The Redemption of Un Miserable

[bejetah]

Me and my mate The Big Sleep decided to make a log together - we will be writing about our nutrition and our training aswell in this thread. We both have a pretty similar past, both recovered from anorexia and on the way to a better and healthier life. He will post his story himself, i'll post mine here. We will be updating the thread as frequently as possible

Comments of any kind (except for those like "gtfo" and such) will be appreciated!
Also, if there is ANYONE who has a similar story about his past, and similar goals in his mind, and would like to join and log with us together, feel free to PM me!
---------------------------------------
Here's a short story about me

I was into sports my whole life. 4 years ago I had a really bad experience which changed my life dramatically. It lead me into deep depression and after that, anorexia. I just didn't want to eat at all. I would punish myself for not being successful enough this way, as i've always been a perfectionist. Before i started losing weight I was in a great shape, healthy and successful in most areas of my life.
I've dropped 80lbs in about 5 months. At the lowest point where I was hospitalised i weighed somewhere around 100lbs. I was told by a doc that i might not live to see the next day. However, I did. Slowly recovered back up to the "minimal acceptable" weight for my height. It was about 130lbs at the time(still skinny like s***). For 3 years after that I did not make any more progress. I wasn't afraid to get fat, and I didn't like it the way I was either. I didn't think about anything much back then. But as my health got worse with every day i finally made a decision to change something about my life.
In January i found this site and started reading the forums. I started to remember the days when I was in shape and realized how much of my life I have wasted undereating and having no energy to do anything. I have lost all of my muscle mass and was weak like a 80-year old. I started to eat a bit more. As I ate more, I got hungrier. It was for the first time after a long while that I actually felt HUNGRY. I increased my portions further, and started to feel my body is getting its life back. Started out jogging a bit first, and then some simple bodyweight exercises, but just doing that after 3 years of nothing felt so good it was unreal. I signed in to a local gym and started doing whole body workouts. After that it all went up. My weight, my energy, my lifts, my mood, my portions and food bills ( )
In 6 months I have gained about 30pounds. I am aware that it's not pure muscle or anything but that would be impossible. I’m happy as I’ve gotten stronger and healthier. I can do sports, I train regularly and I’m determined to get better. I’ve got some fat to cut off my stomach first, which ofcourse was inevitable when bulking and putting on that much weight. It doesn’t really matter that much to me, I know it can all be lost, health comes first. (no, I’m not fat, but even a little BF on my stomach makes me think of “Fat” As I could see every vein on my stomach less then a year ago)

My current weight is about 165lbs. I do carry a little bit of fat on my lower stomach, otherwise i'm fairly lean , about 10-13% BF. I’m doing IF and loving it. Makes me energized and focused during the day, and makes my thoughts about food go away. I don’t weigh food and count cals cuz I find It ridiculous, I just estimate because after so much time I have a really good sense of portion size and calorie count of foods. I mostly eat the same things over again, but that makes me think about it less. My current weight is at about 165lbs. I am not very strong but getting better every day. My current goal is to stay healthy, eat well, gain strength, endurance and a little muscle. I do IF and currently take in about 2500 calories a day, depending on how much and what type of training I do. I train 4 times a week. – I’ll be posting my routine and some samples and photos of my diet aswell.(yeah I will make sure to include some food porn occasionally haha ) – I’d like to log because I think it will help me keep consistent, aswell as get some good advice and help from other members of this forum which I mostly find very helpful when it comes to different things. Photos will come when there’s some further progress made, so I can post before/after .

Thanks to all again who took the time to read this and we’re really looking forward to some feedback from anyone. My mate The Big Sleep will be posting his info soon

[tpblanke]

Good luck to ya buddy, although I think there is a sub-forum specifically for logs.

[determined4000]

gtfo
jk

I am certainly subbed in and am rooting for you.
If you ever have any questions or wanna talk, feel free to PM me.
I admire you for turning things around and being able to remain flexible with your diet.

[bejetah]

gtfo
jk

hahaha

Thanks a lot!

