy. You on the other hand can't control your stupidity. You really don't even realize that you are a jerk ,do you? When your older maybe you can look back on times like this and see that you where unnecessarily rude to people you don't know. Right now you think you are being cleaver and it is just a fun time. Keep treating people like you do and see where you end up. You can not compete with my intellect so I warn you to give up before you embarrass yourself further..
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  10. #10
    Misc King TheBateman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Getx View Post
    ill dump my word document that has a ****load for some reps brahz
    not sure if it will fit into one post though
    ill rep u if u put up some good ones
    *not gonna make it crew*
    *hold my own hand to see what it feels like crew*
    *paint my own nails to fap so it looks like girl is giving me handjob crew*
    *delivery boy passes me pizza through mail slot crew*
    *jason genova is happier than me crew*
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  11. #11
    Registered User 12ozCurls's Avatar
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    I've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a man, it is not pretty. I wasn't a part of it but when I was 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover porn and jacking off. Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, sh*t like that with him. Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands, one kid also did it in his shoes. So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of a kid. When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment, worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the jizz shoes and also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.
    ****!!VIRGINIA CREW!!****
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  12. #12
    Registered User 12ozCurls's Avatar
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    "forced" to take my grandfather's M6 to school stop at the mcdonalds I used to work at manager i worked with sees me in the drive thru we hate each other she asks how did I obtain the car I ask for a hamburger, she gives me a hamburger I raise it to my lips and take a bite. My eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs I swallow and look down at the hamburger in my hands. She gives me a hamburger I swallow and look down at the hamburger in my hands. I cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs a pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. She gives me a hamburger I look at her face, and she is pleading with me. The children are crying now I raise the hamburger to my lips, tears stream down my face as I take a bite she gives me a hamburger. I am on my knees.
    I plead with her to go across the street. She hears only children's laughter she gives me a hamburger I am screaming as I fall down the stairs. She is my child. I cannot see anything I take a bite of the hamburger the concrete rushes up to meet me I awake with a start in my own bed. My eye twitches involuntarily she gives me a hamburger as I kill her, I do not make a sound she gives me a hamburger...
    ****!!VIRGINIA CREW!!****
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  13. #13
    Registered User cgrimaldo's Avatar
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    Dude I can't stand listening to your jargon anymore. The fact that you talk a lot of **** that you can not back makes me believe that you do a lot of reading and not a lot of lifting. How Can you give advice to people without truly understanding what you are saying? The answer is you can't ..... You can not tell someone something without knowing if it works or not. You have no experience lifting. You hardly know anything. Everything you do know you read in a book or stole from someone else. You have no factual eveidence that it works. You just take advice from credible sources and post them as your own....As an aspiring personal trainer, who has actually spent time working in a gym, watching and criticizing and experimenting. Stop posting. You don't know what youre talking about. You know it too.
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  14. #14
    Registered User tx_rican's Avatar
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    When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
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  15. #15
    March 2010 Member LiveStrongly's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheBateman View Post
    ill rep u if u put up some good ones
    idk got mine up top....i like it...
    FOLLOW ME ON TWITCH!!!
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  16. #16
    Registered User cgrimaldo's Avatar
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    one of my favorites...



    I never bought any of that "size matters" crap until my junior year in college. I lived in the dorms with two roommates, David and John. David was a pretty ordinary looking guy, kinda quiet - but John was tall, lean, muscular and (according to him anyway) was hung like a bull. He used to joke about it a lot - even around my girlfriend, Amy. Amy was a sophomore and was petite, shy and somewhat quiet. I didn't like it when John would make his "big dick" comments and jokes around Amy, but she told me she didn't pay any attention to him and truth be told, she really couldn't stand John.

    I have a 5.5" dick and with Amy being so petite, it always seemed to do the trick. I was only the third guy she'd ever been with and only her second boyfriend - maybe my guard was just down but who knows.

    Anyway, one Friday night, Amy and I were hanging out in my dorm room drinking, smoking some weed and watching TV. David and John had both gone home for the weekend - or so we thought. At about 1AM (Amy and I were pretty toasted by then), John walked in. He'd ended up hanging out with some of his friends off campus and had decided to just drive home in the morning since his parents only lived about an hour and a half away.

