You give me advice for a change... :)

[janky]

Take a break from the alpha/beta threads, the pof threads, and the i hate men/women threads.

Here's a question (and I apologize for the length of these - I know it sucks getting 2 page long questions haha)
Maybe someone has insight, maybe not - worth a try...

I can't trust girls. I won't launch into a novel about my prior experience that's left me incapable, you can probably piece it together yourself w common sense.

I give every one of them benefit of the doubt, but I expect to be treated a certain way and sometimes I question if thats not feasible due to no one ever being able to comply. Well, one girl did.. but again, not launching into novels.


Either way, when I see a girl I'm with laughing it up and joking around talking to (or probably flirting with) guys I assume the worst and just immediately want to end things. Don't wanna try, don't wanna wait and be patient and see, don't wanna bother. Just end it.

Probably not healthy, but at the same time I feel that if I were being respected I'd be INCLUDED, not alienated and then criticized for being uncomfortable with it. That's my biggest beef, not necessarily cheating. Cheating is a free pass for me to end things and fck other girls that are flirting w me and I have to politely decline to be faithful.

I just feel like leaving me out is disrespectful and kinda shady tbh. Why wouldn't you introduce me if you have nothing to hide? yanno?

Also, it's inevitable that some day they'll want to go out to clubs and sht w their girls and unless I'm at the "bored with this one" stage I'm never comfortable with it and immediately want to end things. I don't feel it's worth my time waiting around to see if shes cheating or not (she is), and again I demand respect. I should be INCLUDED, not alienated and criticized. If you loved someone, why wouldn't you want them going out with you?

I don't expect to be with a girl 100% of the time, and I hope no one's reading into it that way. I do respect time apart, and feel that it's necessary for a healthy relationship.
What I'm saying is, I don't trust anything about women. I try my best, and on the surface I give off the vibe that I do, but deep down I don't and it eats at me. On top of that, I never seem to receive the respect I want, even if I deliver it to them.

Take all of this and pepper it with my uncanny knack for being able to accurately predict women's behavior 80% of the time. It's not as much of a blessing as some would think, in fact, it's somewhat of a curse; understanding how selfish women, with little to offer, really think the world should be handed over because of their anatomy and ability to dress.


Am I clinging to some antiquated morals? Am I a psycho jealous type? Did the one girlfriend I had for 2 years that treated me perfectly set the bar at an impossible to match height? Should I stop asking questions that I don't really want the answer to? Should I just marry into something that suits me financially and give up on this fairy tale concept of love?





Cliffs:
Can only pretend to trust girls
I really dont. Ever.
99% of women's behavior/actions makes me feel disrespected.
Am I psycho?

[1987GN]

you aren't crazy. Most women can't be trusted.

Its not you either, its so hard to find a girl worth trusting nowadays. They're like unicorns made of gold or something.

Cliffs:
girls are evil
unicorns give me boners

[SgSpartan]

Love yourself first. No, your behaviour is understandable. It's not psycho. Hopefully, one day, you will meet someone who will change that. Good luck brah.

[phatryde]

Pardon me as I brew up some coffee, and read your novel good sir.

Cliffs so far

Does not trust women
Needs outside opinions different from his own on as to why
Girlfriend of 2years does not introduce him to male friends
Suspicion
Girl has done nothing wrong, but all girls are whore's I cannot allow myself to get suckered into this sh!t
Quote "I don't feel it's worth my time waiting around to see if shes cheating or not (she is)" -Not sure if she cheated because I am confused here but the point is OP maybe believes he is driving girl to cheat...

Final Edit : Now my useless opinion. It all comes down to how much we are willing to open ourselves :P I never ever, ever want to revert back to my old friend-zoning teenage self ever again, the tragic friend-zoning I experienced not once, but twice in my teens was what made my trust for women disappear.

Op could be holding back emotions of his past self, that he despises and never wants to be, and in the same time sacrificing trusting women, and quite possibly ruining future's with great women.

