Going heavy to get light: My journey to self redemption

[mmater]

I posted this in the general section, but after giving it some more thought, it might be better suited here. The start of my journal, of sorts:

I went into my local supplement store today, as I have many other times to ask a particular question about appetite suppressants. I like the owners there and they are always pretty cool. I make conversation with them about their upcoming shows and their training, etc.... Today though, I felt as though I wore my welcome out. This is probably just my perception, but that's ok. Every time I have gone in there (for the better part of 8 months now) I look the same. I haven't changed. I don't look more fit. I haven't lost weight. So I think they don't really take me seriously. And why should they. Facts are facts.

So I have decided to set a couple of new goals for myself. Some of them are on a timeframe, others are not.

1. Be diligent in my nutrition through the rest of the year, and see what kind of results I get. This means being mindful during the holidays.

2. Have the guys at the store take me seriously, and consider me a legit member of the "fitness" community in my area.

3. Come March, I want to be in good enough shape that when I go watch my friends at the local BB/Fitness show, just one person says "maybe you should compete." - I probably won't ever compete, I just want people to think I am capable of competing.

4. By October 1, 2011, I need to be either 180lbs or 23% BF so that I can apply to the Air Force Nursing program.

I have a lot of work to do, and it will mostly be focused around nutrition. This is probably at least my 5th attempt I have posted on here. It has to stick someday, right?

Maybe if I commit to journaling on here for all to see I will be more afraid of failing in front of people. Who knows, but something has got to change. Will this be it?

[petebaak]

you can do it? lol dont worry what the guys in the store think. just build up lats and front lat spread in there face jk but srsly you can do it

[venger_satanis]

1. Be diligent in my nutrition through the rest of the year, and see what kind of results I get. This means being mindful during the holidays.

That is a lot less effective than writing down a practical, concrete goal such as... at least one meal every single day I will either have a single cooked chicken breast, piece of fish, salad, or 3 eggs. Just trying to be diligent about something leaves too much wiggle room. Less vague will give you better results.

when creating goals, think in terms of what is actually possible for you to do and then work towards doing that whenever possible.


VS

[BTM1ND3D]

1. Be diligent in my nutrition through the rest of the year, and see what kind of results I get. This means being mindful during the holidays.

Maybe if I commit to journaling on here for all to see I will be more afraid of failing in front of people. Who knows, but something has got to change. Will this be it?

you can do this. Remember that diet is the biggest part of weight loss, muscle gain. Burn more than you consume but keep high on protein.
you goals are very attainable, and you seem ready to do this.
Good luck, I will be following.
not so you dont fail, but so I can watch you succeed
Have a great week

[LW79]

you can do it hardest work is done in the kitchen.

[thehobbes]

IN! You totally got this, girl. Lift, do cardio, eat well, rest, repeat. I find it addicting (in a good way), lifting hard and seeing results encourages me to eat healthier to keep things rolling. It started to make me really proud to do things like hitting my protein goal every day, actually following a decent sleep schedule, and going to the gym 4x a week. You seem really motivated already, so you should do just fine.

[mmater]

That is a lot less effective than writing down a practical, concrete goal such as... at least one meal every single day I will either have a single cooked chicken breast, piece of fish, salad, or 3 eggs. Just trying to be diligent about something leaves too much wiggle room. Less vague will give you better results.

when creating goals, think in terms of what is actually possible for you to do and then work towards doing that whenever possible.


VS

You are correct sir. I completely agree that goal is vague, and I'm glad someone called me out on it. I made it vague on purpose, because for me at this moment in my life, that is all I can commit to. Sounds weak, I know, but I tend to overthink things, so keeping it vague, FOR NOW, will keep me from getting frustrated. Plus, I want to know I can at least accomplish this short term goal. Let's try this:

When faced with my meals for the day, I will think of what I want to eat, and then work on making it as healthy a meal as possible. I will also look at what I am about to eat, and cut it in half (my biggest problem is portion size).

Thanks everyone.

[mmater]

So I guess I need to post more often to be considered "keeping a journal." :-)

I am so happy today, because I actually did what I told myself I was going to do. Last night I set my alarm for 5am and told myself I was going to go workout. 5am rolls around and I hit my alarm. I laid there arguing with myself and making a million excuses why I shouldn't go. I finally gave up and said, "fine! I'll go already. sheesh." lol. So I got up and went to the gym.

