best copy pasta's

[MHKhan17]

Out thug the e-thugs with this one

you feel like punching me in the face? bring it on you ***got. I know multiple fighting styles, and I also carry a switchblade with me at all times. Something ****ing tells me that you'd be better off keeping your arms down at your sides. If you can't ****ing put "cause" and "effect" together in that pathetic brain of yours, I'll help you out here. You'll be standing face to face with me, and let me ****ing tell you, it'll already be too ****ing late to back down at that point. You might decide "well ****, I might as well stay true to my word and throw a ****ing punch". This is where you will go wrong. I hope you don't have a job that requires two ****ing hands, because you're going to be missing one after I'm done with you. I'll casually divert your fist off to the side, as you suddenly realize you may have gotten yourself into something you can't back up. You'll try to regroup and pull your arm back, but that wont be easy when I jab my spear-pointed Benchmade switchblade straight through the bone in your forearm, and proceed to rip your entire ****ing forearm and hand off in one quick pull. At this point, you'll probably spend 2 seconds in shock. I say 2 seconds, because thats the amount of time you'll have before I reverse the knife in my hand, and uppercut it straight through your throat. You'll spend your last few seconds gurgling blood, and wondering where you went wrong. After that, I'll be forced to take care of any witnesses who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Nothing a few quick choke slams can't fix, followed by a nice gentle slice across the jugular with the Benchmade.
Now, mother****er, you sure you want to go through with that punch?


you really need to be careful how you talk about me on the forum, i dont appreciate it. tone down the disrespect, i dont know where you're from but where i am from, we dont tolerate that. dont even reply to this, just keep your mouth shut. consider yourself warned.


K for your information, *******, I have seen a lion. And not one of your crap ass queen of the jungle homoerotic pussy-cat lions. A real lion, with fangs and horns and wings and ****. Don't pull your ****ing wierd ass african voodoo hypnosis crap on me when you don't even know wtf you're talking about.

[Dom1992]

doest any1 have the "you cheeky ****" paragraph from the ybd thread?

[i_am_disappoint]

reps for the one about the guy who makes every woman in a 10 mile radius wet their panties and drives a lamborgini enzo (yeah lol)

[Negatron617]

are you aware that whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species1. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the �loser,� and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Greens are set aside in a Brandy Snifter, both in homage to rockers of old2, and for small amounts of self indulgence3 as the championship is underway.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3�5 card reading, �Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.�

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this �grant money.� I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

so the hispanic and native american M&Ms are the strongest.........interesting

[MHKhan17]

woke up at exactly 6:00. I need no alarm clock. Two women woke me by sucking my cock, which by the way is 17 and a half inches. I didn't need to shower, because my body self cleanses and mypores emit the manliest cologne possible.

I got in my 2011 Lamborghini Murcielago and another one of my bitches was waiting in the passenger seat. She was in the car all night, because she couldn't sleep without me having penetrated her.

She hopped on me and started riding my dick while I squeezed her tits and drove with my knees. In three seconds, I arrived at the gym, which was fifty miles away. I threw the bitch off me, and she quickly returned to the passenger seat, where she would sit until I got back. When I got out the car, I flexed.

My bulging, huge, muscles ripped my shirt off, and six women lined up. We had an orgy, which didn't last too long. Each woman climaxed when my cock came within five inches of her pussy, and went into an eternal state of euphoria after I put it in. I came, and three hundred gallons of semen shot out. It landed in Ghana, and ended the drought.

I hovered into the gym, because the ground was too scared of my calf muscles to touch my feet. After benching seven thousand tons, I squatted four million kilograms. I started doing my four hundred laps around California, but I got a phone call. It was a conference call with nineteen supermodels.

They orgasmed after hearing my voice. My bitch in the car was getting lonely, so I went back. She sucked me off as I took the three second drive back home. I left her in the car and went inside, to type this to you lowlife. Be honored.

Ciao!


