Do I have a "right" to know where my gf is at?

[vikings_70]

We've been dating a year, and she's very independent. Likes to go out a lot, as she has a ton of friends and we live in a college town. Sometimes I go with her, sometimes she goes without me.

When she has nights where she goes out on her own, or goes to shows/concerts, she's most often with other guys who are her friends (she knows a ton of people). I don't trust most of them, as I either don't know them or have only met them once in passing.

Whenever she tells me she's going out, I end up feeling like an ***hole asking where she's going or who she's going with, and she makes me feel like I'm being overbearing/jealous. I'd prefer if she just told me, rather than make me ask, but it never seems to happen.


So what do you think, is it my right as a boyfriend to know where she's at and who she's with when she's out for the night without me? Or am I out of line here?



Edit: update Here: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...#post948176093

[AlphaAlbert]

Well you don't have the right to know but you do have the right to not trust her.

[Stix14]

The one who cares most about the relationship has the least amount of control...

[Ncueter]

Op, honestly, never bother dating a girl you cant trust in the first place. If you need to ask her everytime because youre insecure the relationship really isnt going to last.

1) she will get annoyed always having to tell you and keep a log with you. youre not her parents, she has freedom.
2) she will get the implication you dont trust her.

Believe me when I tell you from personal experience that if you dont just let her be and trust her, you will lose her.

[JDM-EJ1]

The one who cares most about the relationship has the least amount of control...

The hard truth.

[BurrowedLurker]

Nah, I'm afraid that right isn't listed in the constitution.

What you do have is a "want" to know where your gf is at.

IMO you should relax and let her go where she wants. If she does something behind your back and you don't know it then, tough, the relationship between you isn't as good. When it isn't as good I'm sure the misc will tell you there are other red flags to look for, other than location, which you can then use as an excuse to terminate the relationship with.

[E-Tank]

Well you don't have the right to know but you do have the right to not trust her.

this

you also sound like a stage 5 clinger if you ask everytime she goes out where and who shes going with

weather its shady or not jus sayin

[Tony_S]

i personally wouldn't want to be with a girl like that who went out and partied without me and had a lot of guy friends


but to my standards and my style, absolutely. doesn't sound like she'll be having it though.

[vikings_70]

Reps around.

Op, honestly, never bother dating a girl you cant trust in the first place. If you need to ask her everytime because youre insecure the relationship really isnt going to last.

1) she will get annoyed always having to tell you and keep a log with you. youre not her parents, she has freedom.
2) she will get the implication you dont trust her.

Believe me when I tell you from personal experience that if you dont just let her be and trust her, you will lose her.

Yeah trust is a bit of an issue right now with me, we've had a couple instances where she tells me she's going one place, but turns up somewhere else. Also times where she doesn't respond to me claiming her phone is dead, when I know it's not.

[Juicymango]

No, she's your GF not your wife lol

[zappap]

Well you don't have the right to know but you do have the right to not trust her.

This.

[corpsedub]

did you know about this before hooking up?

if so, you put yourself there. perhaps you thought it would be different once you knew more of each other. perhaps it would change?

did you NOT know about this before hooking up?

if not, it is unfortunate.

personally, i would withdraw from the relationship. it sounds enough to me from your OP that you have trust issues with her. you can try to work them out. you can try to infiltrate her circle in an attempt to gain comfort knowing the people she is out with. sometimes trust can be established like that. most of the time, it cant. in the end, you are more important and your emotional state is more important than any woman can ever be. make the choice to want something better.

[Stix14]

The less you worry/think about her when she's out on her own, the more she'll worry/think about you while she's out. Just do your own thing bro, what are you scared of? If she's going to cheat, she'll do it regardless, so there's no point in smothering her. If she knows you'll always be thinking about her and wondering what she's up to, she'll have full control of the relationship and see you as boring and predictable. You have to keep her guessing sometimes...

[Ronnie87]

IDK what these guys are talking about, your girlfriend sounds shady as ****. The fact she gets mad at you for wanting to know where she is, is a MASSIVE red flag. Women play the anger card when they're defensive about some shady **** they're pulling. I've seen girls get mad at their boyfriend when they've been caught cheating, in the end the boyfriend feels like hes done something wrong when later that evening the girls are banging someone else.