I can't tell you how many times I have set my alarm and the excuses won, but not today. hellz yeah.

I also tried BPI's RX-6 for the appetite suppressant. I have been using BPI's 1MR for my pre-workout and I love the appetite suppressant in it. Well, I didn't get the same feeling with RX-6. Just like the handful of other capsule "Fat burners," it left me a little weirded out for most of the day. Body just didn't feel "normal." So there goes that idea. My next try is taking 1/2 a scoop of 1MR (my normal pre-workout dose) and diluting in about half a gallon of water and drink that throughout the day on days I don't work out. Any thoughts on this idea?

[BTM1ND3D]

It may be too much for you body. Have your tried any other products for pre-w/o or appetite suppressants?

Good you got up and went! I do that too, argue with myself in bed
what w/o did you do?

[light_amplified]

Someone told me this once and I'll never forget it. The ideal diet for getting muscle is:

1.Chicken
2. Vegetables

Any sort of lean meat counts I guess. So tired of chicken!

[mmater]

It may be too much for you body. Have your tried any other products for pre-w/o or appetite suppressants?

Good you got up and went! I do that too, argue with myself in bed
what w/o did you do?

I have tried a few other capsules that were labeled fat burners and I don't know if its just the way its packaged or just me, but they don't sit well with me. I do well with powders. Honestly, I love 1MR. I know people say it's more potent than most Pre's on the market, but 1/2 a scoops works great for me. I have not tried other "Appetite suppressants." I would love to hear some recommendations. I don't need a "fat burner" or extra energy, I just like not thinking about food, and feeling full does that.

My workout was legs today. I worked on the hack squat machine trying to get better at sticking my butt out instead of breaking at the knees. The w/o went like this:

10min warmup
10min stretch focusing on hips
3x10 hack squat (facing machine) 90x180x250. WOW! I didn't realize the weight til just now. haha. I have been taking it way too easy on squats.
3x8 leg extensions 90x125x125 (most weight I have done on that machine)
3x8 lying leg curls 90x120x130
3x8 calf raises (rotating angle of feet each set) 140x140x140 (don't know how to describe the machine)
2x10 calf raises (machine where you lean over and the pad is on your rear and you lift up) 180x200
15 min cardio, moderate intensity

[LW79]

So I guess I need to post more often to be considered "keeping a journal." :-)

I am so happy today, because I actually did what I told myself I was going to do. Last night I set my alarm for 5am and told myself I was going to go workout. 5am rolls around and I hit my alarm. I laid there arguing with myself and making a million excuses why I shouldn't go. I finally gave up and said, "fine! I'll go already. sheesh." lol. So I got up and went to the gym.

I can't tell you how many times I have set my alarm and the excuses won, but not today. hellz yeah.

Nice one you did better than me my alarm went off at 5am but my mind lost the argument with my body and I stayed in bed for another hour

[mmater]

I almost fell for it. I was in my supplement store and they are selling the HCG diet. He talked to me, I was intrigued, but declined. Ran my next errand and the lady I was talking to happen to mention she just did the diet and lost 26 pounds and was super excited about it. Made me excited. Like the idea of "losing fat, not muscle," even though the diet is super strict. But like a good student, I came home and did some research. Not just website, but actually JAMA and other scholarly articles that tested the efficacy. Truth is, people do lose weight, and a lot of it, but there is no evidence that it spares muscle and only burns body fat. Ummm, no thanks. Whew, that was a close one.

Good news, I TOUCHED 135lbs on my bench yesterday. It was already set up like that and I used it to stabilize while I did leg raises. I held it and even attempted a couple of reps. I could only go down half way (didn't have a spotter so that made me iffy), but that is a start. Movin' on up!.... lol.

[thehobbes]

I almost fell for it. I was in my supplement store and they are selling the HCG diet. He talked to me, I was intrigued, but declined. Ran my next errand and the lady I was talking to happen to mention she just did the diet and lost 26 pounds and was super excited about it. Made me excited. Like the idea of "losing fat, not muscle," even though the diet is super strict. But like a good student, I came home and did some research. Not just website, but actually JAMA and other scholarly articles that tested the efficacy. Truth is, people do lose weight, and a lot of it, but there is no evidence that it spares muscle and only burns body fat. Ummm, no thanks. Whew, that was a close one.