    He could see that Amy and I were both pretty hammered. He grabbed a beer and sat down and we smoked somem more weed with him. Amy was pretty drunk and started giving John ****. John seemed to get a kick out of it and I could see him kinda flirting with Amy. Then I noticed (and hoped that Amy wouldn't) that John wasn't wearing any underwear.

    But Amy started massaging my dick through my jeans and being so ****ed up, I just laid my head back and enjoyed it - I couldn't believe she was doing that right in front of John! I heard John get up to pass Amy the joint we were smoking and I heard her gasp, long and deep and she suddenly stopped stroking my dick. I opened my eyes and saw John standing righ tin front of Amy with a HUGE ****ing bulge in his pants - just inches from her face. The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

    He just stood there and I could feel her hand tremble and hear her breathing quicken. when she slowly looked up at him, almost in awe and respect, I could feel my heart start to pound in my chest. Then she softly whispered "ohhhhhhhhhhh" as she gingerly reached up to brush her finger tips across that massive knot in his pants. When she touched it, it throbbed - **** I could see it throb thorugh his pants - Amy just gasped again and looked up at him.

    "What?" John asked her and just kinda laughed. Amy did NOT laugh. Instead, she softly asked "can i see it?" John stopped laughing, looked at her very seriously and told her to take it out. Amy never even hesitated - or looked back at me for an "OK" - just just obeyed him and began to open his jeans. I coudl see her nipples rock hard under her t-shirt and I could tell she was practically panting.

    She opened his jeans and his big thick dick just fell out...and he had NOT been kidding. That cock was strong, thick, heavy and muscular. The head was a big purple mushroom that sat on top of the thickest shaft i'd ever seen. He was semi-hard and was HUGE compared to me. Amy just gasped and kept whispering "ohmygod..ohmygod...ohmygod". When she wrapped her hand around it, her brow just knotted in disbelief and she almost laughed at how thick he was - her fingers couldn't even touch.

    John just stood there watching my girlfriend worship his magnificent cock. Slowly shaking her head in disbelief, she two-fisted him - one hand next to the other...and there was STILL a few inches left - and he was getting rock hard, too.

    Amy smiled and patted the couch next to her and John sat down, his cock standing straight up. Honestly he had to be almost 10" (judging from the size of Amy's hand). I opened my pants and took my own cock out. Amy took my cock in her left hand and John's in her right - but there was little doubt whose cock was getting more attention. She couldn't take her eyes off his cock and her hand only occasionally stroked my dick...but John's she pumped with long, purposeful strokes until she finally couldn't help herself any longer and knelt in front of him, kissing his cock and rubbing it against her soft pale skin.

    She sucked his dick until SHE came - just from sucking him! I stroked the whole time until he pulled her toward him, peeled off her pants (she didnt even make the slightest attempt to stop him) and sat her on his lap, her back to his chest - the two of them right next to me. She just rolled her head back to kiss him as he squeezed her tits through her shirt. Her hands went down and pushed that big cock against her pussy and she groaned so loud when it touched her that I thought people outside would hear.

    John's dick was so ****ing big that he easily penetrated her from behind with her sitting on his lap. She arched up so she could take as much of it as she could and they started to **** right there next to me. It shocked me how easily her petite little body accomodated that horse cock of his. John pounded her in positions that i physically CANNOT do for over an hour - I have no idea how many times she came - she was even in tears a few times (though she never once told him to stop).

    He asked her if she was on the pill and when she said she was on the patch, he told her that he was going to cum inside of her to mark her - which only made her cum again! when he finally came, he had Amy on her back, her legs shaking violently as they both came together - and true to his word, John dumped his seed deep up inside my girlfriend's pussy right in front of me. But **** - he didn't even lose his damn hard on! They ****ed for about another 40 minutes and he came twice more. Amy was a wreck by the time we all went to bed.

