Hurts so bad...idk what to do (srs.)

[Manoftheyear90]

This just keeping getting worse and worse. I really need all the advice and help I can get. Ive read on the RH for a while and now I need help in the worst way. Here's the story simple as I can make it.
Started talking to this girl when I was 18 (she was 16). We worked together and seemed to hit it off pretty well. I was the average cocky funny young guy and it worked well. Good or bad I have always been a caring nice guy. So when I started to act that way. she quickly moved on to the next guy and it hurt alittle but I got over it and few months later we became friends and got closer and closer. Anyway one night she pulled me in for a kiss on night and we had been dating ever since. We dating for a year and half straight. We both had oneistis and often talked of marriage, kids, and many other things in the future. At one point I got her one of those "promise rings" (Good guy I tried to warn you). she always wore it and it ment the world to her. Anyway after we had been dating a couple months I went to live on campus at college( about 40 mins away) and she had one year left of high school.
I would come home most every weekend or she would stay with me. She was always so happy to see me and oftern admitted how much she missed me. Well when I was home for summer she really wanted to spend time together.
For a good month or so we saw each other every day (Ik bad Idea lookingback) but thats how she wanted it and at the time so did I. I mean even If we didn't see each other often we would talk everyday either text or call and that has gone on since we started dating. It got to the point that we both stop talking to many of our friends and only talked to each other. she had a good amount of guy friends before we datedand none during (her chioce). We just became obessessed with each other. She dosn't have but one or two girlfriends. Also in a very close family which I became a part of.

So now to more recent events. In the fall we both went to college (same university nearly the same dorm) and she had a roomate who was one of her friends who she didnt know very well. Anyway the beginning of the semester went well spendt alotof time together things were great. Then we started to fade apart. I got jealous about some of the guys she was meeting etc we fought i said me or them but later realizeed how stupid it was and said it didnt matter and I was fine with it. Meanwhile, I know her roomate didn't like me and was constantly trying to get her to end it with me. As you can imagne things got worse and worse eventually she stop texting as much, didn't say love you the way she had been so one day I called her out on it. Long story short she said she thought we should take a break and I said I wasn't gonna do that and eventually it was the whole "I just dont feel it anymore" thing. So we broke it off and I was crushed I thought it would never happen.

The next day she text me asking how I was and stuff took my time answering saying I was fine. We talked about it and didn;t get back together but decided to try dating without the title. meanwhile, still holding hands kissing etc. (also being exclusive supposetly). So that went on for a month or so. During that month I started talking to her best friend. eventually we would talk about her and our situation and i'd ask what she thought and ask her what she had told her about it etc. one night she hung out with her best friend and I guess her friend had saved all these texts (Ik I should have known) Anyway, we talked and broke up again. This time I got pissed and gave her back all the things I had that reminded me of her or she and I got together. I just said here you go. Welp cya and left. Unfortunetly, we have a class together. We didn't talk for over a week (I did tell her not to bother talking to me) then one day I just walked over and talked to her and she seemed really happy to be talking to me again. Things went well for a while....great time on break to together getting really close again talk everyday again. She acted like we were together in many different ways. Then out of the blue she tells me she wants to go to her guy friends house for a new year's eve party with her roomate.

I acted like I didn't care but it bothered me. I asked her about it and what her plans with it were ie drunk hookups?etc. Of course she said no. Well later in the week, I come to find out that she had been telling her parents she was with me and telling me she was with her roomate ie lieing eithier way about where she had been on other nights. she had been hanging with some of her other guy friends those nights. Which only pissed me off because she lied to me. Anyway her parents were pissed when they found out she lied and really threw the book at her. For some reason she blamed me. So she has been becoming even more distant recently and been telling me she busy, not answering my calls and texts only once in a while. Being really bitchy around me. Acting like she dosent;t want me around. But when we talk about it she says she loves me and wants me in her life etc. lately she hasn;t text me and I havn't bothered either but it sucks because we keep running into each other. the other day we were both getting our books at the same time we talked in line. I told her I knew I had been clingy and needy and all that **** (I really have). She said it was okay but still had an atitude. but then would randomly start making jokes laughing etc. I don;t get that at all. We talked a little more and she said she just dosn't want me to get mad if we didn't talk everydday. and I said Whatever. Then as usual lately she was saying she had to go.So I tried buring the hatchet one more time then left. I havn't hear from her for 2 days now I'm starting to think she won't bother texting me ever again. Which just sucks because I really did love her but she changed when she got to college I gueess.

