Standards

[fukc]

Are yours realistic? What are they? Do you have what you want in your partner? If you are single are you reaching too high? Or dropping too low just to get laid?

/just for conversation's sake

[DocHol1day]

Are yours realistic? What are they? Do you have what you want in your partner? If you are single are you reaching too high? Or dropping too low just to get laid?

/just for conversation's sake

you bitch you stole my thread idea!

brb copy/pasting what i just posted for BBB....


edit:

i'm actually considering making an entire thread about this but i'll post it here too.


the vast majority of this forum has unrealistic expectations of their mate. look at yourself. look long and hard. how attractive are you (honestly?). what do you ave going for you in life (career, etc....). hows your personality? everyone thinks they have a great personality, so a good gauge is your friends. do you have alot of friends or only a few? is it uncommon for you to spend an entire weekend without anyone calling or texting you? these are good lithmus tests for how appealing your personality is to other humans. now rank yourself based on all those characteristics individually on a scale of 1-10. the average of those numbers is your true relationship value. if you HONESTLY rate yourself, most of you will find that you are 5's. why? because 5 is AVERAGE. there are some 6's and some 4's, even fewer 3's and 7's. 8's and 2's are getting pretty rare, etc.....

so all you guys out there wanting a 9/10 who has strong morals and cooks while only being a 6/10 in all departments yourself, well, simply put your a losing proposition. same thing to the ladies who want a man who looks like colin farell and makes 250k/year. simply put, most of you just arent good enough for what you want.


you've got a couple of options

A) improve yourself in all the areas listed above

B) lower your expectations.



i'm currently dating a girl in the 6.5-7 range physically. about 9 based on her personality and values, and about a 2 based on her career/earnings (shes 19 and only taking 2 classes at community college but works a menial job full time). most importantly though, i couldnt be happier....

[fukc]

you bitch you stole my thread idea!

brb copy/pasting what i just posted for BBB....

I actually considering making the thread title "before doc's thread..." hahah

[hiimzac]

brb fukkin a 28 year old who asked me the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship

[Dennis71]

people tell me i should have higher standards than i currently do.


i tend to drop them in order to get laid.
for my current girlfriend, people say i could do better. (Butterface) but shes got a phat ass, and is in shape.



back when my strandards were really high... i was getting anything.

[xvicknumber7x]

Mine are pretty realistic. I think I am pretty good looking, especially in the face... big blue eyes, nice teeth, decent hair (though I am almost always wearing a hat)... my body could use a little work (bulked up, can use a cut but I love getting stronger). My standards are pretty low... all I really look for is a pretty face/smile and a chick that keeps herself in decent shape. I can deal with some fat in the wrong places. Cup size and ass aren't huge to me at all. Just be fit and have a decent face and I'll probably be interested. It's what comes after that that is huge.

God damn, the RH is enlightening.

[fukc]

Mine are too high, at least for where I live. Apparently hoping for a guy to have graduated from high school and have goals is too much to ask. I'd also prefer if they didn't have a girlfriend or child. But I guess that's what happens when you don't move away from a small town.

I need to improve and get out of here and meet new people.

[wowzers2010]

you've got a couple of options

A) improve yourself in all the areas listed above

B) lower your expectations.

Gotta agree 100% with this.

One thing I will add is I find standards self regulating. Meaning if you are shooting so high that you are not getting any men/women who meet them, or all people of that calibre blow you off, and you do not feel happy or fulfilled, then most people come to the realization and lower them consciously or subconsciously (option B).

I personally prefer option A, and some people go about it that way too, but it takes more effort of course.

Only downside is that the time it takes to come to this realization may be seen as wasted time. That said, if it was motivation enough to go ahead and improve yourself, it might have been worth it.

[Pronobis]

Idk, I'm always trying to better my life in all aspects. So my standards are raising which is nice but I never really think omg! that girl is out of my league or some crap like that. Seen too many regular joe schmoes with beautiful women to think that. I'll be honest tho, I'm shallow a bit and don't lower standards.