    I will never forget the look on her face - like she was afraid of him and in love with him all at once - the whole time they ****ed. She later told me that there were no words to describe it - it was incredible but even that didn't seem enough. To my knowledge they never ****ed again and Amy and I dated for about another year before we finally broke up. I always wondered if she ended up with him or some other big dick guy.

    But one thing I know for sure - she NEVER ****ed me like she did John and the things she said about John - the way she looked at him - and the way she was around him after that night (almost shy and meek) convinced me that a big dick makes a difference.

    Amy told me that she "HAD to respect him" even if she didn't like him...and that she almost felt like he "had a right to her". So there ya go.
    {{**DIRTY SOUTH CREW**}}

    ####Texas Brah####

    *LONE STAR CREW*

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    [We come out at night]
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  17. #17
    ››››››››››››› Getx's Avatar
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    Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells."

    --------
    You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ve been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It’s just common sense.

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    u are 1 fuking cheeky kunt mate i swear i am goin 2 wreck u i swear on my mums life and i no u are scared lil bitch gettin your mates to send me messages saying dont meet up coz u r sum big bastard with muscles lol fuking sad mate really sad jus shows what a scared lil gay boy u are and whats all this crap ur mates sendin me about sum bodybuildin website that 1 of your faverite places to look at men u lil fuking gayboy fone me if u got da balls cheeky prick see if u can step up lil queer
    --------
    I prime myself physically and mentally to fight monsters such as this guy.

    it reminds me when i took down a 7ft2 black guy who tried to steal my watch I Walked up to him take his hand shake it and say "good luck" with a big puppy dog smile.

    Step back to the starting posistion smack your right fist into the palm of your left hand so it makes a loud smacking sound.
    The fear may never go away totally but fear is good makes you alert and aware which translates as focus.
    If you aren't afraid where's the glory in punching out someone who is basically a punching bag.
    Many people take martial arts so they won't be afraid the "fear no man" crapola then the 1st time they have to defend themselves they panic or freeze with fear because by trying to deny it they never learnt it's value and how to use it.
    --------

    lmagine this. You are attracted to women, Iike you are now (emotionally and sexually), but they do not exist. They existed a long time ago, and no one knows what they looked like (They have a pretty good idea from the fossils, however), but they do not exist anymore. That means, not only do you know there will never be any possibility of you having sex with one, but there's not even a possibility of you ever seeing one in real life. Everyone else, however, except for a very few, are not attracted to women, they are attracted to something else entirely. So in other words, you will never find any porn anywhere on the internet, only non-sexual pictures of women. Everyone you have told about your attraction to women think it's disgusting. To relieve yourself, you get off on the non-sexual pictures of women, knowing it will never get any better.

    That's what life is like to me.

    I am a degree 6 Zoosexual, sexually and emotionally attracted to Tyrannosaurs and nothing else. Women don't even do it for me. I am cursed to live my life in the misery that my most powerful emotional fantasies will never be even close to coming true. Life is like hell to me. I will never know true love.
    --------

    Allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there.

    --------

    Your eyes are too far apart. Nose is definitely crooked. The shape of your face is not aesthetically pleasing at all. You look like a 3/10 with make up in this photo. I don't even want to imagine what you look like without make up. I actually just threw up in my mouth, just thinking about it.

    Your head is too big (although that may be, because of your giraffe neck posture). As for your hair, lol. Seriously, do something. You look like a horse.

    Stare at your face for more than 5 seconds, and you will see how ugly you are. The eyes which are too far apart is what ruins/damages an already ugly face even further. Unfortunately for you, that can't be surgically fixed, lol.

    You arms are way too long. lol at how they hang by your sides. Kind of reminds me of lurch. As for your tits, we all know there is extra padding there. Don't even let me start on your pale complexion. It only works if you look hot. Unfortunately, you do not look hot. Its hard to sum up a creature like you in one word. 'UGLY' would be unfair, since it doesn't reflect how repulsive you look. GROTESQUE is stretching it. But somewhere in between, is where you would be, on the scale of an average man.

    I'm sorry if my words seem a little harsh. Just so you know, I sugar coated this post as much as possible.