[hrdgain3r89]

In 1st page!
Looking forward to the log and kudos to you for letting on about your past and congrats on the changes youve made! I was once in the same boat with weight issues/depression. My gf at the time got pregnant around December of last year. Problem was, I found out later on the paternity was in question putting me into a severely depressive state. I binge drank and basically starved myself down to 132 lbs, losing all muscle mass I may have had at the time. I was never into lifting either so needless to say I was very unhealthy. Like you, though, after discovering these forums it really gave me the motivation to get serious about the sport and all its aspects. Gave me something to strive for and slowly but surely I became an avid lifter/healthy person. Im now at 152 and continuing to grow fortunately. Slow bulking ATM and this forum will definitely help myself and others vent and discuss important matters.

Cliffs:
-----------
Traumatic eperience
Crash dieted to 132 lbs./binge drank
got serious about BB'ing, now at 152 lbs. 8% Bf
stoked about this thread =)

Repped.

[DTrulez616]

This should be a great log. Subbed and repped when I can.

[ErikTheElectric]

Subbed!

Can't wait too see your progress man! Good luck!

[The Big Sleep]

Hey guys, Im stoked that Bejetah contacted me and brought up this idea as Ive been wanting to log on the forums for some time and now its on! As he said, this will cover our daily pursuit to HEALTHIER, STRONGER, and BETTER Lives.

We welcome and appreciate any CONSTRUCTIVE comments

A Brief History of Myself:

First off, my name is Elliot (call me that or The Big Sleep, doesnt matter). I could actually almost copy and paste Bejetah's story because it practically parallels my upbringing. Anyhow, I grew up in a family that adored food; my parents have both been overweight for years, my older brother was a D1 offensive lineman and is currently obese, and my older sister has been battling her weight issues as well. Needless to say, I found myself a fat kid growing up and was always hassled by kids. I got the usual grief from friends and peers about being overweight, even earned the nickname "Hungry Old Elliot" which I wasnt so proud of.

Everybody said I was destined to be like my bro, a big O-lineman for the varsity squad, but it was around 10th grade I realized that wasn't my calling in life. This is where things took a turn for the worse. I always wanted to know what it was like to be "normal" and not have to worry about people calling me "fatty" or knowing I never had a shot with any girl I had a crush on, etc. So I took the initiative and asked one of my close friends who ran cross country how to lose weight (BIG MISTAKE).

I literally lived with my cross country friend for the entire summer; I went from a sedentary 6'0" 210lbs fat kid who ate like none other to eating ONE MEAL a day (before bed) and doing upwards of 2 hours of cardio PER DAY! Long story short, 3 months later I was 140lbs! On the outside, people couldnt believe it was me when school started back up. Teachers, parents, friends, family, everybody was stunned. I got compliments and people started coming to me asking how to lose weight, but deep down I knew I had a problem. I was afraid to eat. I even went so far as to purge myself if I felt like I overate, or I would go run a couple miles after eating to make sure I didnt gain weight.

I was never hospitalized like Bejetah, but thats likely due to the fact that I kept everything to myself. Im a pretty reserved person, never been a party guy or liked being in a big crowd. I had nobody to confide in so I would basically just look at myself in the mirror and insist I was still fat at 6'1" 140lbs. I would spend nights crying, wondering if it was even worth it to try anymore, but I kept my faith with the Lord and He has guided me since. That was about 7 years ago...

So whats happened since then? Well I eventually found the BB.com forums and started reading about lifting and gaining weight. My brother showed me various workouts and even gave me all his old Flex magazines and Ronnie Coleman DVDs and it was like a switch went off...I became hooked on lifting! I read a lot about eating more and slowly started to add food back in. I put on about 25lbs of "newbie" gains in the first 5 months of lifting, my friends asked me if I was taking steroids lol. But then I hit a plateau that has stuck me at the 165lbs I still to this day cant get passed (mentally and physically). I still have recurring issues with putting on fat because I feel like I already am too fat...even though, like Bejetah, Im fairly lean around 10-11% BF. I just have this dang skinny-fat look from all the muscle loss from the anorexia and over exercising. I tend to hold most of my fat right on the lower abdomen and in my glutes so its a struggle but it will be overcome.

Theres a lot more to the story, but it would run for pages to go into all the details .

