"Do you have a condom?" I ask her. She takes my cock out of her mouth, and says "yes"

[The_Reaper]

Finally, ended a dry spell. Here's my story of getting cockblocked and jizzing on a deaf girl's tits

Rewind a few hours.
I'm at a pub with some friends, and in walk two girls. Strictly speaking, one of them was not a girl.
She was a warpig. Massive rolls of unsymmetrical fat lay plopped around her torso, like goo thrown against a stick. She had skinny legs
and narrow man-like hips, bulging eyes, a moustache, and tattoos of
dragons on her 22-inch arms. She was a solid 2. Not a 1, only because there were
no mutilations on her face nor pus oozing from her eyeballs.
This chick, I shit you not, is hotter than her:



The other chick was a 6, bordering on a 6.5 by virtue of her juicy, bouncy tits.

She looked a bit like this


Something twitched in my pants as I checked out her tits.



We all go to a club. I banter with big-tits. She rarely smiles, doesn't drink, wears mostly black. She's a goth, tomboyish, and followed everywhere by the war pig (who is her roomate). Every time I try to talk in her ear, she leans back and stares at me as if I just told her I molest dogs.

Female version of this:


I spend all night building up rapport, and sneaking glances at her tits.
I could have kissed Warpig when, at the end of the night,
she said "hey, let's go back to our place, we'll have a
mini-houseparty!"

Fast forward a 25-minute drive in the countryside darkness - the
fleeting thought that these girls were going to murder me and dispose
of my body did enter my mind. I could easy imagine the warpig casually dismembering me, and wearing my skin as a mask.
Act cool. Act normal.




We get back to their flat, just the three of us and their evil cat.

For 2 solid hours, warpig glugged back glass after
glass of beer, slurping it down and
slurring drawn-out drunken syllables, "if i gettt mucshhh drunker, I
might text messaggse a certain persson".
Horror shoots through me as I contemplate what kind of
beast, what sick, tragic excuse for a man would insert
his penis into that bulbous monster.
Warpig starts singing loudly to the heavy metal she put on. I glance at big tits. There's lust in her eyes. Her tits make my cock twitch again.
She asks Warpig to go to bed (warpig had to work in the morning).
But Warpig doesn't listen, and as the time stretched on deep into the night, her face becomes more lobotomised and retarded, as the alcohol seeped into her brain. I wondered if the beast could be stopped by alcohol, or would it survive.

Their evil-looking black cat keeps staring at me, as if saying to me "I know what you're trying to do"



Warpig slurs "guize am i - *hiccup* - annoying you?"
We both say no. I try a fatherly smile, as if I am mildly charmed.

Finally, she falls unconscious. Thank Christ.
Myself and big-tits talk more intimately, quietly, facing each other on the couch, and she tells me she's semi-deaf, she reads lips, and is taking anti-depressants to counteract some other pills she needs to take for a chronically sore back.

Major red flag, but I have a boner, and need to satisfy it, and that's all that matters.

She says "there's a spare bed upstairs". We walk upstairs.
Instead, we just walk into her room ("to get pillows"), sit down on her bed, and make out. She suddenly starts sniffing me, loud and animal-like, like a feral girl starved of sex. *Sniff-sniff-sniff* The fuck. "Sorry, I like to smell...you smell great".
Like I said: I had a boner, so no time to think of anything else.

I go for her tits - no resistance. Yes.
We ease onto the bed, I take off her bra, remove my jeans, put her hand on my crotch. She strokes it and smiles. Good.

The moment of truth: I lean on top of her and titty-fuck her (noting to myself how disappointingly small her tits were without the bra), edging my cock closer to her mouth. "Suck me, baby" I say. She says "I can't", and shows me her tongue: she has a tongue-ring on it. "It's just new".


"Try anyway"
She starts sucking me off. Mmmm.
Feels good man. She licks around the shaft, like licking a lolly pop. She's good. I wonder if this professionalism is a result of triple-digit cock suckings.
I enjoy it for a while, then ask "Have you got a condom?" She takes my
cock out of her mouth and says yes.
I pumped that pussy good.
Mission accomplished.

[Marcoccia]

[TroyMM]

cool story hansel

[anonymous]

lol

[lionpride]

i aint readin all that **** wtf

[Fwill1721]

haha

[GymWizard]

[LandonMP]

bro, that was a decent story.

[KingOfChaos]

You laid a goth chick? Well, not really that hard man. In fact, there is a good chance she ****s the warpig too..they're notoriously overly sexual.

[Temecula]

"her face became more lobotomized and retarded"

it was here i lol'd

cool story bro (srs) would read again

[BertBrah]

Repped. Read the whole thing and LOL'd so much. Warpig lmfao.

[TurtleApe]

[nick1990]

boner achieved

[embers_fire]

Lawl. Did read, and was glad I did. Good job bro, and a mighty fine story to tell that comes from it.

[KillDowzer]

Lol epic story is epic!

[jaxshawn]

great story repped for adding pix

[ianianian]

boner achieved

[SKIN__N__BONES]

[built2build]

lol good story bro

[LongHornsBruh]

So you raped the war pig?

[Scrizzle]

lol good read and good writing skills. Pictures also helped, but the story was enough to hold my attention. GJDM on ditching the warpig. Repped.

[morecurls]

Plenty of pics, so I read.

cool story. I'm surprised she sucked your dick though, I had my tongue pierced my freshman year of college and that **** hurts when it's new.

[Trackat]

lols. I feel like I've seen a few warpigs around campus. They like warm weather.

[lifeguard_man]

I'm not sure whats worse. The fact that this never happened to you and you took the time out of your day to fabricate this lackluster story, or the fact that I read the whole thing. ****.

[asinatra]

read whole thing, gjdm.

how long did it take for you to make this thread?

[Worst_Name_Ever]

i lol'd a coupe times, good read repped

[biggestdog2007]

boner achieved




























































srs

[krott5333]

I did. And I was amused. My penis even became slightly erect at the thought of a pierced-tongue gliding gently over my hard shaft.

would read again.

[zr0]

would read again

[Indringa]

holy ****t, you should write for a living.

I was laughing so hard.

good stuff lol