01-22-2011, 08:19 PM #1
01-22-2011, 08:40 PM #2
01-22-2011, 08:41 PM #3
not sure exactly what you're asking, but the only way I could imagine you being persistent without being desperate would be letting time pass. For instance, you can persistently try to get at a girl...but if you're hitting on her every day, that's desperation. On the other hand, if she's not giving you the right response and you start waiting days, weeks or months before getting at her again, then you are being persistent without being desperate.
01-22-2011, 08:47 PM #4
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01-22-2011, 09:52 PM #5
01-23-2011, 03:58 AM #6
I don't have a complete answer, but I think one of the ways to be persistent without seeming desperate is to be consistent. Build up a consistent rapport with a girl over a period of time and show her that you know what you want and aren't going to be easily dissuaded from your goal. That doesn't mean continuing to ask her out once a week after getting rejected each time; thats desperate. It also doesn't mean sacrificing your dignity repeatedly to prove your absolute devotion to someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings.
A desperate person doesn't believe they are capable of achieving what they want and will stoop to any level in their attempt to obtain it. A confident person believes in their choices and ability to attain their goal; they are persistent and consistent in their pursuit of their goals.
On some levels these may seem like similar courses: to pursue a goal through adversity, possibly rejection. But the positively persistent person projects confidence and consistency while the desperate person projects insecurity, weakness, and variability of emotion.
Persistence in a positive way may cause someone to rethink their rejection and open themselves up to another chance; it makes them realize their rejection was a mistake. Persistence in a desperate way will illicit pity and disgust. It will reaffirm the original rejection.
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01-23-2011, 11:11 AM #7
01-23-2011, 11:55 AM #8
01-23-2011, 12:03 PM #9
01-23-2011, 12:27 PM #10
01-23-2011, 12:28 PM #11
01-23-2011, 12:29 PM #12
01-23-2011, 12:41 PM #13
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If you ignore this chick who already side stepped your advances, take the hint and move on and find a new target or continue to be persistent at the risk of looking desperate. I say "at the risk" because she might finally take you up on an offer without thinking you're desperate.
The difference between desperation and persistence is in their definitions. Be firm and forward with her. Turn, "I think maybe we should do something sometime" into "Hey, I'm going to check out this new dive bar in town a)you should go with me b)do you want go with me?" Make her say yes/no to you.
Finally if she's side stepped you before if you want to ask her out again ask her either on the phone or in person and make it the main reason for the conversation so she can't sidestep. If she does sidestep, before the conversation is over remind her of the question again. Get a definitive answer. If she flat out says no, don't ask again. That's desperation.
01-23-2011, 01:27 PM #14
And like you've mentioned, there has to be a spark--and the way of knowing this is by analyzing how a woman 'responds' to a man. Does she make time for him, does she spend time talking with him, does she enjoy being with him?
The 'response' is a female's way of telling a man that she's interested, or that she likes him. So in a woman's world, this is the female equivalent of initiating.
But if she's not responding well, then it's most likely best to move on.“Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.” Anton Chekhov
"10% of life, is what happens to you--90% is how you respond to it."
"I know that I know nothing"--Socrates
01-23-2011, 03:58 PM #15
01-23-2011, 04:54 PM #16
Things I consider would be
- Not asking them out frequently
- If she says shes 'busy' without a counter offer, I say 'okay thats cool, maybe some other time' and she goes bottom of my list. If I decide to give her one more chance, it'll be weeks later to give her one last chance.
- Playing it cool, make myself scarce. I stay away from any kind of instant chat or anywhere that they can see me 'online'
But basically it would come down to the reaction of me asking her out. I would judge her on the response she gives me. If its negative (she didn't seem excited about me asking her out, trying to come up with an excuse on the spot, hesitant) then shes got a low chance I'll be asking her out again.
If its neutral (she seems on the fence whether to go or not go out with you, not as excited but it didn't seem like it could be a chore if she said yes) then I may get back to her a week or two later to give her one last chance.
Its hard to explain but I don't really give girls alot of chances. When I meet girls, they think I'm a player which I guess can work to my advantage as it gives off the impression that I have options which is so powerful, especially when it comes to women.Current: 15% BF
Goal: 10 - 12% bodyfat.
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