Currently:
As of now, like Bejetah, Im also following Intermittent Fasting and loving it. I started about 3 weeks ago and am really adapting well. For about the past year I had been slipping back into another "phase" where I was over doing the cardio and eating around 1500 calories a day and my body was shutting down. Ive since had to go see several specialists because my hormones were all out of whack and my pituitary gland was failing. I knew the issues were because of my undereating and the stress I put on my body, so it had to stop! Ive started to up my calories each week, cardio has been cut back (NO MORE HIIT), and I lift 4 times a week.

Like Bejetah, I tend to eat the same foods everyday, but I enjoy what I eat. I do weight out everything on a scale and I log it on an iPod app. Im meticulous about those kind of things but I am a bit more lax about it now that Im trying to eat more. Ill make an effort to get food pics up in here as well...you can always check the MEN thread as well, Im in there quite a bit now

I know this was long (and its the short short version of it lol) but this log isnt about our pasts, but about the road ahead! I have some before pics stored away, but I want to keep them concealed until I can post some solid after pictures because its a work in progress

Ill do my best to update every morning on the daily agenda/plan and I look forward to hearing from anyone who's following!

Its not where you start, its where you finish that counts. Lets Roll B!
-Elliot

[Flyin Ryan]

Good luck fellas.
Its grow time... let's do the damn thing.

[JValjean724]

Definitely going to follow this

I have just recently got over similar issues and it'll be great to see you guys progress

[watermelon_2001]

Great to see you got the log going Elliot- looking forward to seeing both of your progress! Work hard, stay focused and stay strong, you've got the support of a lot of great people here, and they'll be backing you all the way.

[DTrulez616]

I have a feeling this is gonna be a very inspirational log. I cant wait to see it get going with some workouts, food, ect.

[The Big Sleep]

Good luck fellas.
Its grow time... let's do the damn thing.

Definitely going to follow this
I have just recently got over similar issues and it'll be great to see you guys progress

Great to see you got the log going Elliot- looking forward to seeing both of your progress! Work hard, stay focused and stay strong, you've got the support of a lot of great people here, and they'll be backing you all the way.

I have a feeling this is gonna be a very inspirational log. I cant wait to see it get going with some workouts, food, ect.

Thanks for the support guys, Bejetah and I are definitely motivated by the expectations you have set forth.

[The Big Sleep]

Saturday, October 2, 2010
Words to live by

"A happy life consists in tranquility of mind."-Cicero

Bodyweight (As of last Monday)=164.5lbs

Current Workout Split:
Mon-Lower Body A
Tues-Upper Body A
Wed-LISS Cardio
Thurs-Lower Body B
Fri-Upper Body B
Sat-LISS Cardio
Sun-Rest Day (Maybe a morning walk if I feel like it)

Goal Macros Today: 225g protein/75g fat/205g carbs

Today's Agenda

Today is off from weights, just have 30 minutes of LISS cardio (either walking or biking) and some stretching to get my legs fresh for Monday! Im a big football aficionado, so today will consist of plenty of college football viewing
I got a bit behind with my meals yesterday so I wont be eating until 7 or 8 PM today. I tend to follow a 19 hour-fast/5-hour feeding split for Intermittent Fasting and generally eat TWO meals in the window.
I may be going out to eat with a friend tonight, in which case I just do my best to make sure the food fits my macros. I do have designated cheat meals each week in which I dont count anything, but I also dont use it as an excuse to binge.

-Ell

[bejetah]

Here goes mine

Current Workout Split:
Mon- Legs, (abs)
Tues- /
Wed- Shoulders, Tri's, Chest
Thurs-/
Fri- Bi's, Back
Sat- (soccer)
Sun- (soccer)

I have rest on weekends but sometimes play some soccer with my friends. Nothing too strenous, just a little cardio for up to 2h. The games are usually not very intense.
Some days we play, some days we don't. But i don't count it as a workout of any kind. Other than that, i do no cardio. A year of excessive cardio has done its work on me. I go nervous anytime i see someone running on a treadmill


DIET

I do IF almost the same way as Elliot. (Kinda funny, we seem to be very much alike at almost everything, even tho we didn't know anything about each other before we made this log)
I too eat 2 meals (somedays just 1) I've had some problems with uncontrolled binges when bulking so i stay away from anything labeled as a "cheat meal" . I eat something i like everyday, and I eat big meals (or 1 meal) to make myself full. Going hungry and depriving myself of anything right now isn't a good thing for me IMO, makes the urges to binge come back.