    Have a nice day.
    --------

    The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
    --------
    Are you aware that there aren't enough words in the english language- hell, the entire lexicon of languages the world over- to describe how incredibly wrong this is. Not only is it wrong in that it is ignorant, but in that it is so incredibly incorrect on a factual level. Holy ****ing God, how stupid can a human being get? In my life I've encountered people who have been unintelligent, yes- I've encountered my share of people who suffered from mental disabilities. People with downs syndrome, autism, and so on. However, I have never once encounted somehow so stupid as to be capable of thinking something so unbelievably off-base. I didn't even think it possible that anyone in our plain of existence could ever even have the capacity for this level of idiocy

    --------
    I check into small hotel a few kilometers from Kiev. It is late. I am tired. I tell woman at desk I want a room. She tells me room number and give key. ?But one more thing comrade; there is one room without number and always lock. Don?t even peek in there.? I take key and go to room to sleep.

    Night comes and I hear trickling of water. It comes from the room across. I cannot sleep so I open door. It is coming from room with no number. I pound on door. No response. I look in keyhole. I see nothing except red.

    Water still trickling. I go down to front desk to complain. ?By the way who is in that room?? She look at me and begin to tell story.

    There was woman in there. Murdered by her husband. Skin all white, except her eyes, which were red.

    I tell her I don?t give a ****. Stop the water trickling or give me refund. She gave me 100 ruble credit and free breakfast.
    Such is life in Moscow

    --------
    Did you know that what you are talking about is limited by your false sense of reality? Maybe if you studied just a little bit harder while in school you wouldnt be blinded by these fallacies that have cast a cloud over your judgment. I once knew a guy like you who had everything he could ever want but in the end it meant nothing, because he never knew his true place in the grand scheme of things. Im not trying to tell you how to live your life but, honestly buddy I think its time you stepped down off of your high horse and looked life square in the eyes.
    --------

    dude I think you might have something wrong with your brain. Why are you trying to be all cyberbully on me. Do you really think anyone cares about you. You talk to people like they are trash. Why would you want to come off like that. Does it make you feel tough? Are you trying to make up for having a small smelly dick? You need to see a shrink. Have fun going through life wondering why people don't like you. I'll give you a hint though, you try to make others feel like ****. But you have failed on me. I know what you are. See, the thing is, I'm a nice guy. You on the other hand can't control your stupidity. You really don't even realize that you are a jerk ,do you? When your older maybe you can look back on times like this and see that you where unnecessarily rude to people you don't know. Right now you think you are being cleaver and it is just a fun time. Keep treating people like you do and see where you end up. You can not compete with my intellect so I warn you to give up before you embarrass yourself further..
    --------
    "forced" to take my grandfather's M6 to school stop at the mcdonalds I used to work at manager i worked with sees me in the drive thru we hate each other she asks how did I obtain the car I ask for a hamburger, she gives me a hamburger I raise it to my lips and take a bite. My eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs I swallow and look down at the hamburger in my hands. She gives me a hamburger I swallow and look down at the hamburger in my hands. I cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs a pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. She gives me a hamburger I look at her face, and she is pleading with me. The children are crying now I raise the hamburger to my lips, tears stream down my face as I take a bite she gives me a hamburger. I am on my knees.
    I plead with her to go across the street. She hears only children's laughter she gives me a hamburger I am screaming as I fall down the stairs. She is my child. I cannot see anything I take a bite of the hamburger the concrete rushes up to meet me I awake with a start in my own bed. My eye twitches involuntarily she gives me a hamburger as I kill her, I do not make a sound she gives me a hamburger...
    --------



    I would strap 45lb plates to my ball sack and swim up the Amazon river with Rosie O'Donnell's queef as my air supply to prove my value to you.

    --------

    I would lick gravy from the crevices of Ralphie May's thighs to have a conversation with you over a syphilis ridden cell phone with bad reception.

    --------

    I would belly flop into a pool of Aids infested needles just to put my name in a hat with 1 million other names for a chance to caress your beautiful legs while wearing gloves.

    --------

    I would let 100 black anaconda'd men run a train on me, call me Chauncie, bukkaki in a 10 gallon jug in which i will consume over a course of 2 hours just so i can get a taste of the poop of the guy who have had touched the receipt that she handed to him during her shift at hooters.