I decided to cut all contact as many of you have suggested.Now i'm wondering if she she will come crawling back? I'm wondering if theres another guy? If she's messing around (we were each others first). Idk It just hurts so bad right now. I guess us not talking tells me it's reak this time. I'm hitting the gym and trying to do well in school and spend time with my buddies etc. but all I can do is wonder what she is doing and if she is even missing or thinking about me. Please help!!!! I'm losing it

[Jaek]

just move on bro.

[Retrotiger]

Summary: She likes you during good times. Everything happens for a reason bro, keep building you body and you can hook up better future companions.

[Rockchalk0420]

I am not reading all that ****...but from the length of it I can tell you that no girl is worth that much trouble. **** her, move on with life.

[sixfootsix]

mna, going through some stuff too w my ex. Im just rying to move on, which is what you should do. I loved my ex too and im still not over her, but im working on it. DOnt try to keep talking to her its gonna make it even tougher. just do what you do, you are gonna feel ****ty fora while but time heals all wounds...

[Fiz-iks]

You really need to stop talking to this girl. If she hasn't already cheated on you it's because she's still trying to find a guy to do it with.

Cut all contact completely, start going to campus parties etc. College is supposed to be fun, you shouldn't be dealing with her bs on a daily basis.

If you see her in line, in class, at a party, whatever, say hi, keep moving. Don't ask her how she's doing, don't tell her how you wished things had gone differently.

Don't talk to her friends either, don't involve yourself in her life in any possible way.

[DiMattia43]

the only advice i can give is:

1. you ned to find out if its OVER or not...

2. if its not, u need to fix it asap

3. if it is OVER, stop all contact with her, being at the same school u will still see her, but if u can go a week or so without talking to her about your past u will be able to move on... time will heal you man..

you just need closure

[FilledSlim]

I understand how you feel. I'm often the nice guy. I'm not Alpha in most ways and honestly I would probably have to put in a lot of effort to be Alpha. So I understand where you're coming from.

It doesn't work. 99% of the case it doesn't work after the first break-up. The fact that the break-up happened means it's something thats open now. There's an escape if things go bad. While you may be willing to take the bad with the good, she may not be. College is also a time where people experience many new things. If she's getting bored of you, chances are she could possibly cheat on you. You may say she's not like that and I know I'm just a random internet stranger but I've seen it happen many times while in College.

Keep on cutting the contact. Whats gonna hurt most, most likely (if you're like me) is when you first see her with a new guy. **** sucks. Don't contact her again. If she tries to contact you, don't accept. Ignore the calls, ignore the texts.

Once you're finally over her, if you aren't already, where you're meeting new girls, having fun and just living the college life, you'll probably be safe talking to her (a bit). Just remember it's hard now but if you keep hanging onto a thread, the thread eventually snaps and it'll end up being harder. End it early so you can move on earlier.

[Uncle Bob]

Don't cut all contact with her for the sake of hoping she'll "crawl back to you." Cut contact because you realize you are emotionally dependent on her and you need to start forming your own identity. What do you want out of your own life? What have you missed out on by being stuck on her? Where do you picture yourself x years from now? Wondering what she is up to is a big sign that you lack confidence in your own life.

I speak from experience. My identity revolved around being in a relationship with this one girl and when she ended it I first felt rejected from her...but then I realized I rejected myself from myself. I used her as my fulfillment. I didn't think much about my own future, only about us and our future. You are lucky you are only 20. I was going through this at 26.

I painfully started learning how to live a life as a single guy not knowing what would romantically be around the corner and at first it was scary but after a year and a half I have my own hobbies, aspirations, and have been on enough dates to no longer be hung up on her and whatever she may be doing now. I don't have being in a relationship as my first priority. If it's over then cut off contact until you truly don't feel emotionally dependent on her. Hell, I'm still scared to meet up with my ex again because I'm afraid all the work I've done on myself would evaporate and I'd go back to my old ways of thinking and comparing my post relationship life to hers.

I know it feels painful right now but that's because you are finally forcing yourself to go through the personal growth you need to go through. The more you SLOWLY force yourself out of your comfort zones the better things will get, but it does take time.