[.aeterna]

couple things to note;

it seems like you are rejecting girls before they have a chance to reject you.

it also seems like maybe you are attracted to the wrong type of girls (not all great looking girls have to "go out" with their friends clubbing/bars every weekend). maybe try and look at yourself and your lifestyle and see if it is a cause?

im sure you like your own time with your boys, just as much as girls like their girl time.

seems like you have a bit of a pride issue...maybe you say you want to be with a "submissive" girl but internally are only attracted to the ones that will **** around with your feelings?

and while not "psycho" per se, it seems like there are a few "possessive" traits

[Sinergy2010]

Your idea of love is not a fairy tale, its justt more and more rare. Our society has this weird paradox of love lately. On one hand we see couples in holly wood cheating left and right, and on other hand we have couples in movies living this fairy tale type of love life its not real.

Odds are someone hurt you in the past, so the bottom line is you need to get over the past, you need to learn to trust again. Often times both male and females put all their eotions out too early, or invest too early in life.

Many people my age all say the same thing, I wish when I was younger I focused on me instead of getting to deep in to a relationship when I should have just been having fun, or discovering who I was.

So to make a long story short, you need to remember healing takes time, you have to remember that the one you will spend your life with doesnt just stroll in, some times it can take a while. You dont have to be locked down early. Further you should also remember that karma is a bitch, if you want to good karma then end relationships right, dont lead them on. If they dont work out early on then let them go.. Dont sit around thinking about them too much, give them a fair shot and move on.

Not everyone is compatible and it can take a while to meet the right one

[janky]

you aren't crazy. Most women can't be trusted.

Its not you either, its so hard to find a girl worth trusting nowadays. They're like unicorns made of gold or something.

Cliffs:
girls are evil
unicorns give me boners

agree @ unicorns.

I mean, it'd be easier if I were either incredibly naive and inexperienced, or if I had better odds, but (i sht you not) literally 8 out of 10 girls I talk to just talk about getting fcked up and traits they think are hot in guys. I'm like... cool starry. should I tell you about how I used to be an oxycontin addict and have a raging fcking hard on for redheads? That's great first date banter.

8 out of 10, man. And not to mention, probably the same ratio of women I've dated have cheated on me. I'm absolutely numb to it. I'm just like "Oh. K. cool. ttyl" or "Saw that coming"

Love yourself first. No, your behaviour is understandable. It's not psycho. Hopefully, one day, you will meet someone who will change that. Good luck brah.

Thanks man, I appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like I have all these weird fcking thoughts that are so "out there" no one would get it. It's refreshing to spit em out and hear other people think the same sht haha

I did meet one person who changed that though, and I did trust her entirely. Still would to this day if she were in my life. Problem is she set that bar so incredibly effing high I don't think anyone's going to come near it... and I fcking HATE settling.

[KGB125]

agree @ unicorns.

I mean, it'd be easier if I were either incredibly naive and inexperienced, or if I had better odds, but (i sht you not) literally 8 out of 10 girls I talk to just talk about getting fcked up and traits they think are hot in guys. I'm like... cool starry. should I tell you about how I used to be an oxycontin addict and have a raging fcking hard on for redheads? That's great first date banter.

8 out of 10, man. And not to mention, probably the same ratio of women I've dated have cheated on me. I'm absolutely numb to it. I'm just like "Oh. K. cool. ttyl" or "Saw that coming"




Thanks man, I appreciate it. Sometimes I feel like I have all these weird fcking thoughts that are so "out there" no one would get it. It's refreshing to spit em out and hear other people think the same sht haha

I did meet one person who changed that though, and I did trust her entirely. Still would to this day if she were in my life. Problem is she set that bar so incredibly effing high I don't think anyone's going to come near it... and I fcking HATE settling.

I think some hypnosis could help.

[1987GN]

agree @ unicorns.

I mean, it'd be easier if I were either incredibly naive and inexperienced, or if I had better odds, but (i sht you not) literally 8 out of 10 girls I talk to just talk about getting fcked up and traits they think are hot in guys. I'm like... cool starry. should I tell you about how I used to be an oxycontin addict and have a raging fcking hard on for redheads? That's great first date banter.