(those "binges" weren't really binges in terms of enormous amounts of cals eaten, just periods when I lose control over my food intake when too hungry or too deprived of anything. It still happens, I admit)

[hrdgain3r89]

Here goes mine

Current Workout Split:
Mon- Legs, (abs)
Tues- /
Wed- Shoulders, Tri's, Chest
Thurs-/
Fri- Bi's, Back
Sat- (soccer)
Sun- (soccer)

I have rest on weekends but sometimes play some soccer with my friends. Nothing too strenous, just a little cardio for up to 2h. The games are usually not very intense.
Some days we play, some days we don't. But i don't count it as a workout of any kind. Other than that, i do no cardio. A year of excessive cardio has done its work on me. I go nervous anytime i see someone running on a treadmill


DIET

I do IF almost the same way as Elliot. (Kinda funny, we seem to be very much alike at almost everything, even tho we didn't know anything about each other before we made this log)
I too eat 2 meals (somedays just 1) I've had some problems with uncontrolled binges when bulking so i stay away from anything labeled as a "cheat meal" . I eat something i like everyday, and I eat big meals (or 1 meal) to make myself full. Going hungry and depriving myself of anything right now isn't a good thing for me IMO, makes the urges to binge come back.

(those "binges" weren't really binges in terms of enormous amounts of cals eaten, just periods when I lose control over my food intake when too hungry or too deprived of anything. It still happens, I admit)

Nice split man, how is training shoulders/tris/chest together n whats your routine look like? Seems like itd be brutal at first glance! Im the same way when i see someone on the treadmill haha i used to be in the mindset that if i didnt run EVERY DAY id wake up a porker lol...wasnt much fun to be had in my earlier days...

What do you do to control binges? I dont IF but when I go too long without a meal i definitely feel its effects on me and going for the box of golden grahams is almost uncontrollable lol i could polish a whole box in 5 minutes some nights it seems!

Really interested in IF...im just nervous about starting due to my schedule and not being able to keep at it...

[hrdgain3r89]

Sat-LISS Cardio

noob question what exactly is LISS?

[Flyin Ryan]

noob question what exactly is LISS?

Low Intensity Steady Speed
Basically a brisk walk on the treadmill on a slight incline... something like that.

Also, diggin' updates so far gentlemen!
Definitely giving me the urge to get my brand new log rollin'!!

[JValjean724]

noob question what exactly is LISS?

Low Intensity Steady State Cardio (eg: jogging)

[bejetah]

Nice split man, how is training shoulders/tris/chest together n whats your routine look like? Seems like itd be brutal at first glance! Im the same way when i see someone on the treadmill haha i used to be in the mindset that if i didnt run EVERY DAY id wake up a porker lol...wasnt much fun to be had in my earlier days...

What do you do to control binges? I dont IF but when I go too long without a meal i definitely feel its effects on me and going for the box of golden grahams is almost uncontrollable lol i could polish a whole box in 5 minutes some nights it seems!

Really interested in IF...im just nervous about starting due to my schedule and not being able to keep at it...

Yeps it's pretty intense. My routines differ every week but i always do the main exercises (benchpresses, shoulder presses, butterflies, military presses, dips) I always include some other stuff, whatever i feel like (usually use the machines)
I make sure to get the workout done in 1hour. But i go with very little pause between sets. Feels better, ever felt that "instant soreness" feeling? That's what it feels like

I did exactly the same with the treadmill . So yeah ... Time to stop punishing myself for nothing i guess

What do I do to control binges? Nothing. Sometimes it just happens. IF is self control, no matter what anyone says. Yes I could also eat several boxes of different things (lol) but i stick with whole, filling foods, that fill me up without packing up too many unnecessary calories. I go with veggies,legumes, fruits, dairy, meat, oats and fats. I don't stomach eggs or anything with them well so i avoid them. I also eat ZERO refined carbs. no cereal, no nothing. i curb sweet cravings by eating cottage cheese ice cream, whey pudding, fruit, and SF jello.