Woke up this morning 5:30 sharp with a blowjob from two bitches, one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. Must have came about a quart of sperm. They wanted more, cockslapped them unconcious, I had to hit the gym. Frontflipped from my 14th floor loft into my valet parked 2012 Ferrari (I got connexions) and gave the valet 3000$ in loose change. Pushed my **** to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at the gym in no time. When I entered, the room scent suddently changed from sweat to wet pussy. That’s just the effect I have on hoes. Did my usual relax routine, 6000 push-ups, 8500 crunches, bench bressed 30 plates, etc. etc. you know the drill. After doing my **** in 16 minutes, my super strong senses got in action, I was smelling pussy. I looked up, and sure enough this fly honey was coming towards me. When i say fly, I mean that bitch was fine as a ****ing umbrella. 18 years old, 44DD titties on a tight ****ing frame. I mean a real skinny bitch, the type you losers jack off to, she didn’t weigh more than 5 pounds. Took out my trouser monster and she started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. Then I gave it to her while all the guys were giving me high fives and all the hoes were on the floor squirting like mother****ing fountains. Made the **** beg for my cum, but I didn’t give it to her to prove a point, I still came but only compressed air came out, imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. Didn’t say nothing, hopped back in the Lambo and went back home. Now I’m sitting here, drinking 15 000$ champagne and eating gold plated sushis made by the 2 bitches from earlier. It’s only 6:30 and I did more in 1 hour than you ***gots will do your whole life. Enjoy jacking off to stupid drawn pictures. Carl out.

[vasodilation]

doest any1 have the "you cheeky ****" paragraph from the ybd thread?

u are 1 ****ing cheeky **** mate i swear i am goin 2 wreck u i swear on my mums life and i no u are scared lil bitch gettin your mates to send me messages saying dont meet up coz u r sum big bastard with muscles lol ****in sad mate really sad jus shows what a scared lil gay boy u are and whats all this crap ur mates sendin me about sum bodybuildin website that 1 of your faverite places to look at men u lil ****in gay boy fone me if u got da balls cheeky prick see if u can step up lil queer

[guideX]

reps for the one about the guy who makes every woman in a 10 mile radius wet their panties and drives a lamborgini enzo (yeah lol)

ok brah, it's my favorite one also.

It was a hot summer day and I was in my workout room benching 1200 pounds. My abs were flexing and girls within a 10 mile radius were getting wet. Once I was done with my daily 32 hour workout I called one of the bitches I know, Jessica. She is really damn hot and looks like a supermodel. SO I got into my Lamborghini Gallardo and reved it up to 40,000 RPM (this is an Italian import with special engine system). I got onto the freeway near my house and threw it into 8th gear, I hit about 600 mph and I could hear the sonic boom as I broke the sound barrier. As I was flooring it on the freeway like a badass, Jessica called me and said she wanted me to **** her. So be it.
I came to a full stop from 700 mph in front of her house. These Ferraris have top notch brakes, you know. So she gets out of the house and walks up to my Bugatti and starts eyeballing my dick. I could tell she was staring at it because when I looked at her I noticed she was looking at my dick. Booya.

Flash forward 10 minutes later. My 30 inch dick is going inside of her VAGINA, hitting them walls. I'm holding her entire body up with my left pinky as I'm ****ing her and she has 30,000 orgasms. She looks me in the eyes and she says "harder." V-TEC just kicked in, yo. I blow my load so hard she falls off my dick. There had to have been about two pints of cum everywhere. People say I cum like a pornstar, I wouldn't disagree with them.

I throw her a towel so she can clean herself up then I do a triple backflip into my Maserati and drive home

There is one thing I REALLY ****ING CAN'T STAND TO SEE. And that is a woman's smiling face. Something about seeing a girl happy just offends me. I can't even place it, but it pisses me off. It makes me want to punch her face into a ****ing wall. It makes me want to forcefully apply the steel toe of my boot with her ****. It makes me want to throw her against a ****ing wall and watch her bleed. Every day I have to very strongly resist the urge not to.

oly fuking shiit OP. I'm on the edge of my god damn seat right now. I'm so excited I'm going to punch my dog in the face. This is defiantly the thread of 2011. I've backed up a copy onto my external harddrive incase the internet gets deleted.
My favorite part of this thread is when you explain the way you made the huge money you speak of, then consequently spent it all.
I've given this a 5* rating because I enjoyed reading your story, I have also added to your positive reputation because you're an awesome poster. Thanks brah, sincerely.
(not srs, negged you fuking scum bag)

[GoldenGains]

here's some of mine


Hi ____

I was browsing your profile and couldn't help but notice your smile glistening at me like tinfoil to a smacktard. Immediately my throat became dry and I just sat there silently gasping and wondering how thy could be so blessed as to view such a heavenly beauty.

You see my life hasn't always been sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes I just get caught up so much in the little things that I lose sight of the bigger picture. Next thing you know you're failing mid-semeters and have to make a living jello wrestling Coach Chuggs at frat parties. And so it becomes a vicious cycle, much like dat dere celltech. Until that one days grace, where the gods have mercy on your soul and you get a second chance. No more crackpipes and over 40' swinger parties. Imma new man and I be whoever I gunna be.

