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  1. #1
    The Accidental Bulker GirLInterrupted's Avatar
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    Muscle Jokes....??

    I'm always making muscle jokes, usually cracks people up because I really don't have much yet LOL.... What muscle jokes make you laugh or have you used... I'll start


    Hey, better call the vet, because these puppies are sick!



    Did the zoo call you today?
    ...Why?
    Cause they want their pythons back!




    I almost got kicked out of school today. Got caught with a six pack and 2 guns
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  2. #2
    Banned Oceanside's Avatar
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    I'm pretty sure you just told the only 3 muscle jokes in existance...
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  3. #3
    Squats and Milk Bando's Avatar
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    How many muscleheads does it take to change a light bulb?

    3, one to change it and two others to stand around saying "your lats are sick bro"
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  4. #4
    Banned Oceanside's Avatar
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    I stand corrected...
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  5. #5
    The Accidental Bulker GirLInterrupted's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Oceanside View Post
    I stand corrected...
    LOL....

    oh, and they are out there my friend! I even made up a really lame one, can't believe I'm posting it. I apologize in advance :P

    Hey, do you know where I can get a gun permit? Because the guns are coming out!
    ~Beth

    The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.

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  6. #6
    Registered User Do_Somethin's Avatar
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    How many deadlifts does it take to clear a room?

    It depends on the number of bodies.
    Exodus 20:12
    "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."

    Jeremiah 29:11
    "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

    Bruises: The trophies that disappear.
    Scars: The trophies that linger.
    Garnering both of the above honorably: Glory that lasts forever.
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  7. #7
    Moisture farmer desslok's Avatar
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    This guy walks into a bar...
    Cause the moron forgot to re-rack it.
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  8. #8
    Registered User byrontel's Avatar
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    Noob Bodybuilder: Do you workout the biceps and triceps to build big arms?

    Clive: Working out the Cliceps will get you big arms.
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  9. #9
    The Accidental Bulker GirLInterrupted's Avatar
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    Is there a Grain & feed store around?
    Gotta buy some hay to feed these calves!
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  10. #10
    "Darkness Falls" merlinsrealm's Avatar
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    Did you Hear about the bodybuilder who soaked himself in ice cold water?

    He wanted his muscles to have a full contraction.



    "You better call a plumber, cause these pipes are about to burst!"


    "Call 911...im cut!"


    Ugh, They just get worse
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  11. #11
    Registered User dajuggarnauth's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by GirLInterrupted View Post
    I'm always making muscle jokes, usually cracks people up because I really don't have much yet LOL.... What muscle jokes make you laugh or have you used... I'll start


    Hey, better call the vet, because these puppies are sick!



    Did the zoo call you today?
    ...Why?
    Cause they want their pythons back!




    I almost got kicked out of school today. Got caught with a six pack and 2 guns
    ****!, Hey can you give me a ride to the vet? Its an emergency! Cause these pythons are sick!
    I was watching National Geographic and they say that mount Everest is the highest peak in the world.....Guess they didnt now about mount rightarm and mount leftarm.
    If there are really no snakes in Hawaii, then how do you explain THESE PYTHONS!
    ****, I have to go to the town hall right!.... now do you know where it is!...I need to get these guns registered!
    Knock knock! Who's There?.... MY BICEPS!!!!
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  12. #12
    Day 20 NoShave Nov. tmonkey's Avatar
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    strong bump
    Thanks,
    TM

    No Crybabies

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  13. #13
    Day 20 NoShave Nov. tmonkey's Avatar
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    got any tape - i am ripped
    Thanks,
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  14. #14
    This too shall pass dazlittle's Avatar
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    why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted from his apartment

    Because he was squatting!
    Those who danced in the rain were thought insane by those who couldn't hear the music.
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  15. #15
    This too shall pass dazlittle's Avatar
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    This one made me chuckle...

    A massive bodybuilder befriends a pretty girl at a local bar. After several drinks and hours of conversation, the two decide to leave and head back to his place. After making out in the bedroom for a while, he stands up and starts to undress. After removing his shirt, he flexes his muscles and says, "See here, baby? That is 1000 pounds of dynamite." She starts to drool, itching with anticipation. The bodybuilder drops his pants next and says, "See these, baby? These legs are 1000 pounds of dynamite." At this point, she is aching to get started. Lastly, he takes of his boxers. The woman screams, grabs her purse, and runs towards the door. He catches her before she can leave and asks what the problem is. She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you could blow at any second!"
    Those who danced in the rain were thought insane by those who couldn't hear the music.
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  16. #16
    Registered User FCrivello's Avatar
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    From an early Monty Python's Flying Circus:

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  17. #17
    The Cake Is A Lie! StressMonkey's Avatar
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    There will come a day when I tire of listening to 80's music. That day is not today.

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  18. #18
    Registered User KeepItMoving's Avatar
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    Last Summer, I walked into a bar with a sleeveless Tshirt. As I sat down, my buddy kept brushing at my shoulders. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me, "You have two threads hanging from your shirt. I was trying to brush them away."
    Envy is ignorance. Imitation is suicide.

    -----R. W. Emerson
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  19. #19
    I'm not that bright phikappa's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by KeepItMoving View Post
    Last Summer, I walked into a bar with a sleeveless Tshirt. As I sat down, my buddy kept brushing at my shoulders. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me, "You have two threads hanging from your shirt. I was trying to brush them away."
    Ouch.
    The beatings will continue until morale improves.
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  20. #20
    Registered User KeepItMoving's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by phikappa View Post
    Ouch.
    Naahhh, I thought it was pretty funny.
    Envy is ignorance. Imitation is suicide.

    -----R. W. Emerson
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