For me it works great but if you decide to do it get ready to feel hungry sometimes. Also get ready for huge meals I didn't have any problems with hunger during the day, i get busy and forget about food. Sometimes it's a problem to stop eating when i stop. Especially when I eat anything that tastes sweet

[hrdgain3r89]

sounds like a good routine may have to give it a run one of these weeks...as for the hunger and huge meals it sounds perfect fo me and im sure you know what i mean when i say that i used to keep my diet so strict and ate so little i lost the feeling of true hunger and to this day i could go forever without eating a thing..yet strangely enough im very tolerant to large meals and dont easily bloat or get full fast...hmmm lol mayhaps ill be starting this week!

[The Big Sleep]

Also, diggin' updates so far gentlemen!
Definitely giving me the urge to get my brand new log rollin'!!

I eagerly await your new log as well

What do I do to control binges? Nothing. Sometimes it just happens. IF is self control, no matter what anyone says. Yes I could also eat several boxes of different things (lol) but i stick with whole, filling foods, that fill me up without packing up too many unnecessary calories. I go with veggies,legumes, fruits, dairy, meat, oats and fats. I don't stomach eggs or anything with them well so i avoid them. I also eat ZERO refined carbs. no cereal, no nothing. i curb sweet cravings by eating cottage cheese ice cream, whey pudding, fruit, and SF jello.

For me it works great but if you decide to do it get ready to feel hungry sometimes. Also get ready for huge meals I didn't have any problems with hunger during the day, i get busy and forget about food. Sometimes it's a problem to stop eating when i stop. Especially when I eat anything that tastes sweet

Sweets make me eat a lot as well, but I really havent had an all out "binge" in years. IF has definitely helped me learn to control and enjoy my foods rather than sit around and worry about eating every 2-3 hours.

.yet strangely enough im very tolerant to large meals and dont easily bloat or get full fast...hmmm lol mayhaps ill be starting this week!

Im very intolerant to bloating and large meals and it still works like a charm haha . Definitely give it an honest try man, could be gold for you, you never know.

[determined4000]

What do I do to control binges? Nothing. Sometimes it just happens. IF is self control, no matter what anyone says. Yes I could also eat several boxes of different things (lol) but i stick with whole, filling foods, that fill me up without packing up too many unnecessary calories. I go with veggies,legumes, fruits, dairy, meat, oats and fats. I don't stomach eggs or anything with them well so i avoid them. I also eat ZERO refined carbs. no cereal, no nothing. i curb sweet cravings by eating cottage cheese ice cream, whey pudding, fruit, and SF jello.

For me it works great but if you decide to do it get ready to feel hungry sometimes. Also get ready for huge meals I didn't have any problems with hunger during the day, i get busy and forget about food. Sometimes it's a problem to stop eating when i stop. Especially when I eat anything that tastes sweet

As I suggested to you in the past, sometimes anything sweet can trigger cravings, so sometimes savory is the way to go.

Are either of you going to be posting workouts as well?

[The Big Sleep]

As I suggested to you in the past, sometimes anything sweet can trigger cravings, so sometimes savory is the way to go.

Are either of you going to be posting workouts as well?

Sweets are definitely a "trigger" food for most people which is why I rarely eat cake, ice cream, pastries, etc. If I do eat them, I always portion it out and START the meal with it. This way you avoid ending a meal with a few bites of cake or something and then it turns into "oh its so good, Ill just have one more slice..." and before you know it the whole cake is gone .

I dont know about Bejetah, but Ill be posting lifts from workouts, yes. I also have a home gym and do take videos when I hit PRs and notables which I would like to get up as well when they come.

[bejetah]

d4000, I try it's alredy got better. Somedays i'm fine, the others i'm not. I don't think about it too much and i think it's the best way to get over it. Takes time i guess.

I will be posting my workouts aswell. But eh i don't have a home anything ( ) so workout videos are unfortunately not an option for me.

[determined4000]

d4000, I try it's alredy got better. Somedays i'm fine, the others i'm not. I don't think about it too much and i think it's the best way to get over it. Takes time i guess.

I will be posting my workouts aswell. But eh i don't have a home anything ( ) so workout videos are unfortunately not an option for me.

