I haven't been in a steady relationship for 3 years and I'm finally seeing a guy I like right now, but I don't know if we're an official couple or not. So I asked him if we're in a relationship and he said he doesn't know either. Then he tells me he's scared of commitment and I ask him to explain but he tells me he doesn't know how to. He said his last relationship ended horribly so maybe that has something to do with it? He also said he doesn't want to disappoint me or be a dick... I have to study for exams but this is bothering me and I can't stop thinking about it! I even asked him if he wanted an open relationship and he didn't technically say no, but instead said, "but that's friends with benefits". Then he tells me he really likes me and if we could just go with the flow for now. I'm thinking if he doesn't want a relationship, I'm wasting my time while I could be seeing others.
Men, can you all please tell me what this means?!
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04-10-2011, 04:51 PM #1
What does it mean when a guy says he's scared of commitment?
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04-10-2011, 04:55 PM #2
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04-10-2011, 04:56 PM #3
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04-10-2011, 04:57 PM #4
It means he is well aware that in your entire biological construction you do not possess any traits that include loyalty, accountability, logic, or abiding by principles.
It means he is well aware that when you are confronted with a situation where feelings are involved, you will choose feelings over what's right.
It means he is well aware that he is highly likely to get screwed over by you.
It means he does not know how to thwart the disaster that your relationship will turn into.
It means he is enlightened, but not enlightened enough.Ignore list: abdus
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04-10-2011, 05:08 PM #5
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04-10-2011, 05:09 PM #6
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04-10-2011, 05:11 PM #7
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04-10-2011, 05:13 PM #8
Did you let him know what you wanted from the relationship early on? Or did you have sex first then hope to discuss the boundaries of the relationship after he was more interested in you? Why haven't you been in a steady relationship for 3 years?
When I find out a girl hasn't been in a steady relationship for a few years, I think of her as a sexual object. A sportphuck. What docHoliday said, girls to practice on til I decide to get married. (srs)
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04-10-2011, 05:14 PM #9
if he mentioned FWB then yes thats what he wants...
all that other **** he said was just to appease you so you don't cut him off from sex.
Your choices:
1) Explain to him that your not interested in being **** buddies - then cut contact (thereby maintaining your dignity and self-respect)
2) If you really want the dude then... start meeting/dating other men. Don't prioritize him at all, he might get jealous and change his game up and try to date you. (not likely, but possible) I wouldn't recommend you do this.
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04-10-2011, 05:31 PM #10
Ugh, why do I have a feeling this is true.
WHY ME!?
We didn't have sex, but went around it. tbh, I wasn't even thinking about getting into a relationship at first, but he started making moves on me and I realize I really like him... Haven't been in a relationship for so long 'cause I was trying to "find myself" (if anyone understands) after 2 consecutive bad relationships. And I never met anyone I really liked until now. I did go on a few dates the past few months, but never clicked with any of those guys.
If that's true, I guess I'll go with choice numero uno.... *sigh*
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04-10-2011, 05:40 PM #11
i dont know anything about you.
-how long have you been dating?
-do you have a lot of guy friends?
-do you have a lot of "psycho ex's" that you talk about?
-does a typical conversation with you involve talking about coach bags and tanning?
-is your voice annoying?
-is your face fuked up looking?
-do you shower on a regular basis?
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04-10-2011, 05:57 PM #12
-About a month.
-Girlfriends to guy friends ratio is 50/50
-I never talk about exs and none were psycho. (but he talks about his "first times" which is kinda annoying)
-I'm not the materialistic type
-I don't sound like a mouse
-I have nothing hideous on my face
-Shower all day er day
I think I have to throw in a curve ball which might change things... He's 3 years younger than me and he's Muslim, where as I'm Agnostic. I don't know much about religion, but maybe he's not allowed to date non-Muslims and doesn't want to tell me that? And maybe the fact that I'm a "cougar"(I did not see this coming) is gross?
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04-10-2011, 06:07 PM #13
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04-10-2011, 06:07 PM #14
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04-10-2011, 06:13 PM #15
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04-10-2011, 06:15 PM #16
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04-10-2011, 06:16 PM #17
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04-10-2011, 06:19 PM #18
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04-10-2011, 06:25 PM #19
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04-10-2011, 06:26 PM #20
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04-10-2011, 06:27 PM #21
muslim shud be a deal breaker to non muslims. Chill out op girlie ur twnty one years old. Stop chasing the fairy tale and find a guy u actually can relate to on important life topics such as a persons belief structure. Also him saying he doesnt want to be committed means nothing more or less than he doesnt want to be committed. Men dont talk in code. This guy may very well see u as marriage material. However hes eighteen. Stop thinking theres any hope for a lifelong relationship here. There isnt
10k+
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04-10-2011, 06:33 PM #22
Well that explains a lot. He tells me his dad is super religious.
I sort of went through an "identity crisis" type thing. And I'm on medication for anxiety/depression, which I guess is the extra baggage that guys don't want... I told him about it and he said he doesn't care, but who knows. What did you think I meant?
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04-10-2011, 06:36 PM #23
Cougar has nothing to do with it your 21 for god sakes. It has to do with the fact that he is muslim! He will never take you seriously relationship wise. God OP im suprised you left that out to begin with. Most muslims i know (the ones who are serious about their religion) will only **** non-muslim girls but never date/marry.
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04-10-2011, 06:36 PM #24
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04-10-2011, 06:37 PM #25
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04-10-2011, 06:38 PM #26
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04-10-2011, 06:40 PM #27
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04-10-2011, 06:48 PM #28
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04-10-2011, 06:53 PM #29
This makes me sad but sounds about right. Also, I've discussed with friends and am now concerned that 21 isn't such a "young" age for girls. Since men like their women youthful and all... I need to find a marriage material bf quick?
Maybe that's why he said if no one asks about us, he won't tell...
Ugh, religion, why?!
Do guys think girls with anxiety/depression are psycho?
I did rebel against my strict traditional parents, but that's about it.
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04-10-2011, 06:57 PM #30
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