Tim's Survival Guide to Life - 24 tips for 24 years

[tfpriest]

24 tips for 24 years – Tim’s Survival Guide to Life

Today I had an awful case of the Monday’s. Oddly, it started great. I woke up this morning feeling great strangely. I opened my eyes, squinted at my cawcawing alarm clock, and gave myself the verbal recognition and motivation one in my shoes occasionally need , “Alright. I’m getting my ass out of bed.”
Shortly thereafter however, things turned for the worse. It was shortly after while driving to work and enjoying a nostalgic look at the mornings mishaps that I decided to write a survival guide to life with almost a quarter century full of wisdom. You’ve read this sort of stuff all over the internet. But, here it from your own friend Tim. Here is 24 tips for 24 years. Agree to disagree if you wish!

1. Be careful around the toilet.

Don’t be the guy caught toilet diving because you bumped a comb or a *cough* toothpaste cap flew out of your hands. Even if that water appears clean and after rinsing off said plastic item, using it in ordinary fashion is never the same again.

2. Have a routine.

Not out of monotony or being a boring person. Having a routine gives you something to hold yourself accountable to and because its relaxing when things go the way they are supposed to. If every day you put your keys in the same place, don’t be a jackass and decide one day to start putting them somewhere else. Otherwise, you WILL be chasing your tail trying to find those damned keys.

3. Be punctual.

If you’re planning to engage in any activity that requires your participation, plan and anticipate said activity. Don’t leave people waiting and wasting their life away. Make sure you are well equipped mentally and physically for whatever is coming your way. Less obstacles and uncertainty = less stress.

4. Smell good.

People like it when people smell good. If I have to flee the checkout lane at Walmart like a victim in a Saw movie because you decided today wasn’t a good day to wash out the yeast festering between rolls of flab…well..I’m just going to go puke in a toilet. Hopefully I don’t knock something into that porcelain abyss while I’m puking in it.

5. Don’t do drugs.

It’s a waste of money and makes you less satisfied with your life. You don’t need to borrow your friends narcotic painkillers because you stubbed your toe. Got drug tested and fired? Damn. Hopefully you don’t complain about the economy and the job market on your way out.

6. Alcohol – know your limit.

WOW. I have failed at this one a few times. At the end of the day, it just isn’t worth being a vomiting douche bag.

7. Fail.
You will fail at something. Maybe even a lot. Part of you hurts and hopefully recovers as a better person from every failure. I have failed a lot in my life. Luckily, a new and improved version of me emerges from every fail.
8. Work hard for what you have.

While I wouldn’t wish on anyone to have gone through the troubles I had as a young adult (17-21ish) it was most definitely the most hardening and rewarding time of my life. Everyone should begin adulthood totally unassisted. Like having to be sick for weeks or months on end without insurance, pay for their own cars and insurance and gas, clothes, car maintenance, phones, rent, school, dentistry, and live and sleep in their cars in the times between when they have no place to afford to go and work full-time all hours of the night and weekends to afford to survive on the very basics all while being morbidly obese, suffering from type 2 diabetic symptoms, and getting foolishly married and buying a house with a high school sweetheart because you are young and you think with your heart instead of your head - and subsequently get divorced, foreclose your house and file bankruptcy because of accumulated expenses trying to keep yourself healthy or your car running or your plumbing or heat working in the cheap house you thought sounded like a great investment, all while staying away from a crazy dad who never paid child support and was constantly in jail through my teenage years for things like assaulting, stalking, and domestic violence against what was left of my small family after the aftermath of my parents divorce..

Sounds nasty on paper right?

Wrong.

Best thing that could have ever happened to me. Hands down. Nothing teaches you to be a better man than being treated badly by a ****ty one. Nothing teaches you the value of a dollar than losing what little you did have or working hours into the night for less than $6 per hour (And I didn’t even tell you what I did for that money! DISGUSTING!) . Nothing teaches you how to be healthy and fit like the reality of failing health. Nothing teaches you to take for granted a warm bed like sleeping in a car in the midst of winter. Nothing teaches you to learn to fix things yourself like having no money to pay a professional to fix them for you… which leads me to number 9.

9. Learn to change a thermocouple.
This cheap and simple fix can apply to a lot of different things, but mostly your furnace and water heater. I reserve the right to take your man card if you cant (or at least figure out how) to change a thermocouple. I used a thermocouple because of a funny recent story with a friend of mine, and because I had to learn the hard way in the past, and to save a damsel in distress (my current girlfriend!). Gosh. Saving damsels. Thermocouples? Me? Who would of thought . This leads me to number ten..
10. Google is your friend.
Most people who are considered professionals aren’t really that special, or even that knowledgeable often times. They learned how to do the things they know because of either experience, or a classroom, or their own research. Most people aren’t divined at birth with knowledge on cleaning carburetors or drywalling, or (insert random skilled trade here). Be objective with your research. Be practical. Use common sense. You will go far. I may not know off the top of my head how to do something this instant, but give me an hour with Google and YouTube videos and I’ll be pro’ing the job in no time.

My disclaimer to this: Don’t go and give your friend a labotamy because you googled some ancient brain surgery to correct bad memory, and don’t expect to paint like the next Picasso because you googled some articles on brush strokes and paint colors.
11. Learn about taxes.