Well that day is today and I am ever thankful that I got to lay eyes upon a beauty as fine as you. I would love to meet up some time? My place for scramby eggs and coffee? Whaddya say?

x

(Your Name)


__________________________________________________ _____________



____ my love cake, I am a little lost for words right now as I'm feeling taken aback by your beauty. Heck even as I'm typing this I can feel my protein shake slowly forming a dry crust on the roof of my mouth. You should know very few women have made feel like this, but alas this is a feeling I intend on chasing like a mongo on a chicken farm.

Sure you're not a perfect 10, what with those pointy elbows and belly button eyes. But there's just something unique about you that makes me want you, something far beyond just the physical aspects and wanting to satisfy my animalistic urges. I'm sensing we have a strong spiritual connection, almost synonymous to the connection you would expect to find between two opposing magnets sitting in the palm of a jedi.

I think we should meet up a.s.a.p
(and no I don't mean having a fling at some Motel with a bottle of vodka & a rubber chicken! lol)

Whaddya say?

[GoldenGains]

The names _____ aKa the terminator.

Well in short I'm a born n bred badass from Jordan, L.A. But that's hardly enough for you to make a decision on whether I'm worthy to carry forth your offspring, so let me ellaborate.

You see my childhood wasn't always pillow fights & ecstasy. In fact there were quite a few rough patches I had to endure. I suppose the first was when I was 5 years old, at this time I was living in a small 1 bedroom flat with my mom. I never knew my real father as he abandoned her as soon as he found out she was pregnant, or as my mom always used to say "he hit it n quit it". Because of this my mom was often tired/stressed and craving some male attention. Soon enough her prayers were answered when she met sauve talking russian entrepreneur named Berdt Stayr, but sadly he didn't care much for children and our only point of contact was when he would tell me about his bloodline in russian potato farming. In fact his lineage to this bizarre agricultural tradition soon started to reveal his mental wearing as he became progressively strict towards the foods I was and wasn't allowed to eat. In fact by the time I was 10 all I was eating was potato and meat. And if I was ever caught disobeying his order he would savage my anus with a rolled up newspaper.

And so it all boiled down one afternoon when I was 13, I came home happy as larry chomping my way through a bag of fruit my art teacher gave me when suddenly I felt a pair of cold, calloused hands wrap around my throat and a deep booming voice shout "I MAKE BUY POTATO. YOU MUST POTATO". I could feel my air ways closing and in a desperate struggle I swung out and hit him in juggular. Immediately he dropped to his knee's bug-eyed and in total paralysis. At this moment all the memories of pain and abuse overcame me and I erupted and caved his ****ing face in with a rock.

After a few weeks of psychiatric counseling and police statements I was sent off to New York to attend military school whereby I was forced to undertake mixed martial arts as part of my correctional behavior program. Here I learned to channel my anger and hatred through grueling workouts and partnered sparring sessions. I was soon recognized as a talent and got offered a scholarship to train NYMC (New York Mixed Combat). And progressed from there.

That's pretty much my story and if you follow the mma circuit then that's probably where you've heard my name before. More recently I was the guy who knocked out Hong man Choi with a kamikaze punch then skull dragged him across the street. lol. I currently reside in ______ and do part-time work towards my business degree.

But enough about me! you're the heavenly proportioned beauty, what's your story?

x

(Your Name)

[rocksmith]

This made me lol irl.. Doctor Swole edit _ fook thats longer than i thought, worth the read if its new to you.

After setting a new gym record on standing calf raises, I decided that a celebration was in order. I told Lex to round up the crew, because we were going hunting for cardio bunnies. Lex called up our other training partner, Mongo. Mongo is a 6'8" 305 lb. bodybuilding monster. To give you an idea, he takes in 5000 cals while cutting, and has an IV stuck into
his arm with protein flowing in at all times to avoid going catabolic.

We headed out to the club, of course all dressed to the nines. Lex in sweatpants,a PROLAB tshirt, and his trusty crowbar. Mongo was wearing leather pants, a white beater, with his lifting belt around his waist. I decided to try some peacocking, and wore a pink beater, complimented by a pink top hat and pink Chuck Taylor shoes.

We ran into a little trouble at the door, when the bouncer told us we weren't properly dressed for the establishment. Mongo stepped up to the plate. Bumping into him, Mongo screamed "You sure about that?" The bouncer, terrified, changed his mind but asked for the $20 cover charge.
"Cover charge? Just be lucky you're still alive, punk. We ain't paying a cover charge." Lex and I walked in, lats flaring, while Mongo entered the side door (too big to fit through the front door).