Good news, I TOUCHED 135lbs on my bench yesterday. It was already set up like that and I used it to stabilize while I did leg raises. I held it and even attempted a couple of reps. I could only go down half way (didn't have a spotter so that made me iffy), but that is a start. Movin' on up!.... lol.

Yeah I'd be very skeptical on any kind of weight loss supp that claimed it'll take off only fat and not touch the muscle, it does not work like that. Lower the cals, eat healthier foods, and exercise, that's it. Easier said than done for most though. Good for you trying out the bench. Throw a couple 25s on there or whatever you can get to rep it out. We all had to start somewhere. Before you know it you'll be blasting through 135 like nothing.

[mmater]

Yeah I'd be very skeptical on any kind of weight loss supp that claimed it'll take off only fat and not touch the muscle, it does not work like that. Lower the cals, eat healthier foods, and exercise, that's it. Easier said than done for most though. Good for you trying out the bench. Throw a couple 25s on there or whatever you can get to rep it out. We all had to start somewhere. Before you know it you'll be blasting through 135 like nothing.

I know the only true long-term success is through hard work and dedication, it's just nice to think there is something that can kick start the process. It's all good, I know better. It's just a matter of putting my knowledge to good use over a prolonged period of time.

I am already at 125lbs. I usually do 4 sets of 8-10 starting at 95, 115, 125, 125. The last set usually ends up with 6 reps.

[shirehobbit]

Congrats on starting a journal and posting your goals! You CAN do it!

Air Force Nurse? That's a great goal!

I bet you can do a body transformation (that's what I'm working on also) without appetite suppressants. If you eat enough (of the right foods) and drink enough water you won't be hungry.

Count me in -- I'm subbing your journal!

Cheers,

Shire

[mmater]

Just finished playing indoor soccer and playing goalkeeper. Let's just say I was a human pinata. I am psyched!!! I played really really well, a lot better than I thought I would play. I was diving all over the place, reflexes were good and just felt really good. I focused on getting really stretched out, particular me hips, and I think it help tremendously.

I felt like the old me (from back in high school - 10 years ago). I'm sure tomorrow though, I will feel like the OLD me. lol.

May not mean much to most, but hey, it's my journal. haha. thanks for reading.

[shirehobbit]

J... I felt like the old me (from back in high school - 10 years ago). I'm sure tomorrow though, I will feel like the OLD me. lol.

May not mean much to most, but hey, it's my journal. haha. thanks for reading.

That's great to hear!

You bet it's your journal, and that means you can write anything you darn well please in it! *grin*

Hey, what would you like your faithful readers to call you?

[mmater]

Had a much needed day of rest. Hadn't planned on it, but when I was warming up, I was super sore from my soccer game and thought when was the last day I had off from the gym, and realized it was 5 days ago. Whoops. Focused on eating today. Went out to eat, but chose a healthier options and only ate half. Then I planned out some meals for the week and tried out some new food options. I made my own coleslaw including reduced-fat mayonnaise. It turned out pretty good. I also tried out french onion dip using fat free plain greek yogurt. It satisfied. All in all a good day.

This week, I am hoping to get back in the gym with a video camera to redo my squat/deadlift videos I posted in the training section. Yesterday I won a big ol' bag of goodies of supps, but there are so many I don't know what to make of it. I will post a list of everything and yall tell me what you think.

Can I change the title of my thread? I didn't realize I would be making a journal when I first posted. If anyone knows how to do this, please let me know, thanks.

Erica

[thehobbes]

Had a much needed day of rest. Hadn't planned on it, but when I was warming up, I was super sore from my soccer game and thought when was the last day I had off from the gym, and realized it was 5 days ago. Whoops. Focused on eating today. Went out to eat, but chose a healthier options and only ate half. Then I planned out some meals for the week and tried out some new food options. I made my own coleslaw including reduced-fat mayonnaise. It turned out pretty good. I also tried out french onion dip using fat free plain greek yogurt. It satisfied. All in all a good day.

This week, I am hoping to get back in the gym with a video camera to redo my squat/deadlift videos I posted in the training section. Yesterday I won a big ol' bag of goodies of supps, but there are so many I don't know what to make of it. I will post a list of everything and yall tell me what you think.

Can I change the title of my thread? I didn't realize I would be making a journal when I first posted. If anyone knows how to do this, please let me know, thanks.