My thinking is if I want an amazing girl I better be an amazing guy, so thats what I strive for.

[Govithoy]

brb fukkin a 28 year old who asked me the difference between a democracy and a dictatorship

lol

Rather than a baseline of standards I look for certain indicators. Green flags -- indicators of being a cool chick -- are obviously ideal, mesh a couple of them together and you've found someone worth a little bit of attention. Red flags -- indicators of unwanted characteristics -- can send you running, even one can be a dealbreaker in the right circumstance. Reality is that nobody's perfect so you're going to generally get a blend of green and red. Too many people focus on the green and forget the red.

Green Flags
-sense of humour
-can carry on a legit conversation not related to school, gossip, or their pets
-hobbies other than drinking
-basic sense of goodwill towards others
-independent
-ambitious

Red Flags
-flaky behaviour
-excessive substance use (soft drugs -alcohol, marijuana)
-anything hard (narcotics)
-arrogance/sense of entitlement
-mental illness
-kid(s)
-ex-husband, long-term ex still in contact, recent ex

These are examples of the things I look for. Too many or the right red flags and I hit the brakes. Physical aspects of a person are easy to see and factor little into any decision to making it serious, only the initial attempt.

[kratosbrah]

I have extremely low standards, the only thing I can't mess with is dem diseases.

But other then that, I don't have any standards. At all.

Do you have a vagina?

Congratulations! I will stick my penis inside of it!

I haven't ever been in a relationship nor want to be, so meh.

[Fire8085]

I'm a 2, so I aim for 2s or lower.

[sealdonut]

I have extremely low standards, the only thing I can't mess with is dem diseases.

But other then that, I don't have any standards. At all.

Do you have a vagina?

Congratulations! I will stick my penis inside of it!

I haven't ever been in a relationship nor want to be, so meh.

I lol'd. this is basically every guy if the woman comes onto them hard enough.

[Smithers115]

Mine are too high, at least for where I live. Apparently hoping for a guy to have graduated from high school and have goals is too much to ask. I'd also prefer if they didn't have a girlfriend or child. But I guess that's what happens when you don't move away from a small town.

I need to improve and get out of here and meet new people.

LOL, your standards are too high when theyre childless and having a highschool diploma??? I suggest you move

[Lottabody]

--Have a decent job.
--Have an age appropriate vehicle.
--Be okay looking with (this is important) low body fat and a decent body shape.
--No kids
--Never been married and not currently involved with anyone.
--Not be a man whore.

I'll probably think of more.

[gooober]

i'm currently dating a girl in the 6.5-7 range physically. about 9 based on her personality and values, and about a 2 based on her career/earnings (shes 19 and only taking 2 classes at community college but works a menial job full time). most importantly though, i couldnt be happier....

26 year old dating a 19 year old?

[DocHol1day]

26 year old dating a 19 year old?

i wouldnt use the avg 19 year old for anything other than a wet hole. shes got a good head on her shoulders, goals in life, doesnt drink or party often (her idea of a fun friday night is going horse back riding for four wheeling), and solid morals. if she gives me a reason to get rid of her then i will, until then why mess with a good thing? besides, you know you'd smash a 26 year old.....

[hiimzac]

Mine are too high, at least for where I live. Apparently hoping for a guy to have graduated from high school and have goals is too much to ask. I'd also prefer if they didn't have a girlfriend or child. But I guess that's what happens when you don't move away from a small town.

I need to improve and get out of here and meet new people.

no offense but you sound like a hopeless pessimist who would only really attract those types of people anyway

[fukc]

no offense but you sound like a hopeless pessimist who would only really attract those types of people anyway

It's just who's left here. If I was attracted to that I would have a boyfriend, no? But yeah, I'm pessimist. (I'm not even saying I'm ready for a relationship, I know I'm bitter)

[onebigc]

This is sociological data from a dating website. These 100's of thousands of people answered deeply personal questions, for free while being anonymous. this is as good as sociology gets. I also found that how people answer questions differs from their actual actions even while anonymously online indicating a large gap in percieved vs actual behavior.