We scoped out the situation, and it looked pretty grim. A club packed with AFC's and a bunch of HB8's and HB9's. I shook my head. As you know, I only pork HB10's.

A few minutes later, a group of HB8.5's approached us.

HB8.5: Hi...ummm... we heard you guys were alpha males and we wanted to know if we could hang out with you tonight?

I fought off the urge to vomit (HB8.5's... gross!) and replied, "You know,
you've got a lot of nerve coming over here. Don't you think I'm a little out of your league, cupcake? Now get out of here, you're threatening my alpha status."

I was getting impatient. "Mongo, find me a HB10 NOW!" I snarled at him. Mongo took out his binoculars and scanned the crowd.

Mongo: I see a HB10 cardio bunny at the bar, drinking a martini.
Me: Any bodybuilder activity in the area?
Mongo: I dont see any... just an ectomorph.
Me: I'm going in.

I lat flared it over to this broad, and first approached the ectomorph hitting
on her. He was wearing a Jose's Surf Shop T-shirt
"End of the road, AFC. Step aside and let me handle this cardio bunny."

AFC: Get lost.

Normally, I would have stomped him into the ground, but with Mongo in the
club I felt it unneccessary.

Me: <grabbing the AFC by the throat> Look, you f**kin ectomorph, you better
get the f**k out of here before we have a problem. See
that guy over there, that's a 6'8" 300 lb. bodybuilder. If you don't leave
this club now, and never come back, the cops are gonna have
to call the boys down at Jose's Surf Shop to ID your body.

The AFC ran away screaming and I moved in on the cardio bunny. "Your lucky
day, baby. You get to spend the evening with Doctor Swole. Wanna feel my pythons?"

Cardio Bunny: What do you think I am, some cheap slut just looking to get
laid? I'm better than that.
Me: Oh I get it. You look at me and all you see is shredded quads,
18 inch pythons, and abs you could do laundry on. I'm more than a piece of meat here.

I turned around to leave.

Cardio Bunny: I'm sorry, did you say 18 inch pythons? My name's Isabelle.
Me: Doctor Swole.
CB: Oh, a doctor? What kind?
Me: A uhhh... gynocologist.
CB: Really? How did you get into that?
Me: Well, I guess you can say I just love pussy.

Lex approached me with a look of concern on his face. "Mongo's IV is out of whey. We need to get him some protein before he goes catabolic and gets into a rage."

Me: F**k. How long do we have?
Lex: 15, 20 minutes tops.

CB: Do you have to go? Well here's my phone number, why dont you call me sometime
and we can go to a museum or something.

I looked at her phone number in disgust. "Look cupcake, I'm going on a gynocologist
exposition in the Phillipines for the next year. Tonight may be our last night together. We should make the most of it."

CB: If you say so, Doctor Swole.

I took her out to my BMW and we started going at it. I hit it doggystyle and finished off by giving her a pearl necklace (the only jewelry I'll ever buy for a woman.)

I lit up a joint and closed my eyes. Lex and Mongo approached the BMW. "We gotta go now, Doc, Mongo's gonna get catabolic."

I told the cardio bunny to leave the car. "I had a great time, Doc. My gynocologist never treated me like that!"

Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. "He's no gynocologist. This is Doctor Swole, one of the most notorious Alpha Males on the planet!"

Cardio bunny had a look of denial on her face. "Tell me thats not true! Are you even a real doctor?"

Me: <taking a puff of the joint> I'm no doctor... but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. I stepped on the gas and accelerated away from the cardio bunny. She coughed when inhaling my exhaust fumes, and by the time she stopped I had turned the corner. I wondered if she had seen my ALPHA1 license plate, but it's
inconsequential. I'll never see her again. My speedometer hit 95 as I raced to Mongo's place.

Lex: Going a little fast Doc?
Me: <taking a drag from the joint> Those protein shakes ain't gonna mix themselves.

And an answer to "why do you lift?"

- by fifty Ill be in the best shape of my life, the top of my game. Ill be in better shape and healthier that all of you put together. I didn’t bother to mention that my muscle wont turn to fat as, apart from being retarded, Ill still be working out and if I cant, Ill change my diet but still maintain form. I didn’t mention that it was for people like him why I train, average, because I used to be average. I didn’t mention it was for people like him who make excuses, people who scoff at those who work hard and succeed and still push for more, people who put others down because of their own insecurities, people who take the easy route instead of the hard, people who never push and simply back down and stay down when pushed, people who never fail because they never take risks, people who will never see amazing places and who will never do amazing things because they are too afraid to step away from what is known and safe, people who want to develop and who want to be great but never will be because its much safer to stay as who they are, much safer to stay where they are, doing what they do, rather than take a risk, rather than take even one step into the unknown. I didn’t mention that what I gain for every workout has a knock on effect on my life. The perseverance, dedication, sheer will power to overcome or maybe sheer stubbornness not to be beat, not to settle for anything than what I expect from myself or others. Tiredness, laziness, sloth, drive, motivation, perseverance, fatigue, surrender, the greatest sense of overcoming and satisfaction, self pride …and an overall sense of calm, body and mind … and all before 11am – but I didn’t mention that.