8 out of 10, man. And not to mention, probably the same ratio of women I've dated have cheated on me. I'm absolutely numb to it. I'm just like "Oh. K. cool. ttyl" or "Saw that coming"

Nah I feel you. Its society today that is killing women. Feminism took it too far, and now women's lib took it to "women can be whores and its cool." I literally wrote a paper on the double-standard and how its complete crap.

I would just start going for the girl who is least-likely to have those traits...like the girl who is reading at the bookstore, or the chick volunteering at a shelter or some crap...Just narrow down the possibilities for places where whores are drawn to, and hopefully some good ones will come.

You can't force trust, and it needs to be earned. You think you know someone and even after 10 years they can do something you never thought possible. People suck.

[janky]

Pardon me as I brew up some coffee, and read your novel good sir.

Cliffs so far

Does not trust women
Needs outside opinions different from his own on as to why
Girlfriend of 2years does not introduce him to male friends
Suspicion
Girl has done nothing wrong, but all girls are whore's I cannot allow myself to get suckered into this sh!t
Quote "I don't feel it's worth my time waiting around to see if shes cheating or not (she is)" -Not sure if she cheated because I am confused here but the point is OP maybe believes he is driving girl to cheat...

not entirely accurate, but I lol'd...
ive only been w current gf for like 2 months haha - it was my ex that I was w 2 years and she treated me PERFECTLY.

I don't think I'M driving girls to cheat per se, I think they're unable to control their urges and do not put a higher value on our relationship than getting random dick.

couple things to note;

it seems like you are rejecting girls before they have a chance to reject you.

it also seems like maybe you are attracted to the wrong type of girls (not all great looking girls have to "go out" with their friends clubbing/bars every weekend). maybe try and look at yourself and your lifestyle and see if it is a cause?

im sure you like your own time with your boys, just as much as girls like their girl time.

seems like you have a bit of a pride issue...maybe you say you want to be with a "submissive" girl but internally are only attracted to the ones that will **** around with your feelings?

and while not "psycho" per se, it seems like there are a few "possessive" traits

annnnnd you've hit the nail on the head. Well played sir... remind me to rep at some point.
I have MAJOR pride issues. I can't let go of sht that makes me feel stupid or inferior until I conquer it. Perhaps rejecting them before they have a chance is my way of doing so?
And believe me, I'm not attracted to the club/bar types and do NOT live that lifestyle

the bold part is so fcking dead on it's almost creepy actually. How do I fix that? I want the sweet, submissive, loyal housewife - but I'm turned on by the lying, selfish, cnt in heels with vodka breath. It's always been a struggle with me.

Your idea of love is not a fairy tale, its justt more and more rare. Our society has this weird paradox of love lately. On one hand we see couples in holly wood cheating left and right, and on other hand we have couples in movies living this fairy tale type of love life its not real.

Odds are someone hurt you in the past, so the bottom line is you need to get over the past, you need to learn to trust again. Often times both male and females put all their eotions out too early, or invest too early in life.

Many people my age all say the same thing, I wish when I was younger I focused on me instead of getting to deep in to a relationship when I should have just been having fun, or discovering who I was.

So to make a long story short, you need to remember healing takes time, you have to remember that the one you will spend your life with doesnt just stroll in, some times it can take a while. You dont have to be locked down early. Further you should also remember that karma is a bitch, if you want to good karma then end relationships right, dont lead them on. If they dont work out early on then let them go.. Dont sit around thinking about them too much, give them a fair shot and move on.

Not everyone is compatible and it can take a while to meet the right one

Thanks brah.
I am not really holding on to any isolated incidents, tbh.
Like I said to GN's post, if it were a once or twice heartbreak kinda thing it wouldn't be a big deal - but to give you the background, I'm a serial dater/manwhore who's been with 75+ and dated so many fcking girls it's ridiculous.
Like I said, 8 out of 10 cheated. So either I drive women to cheat somehow, or women are unfaithful liars. Given the behavior I've seen and issues I've discussed with people regarding cheating, I'd lean more towards the latter.