Also, getting ass from the girl down the hall isn't going to make your ex disappear from your thoughts. It helps but the big picture is to learn to live for you. You start by first doing stuff to take your mind off her but one day you'll wake up and realize you are now doing these new things because you enjoy it, not because of her.

I took up a new job, am going back to school to advance myself, go out on occassional dates, got involved in a local hiking and mountain biking group, and occassionally travel to new cities to get an idea of where I may someday want to relocate.

It may be harder for you since you both go to the same school but hey, be honest with her. Tell her you need space and for her not to tell you what she's up to and who she is with (ie delete her from any social networking sites you have, stay away from her friends, ect).



PS- you might want to add a cliff of "how do I get over one-itis" to that story you wrote. Actually, you should go back and reread what you wrote several times and then ask yourself why you are so stuck on this one girl despite all the agony you've been through with her.

[S0VERE1GN]

was in a similar situation at your age.

girl went to college with me and then became unfaithful. tore me apart.

my friend told me something very important: Just don't think about it so much, man.

and honestly this is the best thing you can do.

[gooober]

i read all of that (srs)

Check your PMs bro.

[BrennanForever]

It hurts man especially when you think and have no doubt in your mind that there the one,but you gotta think for yourself and realize has to be two people in it.
Time to move on from her you'll find someone else don't let it eat you won't be easy now but it will get better sorry man.

[liferzach]

Life Tip #484-- College destroys high school relationships. Classic case here.

[DrStupid]

Find a new chick.

[Exane]

I understand why you are putting yourself through this, most of us have been there and done that. So listen to the advice of some of the older people on here, most of the younger guys are just repeating what they read but they don't truly understand why because they haven't been through enough to piece it together themselves. You're going to read cut contact, break up with her, you are beta, bla bla bla. But it wont click with you unless you understand why.

You are addicted to this girl, the reason for that is because of the ups and downs you are experiencing with this chick. The lows make the highs feel that much better and those same highs are causing you to forget the lows. This is what causes addiction in people, no matter what we are talking about, the high makes you forget about the low and thus seems to be even better then it truly is and its all you look forward to.

You don't see life existing without this girl, its what happens to a majority of young people who fall in love before they realize life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. You only remember the good times you had together, though they were so long ago. What you need to do is accept that you will never have that with her again and that its both of your faults. People change and grow tired of being around the same people because it holds them back in their life. That is when you move on to the next.

Don't grow cold and hate women like 95% of the butt hurt RH/Misc, understand that women are unique and great in their own way, each one is different yet each one is the same. The great times you had with your girl can be re-experienced with a new girl, and you know what the best part is, those new good times will seem even better because of the highs and lows explained earlier. But that will only work if you let go of this girl and accept that your good times with her are over and that you guys are no longer on the same page.

Take this concept with you for the rest of your life: Enjoy the good times you have with a girl, but don't hold on to those good times. As soon as those good times fade, move on to the next one until you find the girl who is willing to put in the time and work that it takes to make a LTR work. It needs to be 50/50, if she isn't putting in the time and work, forget her.

[Caesar735]

I read 90% of that.

Here's what happened. You invested so much time with this bitch, that now you feel like you should get more out of your investment. You will not. You need to move on and realize you wasted your freshman year in college. A year where you could've been slaying random pussy, instead you spent every weekend running back home to this bitch. Stop wasting time and mental energy on her. She should not exist to you. Focus on getting new bitches, and don't fall into this oneitis trap again like a dumbass.

[Astromarine]

read all that.


Holy **** is your username wrong.

[itsshizzlee1]

Abandon ship OP. I actually read all that (holy fawking fawk). This relationship clearly was not meant to be "If it didnt work the first 11 times then what makes the 12th different?" ring a bell to you? You need to learn that you cant depend on others for your own happiness. Acquire hobbies, fawking lift weights (if you dont already do so), meet new people.

[LikeAMachine]

Take her fukin number out of your phone, delete her from your ******** and move on....it's over, you've got to be like 19 or 20.


Move on

[FearOwnReproach]

The nympho is comign out and or your sex game sucks. Avoid at all costs.

