What did the Mexican say when 2 houses fell on him?
Get off me homes
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Results 241 to 262 of 262
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03-02-2011, 08:39 AM #241Ю Майрын?
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Pусский Бра
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03-02-2011, 08:54 AM #242imhere4tehgainz
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what do you call 2 black guys in a sleeping bag?
twix
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03-02-2011, 08:55 AM #243Brb brbing
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Thread brought the lulz
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03-02-2011, 09:01 AM #244Rep Power: 0
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?!"Manchester United - Not arrogant, just better.
☆☆☆υк ¢яєω☆☆☆
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03-02-2011, 09:08 AM #245Registered User
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Racsism isn't funny, it hurts people.
I should know because my grandfather died in the holocaust.
He fell out of a gaurd tower. haha
A man says to his wife " tell me something that will make me both happy and sad"
She thinks for a minute and replies...
" you have the biggest dick of all your friends"
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03-02-2011, 09:12 AM #246Platinum User
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A jew walks into a bar.
And buys it.NJ • 732
☮
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03-02-2011, 11:08 AM #247DIS SHO AM GUD
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what do you call the black stuff between an elephants toes?
****lisBeen chatting to a 14 year old girl online. She's funny, sexy and flirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop! How cool is that at her age!?
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03-02-2011, 04:58 PM #248"Let's Rock"
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Did you know the Taliban are using sheep to detect mines? They send the sheep into a field, and if they're blown up, the terrorists have dinner. If the sheep make it through alive, they have a date.
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A chicken and an egg are sitting at a bar having drinks. After a few hours a drunken patron approaches them.
"So who came first?" he says, grinning at his cleverness.
The egg glances at the chicken, then turns to the drunk and says, "Your mother".
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A cop pulls over a man for running a stop sign. The driver gives the officer a lot of grief and starts to argue that he did indeed stop.
The cop says "No, sir, you only slowed down."
The guy replies, "Stop or slow down, whats the difference?"
The cop pulls the guy out of the car and beats him savagely with his nightstick, then asks "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN *******?"
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Two guys come across a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. One of them says "I'm feeling sort of frisky," the proceeds to have his way with the sheep.
When he's finished, he turns to his friend and says "Do you want to take a turn?"
"Sure!" the friend replies.
The horny pal then unbuckles his pants and sticks his head in the fence and says "OK, i'm ready!".
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03-02-2011, 05:11 PM #249"Let's Rock"
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Two lawyers are leaving their office and heading home for the night.
"I can't wait to get home," says one. "As soon as I walk in the door, i'm going to tear off my wife's panties."
"Believe me, I know the feeling," the other one says.
"No, i'm serious," says the first guy. "They're killing me."
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"I've been making a lot of freudian slips lately," a guy says to his friend.
"Like what?" asks his buddy.
"Last week I asked the train conductor for two pickets to Tittsburgh."
"I did something similar the other day," says the friend. "My wife and I were having breakfast and instead of saying 'Honey, pass the butter,' I said 'You ****ing bitch, you ruined my life!"
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One hot summer day an old lady goes to an ice cream parolor and asks the counter guy, "Do you have any chocolate?"
He replies "No, ma'am."
She says "What about in the back stockroom?".
"No ma'am."
She says "Well, I want chocolate!".
Pissed, he says, "You see the straw in strawberry?".
"Yes."
"You see the Va in vanilla?"
"Yes."
"You see the phuck in Chocolate?"
"There's no phuck in chocolate!"
He says, "Thats what I keep trying to tell you!"
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03-02-2011, 05:24 PM #250"Let's Rock"
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A rich benefactor is touring a hospital. During the tour, she sees a patient masturbating furiously. "Oh my God!" the woman exclaims.
The doctor says "If he doesn't do that five times a day, his testicles could rupture."
As they pass the next room they see a patient lying in bed as a nurse performs oral sex on him.
"Explain that!" the woman screams.
The doctor shrugs. "Better insurance."
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A cowboy gets married and heads to a nice hotel with his bride to enjoy their wedding night.
He says to the desk guy, "We're on our honeymoon, and we need a room with a strong bed."
The clerk, winking, replies "Would you like the bridal?"