[vikings_70]

did you know about this before hooking up?

if so, you put yourself there. perhaps you thought it would be different once you knew more of each other. perhaps it would change?

did you NOT know about this before hooking up?

if not, it is unfortunate.

personally, i would withdraw from the relationship. it sounds enough to me from your OP that you have trust issues with her. you can try to work them out. you can try to infiltrate her circle in an attempt to gain comfort knowing the people she is out with. sometimes trust can be established like that. most of the time, it cant. in the end, you are more important and your emotional state is more important than any woman can ever be. make the choice to want something better.

I think you hit the nail on the head here. No, I did not know she was like this when we met. We jumped into a relationship very fast, and were more or less inseparable for the first three months. This was the basis for the relationship, which I loved. Then she started becoming more independent, doing things without me, as time went on. Then she started getting upset when I got frustrated at the fact that our relationship was changing, and in my eyes for the worse.


The trust issues are difficult to deal with, I know that I am over-analyzing everything, but in some ways she put me in this position. I've had two other LTR's (one 3 year, one 5 year), and I never worried about anything like this. So it's not like I'm new to relationships, just new to this kind of behavior out of my gf. I love her a ton, and she is an absolute blast to be with when we're together, but we honestly aren't together as much as I'd hope.



As a corollary, She's a waitress at a sportsbar, and gets hit on CONSTANTLY. Like, at least 5 guys will leave their numbers on their tabs a night for her. When she's working it honestly doesn't bother me, but I know it also happens when she goes out.

[Violator009]

We've been dating a year, and she's very independent. Likes to go out a lot, as she has a ton of friends and we live in a college town. Sometimes I go with her, sometimes she goes without me.

When she has nights where she goes out on her own, or goes to shows/concerts, she's most often with other guys who are her friends (she knows a ton of people). I don't trust most of them, as I either don't know them or have only met them once in passing.

Whenever she tells me she's going out, I end up feeling like an ***hole asking where she's going or who she's going with, and she makes me feel like I'm being overbearing/jealous. I'd prefer if she just told me, rather than make me ask, but it never seems to happen.


So what do you think, is it my right as a boyfriend to know where she's at and who she's with when she's out for the night without me? Or am I out of line here?

sigh, youre not her daddy, wtf

[vin1382]

Op, honestly, never bother dating a girl you cant trust in the first place. If you need to ask her everytime because youre insecure the relationship really isnt going to last.

1) she will get annoyed always having to tell you and keep a log with you. youre not her parents, she has freedom.
2) she will get the implication you dont trust her.

Believe me when I tell you from personal experience that if you dont just let her be and trust her, you will lose her.

yup. plus another thing that goes by the wayside.. is that if you tend to be insecure around your women, they believe that you will be checking on them, and if they are doing anything shady, will go to further lenghts to hide it. if you can let that slide and trust her... its more likely they will slip up earlier in the relationship by not being careful and what was going to happen potentially years down the line has happeend a heck of a lot sooner so you can make a quicker exit for the next one in line.

[carpenter718]

Are you a couch potato OP? You should be the one that goes out while she waits in your bed...srs

[genius1265]

Purchase her this nifty teddy bear GPS keychain .... she will never even know..

[vikings_70]

Are you a couch potato OP? You should be the one that goes out while she waits in your bed...srs

Nah, not at all. One of the problems is that our schedules really suck. I work M-F 9-5, and she pretty much works 3 or 4 evenings a week, including friday and saturday night. So the two nights I have to actually go out, she's working, and the nights she can go out, I have to be up early. Kind of sucks.

[Ronnie87]

sigh, youre not her daddy, wtf

OP's girlfriend goes on nights out with guys OP doesn't know.
OP's girlfriend is a waitress who gets hit on constantly.
OP's girlfriend refuses to tell OP where she's going and makes out that hes being jealous.

And you don't think these are things he should worry about?

OP in all honesty I'd be surprised if she isn't cheating on you, and I'm not one of those Misc woman haters, I've just seen how women like this are.