[janky]

I think some hypnosis could help.

Self-medicate instead?

Nah I feel you. Its society today that is killing women. Feminism took it too far, and now women's lib took it to "women can be whores and its cool." I literally wrote a paper on the double-standard and how its complete crap.

I would just start going for the girl who is least-likely to have those traits...like the girl who is reading at the bookstore, or the chick volunteering at a shelter or some crap...Just narrow down the possibilities for places where whores are drawn to, and hopefully some good ones will come.

You can't force trust, and it needs to be earned. You think you know someone and even after 10 years they can do something you never thought possible. People suck.

so ugly girls? ones that will be flattered to have a bf of my caliber and never so much as dream of leaving? lol

[Sinergy2010]

8/10? cheat, I would be all money that you drive them away. I can tell you why the cheat, 95% of women hate confrontation or hate the break up and want you to do it to them. So instead they will ignore the break up and just move on and let you find out on your own.

IE they cheat

[maikuljay]

Janky, your probably a little psycho.. we all are.. we're all inherently jealous.. Some more than others.. distrust comes so damn easy.. you gotta learn to silence that unreasonable noise in your head which makes you jump to conclusions and upset you.

I'm not suggesting that the conclusions/accusations will not come to pass.. But I am saying having these thoughts are quite damaging. Stressful, depressing.. shift your focus.


It does sound like your over-analysing the situation too much. I remember reading a ton of your posts I am aware of your unfortunate history and although it's difficult after being hurt time after time you still shouldn't let go of the hope that there is a girl out there.. Try letting go of the anger.. what is it that your afraid of? I mean the girls cant do much else that they haven't already done..

My advice if your finding that you question your "psycho" tendencies would be to take a step back and chill.. don't take it all too seriously.. perhaps you do demand too much? I dunno, your pretty young man.. it's not a race.. the one for you will turn up and you don't wanna be so closed off as to not even give it a chance..

I mean some woman are no more than a step above a house pet. (bless their hearts).. it's hard for them to act within a respectful manor. Try and give them a break, help them help you..

Just go into the next relationship with your eyes open, let them do what they want.. when in doubt wear a condom... I mean yes, you should be able to expect to be comfortable and be able to trust. Yes it's taken a while, but woman have damaged you to the point where you cant just "give" this trust.. and hey, that's life, that's ok..

No... you shouldn't let it get to you, bring you down, upset.. adopt the mentality of a strong "NEXT" and that it's all numbers.. just live your life for you and focus less on her. cos clearly at the moment she's not been worth it.

the key is to just go with the flow.. don't fight the inevitable, roll with it.. make it your bitch.. and when the girl of the moment fails to live up to your expectations, move on.. let the trust come in time.. But don't lose hope man.. it's really all that's left.. I already said this once today but one day you'll meet a girl who will totally change it all for you.. and hey, if she hurts you, just look again.. why give up? what else you gunna do?

[1987GN]

Self-medicate instead?



so ugly girls? ones that will be flattered to have a bf of my caliber and never so much as dream of leaving? lol

nah they dont have to be ugly. theres some gems still out there. just gotta look in the right places I suppose.

[KGB125]

went back re-read original post.

You ound like me in a lot of ways. Love and be loved but cant trust a bitch so you make up for it by sleeping with as many different women as you can each having a trait you want but none of them having the majority of the traits you seek.

Jealousy/Trust is a funny thing when it comes to girls. I used to like going out with my ex. we would go out she would dance with other dudes and it never bothered me once. ( I refuse to dance but I want her to have a great time and in all srsness it never bothered me. After we were engaged and then found out we were going to have a baby I became really protective of her and my child. Even after we lost the child that mind set never changed. This girl was going to be my wife and I will protect her at all costs.

blah blah the animal PM is kicking in so I will have to post later. Or PM you

[janky]

8/10? cheat, I would be all money that you drive them away. I can tell you why the cheat, 95% of women hate confrontation or hate the break up and want you to do it to them. So instead they will ignore the break up and just move on and let you find out on your own.