Dont take what I said the wrong way. Wasn't meant as a knock, just a potential alternative.
You obviously aren't just "trying" but succeeding. You are way ahead of the curve. When I was your age (not trying to sound like an old fart at my age of 23 ) I was fully engaged in my ED and didn't really want to get out. I wasn't enjoying it by any means but was doing everything I could to hold onto it.
The longer you allow it to develop the harder it is to lose.
EDs are kinda like accents. It becomes a part of you. Someone who grows up in Ireland but leaves when they are 12 is far more likely to lose their accent than someone who leaves at age 40.

As far as it taking time. I think 95% of the developed world struggles with food. Eating too much, too little, over/under exercising. That's why it is best to think of it as fuel. It s the means for you to reach your physical as well as simply keep your body functioning. And yeah, we should enjoy it as well.

[hrdgain3r89]

Dont take what I said the wrong way. Wasn't meant as a knock, just a potential alternative.
You obviously aren't just "trying" but succeeding. You are way ahead of the curve. When I was your age (not trying to sound like an old fart at my age of 23 ) I was fully engaged in my ED and didn't really want to get out. I wasn't enjoying it by any means but was doing everything I could to hold onto it.
The longer you allow it to develop the harder it is to lose.
EDs are kinda like accents. It becomes a part of you. Someone who grows up in Ireland but leaves when they are 12 is far more likely to lose their accent than someone who leaves at age 40.

As far as it taking time. I think 95% of the developed world struggles with food. Eating too much, too little, over/under exercising. That's why it is best to think of it as fuel. It s the means for you to reach your physical as well as simply keep your body functioning. And yeah, we should enjoy it as well.

IMO its the BB'ers that have experienced and recovered from ED that have the greatest levels of success once recovered and on the way to putting on good weight and making healthy eating choices. I feel as if weve had something to lose (in our minds) when we made the choice to put on weight and become healtheir people, in which case we are more meticulous about the process than those who dont know what its like to have to detatch yourself from something you hold so dear, i.e. our weight/appearance/etc, and makethe dive into weight gain.
It makes it that much more enjoyable though with each gained lb. of muscle and each PR. It becomes a self-reckoning and you really start to become one with yourself and have a newfound appreciation for your body. This is my take anyway and not trying to sound sappy or anything its just good to hear that others are having great success as well and are happier with their current situations!

[determined4000]

IMO its the BB'ers that have experienced and recovered from ED that have the greatest levels of success once recovered and on the way to putting on good weight and making healthy eating choices. I feel as if weve had something to lose (in our minds) when we made the choice to put on weight and become healtheir people, in which case we are more meticulous about the process than those who dont know what its like to have to detatch yourself from something you hold so dear, i.e. our weight/appearance/etc, and makethe dive into weight gain.
It makes it that much more enjoyable though with each gained lb. of muscle and each PR. It becomes a self-reckoning and you really start to become one with yourself and have a newfound appreciation for your body. This is my take anyway and not trying to sound sappy or anything its just good to hear that others are having great success as well and are happier with their current situations!

x2
Feeling strong+ looking muscular + enjoying food + being healthy> feeling like crap/deprived+looking emaciated + starving yourself+slowly killing yourslef

reps

[bejetah]

Also another thing which i'd like to mention here.
Please don't go angry with me if i don't post every single day. Somedays i simply don't have time to even turn my pc on
I'm pretty busy as i'm trying to do the best I can at school. I'm trying really hard to improve my english too, but as you can see I am still having some problems :/
The reason is I live in a small country in Europe where economy is pretty weak and so are options for education and getting a good job. I'm really interested in medicine and if there's any chance-anyhow- for me to go study abroad i'd really like to give it a shot. Ppl in my country rarely get a chance to go, it's pretty expensive (not quite sure about how the system is, perhaps someone could explain it from first hand??) But i know a guy who lives there (he got himself a decent scholarship) - one single year of his study costs more than our whole family earns in 5 years , and we are considered above average in terms of yearly income. So i think you get the point. I'm reading about the possibilites and thinking about my options here(i have 2 more years of high school to do). There's only 1 university in my country and only about 1000 people get accepted every schoolyear (yes, one thousand)

[determined4000]

what country are you from?
You should see what types of scholarships colleges may offer.

PS your English seems fine to me
I am an econ major (lol)