The cowboy reflects on this for a moment and then replies, "Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold on to her ears until she gets used to it."
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A man walks by an old lady at an ATM. Removing and replacing her glasses, she's clearly having a hard time reading the screen. So she asks the man, "Please, deary, could you check my balance for me?"
"Sure," says the man. Then he pushes her over.
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A man asks his friend "How many legs are there on three roosters?". The friend says, "Uh, six!"
"How many beaks on their on four roosters?". The friend says, "Er, four!"
"Well smart guy, how many wings are there on 12 roosters?". The friend says "Ah, 24!"
"Ok, so how many teeth are in a cats mouth?". The friend says "C'mon guy, I have no idea."
"Well damn, you sure seem to know a lot more about cock than pussy!"
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03-02-2011, 05:36 PM #251"Let's Rock"
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An american, a japanese man, and a canadian are hanging out when suddenly there's a beeping sound. The american says "Thats my pager. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes late, the japanese man lifts his palm to his ear and says "Its my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The canadian decides he has to do something just as impressive. He goes to the bathroom and returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. He says "Well, look at that! I'm getting a fax!"
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Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks "how you doin, Joe?". Joe says "Do me a favor. Run upstairs and get my slippers."
Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters. He says "your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you."
One girl replies "No way. Prove it."
Mike shouts down downstairs, "Hey, Joe, both of them, right?"
"Joe shouts back, "Of course, both of them! Whats the point of f***** one?"
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A man and a woman who have never met find themselves in a sleeping car on a train.
Tired, they fall asleep - he in the upper berth, she in the lower.
Later on the guy leans down and wakes the woman, saying, "Would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanket?"
"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, lets pretend we're married."
"Great idea!" he says.
"Good," she replies. "So get your own damn blanket."
After a moment of silence, the man farts.
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03-02-2011, 05:53 PM #252"Let's Rock"
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A drunk walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No drunks allowed. Please leave."
The drunk walks out the front door then comes in the side door, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender says "We don't serve drunks!"
The drunk goes out the side door, comes back in the front door, sits down, and yet again orders a drink. The bartender says "I won't serve you!". The drunk says, "How many bars do you work at?!?"
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03-02-2011, 07:04 PM #253Ю Майрын?
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A pair of jumper cables walk into a bar and order a beer.
The bartender looks at them for a while and says...."Ok...but don't start anything"Pусский Бра
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03-02-2011, 07:19 PM #254Registered User
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Where do you hide your valubles from a black person?
In his work boots.
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03-03-2011, 07:15 PM #255Ю Майрын?
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Latvian man hear knock at door. "Who is it?" ask man. "Is Potato Man. Am delivering free potatoes door-to-door" say voice. Man rejoice. "Oh! Such a blessing! This must be wonderful dream!" Latvian open door, man say "Just kidding. Is Secret Police.
Pусский Бра
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03-07-2011, 03:00 PM #256Registered User
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3 jakes by 1 octopus
What did the cow say to the sheep ?
Nothing because cows can't talk and even if they could the sheep wouldn't understand because they can't talk either.
How many kangaroos does it take to fix a leaky water main?
None, a kangaroo has neither the intelligence nor dexterity to do any kind of plumbing work. At best it could try to locate the source of the leek by jumping around, but even then it would be hard pushed to actually do anything about it.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
FedEx, sign for this please.
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03-23-2011, 08:51 PM #257Ю Майрын?
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A fly lands on elephant dung. A zebra walking by says "Damn, you really had to ****"
Pусский Бра
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03-23-2011, 08:55 PM #258████████████████
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I saw Countdown the other day.
He's Dracula's retarded brother.How dare you!
Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.
LTC
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03-30-2011, 07:20 PM #259Banned
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American clown make bring joy to many people. In latvia, clown make struggle for survive.
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03-30-2011, 07:34 PM #260Registered User
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lulzOriginally Posted by Betep
Curlin wi od.
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03-30-2011, 07:42 PM #261Registered User
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OP creates a thread. He is a *******
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04-01-2011, 12:31 PM #262Banned
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Casieum has a shrunken head and jacked up teeth
From england.
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