[krs128]

"if you were standing infront of a mirror holding 11 roses, you would be looking at the 12 most beautiful things in the world"

i have alot more saved.. but i am at work

[sickdevildog1]

I went to Florida several months ago. I was quite happily swimming around with the dolphins when she suddenly decided to grab my foot with her genital slit. Dolphins have very muscular vaginal orifices, and can use these muscles to manipulate objects and carry them. I stayed still for a while, to see if she was just playing, but she continued to masturbate against my foot, and in the light of the torch I sometimes carry, I could see that her slit had become very pink and had swelled as well. She was aroused!

So, I started to back-paddle with my hands towards a small beached area, partially submerged in the water. A couple of times she pulled me forward into the deeper water, but eventually I got my self to the shallows. I dislodged my foot (Being careful not to pull too hard), and took her gently by a pectoral fin and rubbed her belly just to aclimatize her, I guess. She immediately rolled belly up and started doing pelvic thrusts against the palm of my hand. It was unmistakebly erotic, and by now I was fully aroused.

I stripped off my shorts, and gently pulled her into the shallows until she was lying on her side, her belly facing towards me, half submerged in the water. I nestled myself belly to belly against her, and pressed my member against her genital slit. She immediately arched her body against mine, and took me inside her body, initiating a quick series of muscular contractions with her vaginal muscles. I wrapped my left arm around her body and just held her close while she manipulated me inside her body, until I climaxed barely 2 minutes later. Surprisingly, her body also shuddered against mine, and we spent the next 5 or so minutes just lying together in the shallows, holding each other, enjoying our company and revelling in the fact that we had shared something special together, something very few people can claim to have done.

I do not brag about this though. It is not something you can brag about, since it not only is demeaning to the act, but it destroys the purpose of the act as well; to express affection, and trust. I only consent to those dolphins who ask. As a result, I have mated only three times. Each time was memorable and special, because each time it was something we both wanted to share with each other. Sex, for me, is just another, albeit powerful, expression of affection and trust. I wouldn't engage any other animal, though; it is not my attraction. But there is little I wouldn't do for a dolphin.

[jj00ee]