[MEDITATE]

I am not reading all that ****...but from the length of it I can tell you that no girl is worth that much trouble. **** her, move on with life.

this

[Manoftheyear90]

I glad to see so many guys out there have a feeling for what I'm going though right now. I appreciate all the feedback, advice, etc. It's been Idk 3 or 4 days since we talked last. I havn't said a word to her texting or calling and she hasn't said anything either. I have my ups and downs but things are starting to get clearer the moree time we don't speak. I can feel less and less attached everyday. Luckily I havn't seen her around but if i did I'd prob just do like a few of you said and just say hey and keep moving. It is clear to me she has some serious isssues about growing up etc. I recently found out that shes been talkin to the kid she dated before me (like for 3 weeks when they were 14 or 15 ha) since then he has been to rehab for pill and drug addiction, anger mangement etc. Ya i know... So more power to her if thats her better option. Ya seeing that hurt. but I know she prob out there talking to any guy that will give her attention.(she dosn't have any good friends all just people she is all excited about catching up with then a month later don't give her the time of day its sad) In the meantime, i've been picking up hours at work, going to the gym, and just really trying to keep busy. I'll admit after thinking on alotof theses responses I been able to see a life after this girl. Hell anythings gotta be better then this up and down, i'm with you i'm not with you ****. Shes not my problem anymore. In the meantime, I'm gonna work on me Ik I have some things to work on with confidence, having my own life filled with things I like etc. So maybe next time I won't be so clingy needy etc. I see the girl/relationship as a nice thing to have but not everything I have. Thanks alot bro really helped alot! I'll keep you updated of things.

[sixfootsix]

I glad to see so many guys out there have a feeling for what I'm going though right now. I appreciate all the feedback, advice, etc. It's been Idk 3 or 4 days since we talked last. I havn't said a word to her texting or calling and she hasn't said anything either. I have my ups and downs but things are starting to get clearer the moree time we don't speak. I can feel less and less attached everyday. Luckily I havn't seen her around but if i did I'd prob just do like a few of you said and just say hey and keep moving. It is clear to me she has some serious isssues about growing up etc. I recently found out that shes been talkin to the kid she dated before me (like for 3 weeks when they were 14 or 15 ha) since then he has been to rehab for pill and drug addiction, anger mangement etc. Ya i know... So more power to her if thats her better option. Ya seeing that hurt. but I know she prob out there talking to any guy that will give her attention.(she dosn't have any good friends all just people she is all excited about catching up with then a month later don't give her the time of day its sad) In the meantime, i've been picking up hours at work, going to the gym, and just really trying to keep busy. I'll admit after thinking on alotof theses responses I been able to see a life after this girl. Hell anythings gotta be better then this up and down, i'm with you i'm not with you ****. Shes not my problem anymore. In the meantime, I'm gonna work on me Ik I have some things to work on with confidence, having my own life filled with things I like etc. So maybe next time I won't be so clingy needy etc. I see the girl/relationship as a nice thing to have but not everything I have. Thanks alot bro really helped alot! I'll keep you updated of things.

Yeah you are doing the right thing man, its not gonna feel good but keep going. Ignore texts/phone calls, anything like that. Also, if a mutual friend begins to talk to you about her tell them flat out u are over it and moving on. You of course are not over it, but it will get back to her and maybe she will leave u alone which will only help you. Talk to some other girls, get some female attention, it helps man.

[Exane]

I glad to see so many guys out there have a feeling for what I'm going though right now. I appreciate all the feedback, advice, etc. It's been Idk 3 or 4 days since we talked last. I havn't said a word to her texting or calling and she hasn't said anything either. I have my ups and downs but things are starting to get clearer the moree time we don't speak. I can feel less and less attached everyday. Luckily I havn't seen her around but if i did I'd prob just do like a few of you said and just say hey and keep moving. It is clear to me she has some serious isssues about growing up etc. I recently found out that shes been talkin to the kid she dated before me (like for 3 weeks when they were 14 or 15 ha) since then he has been to rehab for pill and drug addiction, anger mangement etc. Ya i know... So more power to her if thats her better option. Ya seeing that hurt. but I know she prob out there talking to any guy that will give her attention.(she dosn't have any good friends all just people she is all excited about catching up with then a month later don't give her the time of day its sad) In the meantime, i've been picking up hours at work, going to the gym, and just really trying to keep busy. I'll admit after thinking on alotof theses responses I been able to see a life after this girl. Hell anythings gotta be better then this up and down, i'm with you i'm not with you ****. Shes not my problem anymore. In the meantime, I'm gonna work on me Ik I have some things to work on with confidence, having my own life filled with things I like etc. So maybe next time I won't be so clingy needy etc. I see the girl/relationship as a nice thing to have but not everything I have. Thanks alot bro really helped alot! I'll keep you updated of things.