    --------
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  18. #18
    ››››››››››››› Getx's Avatar
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    I would strangle a moose with a 3 foot long piece of dental floss, gut it with my teeth and use the hide as a coat, then climb Mt. Everest barefoot while listening to Justin Bieber and cannibalizing on my climbing partner to survive with 10,000 volt shock-clamps attached to my nipples just to have a 1% chance to be able to eat a crusty piece of dried vaginal secretion from a pair of your 6-year-old panties that had never been washed.

    --------
    I've seen what getting jizzed on by a group of people does to a man, it is not pretty. I wasn't a part of it but when I was 12 or 13 I went to a sleep away summer camp and this is like when we were starting to discover porn and jacking off. Some kid brought some playboys and naked playing cards, sh*t like that with him. Anyway, one kid in our cabin was a huge tool, stole stuff like food and money from other people in our cabin. So half a dozen kids decided one night to wake up in the middle of the night at like 3 a.m and take turns jacking off in the bathroom, running out before they finished and blowing their load on the kid when he was sleeping. Literally 6-8 kids did this, all over his face, sheets, upper body, and hands, one kid also did it in his shoes. So everyone else wakes up the next morning and we all knew what had happened but this kid couldn't figure out why he was all sticky for like 15 minutes until a counselor forced it out of a kid. When the kid found out he went absolutely nuts, like certifiably crazy mental breakdown. He had to leave the camp for psychiatric treatment, worst part was after he took a shower and went to leave he stepped in the jizz shoes and also like 6 of my friends I never saw again because they got kicked out.

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    Lettuce be real for a moment, this isnt why i came here to write this. Only in the company of men can we talk before sunrise. You must never forget its a wonderful life and this is the city of god. For its our performance in the big country that will decide our brief encounter. While I may rest unforgiven its the passion of christ that will save me, and eventually you too. Whilst true romance may save us on those boogie nights, there will be blood when we're dancing with wolves. Harvey, can i ask you a question? Do you know the rules of the game? I dont. The Hustler is lost in translation. We walk and walk, we walk east, we walk north, north by northwest, like resevoir dogs until we find that american beauty. And we will all find her one day Yojimbo, worry not. The shining light on the waterfront is what will guide us through the matrix of uncertainty, for the heat will be gone with the wind. Do you know what lies beneath? 12 Angry men, and the third man is a taxi driver. ITs a matter of life or death that we wait until superman returns.

    --------

    whether u believe in god or not, or that life has a purpose or not, doesnt really matter. instead of trying to discover or figure out what the purpose of your life is, why dont u create one instead. dont worry about what u see other people doing. what you see as meaningless events in other people's lives, might not be that way to them. why dont u try to find a reason to live . what makes u happy and what do u wanna do with ur life?? who cares about other people, find those things out for urself and do what u want to do

    --------

    As we all know, smoking is really bad for your health. What a lot of people don't realize is that when you smoke, those few minutes of your expected lifespan are literally transformed into the ash you flick away into an ashtray. Ashtrays, each and every one of them, are constructed by a single group running several dozen front companies. Basically, unless you're putting out your smokes beneath your heel or in the ashtray your kid made at camp, you're dispensing your ashen life into this group's eager little recepticle. Their ashtrays absorb the life force from the ashes and sends it to a central holding facility. No one knows for sure what these guys are going to do when they've collected all that life energy, but it's probably going to be huge. Incidentally, there's talk of a rival organization leading the anti-smoking political agenda from behind the scenes. They probably figure removing smoking sections, and thus ashtrays, from restaurants and bars is a good first step towards thwarting whatever it is this ashtray company is trying to do.

    --------


    On a cold Friday afternoon, I had come home from school. I had been thinking of the gym all day. I was hungry, didn't have any lunch. In fact, I didn't eat because I spent the money. For the past month I was saving up for something. Something special which I bought at GNC. I was surprised they didn't ask for ID; I was pretty sure the cashier noticed how nervous I was. Anyways, my mom asked my how my day was when I got home, but I ignored her. I have more important things to do. I run to the bathroom and unpack my bag. In my school bag is a white plastic bag from GNC. I open the bag, first removing the receipt and flushing it down the toilet to get rid of the evidence. My heart was racing now. I unpack the creatine monster from the bag.