My girlfriend tells me where she is all the time, I don't even have to ask, but when I do she tells me straight away. If she got mad at me for asking I'd assume she was being shady and upto something.

Oh and she doesn't hang out with guys I don't know, I wouldn't even allow that.

[Rockman]

You have the right to not date a slut that goes out all the time. You do not have a right to know where she is.

[Violator009]

OP's girlfriend goes on nights out with guys OP doesn't know.
OP's girlfriend is a waitress who gets hit on constantly.
OP's girlfriend refuses to tell OP where she's going and makes out that hes being jealous.

And you don't think these are things he should worry about?

OP in all honesty I'd be surprised if she isn't cheating on you, and I'm not one of those Misc woman haters, I've just seen how women like this are.

My girlfriend tells me where she is all the time, I don't even have to ask, but when I do she tells me straight away. If she got mad at me for asking I'd assume she was being shady and upto something.

Oh and she doesn't hang out with guys I don't know, I wouldn't even allow that.

i dont see the need to keep my woman on a leash, they are gonna do whatever the fuk they want regardless, you cant control anybody, just because your girl tells you where she is doesnt necessarily mean she is where she say she is, also Op gave no indication shes cheating or tell lies..

[JKLOL]

She should openly tell you, and you have a right to ask. If she doesn't tell you, that's on her, but it should also tell you something.

If you were to grab your keys and say you're going out, she'd probably ask where you're going. Same thing. It isn't to creep around and spy on her, it's common decency, plus can be a safety thing as well.

[vikings_70]

i dont see the need to keep my woman on a leash, they are gonna do whatever the fuk they want regardless, you cant control anybody, just because your girl tells you where she is doesnt necessarily mean she is where she say she is, also Op gave no indication shes cheating or tell lies..

This is kind of what its coming down to. Really no effort I make is going to make one bit of difference on whether or not she's going to cheat on me.

I don't believe she's cheating on me, but have caught her in lies of sorts, particularly when she ignores my text calls for a night, then the next day tells me 'her phone died'.

She should openly tell you, and you have a right to ask. If she doesn't tell you, that's on her, but it should also tell you something.

If you were to grab your keys and say you're going out, she'd probably ask where you're going. Same thing. It isn't to creep around and spy on her, it's common decency, plus can be a safety thing as well.

This is how I feel. It's just a respect thing. I'd be much more understanding if she just took 3 minutes to explain what she was doing, rather than make me drag it out of her.

[Drakken682]

I don't believe she's cheating on me, but have caught her in lies of sorts, particularly when she ignores my text calls for a night, then the next day tells me 'her phone died'.

Uh oh.

What makes you think she's lying?

[redliner9]

Seems like the good girls will tell you where they are going without you even having to ask.

Why dont you try not texting her all night when she goes out?

Are you going out without her or sitting at home all the time? If the girl im dating goes out with her friends, im going out with mine as well and not texting once about what shes doing.

You are prolly goiong to drive yourself crazy as this relationship continues.

[redliner9]

Uh oh.

What makes you think she's lying?

X2

Makes about as much sense as hearing, "I couldnt get a signal". lol

How often does your phone die OP?

[vikings_70]

Uh oh.

What makes you think she's lying?

X2

Makes about as much sense as hearing, "I couldnt get a signal". lol

How often does your phone die OP?

She has an Iphone4. If it's dead, it immediately goes to voicemail when you call. If it's not, it rings before going to voicemail.

Seems like the good girls will tell you where they are going without you even having to ask.

Why dont you try not texting her all night when she goes out?

Are you going out without her or sitting at home all the time? If the girl im dating goes out with her friends, im going out with mine as well and not texting once about what shes doing.

You are prolly goiong to drive yourself crazy as this relationship continues.

****ty thing is that all of my friends are in relationships, or don't go out often. So I either am third wheelin', or need to go home by 9:00 because my friends are lame.

[PowerOfTruth]

You're 25 OP, time to start acting it. Relationships at that age are about mutual respect. She doesn't respect your relationship. Your continuance is justification in her eyes and she will not change her behavior.

If a relationship is not complementing your life, it's time to end it.