You sir are a stupid dumb**** who doesn't deserve a dick. Unless you are a girl then you don't deserve your pussy. Please go replace your pancreas with a bowling ball and skydive into into man-eating animal infested waters wherein you survive without a dick, without a sphincter, without an ear, or even your nutsack. Or better yet, thread a needle with a string, then dip it in saltwater and jam it through your testicles, then put the same exact string in both of your eyeballs where it will mold and cause you to go blind. So then you will need a seeing eye dog named Butch who will chew on your infected nutsack every day for the rest of your life. When you get him to lick the peanut butter off, he'll somehow manage to choke on your tiny little shaft. Then he will die causing you to cry out of your blind eyes and you will be left helpless crying for your dead testy chewing dog in the street while you are mowed down by a guy in a powder blue Prius and live in pain for exactly 666 minutes before you die finally exiling you to hell. THEN (no i am NOT done) Satan's minions will chew out your kidneys and stuff them in your ass that doesn't have a sphincter then when you talk you will sound like Al Quaeda and be pelted with rocks everywhere you go until you are hated enough to be let into the tenth chamber of hell where your immortal soul will burn for tens of hundreds of thousands of centuries without any **** breaks until you ****ing explode and guts go everywhere and your wife (who is not missing you at all cause she's ****ing your cousin Steve) gets hit with your gay ass bowling ball pancreas and she dies and also goes to Hell to be raped by lava demons, where she'll get her **** burned off for eternity, but your soul goes to Super Hell where they convert you to a cat ****ing atheist with no liver and then they will torture you with your dead dog butch's soul and he will chew the remaining pieces of your infected nutsack off until he is forced to chew off your entire dick and shove it down your throat. You'll choke, die, and got to Extreme Hell and have your dick replaced with Hitler's dick and then they send you back up to Earth where you find a sign sticking out of your head that says 'I have Hitler's nuts!' And then when Jews read it they will get their dogs to chew out your new balls and rip off your face and then you die and go to Butch Hell and 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 Butch clones chew your balls for ever and ever and ever! Eventually one of the clones will eat your last bit of nutsack off and you will be crying from so much pain that they kick you out of Butch hell and send you back to Earth where you are forced live in an apartment with over 9,000 gay people in New Jersey until Richard Simmons breaks in your house through your toilet and forces you to do hours and hours of dancing to the oldies. And just when you think it's all over, Carrot Top comes over to do some prop comedy for you. Then, after breaking your leg, a giant koala bear breaks in through your window and chews the other off. Then you, laying there, legless ****bear breaks in through your shower and pokes a hole in your cheek which he sticks his wang in until there's a huge meteor shower which rips through your body, and leaves you alive to feel nothing but pain and suffering. All other human beings are dead but yourself, and you can't move. Your only food comes from the occasional cockroach that climbs in through a hole in your cheek (that ****bear made from poking you so much) and walks down close enough to your throat so you can swallow and the cum you got from ****bear raping you. Then 30 years later, bunch of ass robot-pirate-bears come for you and start poking even more holes in your body 'till you bleed to death and go back to Butch hell where you belong. Then when the Butch clones want nothing to do with you (because one of them ate your testicles off) please skin yourself with a rusty pizza cutter then pour chew tobacco and alcohol all over yourself, shove a rake up your butt and make yourself an anus just to pull it back out and tie it around a stalagmite in which you hang yourself on, then hollow out the inside of your dick and wrap the outer skin around your lips the piss and cum stream going into your mouth, stick needles in your eyeballs and **** up your nose then stick a dagger into both your eardrums and scalp yourself, put a nail on your skull then hit it with a hammer multiple times then tear your jaw off its hinge and nail it to your chin, stretch your uvula out of your mouth then wrap it around your face, cut your face down to the bone and snap both your elbows and knees rib your feet and hand off and stab all the bone ends into your lungs, then cut open your stomach and expose all your organs, grabbing your intestine and making it into a noose, then rub honey all over yourself and watch as hellbugs and hellcrabs and small hellanimals crawl all over you and start to eat you alive for days as you lay in your own stinking pile of **** piss and sperm going into your mouth as hellrats and hellbugs and hellwasps nest living inside your organs and then splash stomach acid all over your face and chew on your own muscles and organs and tongue to prevent starvation and hellanimals crawl through your neck you choke on a hellporcupine and get spikes sticking through your jugulars and throat, then disconnect all your veins and arteries and stick the ends in your nose as blood comes shooting up your nose and filling your skull and shooting out through the small holes in your eyes caused by the needles then after months drown in your own ****. Eventually you'll wake up still with the **** on your face, surprised to see that you have all your body parts and get raped by Michael Jackson who died from looking at your face. then he cums on your bowling ball pancreas untill EVERY Butch clone comes and chews his nuts off and then the Butch clones cum on your pancreas and your face explodes. You come back as a 13 year old sexy Jewish girl in 1945, where you are in a concentration camp and you get gang raped by 666 Nazis and even Hitler himself gets so turned on by your sexiness that he ties you to the ground and smacks your face with his dick, trying to force you to give him a blowjob until he crushes your head and your brains come out and it dries to the ground so you are stuck there being cock slapped by Hitler, Michael Jackson, and your cousin Steve (who turned out to be weaselfan) until he dies and leaves you there until you die and go to hell, Satan rapes your family who is also dead. Then you try to save them and get hit by a warthog and Master Chief rapes you 7 times until his shield goes down and then he gets killed by the Arbiter who also rapes you until you have six new **** holes. You'll then lose all your precious body fluids through your new **** holes and you ****ing evaporate. You wake up in your room, still a sexy Jewish chick, but now you're lesbian and you have a penis and you got Hitler's nuts back. You don't want to be a shemale so you go in your garage and force your dick into a toaster but you just crush and toast your nuts, you are too much of a pussy to finish the job. Your junk now dangle by a small piece of skin which you tear off to use to choke your mom who accidentally eats them and dies and you **** her corpse until her rotten **** infuses with your small pecker and you're stuck ****ing her until you die and go to Incest is Best Hell still ****ing your mom to be raped in the ass by Satan himself who will eventually get his dick infused with your butthole so you'll be walking around with your mom and Satan ****ing you until their members rot off. You pump your mom's corpse's stomach and get your nuts and glue them back on and after escaping the seven layers of hell where you were forced to stick your head up a million goatses, you finally make it back to Earth where you wind up somewhere in Nevada and you accidentally digest a cactus from your rectum and then when you ask an albino for directions to the nearest hospital, he ends up being ****bear in disguise who rapes you in your ass that is filled with cactus quills and he impales his dick and it gets stuck in there. He tries to squirm it out but it gets ripped off and he dies and goes to some dimension inhabited by horny naked girls. Lucky him. A few weeks later you befriend a black furry, emo, stoner chick and one day you get really high and **** her. She leans over and notices your testicles are crushed and toasted and she leaves you and becomes satanic so she can go to hell and have a several way with your old girlfriend, some lava demons and now a gigantic foot. You get depressed and cut your dick off and bleed to death where you go to hell to see the hot sex both of your girlfriends are (no longer) forced to have with lava demons and the foot. This causes them pleasure but you can't get a boner or whack off because you cut off your dick, dumbass. While you are watching the three get it on in a semen covered gory, footy, orgasm, Hitler comes over, stares deeply at you then whispers in your ear "I want my nuts back" and he grabs your... I mean Hitler's nuts and pulls them until he accidentally pops one of them and his hand gets covered in his own sperm which turns him gay and he starts ****ing you in the ******* but his shaft gets stuck in your butthole with ****bear's dick and you take a very hard **** and you **** out both of their dicks fall out and you have watch Hitler eat the ****ty, dicky concoction (see what I did there?) and puke them back up until your dick grows back. When it finally does, you develop a lava demon on black emo on feet on your first girlfriend fetish and you get the bad urge to jump in but you can't because you're in hell and all you can do is watch. You can't even whack off to it either or your dick would fall off and you'd have to watch Hitler eat it and puke it until it grows back.