IE they cheat

Hmm. Clearly I overlooked that... good point!
I'm not too proud to admit that I have my issues and may push people away. I'd like to figure out wtf those are though, so I can correct them and stop reliving mistakes and move into progression...

[UCFBuilder]

I completely agree with u OP

and its the exact reason why im so apprehensive when it comes to committing to a relationship

Trusting a women to essentially not break my world apart just does not sit well with me...which is why i put on this front that i dont care about anything that happens...IMO the women ur with knowing how much u care is giving her too much power..fuk that

[KGB125]

Self-medicate instead?

You could. After my break up with the fiance the first time I self medicated with pain killers... Not that good. Then with 2 different hypnotherapists. One here local and one involved in the community.

Also downloaded quite a few from a highly thought of member of the community. It helped a fawking ton. Then I was stupid and her and I got back together. We just broke up 2 months ago for different reasons but it still hurts. I am back to sleeping with way to may girls and I still feel alone...

[janky]

Also, wanted to reiterate that the majority of my trust issues stem from disrespect.

When I'm with even just FRIENDS (let alone a gf) I make it a point to introduce everyone. It's the polite, respectful thing to do. I don't bring people along and then just ditch them in a room full of strangers to fend for themselves. I don't ignore friends all night to flirt. I include people. That's just common decency IMO.

The girl that treated me right went to clubs w her friends plenty of times when we dated. I never once, for a second, had a worry in my head. true starry.
She also never cheated. She also gave me the respect I wanted throughout the entire relationship without me having to ask.

I feel like if I have to write a "How to be a good girlfriend" instructional phamplet then I would really rather tell a bitch to kick rocks or go fck the dude she's been trying to discretely eyeball all night.

[maikuljay]

Also, wanted to reiterate that the majority of my trust issues stem from disrespect.

I always found with this what works best... "you get what you give"'

I have no problem ditching a girl who ditches me...

[.aeterna]

annnnnd you've hit the nail on the head. Well played sir... remind me to rep at some point.
I have MAJOR pride issues. I can't let go of sht that makes me feel stupid or inferior until I conquer it. Perhaps rejecting them before they have a chance is my way of doing so?
And believe me, I'm not attracted to the club/bar types and do NOT live that lifestyle

the bold part is so fcking dead on it's almost creepy actually. How do I fix that? I want the sweet, submissive, loyal housewife - but I'm turned on by the lying, selfish, cnt in heels with vodka breath. It's always been a struggle with me.

its funny b/c i have the exact same issue. thing is you cant change what you are attracted to. at least not right now..

you have to accept that first..ask yourself WHY you like girls that are like this. ask yourself why you dont like girls that will treat you well

[faxanadu]

Janky,

Internal conflict. You have the tools and know what you want but you're still not getting it. Can't say exactly what the internal conflict is ... need more details but usually it follows an irrational thought process brought on by fear.

On the surface you're protecting yourself from pain by rejecting women. What makes it interesting/irrational is that in protecting yourself you've caused more suffering.

I applaud you for trying to figure out why.

[faxanadu]

The girl that treated me right went to clubs w her friends plenty of times when we dated. I never once, for a second, had a worry in my head. true starry.
She also never cheated. She also gave me the respect I wanted throughout the entire relationship without me having to ask.

I think this is where all the answers lie.

Did you end it or did she? Why?

[FunAndSun]

Tom Leykis/10

You want that which does not currently exist [a good woman.]

I agree wholeheartedly. Dump immediately at the first sign of disrespect.

