18 years old, living with parents. Work as a server at a restaurant.
Work is mundane, boring, and repetitive. Every day is like wake up, work, home. With the occasional community college class thrown in. Again and again and again. I can't even imagine how much it will suck if i live alone.
Bout 4 weeks ago i had the first anxiety attack of my life while going through something like an existential crisis. Started having obsessive thoughts, OCD, constant panic and anxiety attacks through the day, derealization, and a bunch of other mental symptoms. With some recommendations from the misc and some reading I was able to find some way to deal with the crisis (ie, find a purpose or reason in life).
A lot of other things came out as well. Such as the loneliness that i was suppressing after i alienated almost everyone out of my life due to my arrogance, kind of floats right to the top when you have nobody you trust to talk to IRL.
Even after i felt more or less at peace with life, i had a fear of sleep, and developed hypochondria after becoming obsessed with the thought that i was going schizophrenic or developing some other mental illnesses due to the sudden onset of symptoms which i now attribute to the stress that i was going through. Found myself walking around the streets crying about stuff, stopped going to the gym, stopped eating healthy...and so on.
Taking things one day at a time and not letting thoughts overcome me, I've been able to sort through the bullsht and kind of set everything in place. Trying to calm down day by day, anxiety attacks drastically disappearing, fear of sleep is mostly gone. Feeling better in that sense.
However, I'm walking around in somewhat of a depression these last few days. I feel like i have changed my entire outlook on life lately, yet nothing actually in my life is changing. Same work. Same school. Same everything. Coming home and entering my room at the end of the day makes me feel like I'm right back where i started an got nowhere. Even makes me panic again. Games i used to play before aren't interesting any more, arguing on the misc isn't as rewarding as it felt before, everything seems dull.
I can't shake the feeling that i want and need to go do something else. In the long run i want to hopefully peruse a career where i can work at helping people. Such as a doctor, or doing research in the medical field. But that's far away from now, and i think I'll literally go insane if i keep up with the current routine I'm in. I'm snappy, irritable, unhappy, can't communicate with friends or even parents while I'm in this state.
On top of that, i have this huge lingering fear that I might not even find anything out there in life. My life now is only going to get worse once i move out. And that I'm really just going absolutely nuts.
-Existential Crisis, which caused a practically complete nervous and mental break down
-Crisis somewhat overcome, and is replaced by terrors of going crazy due to everything i experienced.
-Taking it one day at a time, calming down, seem to be getting much better. Don't seem to be going crazy.
-Depression sinks in. Outlook on life dramatically changed, life hasn't. Everything seems dull and routine now. Interests are fading. Feels like i need to go do something else or find something new to do with my life.
Thoughts? Opinions? Should i go see a therapist ASAP? Prozac? Zoloft? Heroin?
It helps a ton to lay stuff out in an organized manner somewhere. The wall of text isn't as much for you as it is for me.