[Quick00Time]

in to use later lol

[AnabolicMass]

In....

[LovePollution]

Lol'd, in!

[hennessy88]

The problem is your focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.

delt ecko charly this is zulu foxcott the goose on lake, i repeat goose on lake what is ur status? over

Shave my head baby. My hair will resemble your passion. Knit a wig out of it and wear it down the streets showing all of humanity how much I love you. I need you in my life. Without you, I am a bald man with no pubic hair.

[Gthuggz]

I used to love kicking the **** out of computer science f@gs like you back in college.
I have a question though have you ever f*cked a girl that was under 200 pounds? Im not talking about that p*ssy boy software geek that you suck off under your cubicle. I dont know if i should write this you might have your posse of klingon warriors shoot invisible lasers at me. By the way does your mom know youre on this site? Shes not going to take you to the star trek convention in denver next year if you keep this up young man. Well it was nice talking to you. Keep sucking d*ck maybe some day your dad will actually pay for it.

[Inurthreadz]

subbed

[wheelz_of_steel]

Mother****ing ****. I was just masturbating and everything was going great. I was in my room, i had my headphones on, i was totally naked sitting at my computer fapping away to a video on redtube. All of a sudden there's this really sharp pain in my dick, like it just got stabbed with a sewing needle. I jerked my hand back and it bumped into my computer tower, which sits on the desk. Well, i had my stick of deodorant on top of the tower, and that bitch fell off and landed deodorant-end-down on the head of my cock. Holy ****ing **** did that hurt, and on top of that it hit so hard that it actually forced some deodorant into my urethra. I've never had anything burn so bad in my entire life. I jumped out of my ****ing chair and stood up because it hurt so bad; this caused my headphone cable to get yanked out of my speakers, which caused "oh yeah baby come deep in my tight teen ******* uh uh uh" to get blared through my ****ing house and almost maximum volume. Now my eyes are watering from the pain of the deodorant inside my cock but i manage to punch one of my speakers hard enough so they turn off. I looked down and noticed blood dripping off of my cock; i guess the lip of the plastic deodorant thing bit into my foreskin as it connected with my cock. The blood was dripping down my leg.

This all happened in the space of maybe 6 seconds. It may seem bad but it gets worse. Just as i'm standing there trying to figure out what the **** happened, my bedroom door ****ing opens. My dad was standing there with my acceptance letter to johns hopkins. I froze and he stared at me, naked with my bloody erection for maybe 15 seconds before he noticed my computer monitor and the brutal anal sex scene going on full-screen. He immediately closed the door and left without saying anything. This may seem embarrassing but my dad is a seriously conservative christian. This happened about 15 minutes ago and he hasn't said anything to me yet. I'm still in my room trying to get the god damn ****ing old spice out of my cock. What should i do misc?