    I wonder what people will be asking me when they see that I will be 50lbs heavier. Should I say I was just eating a lot? I remove the label from the tub and tear it into a thousand small pieces. I flush that down the toilet, too. It is time now. I run up to my room when my mom ask me what I am holding. I panic, sweat drips down my forehead and my teeth chatter. "Mom, it's just for a school project". "What project?" "I don't know mom I just started it!". A tear runs down my cheek. I run upstairs and open the creatine, scooping upservings into a clear water bottle. What have I gotten myself into? I fill it with water and drink it. There is no turning back now. The creatine monster is inside me now, it will control me. What should I do if I die? I cant let my family know about this.

    I open the creatine tub and throw it all out the window; a white cloud of mysterious dust sparkles into the wind so graciously. I feel the substance taking control of me; I am now the monster. I walk downstairs, its time to work out; time to get big. Now I worry, I don't want to get too big; people will think I use steroids. I do use steroids. No I don't. Creatine. All I see is the weights now, I am almost downstairs when I hear "Do you want a cookie I just baked". I know I do not have time for this **** now. "No mom I do not want a cookie" I walk in the basement and drop to my knees before the weights, tears running down my cheeks. I turn to the right and look at myself in the mirror. Oh god, what have I done?
    --------

    The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this was true in your case then I would have never exposed myself to what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

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    Well if that is your main focus, i'm sorry but youre a loser. How can you even think like this? Seriously, when I was youre age I had girls all over me. As time passes you begin to see life from a different angle. You look at women from a different perspective and you begin to appreciate the smaller things. You dont laugh when someone misses the bus, or when someone burns their toast. You become somewhat depressed, because you miss the days where you could do whatever you want, whenever you want. Anyways, i dont want to scare you, as you get older you will learn from this experience, and you will start to appreciate what i am telling you. Good luck in life, my friend, and keep it mind what i have told you.
    --------

    Ok, now I feel bad for you. I feel bad for people who don’t know any better because it’s not their fault, they just happen to not know any better so people can’t get tight at that so now I’m going to make you realize the truth behind all this. I’m going to go step by step and tell you what you’re doing and how ridiculous it is. I don’t need to know your name because that doesn’t justify who you are as a person; based off all these previous judgmental opinions you’ve been claiming on me, I already know the type of person you are and it’s sad you can’t realize it yourself but once again, it’s not your fault, you don’t know any better.
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  19. #19
    Banned IRON86's Avatar
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    I read this guy's post and immediately said to myself, i'm going to sit right down and tell this mother****er exactly how i eat my mother****ing steel cut oatz

    i make a gigantic ****ing batch every four days. When im done i have an enormous bowl of steel cut oatz and at this point i generally take the first few feet of my cock out of my pants and fap because the sight is beautiful

    every morning i take a goodly portion of that ****ing pond of glory and i pour vanilla ****ing soymilk in the ****ing bowl with the ****ing oatz and i put them in the microwave where i picture them ****ing while they heat up

    i've now got a bowl of hot oatz and an infallibly rigid dick but i am not done mother****er and it is not yet time to eat

    i reach around behind me and grab my nuts from the cupboard and sprinkle a bunch of walnuts into the ****ing bowl. I grab my raisins and i shake my raisins into that ****ing bowl, i grab my prunes and i lay my prunes into that ****ing bowl, and i grab my ****ing naked banana and i layer it into that ****ing bowl.