Erica

Glad to hear you got some rest in, rest is just as important as actually working out. Ah, yeah you are one of the people who posted some vids. Thanks for sharing, you guys have inspired me and I am working on posting some as well. Cool deal on the supps too! As for the title thing I would PM a mod. If anyone can actually change that for you it would be them.

[mmater]

Glad to hear you got some rest in, rest is just as important as actually working out. Ah, yeah you are one of the people who posted some vids. Thanks for sharing, you guys have inspired me and I am working on posting some as well. Cool deal on the supps too! As for the title thing I would PM a mod. If anyone can actually change that for you it would be them.

Thanks. Not sure if I inspired you. Most likely mine was more of a "What NOT to do." That's why I am trying to get one of my friends to come with me to my regular gym, with BIG weights. haha. My support system here is not the best, so it's usually all me, and as cool as I think I am, I'm pretty sure I can't hold a camera and do a deadlift at the same time. lol.

[mmater]

Focused on upper body today:

3x10 DB bench press 25x25x30
superset with
3x8 DB flyes 25x25x30

3x10 lat pulldown 100x110x120
3x10 tricep cable pressdown 90x100x100
3x10 bicep curl (EZ bar) 50x60x60

3x10 machine decline press 70x70x70

3x10 skull crushers (EZ bar) 40x40x40
superset with
3x10 pullover (EZ bar) 40x40x40

finished with
3x10 straight arm cable pulldown 40x50x50

You might be wondering what kind of program the above is, and well it's mine. It's very random and I just try to go heavy. I am looking into some programs (5/3/1 is the front runner), but until then, it's random at best. I know I know.....

In light of the holidays, I am trying to set myself up for success in the kitchen. I decided to buy a can of pumpkin, the one used to make pumpkin pie. I added 2 stevia packets to the whole can, pumpkin spice, and cinnamon, and viola, a healthier version of pumpkin pie. A couple of spoonfuls and I am satisfied.

Anybody else have any quick ideas for healthy snacks that taste close to the real deal?

[thehobbes]

Thanks. Not sure if I inspired you. Most likely mine was more of a "What NOT to do." That's why I am trying to get one of my friends to come with me to my regular gym, with BIG weights. haha. My support system here is not the best, so it's usually all me, and as cool as I think I am, I'm pretty sure I can't hold a camera and do a deadlift at the same time. lol.

Actually yours did inspire me - your choices of exercises was very good (thumbs up on the free wts) and you can tell there's potential there and you obviously want to improve. Took me 2+ yrs to get comfortable enough to record myself. And if you're using an actual video camera you can just stack some boxes/mats on a bench and set it up there. That's what I did with my phone and it worked ok.

Focused on upper body today:

3x10 DB bench press 25x25x30
superset with
3x8 DB flyes 25x25x30

3x10 lat pulldown 100x110x120
3x10 tricep cable pressdown 90x100x100
3x10 bicep curl (EZ bar) 50x60x60

3x10 machine decline press 70x70x70

3x10 skull crushers (EZ bar) 40x40x40
superset with
3x10 pullover (EZ bar) 40x40x40

finished with
3x10 straight arm cable pulldown 40x50x50

You might be wondering what kind of program the above is, and well it's mine. It's very random and I just try to go heavy. I am looking into some programs (5/3/1 is the front runner), but until then, it's random at best. I know I know.....

In light of the holidays, I am trying to set myself up for success in the kitchen. I decided to buy a can of pumpkin, the one used to make pumpkin pie. I added 2 stevia packets to the whole can, pumpkin spice, and cinnamon, and viola, a healthier version of pumpkin pie. A couple of spoonfuls and I am satisfied.

Anybody else have any quick ideas for healthy snacks that taste close to the real deal?

Nice workout, you're already up to some decent weights there. I'm interested in 5/3/1 also, may give it a try in 2011. Mmmm pumpkin pie! Planning ahead is great, and I'm sure others around here have some good food ideas. I tend to just eat lesser quantities of the "bad" foods around the holidays and be sure to hit my protein goals.

[mmater]

Fyi, Emma-Leigh will be changing the title of my journal as soon as she can. I'm hoping yall will follow me over. Not a fan of the current one as it sounds pretty whiney. new title will be:

Going heavy to get light: My journey to self redemption.

you like? hahaha.

in the meantime, I am going to grab some food and contemplate my next workout.

[BTM1ND3D]

a healthier version of pumpkin pie. A couple of spoonfuls and I am satisfied.