In general, I have found that women have higher standards for men than men do for women which means more women are 'settling' because its much harder to find a good looking (30% of population) rich guy (10%) for a 3% highest value male than for a man to find a good looking girl (30%) for a 30% high value female.

There are other articles from this site talking about how women message $100K+ men much more than $<40K men and how 40 year old men claim to want women age 30-43 but spend as much time messaging 20 year olds as 40 year olds etc etc.

I'm just disillusioned that I was always taught not to work for money and a woman will like my 'good ethics/personality' only to find that if you can't meet their prerequisites for money/genetics/status that you won't get into their applicant pool to be selected for your ethics/personality.

Cliffs of this page:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/yo...online-dating/

Rating attractiveness vs messaging rates on scale of 0-5
-Men rate women centered at 3
-Men message 4/5 the most
-Men message 5/5 around 26 times more than a 0/5.

-Women rate men centered at 1 meaning 80% of men are considered medium or below.
-Women message 2/5 the most which means the average women is convinced she is better than most men but messages them anyway.
-Women message 5/5 around 11 times more than a 0.

Very interesting trends in reply rates based on attractiveness.

[hiimzac]

This is sociological data from a dating website. These 100's of thousands of people answered deeply personal questions, for free while being anonymous. this is as good as sociology gets. I also found that how people answer questions differs from their actual actions even while anonymously online indicating a large gap in percieved vs actual behavior.

In general, I have found that women have higher standards for men than men do for women which means more women are 'settling' because its much harder to find a good looking (30% of population) rich guy (10%) for a 3% highest value male than for a man to find a good looking girl (30%) for a 30% high value female.

There are other articles from this site talking about how women message $100K+ men much more than $<40K men and how 40 year old men claim to want women age 30-43 but spend as much time messaging 20 year olds as 40 year olds etc etc.

I'm just disillusioned that I was always taught not to work for money and a woman will like my 'good ethics/personality' only to find that if you can't meet their prerequisites for money/genetics/status that you won't get into their applicant pool to be selected for your ethics/personality.

Cliffs of this page:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/yo...online-dating/

Rating attractiveness vs messaging rates on scale of 0-5
-Men rate women centered at 3
-Men message 4/5 the most
-Men message 5/5 around 26 times more than a 0/5.

-Women rate men centered at 1 meaning 80% of men are considered medium or below.
-Women message 2/5 the most which means the average women is convinced she is better than most men but messages them anyway.
-Women message 5/5 around 11 times more than a 0.

Very interesting trends in reply rates based on attractiveness.

anthro prof presented a lecture on something similar to this, one of the most standout studies was one that asked anonymous women how much money a man would need to make to sleep with, date, have a long term relationship with, and marry.

was kind of funny that women would date a guy who made ~40k, wouldn't sleep with him unless he made upwards of 50k, longterm relationship was ~70k and marriage was 90k+. the interesting bit was that a woman would date a guy who makes less money, but not sleep with him.

males on the other hand had much lower standards for how much money their spouse should make, and had no standards at all when it came to just sex.

lulz@wimmenz, cannot differentiate sex from commitment. inferior gender is inferior.

[MrGameAndWatch]

Wouldnt say my standards are too high or too low. Its just after a late night of partying, my standards get a lot lower. I know where I stand. I dont have high e-standards and I'm able to communicate with all different kinds of people. I get with good looking girls and if Im desperate I can lower my standards slightly, and i wont be having a lonely night.

However, when i was younger i had very high standards. I thought i was cream of the crop but after a reality check i realized where i stand.

[onebigc]

Let's do the math on this quoted post in terms of the percentage of the population that has these traits and then taking an estimated union of them to get a % of the population that has them all.