    At this point i collapse onto the floor and **** a new hole into the hardwood of my kitchen because i just can't ****ing stand my gorgeous ****ing oatz, then i stand up and i eat that ****ing bowl, the whole ****ing thing including the bowl itself, without any utensils and then i go throw myself at the sex doll i have dressed up like the quaker oatz guy and i literally **** it until my neighbors call the cops.
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  20. #20
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  21. #21
    ››››››››››››› Getx's Avatar
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    lol, Dont act like you can violate people. Your attempts at violation are lame and pathetic and you end up making yourself look stupid. If you could "violate for days" you would but you cant. You cant say **** because a)you are an idiot b)you dont know who I am and you dont know anything about me so how would you even begin to violate me and c) you try way to hard to sound smart, and have to use a thesaurus and google to come up with a comeback, and STILL manage to sound stupid. If you dont want people saying **** anonymously take out the option to ASK ANONYMOUSLY, you ****ing *******. You're just a dumb egotistical hypocrite who's just as pussy as any anonymous person on tumblr because it seems like you do all your **** talking online.

    --------
    Look here you dumb broad. I have a fukkin mad crush on you, and i think we need to get together asap. SRS I've felt like this for a while, I'm not surprised you never noticed, you're too busy doing your fukkin hair and make up, listening to kesha and ****. hit me back when yo get this and let me know what you think. peace bitch

    --------

    I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are

    --------

    I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. You are a technicolor yawn. And did I mention that you smell?
    --------
    Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the sewers in search of your git.
    --------
    On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. Spammers look down on you. Phone sex operators hang up on you. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you.
    --------
    Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taveria in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hop it.

    --------
    Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad back from driving the truck but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6'4" 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someones face. Just my thought.What do you think. Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know.

    --------

    hey shawty. lemme holla at you right quick ya know what im sayin. checkin you out over there you lookin kinda good, ya know what im sayin. so i was wondering ya know how about you and me go back to the place, get comfortable, probably sip on some of this henney, you know what im sayin, and after that, you know what im... sayin, we can do the grownup and you can let me clap on dem cheeks, ya hear me?
    --------

    Im new an english So many words give me the struggling time. My dismay when I finished your post. Because your info is weak and I wasted my own time, and your time to, Dont enjoy life my man, Dont make this thread if your reason is pointless or doesnt EXIST. Dont be offended because its how life goes, think about it
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  22. #22
    Registered User 12ozCurls's Avatar
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    I would strap 45lb plates to my ball sack and swim up the Amazon river with Rosie O'Donnell's queef as my air supply to prove my value to you.
    I would lick gravy from the crevices of Ralphie May's thighs to have a conversation with you over a syphilis ridden cell phone with bad reception.
    I would belly flop into a pool of Aids infested needles just to put my name in a hat with 1 million other names for a chance to caress your beautiful legs while wearing gloves.
    I would let 100 black anaconda'd men run a train on me, call me Chauncie, bukkaki in a 10 gallon jug in which i will consume over a course of 2 hours just so i can get a taste of the poop of the guy who have had touched the receipt that she handed to him during her shift at hooters.
    I would strangle a moose with a 3 foot long piece of dental floss, gut it with my teeth and use the hide as a coat, then climb Mt. Everest barefoot while listening to Justin Bieber and cannibalizing on my climbing partner to survive with 10,000 volt shock-clamps attached to my nipples just to have a 1% chance to be able to eat a crusty piece of dried vaginal secretion from a pair of your 6-year-old panties that had never been washed.
    ****!!VIRGINIA CREW!!****
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  23. #23
    malaka ge0rgieee's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheBateman View Post
    ill rep u if u put up some good ones
    Honestly, that's what I call a cool story bro. Such a riveting tale, I honestly copy and pasted it to word, saved on my hard drive, backed it up on a jump drive, drove to the bank, put the jump drive in the safe deposit box, and will leave it there until my kids turn about 12 (when they can actually state their age, and ask what it is I'm showing them), when I will pick it up, put it in an old USB drive reader and relay this cool story to them and tell them, "kids, this is what a cool story should look and sound like...not like the stories your generation tells.


    all seriousness tho here u go:


    I have relatives from not so far back that were Nimibian tribesman. They happen to have fought lions just to become warriors. I don't know what you know about lions but they aren't like your average cat. I bet you would absolutely **** your...self if you ever saw a real life lion, especially if you were only holding a sharpened stick and you were naked. Come talk to me when some of your family members have gone on the Zambutu bibjano; A.K.A. the trial of life. Until you have done half the **** that they have maybe you shouldn't even talk to me like this. I know you think you're hard and **** but guess what pal, you aren't. Now go grow some Namibian genes and we'll talk about this **** for real.