You better stick to it.

[DillyPickleBear]

cliffs:
OP has crush on girl at work but she already fukked him over and moved onto another fling
she comes crawling back because other guy didnt work out
they have the clingyness and most beta onenittis for the next year and half
they both go into college but girl starts becoming distant
high school relationships does not transition well to college
they break up while chick has OP on a string forever

[Jimmy_Hollywood]

You will find someone else in the future that is better looking/has a better personality,etc that will make you completely forget about this current girl. The only time you will think about her is when you're thinking about stupid you were for getting hung up over her and wasting your time. Cut off contact w/her completely. College is not the time to be tied down and emotionally f.ucked up over a girl. I'm speaking from experience, if I could do it over again I would. Good luck.

[Manoftheyear90]

You better stick to it.

I'm trying man. I really am like I said I've been working alot keeping up with my friends. I'm also trying to find hobbies and stuff to do. I'm really trying to take peoples advice and focus only on me right now. But I did get my first text from her today since we talked in person. This morning she text just saying "Hey how are you?" It was hard but I didn't answer at all first time in problably a year i've flat out just not answered. feels good man. Maybe there are go days ahead. and though a mutual friend I found out that she was out last night, got drunk as hell and started puking all over. I'd say i'm in a better place. Someday I won;t give a **** what or who she does I just need to get there. Thanks again guys your making this easier for me with all the help and good advice. I'll keep the progress going.

[Manoftheyear90]

You will find someone else in the future that is better looking/has a better personality,etc that will make you completely forget about this current girl. The only time you will think about her is when you're thinking about stupid you were for getting hung up over her and wasting your time. Cut off contact w/her completely. College is not the time to be tied down and emotionally f.ucked up over a girl. I'm speaking from experience, if I could do it over again I would. Good luck.

Thats my plan. I'm gonna just enjoy college and see how things go. I'm just really tired of the up and down ****. I'm gonna just try to have fun

[FunSize1990]

Grow some ****ing balls.

Don't you see it?

She has already convinced you its your fault, when in reality she is just being a whore.

You aren't doing anything wrong, How the **** is her getting drunk with ridiculous frat boys ok? NYE and sh!t.

tough love brah, get your **** together, kick her dumb ass to the curb and start with some other girls.

She is going through her live laugh love phase and you need to show her your a man not a mouse.

Cut contact, Act distant in person. Hit on girls infront of her, let her know this is her problem and your better then her.

Also call her room mate out, don't let a bish disrespect you like that.

I believe in you.

[AFreshStart]

I understand why you are putting yourself through this, most of us have been there and done that. So listen to the advice of some of the older people on here, most of the younger guys are just repeating what they read but they don't truly understand why because they haven't been through enough to piece it together themselves. You're going to read cut contact, break up with her, you are beta, bla bla bla. But it wont click with you unless you understand why.

You are addicted to this girl, the reason for that is because of the ups and downs you are experiencing with this chick. The lows make the highs feel that much better and those same highs are causing you to forget the lows. This is what causes addiction in people, no matter what we are talking about, the high makes you forget about the low and thus seems to be even better then it truly is and its all you look forward to.

You don't see life existing without this girl, its what happens to a majority of young people who fall in love before they realize life isn't all rainbows and sunshine. You only remember the good times you had together, though they were so long ago. What you need to do is accept that you will never have that with her again and that its both of your faults. People change and grow tired of being around the same people because it holds them back in their life. That is when you move on to the next.

Don't grow cold and hate women like 95% of the butt hurt RH/Misc, understand that women are unique and great in their own way, each one is different yet each one is the same. The great times you had with your girl can be re-experienced with a new girl, and you know what the best part is, those new good times will seem even better because of the highs and lows explained earlier. But that will only work if you let go of this girl and accept that your good times with her are over and that you guys are no longer on the same page.

Take this concept with you for the rest of your life: Enjoy the good times you have with a girl, but don't hold on to those good times. As soon as those good times fade, move on to the next one until you find the girl who is willing to put in the time and work that it takes to make a LTR work. It needs to be 50/50, if she isn't putting in the time and work, forget her.

Not to be a thread jacker but, thanks! This gave me the advice I've been looking for for months.