So we take these stats and if we multiply them straight out we get 0.6%. Yes, 6/10 of 1% but now assuming that a woman who is pretty also has good hair etc and do a union of these traits I would guess that the % of the female population the OP finds attractive is (.16)(.3) = .048 = 4.8%

MINE ARE PRETTY REALISTIC... at only 4.8% of women.

Mine are pretty realistic. ...
big blue eyes (16%),
nice teeth (50%),
decent hair (50%)...
pretty face/smile (50%)
decent shape (30%).

God damn, the RH is enlightening.

Blue eyes data
http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...ation_has.html

teeth estimates
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/in...4095429AAmBUPz

nice hair
I guessed 50%

women who are not overweight
30% as I recall from other stats I read

pretty
okcupid stats for average woman and above is 50% of population

[DaBurg3r]

To Fukc:

I figure my standards are probably too high, whatever I can deal with rejection.

Sometimes people come onto me and I won't reciprocate because I feel like it would be taking advantage of them though.

Regarding your posts though, i don't think your standards are too high if you want someone who is high school educated with no kids.

One simple observation I have made is this. The older a person is and the lower their economic status/or earning ability is. Seems to be inversely proportional to the likelihood of them having some kind of severe emotional or psychological trauma in their past.

Like I've worked with a lot of people in their early thirties working minimum wage jobs and it seems like all of them have either substance abuse issues or a past with some kind of trauma in it.

Basically I think if you hang out with and meet people who function at a high level the more and more your going to increase the likelihood of meeting the kind of person your looking for.

[mvk]

Mine are too high, at least for where I live. Apparently hoping for a guy to have graduated from high school and have goals is too much to ask. I'd also prefer if they didn't have a girlfriend or child. But I guess that's what happens when you don't move away from a small town.

I need to improve and get out of here and meet new people.

can you explain your situation? do you have goals (as you demand that a guy you date does)?

as long as this topic's 'just for conversation,' i might as well get some stories out of it

[trotnasty]

Mine are too high, at least for where I live. Apparently hoping for a guy to have graduated from high school and have goals is too much to ask. I'd also prefer if they didn't have a girlfriend or child. But I guess that's what happens when you don't move away from a small town.

I need to improve and get out of here and meet new people.

Ok, just from reading you're posts here's my opinion, you say you want a guy who graduated from high school and also has goals, but when you go out on a date one of the things you do is light up a bowl with the dude, I mean come on, if you look for the dudes that smoke what are you really expecting to get out of that?

I think if you improve yourself, the quality of people you will meet with also improve. Maybe place less of a priority on your love of pot?

That being said, my standards were too high when I entered college, I was expecting to find a girl that was both hot and going somewhere in life. After I decided that I'd rather not have a gf until a decent looking girl who had goals in her life and was going somewhere I finally met a few decent girls. But who knows what will actually happen, I'm only 19 so I have plenty of time to figure things out.

[darkshines]

dime piece strippers all day err day

real talk, after the past year, my standards are high and im very picky so i can't see myself in a relationship for a long time

[AdamL00001]

I don't have standards. But I'm still single. Figure that one out.

[Goby]

I have high standards.

After reading blue eye statistics maybe I should raise them....

(not srs)

[RandomMisc]

I think I'm pretty realistic and honest with myself... I know I'm awesome, but I also know where my faults lie. I don't have terribly high standards where looks, money, or status are concerned. I have preferences, but I'm not stuck on them. So long as I'm into the dude, we're golden. My standards are extremely high when it comes to the things I deem important though, and I refuse to make any major compromises in that regard.

I know what I need, what I want, and what I cannot/would not ever be able to tolerate. And if I'm not crazy about a dude, I'm sure as hell not settling for "good enough" or someone I could tolerate for a while. I need a dude who blows my mind and makes me fall head over heels. That's simply not happening if a dude turns me off every time he opens his stupid mouth.