That is a clever idea
I'm not that creative to make up snacks.. but I am stealing this one

[mmater]

That is a clever idea
I'm not that creative to make up snacks.. but I am stealing this one

be my guest. I'll post if I come up with any other ideas.

[mmater]

Legs. Ugh, tortuous legs.

hack squat machine
10x90
8x180
6x270
4x360

as you can tell, I am still trying to figure out the weights on these. The last two sets were pretty tough, so I will probably start out there next time.

Deadlift - still trying to figure out a good weight for me. Realized I have been going too easy on myself.

3x5 135, 185,185 (185 is a good weight. Probably about 90-95% of my max, I would imagine)

leg extensions
3x10 100,120,120
Lying leg curls
3x10 100,110,120

donkey calf raises (machine)
3x10 180,200,200
calf raise machine (semi-sitting, hard to explain)
3x10 140,160,160 (these were harder for some reason)
standing one legged calf raise with DB
3x10 each leg, holding 45lb DB.

[mmater]

I guess now would be a good time to enlighten you on my background, and why I am here in the first place. I'm not really different than anyone else on here. Parts of my story are like most others, but at least this will give you an idea of what motivates me...I hope.

I have played sports my whole life. I have been pretty good at them too. Played soccer in college and then I joined the Navy. While in the Navy, I played 3 years on the all Navy and armed forces softball team. Those have been my two main sports. Then I got out of the Navy, moved in with my then boyfriend, moved around a lot, gained 60 pounds in two years and now, here I sit, 70 pounds heavier than when I left the Navy. I learned a lot along the way, particular of sacrificing my health for the sake of a relationship. He was a good guy, just not into the same things I was, and my fitness took a huge hit. It wasn't until about a year after getting out, when I looked in the mirror and saw stretch marks on my abdomen that I knew things were different and I had let things get out of control. That was two years ago. I am just now getting to the point of being able to fight this battle.

I am always up for a challenge, but I never intended on building a 70lb mountain that I would have to overcome. It seems daunting, and I'm not sure how to get there. All I know is if I can see, feel, whatever, progress I can keep going. At my fittest, I weighed 194 lbs. I had the 3 vertical lines on my abdomen indicating potential of a 6-pack. I had no problems changing shirts in public, instead of putting one on over the other and holding it down while I get the other one off (I might add I am pretty good at that). It was a good time.

My family has never been the active type, so all of my drive and motivation is self driven, but as good as that is, it makes it that much harder to fight off temptation from my "support" group around me. I don't have anybody that will say "let's skip chilis, and go to the gym and have a salad afterward instead." Man, what I would give to have one person in my life like that!

Long story short, my title encompasses my passion for lifting heavy weights, and I want to redeem myself and put myself in the best possible position to succeed in fitness and sports. As it relates to sports, although I have been good, I have had this glass ceiling that I can't seem to break through. I want to break through that. That would mean, trying out for a professional women's soccer team. I am doing this for myself, but there are a handful of people that I want nothing more than to prove them wrong. To go up to them, and say "Hah! look at me now! What are you doing with your life?" Yes, I know, it's mean, but let's just say turn around is fair play.

I am ok with being the "big girl." I really am. Like I said earlier, 185-190 was a good fit for me. Could I be a bit leaner and come in at 175? Sure. All those numbers are a ways off right now. Short term, I would love to see 249.

Bottom line is, portion control! Food and my family are my weaknesses. I would love to just go up into the mountains into a cabin, and not come out until I have reached my goal, but that is not real life. So, for now, I have to do the best with what I got.

[mmater]

I think I FINALLY found my female bodybuilder inspiration. Her name is Amy Schmid. I saw her as the coach on the MTV show MADE, and I liked the way she looked. Checked out her stats, and although she is a few inches shorter than me, she has a lot of muscle. She looks how I would imagine myself to look underneath all this fat. I'm so happy I found a body to emulate. It seemed I was always finding either figure competitors (sorry Ladies, just not my style, although you all are awesome!) or unnatural female bodybuilders, and I didn't want that either. Amy seems like the perfect mix of both. Not to mention watching her on the show, she seems like a pretty cool person.

Just had to share.

[BTM1ND3D]

What an inpsiring story! Girl, I know what you mean. I gained 50lbs in my former relationship and had no idea where or how I got so out of control. You can do this. You have the heart and desire to be there. Keep going I am rooting for ya