    =============

    Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad back from driving the... truck but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6'4" 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someones face. Just my thought.What do you think. Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know.

    =============

    The problem is your focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.

    =============

    I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

    =============

    The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well? it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a ...bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective? Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us normal people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are challenged persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been 'right'. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you, especially in your pursuit of fictitious girls that you like to post here.

    =============

    Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

    Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them ...together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

    I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

    Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

    When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

    This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

    There can be only one.

    =============

    Are you aware I have a ritual called 'terminator'. I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slo...wly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy

    =============

    I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, th...en a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.


    =============

    Okay, so I messaged you to ask you to chill, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you chill with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going. what do you think?
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  24. #24
    lefthandedstraw's Avatar
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    I'm amazed at the sheer speed the internals of our body work.

    Let's say you want to move your arm. Your brain sends a signal to a neuron, the signal travels the length of the neuron, which can be up to a meter long, via electro-chemical signaling process whereby ions (such as chlorine, sodium, potassium, and calcium) are moved into/out of the cell. The neuron comes to a synaptic gap where it ends and another neuron, or muscle cell, begins. Again, electro-chemical signaling processes result in the release and uptake of various ions and neurotransmitters in the synaptic gap which in turn cause the release and uptake of ions in the muscle cell.

    The muscle cell reaches it's action potential and releases calcium from the sarcoplasmic reticulum, the calcium binds to troponin, which causes a conformational change in the tropomyosin, which exposes the myosin binding sites on the actin. The myosin heads can now metabolize the ATP to undergo myosin-actin cross-bridging, literally pulling themselves along the actin, which contracts the muscle cell. Repeat this thousands and thousands of times for a single muscle.

    Then, when it's done contracting, the myosin releases the actin, the ADP gets recycled into ATP, the calcium is released from the troponin, the tropomyosin goes back to it's previous position, the calcium is reabsorbed by the sarcoplasmic reticulum, the sodium, potassium, chlorine, and calcium levels in the cell and interstitial space return to normal via many ion channels (regulated by voltage, other ions, neurotransmitters, hormones, etc...) and the muscle is ready to contract again.

    All this is done in a fraction of a second.

    Here is a neat little animation of a myosin head interacting with an actin thread...and yes, it really does look just like that:



    Red thing is the myosin head, green sphere is the ATP, the little part that jettisons off is the Phosphate, so it's ADP that's left, the pink and blue thing is the tropomyosin complex, the yellow dot is calcium, and the orange is the actin.
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  25. #25
    ››››››››››››› Getx's Avatar
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    not even sure whats so funny about that one ^
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  26. #26
    Misc King TheBateman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LiveStrongly View Post
    1st

    hi bateman! i've heard a lot about ya.

    U horrible sick fukin basterd I knew u recorded something I should have known why would u show all that sh!t to ____ u lowlife do i know how much sh!t u caused i have no fuking place to stay back home hope somebody ruins you ife 1 day and they will cos now ur cards are marked. funny that u won't answer the phone so enjoy getting kneecapped when my dad finds out about this and i hope u drop dead u sick piece of sh!t
    lol excellent
    *not gonna make it crew*
    *hold my own hand to see what it feels like crew*
    *paint my own nails to fap so it looks like girl is giving me handjob crew*
    *delivery boy passes me pizza through mail slot crew*
    *jason genova is happier than me crew*
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  27. #27
    Registered User Cutfoot's Avatar
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    Can you just hold me in your arms like you are holding the baby in the avi? Nothing gay or anything, just one grown man tenderly holding another.
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  28. #28
    Stay thirsty my friends Misc_Canuck's Avatar
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    RIP Zyzz (made by me): http://zyzzhnng.ytmnd.com/
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  29. #29
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    Dear,
    I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my sandwich go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you
    ☆☆☆υк ’яєω☆☆☆

    "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." - Winston Churchill

    ~~~Rep Back 100 + lulz~~~

    Ain't nuttin to it but to do it
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  30. #30
    Registered User HassanChop's Avatar
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