Taxes are a reality of life. Especially as you start to make more and more money, take some time to learn about tax brackets, how you can lower your taxable income, and ways you can use tax free dollars towards certain types of expenses. This list could go on and on. This leads me to number twelve…

12. Save money and keep your overhead low.

This is a tricky one. It seems as we as people make more and more money, we oddly, have less and less. Do yourself a favor and contribute to your IRA or 401k (if you have it) and keep an emergency savings on hand. Don’t move into the most expensive place on the street because you have the money to afford it, and don’t buy a new car just because you can, or go out and buy 100$+ pairs of jeans because I promise you, they just don’t look that much better than a $20 pair. Six months of dieting, muscle building, and being health conscious will make your legs look a hell of a lot better in a pair of walmart skinny jeans than in designer skinny jeans.

Don’t ever borrow at all with the exception of a house, and be sure to have enough money on hand to put 10% down on one when you decide to buy it.

13. Increase your social circle

The more people you have in your circle, the better. This one is a really tricky one. I am a big proponent of, “What goes around, comes around.”

Help out your friends and family as much as you can while you are able.With life and its surprises, you might be depending on them next week and they will be much more willing to help you in a pinch if you’ve given the favor in the past.

14. Take care of yourself

This is the hardest one for a stereotypical American to wrap their head around, and one that plagued me most of my life.

It was such a standard to sit in front of a TV almost every day of the week and load up on simple carbs like ice cream or cookies or chips, or to scarf half a pizza, or chow down on buckets of trans fat loaded foods, I had no idea how badly I was punishing myself. Even if god gifted you with an outrageous metabolism, your body will thank you if you eat right.

My advice, go out and get some blood testing done right now. Get some education on the glycemic index, how your diet should be broken down between different macronutrients, and how many calories you should be eating a day. Get your cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood sugar well within the normal range and get your BMI as close to the normal range as possible. Obesity pre-dispositions you for the nastiest of nasty health defects and problems, from cancers, to diabetes, to heart attacks, the list never ends. Your pancreas, liver, kidneys, even your skin and indeed all of your organs will thank you with open arms if treat them with proper nutrition. Not to mention..it’s just good mentally and physically to wake up with a sense of well being and satisfaction knowing you are in an excellent state of health.

Take this is a great opportunity to considering quitting smoking, chewing, or (insert bad habit here). New years is right around the corner. Make it a resolution!

15. It is better to give than to receive

When you reach a point in life where you get greater satisfaction giving someone else happiness than you do receiving, you are doing well my friend. Be generous with your time and your tips when able.

16. Find a good hair stylist

Dang. It’s hard to find someone who can give you a great hair cut, everytime. When you do, DON’T LET THEM GO!! I know, this one is chincy, but dang…coming out of a hair cut with a total hackjob is depressing.

17. Be observant

Notice things. Peoples emotions. Changes in landscapes. Things that happen at work. It pays to keep your eye on the ball and to pay attention to how things are changing around you.

[tfpriest]

18. Stay fresh

It’s good to know what’s going on in the world. It’s nice to know what actors and actresses and singers are coming up and going down. It’s good to develop interests and try new things. New foods, new hobbies, you name it. This is all really objective, don’t go spending hours watching E or reading reality news or choking on some kind of Vietnamese side dish. Most people enjoy home entertainment and going out. Lately there have been huge trends just in the tech to present those trends (HD and 3D tv’s, iPads and Android phones, ect ect). It’s good to stay on top of this stuff.

Don’t get caught on an analog typewriter using whiteout everytime you typo.

19. Be competitive

Competition is healthy. It’s good to be competitive about something. Competition is a drive for passion, and passions develop the skills and traits of some of the most unique people in the world. Being unique – it’s a good thing.

20. Love someone enough to fart in front of them
If you’ve been holding in twenty+ years worth of farts…for god sakes. Let there be gas.
21. Forgive and be forgiven

This isn’t religion driven. It’s just a fact of life. It feels better to forgive and be forgiven by people than it does to hold a lifelong grudge. People make mistakes. True story. With that said, there are mistakes that are unforgivable. Don’t make one of those. Otherwise, a judge or a friend or loved one may not be so forgiving. “Im sorry”, never did hold up well in a court room. You don’t want to end up on an episode of Judge Judy because you intentionally ran over your neighbor’s bike and it turns out it wasn’t a $150 Huffy from Walmart, it was a $6000 professional series. Ouch.

22. Kiss a little ass, but not too much.

It just never hurt anyone to kiss a little ass. This will help your social circle and future employment opportunities. Compliments, the occasional treat or gift, that little bit of extra…Going around being the guy who never does anything for ANYONE..well, don’t be “THAT GUY” otherwise it will seem like everyone else will always have a one up on you. That’s because they do. Even if you don’t particularly care for a certain person. It pays to have your friends close and your enemies closer.

23. Don’t talk **** about people

This one is tough. So many times you get caught up in the gossip of your family and friends or coworkers, you end up talking **** about them. Too many times, that **** doesn’t end up in the sewer where you thought it was going and you backed up your septic tank. Now, **** is everywhere.

Just. Don’t.

24. Enjoy the simple things

There’s something about going fishing with your buddies on a warm day in a Michigan summer on a boat with the hot sun warming your skin with having a brew and enjoying a cool breeze coming off the water. Enjoy the simple things.

[BoyBawang]

thanks for this

[Z06]

Strange how #5 was "don't do drugs" but then #6 was "alcohol - know your limits."