[kyles1991]

Just wondering, was the first girl you ever loved one of these crazy,disrespectful,play with your emotion types?or a good girl?Mine was the first,and it caused me to have a ton of trust issues.I'll have a perfectly good girl who is crazy about me and i still cant trust her.I'll make up reasons not to let myself get attached to her.I'm recently getting over this though,i've come to realize that when you suspect these things they have a habbit of becoming real.When you are confident though and give a girl the rope to hang herself with she most likely wont do it(if she values you)So basically let her do her thing and LET HER DO SOMETHING WRONG BEFORE YOU PUNISH HER FOR A CRIME SHE HASNT COMMITTED YET.Stick to this philosophy and make sure whenever the 2 of you are together you have a blast,and she will not want to risk upsetting and losing her awesome bf.

On another note about being attracted to crazy bishes and not the good ones,i also have this problem and ive been thinking about it alot lately.I think its because good girls bore me too much,and the crazies are fun.I'm a very chill dude who has his head on his shoulders,im respectful,mature,well-mannered and opposites attract so naturally the crazy,drama-filled,immature fun loving type of girl is unfortunately what appeals to me on a sub-conscience level.Maybe youre the same way,maybe not either way id like to see what you think of my theory

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

I think maybe you quit too easily. "She pissed me off - she's dumped", end of story. Don't forget girls see things entirely differently from men, and what you consider disrespect, a girl may not even realise. It's like when guys say something they think is funny, but which makes their girl cry, and they don't even know why. Perhaps you should try being a little more forgiving. I'm not saying forgive cheating, but if a girl sees an old friend and runs over to talk to them, then come and introduce yourself, don't just end it without even any discussion.

[Stillarkan3]

STEELCRAYON here on alt account since I'm banned for my pof story. Felt this was worthy of bringing out the old red account.



Janky I have alot of respect for you but you sound insecure, afraid. Not to the extent of majority of guys on here but as you started you hide it well.

You know why you think like this and why your scared and jumped to haste choices? ? BECAUSE YOU GIVE A **** ... Seriously dude the moment you so giving a fck is the moment it won't faze you

The world is fcked up, relationships are fcked, to expect to be in a relationship and not have drama and possible cheating is lol... Every chick is replaceable, give every chick the benefit of the doubt until proven untrustworthy.... If she cheats who cares, just drop her and move on. To be afraid of the possibilities is setting yourself up for failure.

Your happiness is number one, girls come and go, relationships are trial and error, don't end something cuz your afraid or insecure.


So she is excluding you at some things, who cares, give her her space. Of she wants you she'll come back and if not move on.

once again I have mad respect for you and the advice you give but I'm going to be blunt 1 = insecure ******* 10 = strong confident..... You are acting like a strong 5. Doesn't mater if you hide your insecurities, your only fooling yourself

[Stillarkan3]

If she is excluding you at a party than make convo with others. Yeah its proper she introduce but fck it everyone was raised different. . You either want to be with her or don't, you will either put up with her **** or not

[Vaen]

Perhaps someone said this already, didn't read every post.

Maybe your girlfriends are testing your ability to claim your property (so to speak). If she's going off and talking with other random dudes in the room and laughing it up with them, then maybe they're trying to gauge your reaction to it. Are you going to storm off in a jealous rage? Are you going to start a fight with the guys? Or are you going to go up grab her ass, give her a kiss and "claim" her from the others? It might not be so much a disrespect thing as much a where do we stand thing. If that makes sense. You can "claim" her without showing extreme jealousy. Also, after doing so you shouldn't be timid, introduce yourself to the others and don't back down.

If I'm wrong then maybe I misunderstood where you were coming from.

[FunSize1990]

Cutting straight through the bull****, It is a trust issues. It seems like you are looking for an excuse to quit the relationship before its even began. When you say "80% of the time i can accurately predict a womens actions" sure you might get it right 8/10 times but what about the other two? Its basically you putting up the white flag saying i've given up.

We talk about Alpha/Beta, Self respect, Insecurity so much in threads that we lose sight of reality. Sometimes the most Alpha thing to do is take the hits, get back up and do it again with someone else. That is really what being a man is about, Respecting yourself but also giving respect where it is due. Letting our insecurities control us is setting us up to fail.

I ended up posting something completely different then what i set out too in the beginning and its probably the most honest thing i've said in a long time.