[Paid_ThankYou]

You're swine. You're a vulgar little maggot. Don't you even have the slightest clue as to how pathetic you are? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. A cock-wart. I would rather kiss a Persian than be seen with you. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have horrible breath. You are degenerate, noxious; basically, an ideal fuking moron. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromo****lly aberrant caricature of a copro****ic local parasitic pond scum and I wish you would just go away.

If this were Sparta, you would have been cast to death at birth. You're a putrescence mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel, a waste of MY oxygen. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating fool, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention that you smell?

If you aren't an idiot, you made a world-class effort at simulating one. Try to edit your writing of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you
may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well? it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective? Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us normal people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are challenged persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been 'right'. Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you, especially in your pursuit of fictitious girls that you like to post here.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libellous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.

[lodge939]

what is the source of that winecoolers copypasta?

[nmnm2045]

bump

[skatestraight]

Yeah I read that too. Are you gonna plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Is that your thing? You come into a forum, you copy some obscure passage and then paste it off as your own idea just to impress some mods and neg my friend? See the sad thing about a guy like you is that in 50 years you're gonna start doing some thinking on your own and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life: One, don't do that. And two, you dropped $150 on some ****in’ Cell Tech which you could have got for $10.50 in generic brand creatine.

[hennessy88]

surely theres more

[SirBrofist]

lol didnt read

[mugotu19]

This whole thread is a joke. You know what, if you guys want to nail girls in a spur of the moment, go right ahead. See how far it gets you. Sorry for having morals, and not being an animal. Seems to be the going rate around here. Have funs with your kids, and STD's. But to tell ya' the truth, I doubt any of you are getting laid in the first place. Why? Because a guy who actually does get laid, doesn't have to kiss and tell. Least off all, on the INTERNET! You guys really need to get lives. I can't believe I've even contributed to this garbage. I must be in need of a life of my own, just on the basis of sharing my thoughts with you morons. Have fun bragging to each other about how many sluts in you banged in under 2 minutes. I'm sure it is a great experience for all of you.

Its not that I havent ever been with a girl, Believe me if you saw a picture of me and talked to me. You wouldnt believe me that I havent had sex with a girl. I've told girls this before and some guys, and there so shocked that most just laugh at me and tell me nice try. I've been called a player, **** like that. Just this one girl was different. We started making out and one thing led to another, but then my life got flipped and turned upside down. I'd like to take a minute just sit right there. I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air.

Are you aware that God killed the dinosaurs becuase he realized how bad he f*cked up when he gave them arms that weren't in reach of their ****s...so he threw a few meteors to clear up the sheet and start fresh again, this time, creating his newest species, the human. After realizing his mistake, he quickly fixed it and and made our arms in length to reach our ****s and pleasure ourselves when we weren't praying to him. God truly is unbelievable...oh, and read the bible you bitches, it says everything you need to know in that book!

[Chronocide]

Without delay i grabbed my gym bag and headed out the door, stopping for a moment to consider hiding this dangerous substance should i die in the gym. I clutched my bag and scrambled to my car. On arriving at the gym I consumed the creatine beast and clutched my mens health magazine as tears rolled down my face, i had gone down the path of no return. I sat in my car until the initial effects wore off. Exploding into Ballys i quickly flashed my badge and ran to the drinking fountain to replenish my bodies need for water. My muscles were straining, The creatine steroids were transforming my body into the brad pitt physique body builders yearn to achieve. I knew the worst was yet to come.

the creatine has entered my veins. i can feel it raging inside of me. i look down and realize my 11 inch biceps have swollen at least half an inch. i become scared of my own strength. mother knocks on the door to tell me good night, but i tell her not to open the door...i dont want her to see me like this. moments later i catch myself looking at myself in the mirror...i can barely recognize myself.

[llllllllllll]

Well my first gay experience happened like this:

I was about 50 yards or so up this path when I noticed a man standing off the side of the path apparently staring into the woods. As I got closer I realized his pants were down around his ankles and I could see his ass. Now, I'm straight but I have to say that it was a really nicely shaped ass for a man and I took notice. I figured maybe he was drunk and just peeing in the bushes, so I started to walk quieter so I wouldn't disturb him. But as I got closer I started hearing strange grunts and sucking sounds. I realized there was another man blowing him.

Now, I'm not gay but I slowed my pace down to watch. I slowed and approached the standing man from behind. His friend didn't take any notice as his eyes were tightly closed. I came right up behind the man standing so that I could have reached out and touched him. That's when I brought the cinder block down on his head, hard. He collapsed on top of his ***got friend and I quickly finished them both off. I rolled them into the bushes and finished my walk. That was only my first of many such gay encounters.

[JennaTohlls]

bump, good thread ohpee